by Daring Diane
“Okay girls,” Sylvia announced. “Everyone step back. Lee and I will hand out your bags to each of you. Please do not open them all up right now. Otherwise, we are going to get everything mixed up. Go home with one or two friends and open it up there. Lee, grab a couple of the bags out of my office.”
Lee started going into the office and retrieving bags. It was clear who each bag belonged to since their name was emblazoned on the side. Each girl squealed and ran up to get their bag. Meanwhile, Darby and Sylvia were repacking Darby’s bag. As the pile in the office dwindled, Lee saw that the next to last bag said Sylvia on the side.
“Hey Coach Steiling,” Lee called out, “There’s a bag here for you too.” All the girls thought that was great. Girls were talking about how neat it would be that everyone would match and even the coach.
The room got quieter when the coach said, “Lee, I think you missed one of the bags.” All the girls looked around. Everyone had their bag. Then it dawned on all the girls at once. Darby shouted, “Lee, where’s your bag?”
Speechless, Lee was startled. Sylvia strode into her office and picked up the bag with her own name on it. Underneath was a final bag. Everyone watched as Sylvia made her way out of the office and walked up to a stunned Lee. In her arms was the final bag. And there on the side of the bag in large letters, it said, LEE.
Taking the bag from Sylvia, Lee seemed to almost be in a trance. He just stood there holding his cheer bag. Lee had been just as excited about all the neat things in the bag as all the girls were. He wasn’t sure why other than they were his friends and he was excited that they all seemed happy and excited about the bags. It never even crossed his mind that he would get one of the bags. He was trying to process the events of the last few minutes and what Darby had in her bag. He wondered how his items would differ from the girls on the squad. Surely, as the coach and manager, Sylvia and he would have different items. It crossed his mind that his shorts and shirts and things would still match the girls. While he would not be on the floor at competitions, in his heart, Lee felt like he was a member of the squad and he wanted to belong to the group. If they were doing things, he wanted to do them. And if they were going to wear matching outfits, he wanted to match to whatever degree that was possible. Somewhere deep inside, he wondered about the possibilities. The girl’s practice gear looked really comfortable.
But, then he wondered if reality was trying to remind him that he was not really part of the squad. He was just a manager, a second class member of the squad there to help out. At that moment, Lee couldn’t determine if he wanted to be a member of the squad or just transport to some mountain top by himself. He suddenly felt all alone.
While all the girls were laughing and smiling, some were back looking in and talking about their bags. Sylvia and Darby were both watching Lee. Sylvia had stepped back after handing him the bag. But suddenly, Darby darted for Lee. She spun him around and said, “Lee come here I need to ask you something.” Darby pulled Lee into Sylvia’s office and shoved the door closed as the little tear she had seen from across the room turned into a torrent. She pulled Lee to her chest. He was crying and held his head into her shoulder. Darby held him tight with one arm and rubbed his head with the other trying to calm him down.
Lee was leaning into her at a weird angle. As she looked down she realized he had a death grip on the cheer bag and it was between them. She pushed the bag to the ground and Lee put his arms around Darby and just sobbed. He had no idea why. She just comforted him.
After about ten minutes there was a soft knock at the door. Sylvia peeked in. The crying had stopped. Darby was still holding Lee.
Sylvia whispered, “I got rid of all the girls.” She walked over to her desk and got some Kleenex. She handed the Kleenex to Darby. “I’m going to make sure everyone else is gone. Get cleaned up and sit down on my couch. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Darby leaned back and dabbed at Lee's eyes. His breathing which had been haggard was close to normal. He took the Kleenex from Darby and allowed her to guide him over to the couch. The two of them sat quietly till Sylvia returned. Sitting in a chair near the couch she took a deep breath.
“Lee, are you okay?” She asked.
“I think so.” He mumbled.
She spoke carefully, “Can you tell me what made you so upset?”
Darby still had an arm gripped tightly around his shoulders. “It’s okay Lee. You can trust us.”
