“I understood linear equations and even the fractions. Everything fell apart when I started trying to do the graphs.”
Ann nodded. “Graphs are hard. Okay, let’s begin there.”
* * *
Margot knew she was more of a doer than a relaxer but even she liked restorative yoga. There was something calming about the various poses and the focus on breathing. She smiled. It was the kind of exercise her sister would enjoy, she thought. When Bianca had suggested a class, Margot had assumed they would go to a studio but instead an instructor had shown up at the house and had taken them through the fifty-minute session out in the garden. When they were done, Margot was so relaxed, she was practically liquid. She barely made it to the table and chairs in the gazebo, where Edna had brought out herbal tea and scones.
“That was incredible,” she said, pouring tea into two cups. “I could do that every day.”
“I’m sure you needed it,” Bianca said with a sly smile. “What with all the sex. Your muscles are being used in ways they aren’t used to.”
Margot should have known there would be a price for the class, but she told herself it was worth it.
“Not playing that game,” she said mildly, reaching for a scone.
“But we talk about my personal life all the time!”
“Your personal life is why I’m here,” she reminded her client. “I won’t discuss Alec with you.”
“Fine. Then let’s talk about the old boyfriend. The one you’ve been avoiding. What was his name? Dietrich?”
Margot considered herself fairly skilled at hiding her emotions. It was part of her job—but wow, did Bianca test her on a regular basis. Still, Dietrich was a safer subject than Alec.
“What do you want to know?” she asked.
“Why was it so awful?”
Margot considered all the stories she could tell, all the examples of how her life had been messed up because Dietrich was in it only to realize he hadn’t been the problem at all.
“I wasn’t my best self when I was with him,” she said with a shrug. “In truth, I was my worst self, and that’s on me, not him. Loving someone should make us better. It should lift us up, not drown us.”
She thought maybe she was her best self with Alec. At least she thought it might be possible. When she was around him, she felt good. He never tried to distract her from what was important or make her feel less than.
“What does that even mean?” Bianca asked.
“I suppose I’m saying that loving someone should be a positive experience for both parties. That being around the person you love shouldn’t make your life worse. That when you’re with that person, you are seeking to be better than you would be without him. Is that too vague?”
“A little, but I think I understand it. I do love being around Wesley.”
“Why?”
Bianca frowned. “What a strange question. Because he’s perfect. He’s kind and he loves me. He always has fun things to talk about.” She smiled. “The sex is fabulous.”
“This isn’t about sex.”
“Nearly everything is about sex.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Whatever. My point is, I love Wesley. He’s nothing like some of the other men I’ve been with. I thought I’d found my best love with Sebastian but was I wrong.”
Margot had no idea who Sebastian was, but before she could ask, Bianca continued.
“He was a famous model and we did a shoot together. This was years ago. He left the business and ended up making a fortune trading stocks. We met up, oh, fifteen years later, and it was like we’d never been apart.” Her smiled turned nostalgic.
“We got engaged, then we broke up, but it wasn’t horrible, you know? Just one of those things.” She pressed her lips together. “Three years ago he wrote a biography and he didn’t mention me even once.”
She looked at Margot. “Can you believe it? I was supposed to be his great love and I didn’t even get a footnote. Then he had the balls to invite me to the launch party. Well, I didn’t go. I can tell you that!”
“What does that have to do with Wesley?”
“What? Nothing. Were we talking about him?”
“We were talking about love being a path to our best self. Love isn’t about what the other person does for you, Bianca, it’s about what we do for that person. It’s about giving. We aren’t changed by what is done to us, rather we are transformed by the act of loving someone else.”
She felt herself getting annoyed, which was not going to be helpful, nor could she actually explain her reaction. Maybe it was because in her mind, she was thinking Alec rather than Wesley. Bianca could be charming and fun but she was also self-absorbed and thoughtless. What must it have been like to not know which mother you were going to have to deal with on any given day?
“Are you even in love with Wesley?” she asked bluntly. “Are you going to be there for him, no matter what? Are you going to take care of him, in sickness and in health? What if he ends up in a wheelchair? Will you be there, then? Or is it all about being mentioned in a biography?”
Bianca stood and glared at her. “I can’t believe you’re even asking me that.”
“Someone has to.”
“It’s not your job, though, is it?”
