Just as soon as I write my name on a piece of paper, I’m agreeing with the person who asks for it that I’m a wonderful person whose autograph is worth saving. This is nonsense and I refuse to be put in that embarrassing position. When you ask me for my autograph you are demeaning yourself and forcing more esteem on me than I’m worth.
At least I’m going to use your stamped envelope to send you this letter instead of throwing it away.
Sincerely,
Andy Rooney
Aaron Copland
THE BOSTON PREMIERE of Aaron Copland’s rather challenging Piano Concerto was held in 1927, with Copland himself at the piano and Serge Koussevitzky conducting the Boston Symphony Orchestra. Following the premiere, numerous audience members forwarded their splenetic reactions to the Boston newspapers. These letters were sent to Copland by his friend Nicolas Slonimsky. Copland replied to Slonimsky with the following gleefully sarcastic letter:
Dear Kolya,
You’re a darling to have sent all those delightful write-ups. After reading them I went to the mirror to see if I could recognize myself.
How flattering it was to read that the “Listener” can understand Strauss, Debussy, Stravinsky—but not poor me. How instructive to learn that there is “no rhythm in this so-called concerto.” And how badly I felt for Mrs. Gardner of Bridgeport when I thought how badly she must have felt when she discovered her mistake in the title. Only one thing got my nanny—how dare H.T.P. talk of reducing me to my level, when I am waiting to be raised to my level. And all that really worries me is whether or not the Maestro will ever again have sufficient courage to perform me anywhere.…
When the Concerto is played again (“O horrid thought!”) we must see if we can’t get the police to raid the concert hall to give a little added interest to this “horrible” experiment.
Till soon,
Aaron Copland
Julia Child
FROM TIME TO TIME throughout her illustrious career, Julia Child was attacked by people she began to refer to as “food police”—those who thought her recipes and culinary edicts were too high-fat and unhealthy. One such attacker wrote asking why Child couldn’t advocate healthy foods in her books and television programs—after all, she’d been seen in public eating a salad.
Julia sent her the following recipe for a healthy life:
Small helpings,
no seconds,
eat a little bit of everything,
no snacking,
have a good time,
and pick your grandparents!
PERMISSION ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprint previously published material:
CARL SANDBURG
Letters from The Letters of Carl Sandburg, copyright © 1968 by Lilian Steichen Sandburg, Trustee, reprinted by permission of Harcourt, Inc.
P. G. WODEHOUSE
From Author! Author!, by P. G. Wodehouse, copyright © 1962 by P.G. Wodehouse. Reprinted with permission of A.P. Watt Ltd., on behalf of The Trustees of the Wodehouse Estate.
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
Reprinted with permission of Scribner, an imprint of Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group, from The Letters of F. Scott Fitzgerald edited by Andrew Turnbull. Copyright © 1963 by Frances Scott Fitzgerald Lanahan. Copyright renewed © 1991 by Joanne J. Turnbull, Joanne T. Turnbull, Frances L. Turnbull, and Eleanor Lanahan, Matthew J. Bruccoli, Samuel J. Lanahan, Sr., Trustees u/a dated 7/3/75. Created by Frances Fitzgerald Smith.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
Reprinted with permission of Scribner, an imprint of Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group, from Ernest Hemingway: Selected Letters, 1917–1961 edited by Carlos Baker. Copyright © 1981 by The Ernest Hemingway Foundation, Inc.
RAYMOND CHANDLER
From Selected Letters of Raymond Chandler edited by Frank Mac-Shane. Copyright © 1981 by Raymond Chandler. Reprinted with permission of Columbia University Press.
ALEXANDER WOOLLCOTT
“1936: August 7, to Margaret Mitchell,” “1935: December 19, to the editor, Omaha World Herald, Omaha, NE,” “1942: January 21, to Marian Stoll,” from The Selected Letters of Alexander Woollcott by Alexander Woollcott, copyright © 1944 by The Viking Press, Inc. Used by permission of Viking Penguin, a division of Penguin Putnam Inc.