Lee slowly looked under hooded eyes at both of them. “I’m not really sure.”
No one said anything. They wanted him to have time to think about it.
He continued, “I was as excited as all the girls when you showed all the goodies and the clothes. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I think I thought that only the real team members were getting the rewards. And secretly, I wished I was a real member and not some helper. I wanted some fun clothes. The girls are always talking about new clothes. It’s sort of infectious.”
Lee paused to see if they were upset. They just looked at him. Darby rubbed his shoulders. Darby urged him on, “And…”
“And, then I was holding a bag with my name on it. I didn’t know what to think. I wondered how my things would compare to what the girls got. I thought, I’ll still be the odd guy out since I’m a guy. I won’t get all the neat things. But I don’t really need all the neat things. Since I’m not really on the squad. Then suddenly I wished I did get all the neat stuff because I wanted to be on the squad. But then I realized I’m not on the squad and only some psycho pansy would want all the stuff the girls got. Then I thought maybe I am some psycho. Somewhere along the way I think I talked myself in a circle and just lost it. No matter which way it went I was going to be disappointed. I can’t believe I just said this out loud. I have to get out of here.”
As he made to get up off the couch, Darby hauled him back down, “Oh no you don’t.”
Sylvia had positioned herself to capture him if Darby failed.
Lee had his head in his hands again and was starting to cry. He mumbled, “And guys don’t cry. I’m so embarrassed. I probably need to change schools.”
Both women were now on opposite sides of him trying to provide comfort.
As things calmed down again, Sylvia started slowly, “Lee. I want to clear something up. This is really important to me and I want you to look at me and believe me.” She paused until he looked up. “Lee, you are on the squad. You may be the most important member of the squad. Those girls all look up to you. Most of them are older than you are. They know you are the heart of this effort. I know that you are the heart of this effort. Without you, I never would have attempted to build a competition cheer squad. Never.”
Lee looked at her. She seemed sincere.
Sylvia continued, “You are not a helper. You are as important as any member of the squad including me. You are on the cheer squad and I expect you to be proud of being on the squad. If someone says the cheer squad should show up somewhere, you better be there. If someone says the cheer squad will do anything, you as a full member of that squad will be there doing it. I’ll tell you something else. Marcia’s mom attended every program we did this year. She knows how important you are to the squad. Also, she did not consult me on what to put in the bags. She only consulted me on the uniforms. The rest was just as much a surprise for me as everyone else. I’ll tell you a secret; I felt really special that she included a bag for me. But it never even crossed my mind that she would leave you out.”
Lee seemed calmer now. He was nodding as she spoke.
“Lee, I will tell you that coaches do not wear the same uniforms as the competitors. But they are usually similar. So, you, as the assistant coach will have a uniform. Neither of us will wear a skirt to competitions. If you want, we can look at your bag now. Or you and Darby can go home and compare your clothes and goodies. It might be more fun for you to do it with a friend.”
Lee looked at her, “Coach, I hope we are friends.”
Sylvia smiled, “I
hope so too.”
Darby said, “Why don’t we take our bags home and we can check out the contents together?”
Lee nodded.
The three of them stood up. Lee picked up his bag like it was the most precious thing he had ever carried. He and Darby collected Darby’s bag and their books before heading home.
As they walked home, Sylvia called Lee’s mom, Sally, and told her what had happened. She wanted to make sure that everyone kept an eye on Lee for the evening. Sally alerted Erin that there might be some issues and at the very least Darby might be needed to stay for dinner.
Darby and Lee walked home quietly. Entering the house, Sally approached and welcomed them. She could see the exhaustion on Lee’s face and the streaks from tears. She hugged him tightly.
“So,” she asked, “I see you two have matching duffels. What is the occasion?”
Darby thought it best to let Lee try to explain.
Lee said, “Marcia’s mom bought everyone a duffel, some clothes, uniforms and other stuff.”
Sally inquired, “What did you get?”
Lee answered, “I have no idea.”