“My job is to help you be the best wife possible for a man in Wesley’s position. I was so careful when I did my research, but I never thought to ask if you genuinely loved him or if this was just another role for you.”
“Of course I love him. I do!”
Margot didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure how Bianca felt about anyone but herself. Still, she wasn’t sure her opinion mattered one way or the other.
“All right. We were going to spend the afternoon discussing the cultural differences between European countries. Would you like to get started on that?”
Bianca was silent for nearly a minute. Finally she nodded. “Yes, let’s talk about that.”
* * *
“There are so many ants that if you took all the ants and weighed them and all the people and weighed them, it would be the same!”
Connor sounded both impressed and scandalized by the information as he lay on the grass, reading from a book on ants.
“That’s a lot of ants,” Declan agreed.
“It is.”
Declan had ripped out the old hedges a few weeks ago. Now he carefully dug out holes to plant the new hedges. The morning was already warm and sunny. The afternoon would get well into the eighties and it was still a couple of months until summer. One of the reasons he loved Southern California.
“Scientists think there are over a million ants alive for every single person alive.” Connor giggled. “I want to name my million ants.”
“Do you know a million names or will you just call them Ant One, Ant Two, Ant Three?”
Connor laughed. “I’d call them Connor Ant One,” he joked.
“So you want a kingdom of ants.”
“Uh-huh.” He turned the page. “Here it is. There are super colonies, Dad. The ants are all connected and they share the same chemical makeup so they’re related.” He frowned and turned the page. “Oh, I remember. They’re Argentine ants and they’re supposed to be native to South America but they’re all over the world. The super colonies go for thousands of miles.”
“That’s a serious pest problem.”
“Dad, it’s not a problem. It’s cool. I wish I had a super colony of ants.” He sat up. “I’ve taken really good care of my ant farm.”
“You have.”
“Maybe I could get a second one.”
More ants? They weren’t a lot of trouble and so far the farm hadn’t leaked or expelled or whatever it was an ant farm did when the residents escaped, but more of them? In the house?
He looked at his son’s eager face and th
ought about all he’d been through in the past eight or nine months. If he wanted another ant farm, what was the big deal?
“Sure,” he said. “Do some research online and then we’ll talk about it. I’ll let Sunshine know.”
“She won’t mind, Dad. She loves my ants.”
Declan doubted that was true, but knew she wouldn’t make a fuss. Very little rattled her, which was one of many things he liked about her. She was down-to-earth and accepting. He knew she cared about Connor.
“I’m going to go tell her right now,” Connor said, scrambling to his feet, grabbing his book and racing into the house.
Declan returned his attention to the series of holes he’d been digging. Just three more, he told himself. Then he would start planting.
The physical work felt good. He’d had a difficult week at work—Jessica and James were still annoying him with their inability to make a decision. In theory most of the garden was planned, but all it would take was one distraction and they would be starting over. He and Heath weren’t losing money on the job because they’d been careful with the pay structure. Every time there was a deviation from the initial, approved plan, the company billed by the hour until they were back on track. So his frustration wasn’t financial, it was that he didn’t want a single job to suck up so much of his time. There were other jobs with people who knew what they wanted, and right now he and Heath were forced to turn them away.
“Soon,” he said aloud. It would be done soon. Or so he hoped.
He started on another hole, digging deep enough to give the new plant plenty of room for the roots to expand. He’d always liked working in the garden. Iris hadn’t shared his love of working outdoors. She’d preferred to watch from the house.
He thought about what Sunshine had said about getting Connor into sports. It was something he should have thought of himself, only Iris hadn’t liked organized sports and he had figured there was plenty of time to take on that fight.
He and Connor had already talked and agreed that Connor would go to a summer baseball camp. In the fall he wanted to try soccer and basketball. The baseball camp was three mornings a week, which meant he needed something for the afternoons. There was a park program with a lot of general activities. Sunshine had surprised him by suggesting music camp. They had both full- and half-day programs. Declan had no idea if his son had any aptitude for music, but it might be something for him to explore.
Iris would have pushed for some kind of science camp, he thought. Last summer Connor had been enrolled in an intensive science program but he hadn’t enjoyed himself at all. Iris had told him he wasn’t trying hard enough but Declan had said he needed other activities. They’d argued about it, then Iris had told him to do what he wanted. As if she hadn’t cared anymore. Had that been when she’d started the affair?