JAMES THURBER
From Funny Letters from Famous People edited by Bill Adler. Copyright © 1969 by Bill Adler. Reprinted with permission of Scholastic, Inc. From Selected Letters of James Thurber, edited by Helen Thurber and Edward Weeks. Copyright © 1981 by Helen Thurber and Edward Weeks. Reprinted with permission of Atlantic Monthly Press.
ROBERT BENCHLEY
From Funny Letters from Famous People edited by Bill Adler. Copyright © 1969 by Bill Adler. Reprinted with permission of Scholastic, Inc.
WILLIAM FAULKNER
Copyright © 2003 by Jill Faulkner Summons. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
E. B. WHITE
“December 21, 1965, to Con Ed”; “September 28, 1956, to J. Donald Adams”; “April 12, 1951 to the ASPCA” from Letters of E. B. White, collected and edited by Dorothy Lobrano Guth. Copyright © 1976 by E. B. White. Reprinted with permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.
JOHN CHEEVER
From The Letters of John Cheever edited by Benjamin Cheever. Copyright © 1988 by Benjamin Cheever. Reprinted with the permission of Simon & Schuster.
FLANNERY O’CONNOR
From The Habit of Being by Flannery O’Connor, edited by Sally Fitzgerald. Copyright © 1979 by Regina O’Connor. Reprinted with permission of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC.
ISAAC ASIMOV
From Yours, Isaac Asimov: A Lifetime of Letters edited by Stanley Asimov. Copyright © 1995 by the Estate of Isaac Asimov. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.
GROUCHO MARX
From The Groucho Letters by Groucho Marx. Copyright © 1967 by Groucho Marx. Copyright renewed © 1995 by Miriam Marx, Arthur Marx, and Melinda Marx. Reprinted with permission of Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group.
S. J. PERELMAN
Copyright © 1987 by Abby and Adam Perelman. Reprinted by permission of Harold Ober Associates Incorporated.
QUENTIN CRISP
Permission to quote Quentin Crisp’s letter dated 10/23/1980 to Denise is granted by Stedman Mays and Mary Tahan of Clausen, Mays & Tahan Literary Agency, LLC. All rights reserved.
ANDY ROONEY
From Sincerely, Andy Rooney by Andy Rooney. Copyright © 1999 by Andy Rooney. Reprinted with permission of Perseus Books, L.L.C.
HERMIONE GRINGOLD
From Funny Letters from Famous People edited by Bill Adler. Copyright © 1969 by Bill Adler. Reprinted with permission of Scholastic, Inc.
BOB HOPE
From Funny Letters from Famous People edited by Bill Adler. Copyright © 1969 by Bill Adler. Reprinted with permission of Scholastic, Inc.
AARON COPLAND
From Funny Letters from Famous People edited by Bill Adler. Copyright © 1969 by Bill Adler. Reprinted with permission of Scholastic, Inc.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Charles Osgood has been anchor of CBS News Sunday Morning since 1994. He also anchors and writes The Osgood File, his daily news commentary broadcast on the CBS Radio Network.
Osgood joined the ranks of the National Association of Broadcasters Hall of Fame in 1990 and was inducted into the Broadcasting & Cable Hall of Fame in 2000. He has received some of the highest accolades in broadcast journalism, including a 1999 International Radio & Television Society Foundation (IRTS) Award for significant achievement.
Osgood received a 1997 George Foster Peabody Award for Sunday Morning and two additional Peabody Awards in 1985 and 1986 for Newsmark, a weekly CBS Radio public affairs broadcast. He received his third Emmy Award in 1997.
Osgood edited Kilroy Was Here and is the author of Nothing Could Be Finer Than a Crisis That Is Minor in the Morning, There’s Nothing That I Woul
dn’t Do If You Would Be My POSSLQ, Osgood on Speaking: How to Think on Your Feet Without Falling on Your Face, The Osgood Files, and See You on the Radio.
He lives in New York City with his wife, Jean. They have five children.
Funny Letters From Famous People Page 13