With a lifted eyebrow Sally said, “You have no idea? Who are you and what have you done with my son who cannot resist solving any mystery? Why don’t you and Darby go up to your room and look through your duffel bag and then you can come back and either show me or tell me what you find?”
Lee and Darby headed for his room. Lee placed the bag on the side of the bed. Darby sat on the end of the bed. Lee stared at the bag. It was clear that he was afraid of what he might find.
Darby prompted him, “Lee I think the first step is to unzip the bag. Do you want me to open mine so we can compare things?” She was not really sure what was in Lee’s bag. But she figured anything that pushed him was good.
“Maybe you should open your bag. And, as I pull something out, we can see what the differences are.”
Darby pulled her bag over and unzipped it. She reached in and pulled out the uniform shell.
Lee tentatively opened the zipper. On top was something like Darby’s top. He pulled it out. Holding it up, they compared. They were exactly the same. In fact since Lee was still so lanky, they appeared to be the same size. Lee just stood there. Without a word, he laid the top down delicately on his pillow and reached into the bag. When he pulled out the skirt, he dropped it on the bed and stepped back.
Just then the doorbell rang. Lee was still staring at the skirt. Playing along, Darby was holding up her skirt and smiling impishly. “They look like the right size.” She said. “I’m just kidding.”
“Lee can you come to the living room please?” Sally called.
Lee and Darby quickly exited the room and found his mother in the living room with Sylvia Steiling.
“Coach, what are you doing here?” Lee asked.
“After you left, I called Marcia’s mom. After our call, I thought I should run by here before you had another upsetting moment.”
Darby laughed, “Well you were just in time. Lee and I were comparing our uniform skirts when the doorbell rang. I think he was stunned he got a skirt.”
Sylvia chuckled, “Timing is everything. Marcia’s mom explained to me that the uniform company gave her a better deal if she bought full uniforms instead of some partials. It doesn’t make sense but that’s the deal. She figured that you and I would wear the uniform top and the uniform shorts that look like the skirts as the coaching outfit. Apparently, that is a popular practice on many squads. She wanted to keep each uniform together so you got the whole uniform. Remember, uniforms go back to the school at the end of competition.”
Lee seemed to be calming down.
Sylvia suggested, “I think I was wrong to send you home to look in the bag with Darby. I suggest you go get your bag and bring it down here. That way your mother and I can help the two of you sort through things.”
Sylvia now knew that Lee’s bag had the exact same contents as all the other bags. Marcia’s mom figured all the kids wore the same thing to practice during football so why would they change now. All the other doo-dads were purchased in quantity and everyone got their share.
While they were gone, Erin slipped in the back door. Lee and Darby returned with their bags. Unexpectedly, Sally found herself excited to see Lee’s skirt and uniform top. She actually wondered what he might look like dressed in the uniform.
Lee and Darby each held up their uniform top to give the impression of what they would look like with it on. Erin, Sally and Sylvia all nodded their approval. Darby held up the skirt and Lee held up the shorts. While the shorts certainly were not a skirt, the women all saw them as styled for a woman. But there was no denying the fact that the uniforms were going to look really cute.
Erin and Sally were excited to see the contents of the cheer bags. Their excitement fueled a level of hype which prevented Lee from pondering why he had a bag full of women’s clothing. He didn’t have pierced ears and couldn’t see himself wearing those earrings even if he did.
Darby thought the workout clothes made a lot of sense especially since the weather would be colder. While not something he would have sought out, Lee found that he liked the warmup coat and pants. The polo shirt, socks and shoes seemed generic enough.
The women all sucked in their breath when Lee pulled out his new sports bra along with the gold cheer brief. Even his mother could not resist. “Lee I know I haven’t seen you without a shirt in a while, but is there something you want to tell your mother?”
Lee stared at his mother for a second. Looking at his hand holding the sports bra, his eyes ricocheted between the women and the sports bra in his hand. Suddenly, he dropped it like a hot potato. He sat there open mouthed and was unable to utter a word. It started with Darby, but within seconds, Erin, Sally and Sylvia were all laughing hysterically. Sally quickly said, “Lee, I was just kidding. You should see the look on your face. It’s priceless. Now, son, I love you. But please pick up your bra and put it back in your sports bag. There is no reason to get your new bra dirty.”
The women snickered some more. Darby rubbed his shoulder and said, “Your mother loves you. This is just a unique situation.” She paused for a moment and then smiled conspiratorially. “Lee, the problem is that every mother wants to be there for that special moment when their child gets their first bra.” She snickered and backed away as Lee made as if to attack her. The women laughed again. Lee realized they were all kidding. He also knew they all cared for him. He slowly joined in laughing with them.
Lee leaned over, snatched the sports bra off the floor, folded it and tucked it into the end of his cheer bag along with the gold cheer briefs.
Sally suggested, “Lee, if you decide to show your father your new cheer uniform, I suggest you avoid showing him your new sports bra. The cheer briefs and skirt might also be a little too much.” The women all seemed to think that was a good strategy.
Sally announced, “I’m going to prepare some pasta. Sylvia, you’re staying for dinner. Erin, call Liam and let him know you will be here for dinner and we expect him. Darby, why don’t you take Lee and his cheer things up to his room and help him find somewhere to put his things away. Lee hang your uniform up in the closet. Put the skirt on a skirt or pants hanger so it doesn’t get wrinkled. Darby will show you how.”
Darby returned things to her own cheer bag and then she helped Lee carry his things up to his room. Lee grabbed a few hangers and he and Darby put away the uniform. Lee said he needed to go downstairs to get another couple of hangers. Darby took the sports bra and cheer briefs out of Lee’s bag and opened the top drawer of Lee’s dresser. In that instant, Darby realized she was looking at a drawer full of panties, camisoles and light t-shirts in a rainbow of colors. She also realized this was not something Lee wanted her to know. She slammed the drawer closed and placed the bra and briefs on top of the dresser. She quickly moved away from the dresser.
Darby pulled the jewelry out of the bag and added it on top of the dresser. The
bows and other accessories joined the pile.
Lee returned with hangers and they hung up the warmup coat and pants along with the polo shirt. Darby helped fold up the casual clothes. She saw Lee place the folded clothes on a shelf in the closet. Lee stood in front of his dresser and was clearly unsure what to do.
Darby decided to make things easier, “Lee, I need to run to the ladies room. I’ll be back in a minute.” Darby left the room knowing Lee could now open whatever drawers he needed and deal with things without revealing his secrets. In the bathroom, Darby tried to absorb what she had seen and figure out what it meant. Lee’s underwear drawer looked amazingly like her own. She knew Lee liked the cheer panties for working out. She had recommended them for him. She just did not realize that was the only underwear he apparently owned. This was a big secret. And she was not going to let her best friend down. She would keep and protect his secret.
Returning to Lee’s room, he had cleaned things up. Lee had taken the accessories and put them in a small bag he had in his room and stored it in the cheer bag. He did not want these things in his dresser. There was plenty of room in the cheer bag. He put the cheer briefs and bra in the back of his underwear drawer.
As Darby came back in, Lee was putting a workout top and a pair of his blue cheer shorts into the string bag for tomorrow’s practice. She figured now was not the time to talk about what everyone should wear for cheer practice.
They sat down and gossiped about school. Soon, Lee’s mom called that dinner was ready. Everyone made their way to the dining room.
Everyone sat down to dinner and the women all had an eye on Lee. Sylvia talked with Erin and Sally while they prepared dinner. Sylvia explained that she did not fully understand why Lee had broken down. All of them understood that Lee was conflicted about having such an important role in a clearly female dominated sport. He was worried about his own masculinity and worried about what others would think or say about his role. Sally and Jack had discussed this at length. They thought Lee had worked out all of his concerns when he made his decision. It was obvious now that there were still some concerns.