He didn’t think their fight had been that significant or that any one thing he’d done had driven her into the arms of another man. It might not have been about him at all, although he knew he shared the blame for at least half of what had gone on in their marriage. But while he might have responsibility for setting up a situation where she was unhappy, he knew that her falling in love with someone else was on her. She’d chosen another man over him and Connor. She’d been willing to leave them both. While she hadn’t admitted as much, when he’d asked what her plans were for their son, she’d told him it was complicated. Shouldn’t she have been a mother first and a lover second?
He moved on to the last hole and dug his shovel into the ground. Even as he thought about Iris and what had gone wrong, he recognized that he had a lot less energy to put into the questions. He would never get all the answers, but the not knowing was now more a curiosity than anything else. While he regretted what had happened, the past no longer tore him apart. Pain had faded into sadness. He knew even that wound would heal over. Time had done its thing and he’d moved on.
Involuntarily he glanced at the house. Although he couldn’t see Sunshine, he knew she was there. Wanting uncoiled, but he ignored it, along with the growing need to spend time with her, talk to her, laugh with her. It was enough that he trusted her with his son. Everything else was simply background noise.
Chapter Twenty-One
Margot walked into the dining room at breakfast. The small buffet was laid out, as it always was, with a hot dish of some kind, fresh fruit, an assortment of pastries and croissants along with coffee, juice and water.
Alec was sitting in his usual place, a newspaper open, because he believed in supporting the local press and had the Los Angeles Times delivered every morning.
In that second before he looked up and saw her, she studied him. The way his dark hair had a bit of a wave to it, how his shirt fit across his broad shoulders and the shape of his hands and fingers.
She knew him intimately now—every inch of him. She’d touched and tasted all of him enough times that she would easily recognize him by feel alone. She knew the sound of his voice and what he found funny. She liked his intensity and understood his need to create a fortress where he could disappear and live in his head, discovering the secrets of those long dead and gone.
He was an honorable man and when she was with him, she felt as if she belonged. She had no idea where their relationship was going, but if she had her way, the feelings between them would only grow and expand until all the empty places they’d both carried around were happily filled.
He looked up, saw her and smiled. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
She grinned. “I was awake around three, but otherwise, I did sleep well.”
“Yes, I should probably apologize for that.”
“Do you really think so?” she asked, remembering how he awakened her by kissing her all over, arousing her until she was frantic with need, before bringing her to an earth-shattering orgasm.
“No, I don’t, but it seemed the polite thing to say.”
She laughed. “Thank you for the effort.”
She picked up a plate and served herself breakfast. After setting the plate across from his, she picked up his coffee cup and filled it, then filled another for herself and took her seat.
“How is the world?” she asked, motioning to the paper.
“About where it was yesterday. The bigger issue is my mother thinks you’re still angry with her.”
Margot dug her fork into the fluffy scrambled eggs. “And she’s coming to you about it? That’s unusual. She doesn’t seem to have a problem being direct with me. I wonder what that’s about.”
“She wants to see if I’ll side with her,” he said.
“Oh, that makes sense. Do you love her more than you—” Margot stumbled to a verbal stop. “What I meant was...”
Alec smiled. “I know what you meant and yes, I suspect that’s what she’s worried about.”
“I am the new shiny thing in your world.”
“While she’s allowed to have new, shiny things all the time, I am not.” He shrugged. “Those have always been the rules. It’s how she is.”
“Did you reassure her?”
“I told her if she had a problem with you to talk to you directly.”
“You’re such a guy,” she teased. “How did she take it?”
“She pouted.”
“Thanks for the warning. I’ll be prepared.”
Conversation shifted to the movie they’d watched the previous evening and plans they had for the weekend after she finished helping her sister with a birthday party for Sunshine’s charge. Margot wished it could be like this always but there were going to be changes. Her contract with Bianca was nearly finished. She’d already broached the subject of ending their lessons, but Bianca had refused to discuss it. In a few more weeks, Margot was going to have to insist.
And then what? Would Alec still want to see her or was this simply a relationship of convenience? Assuming he wanted things to continue, h
ow would living in separate houses affect things, and at what point did she start admitting to herself that this was way more than casual, at least for her?
Before she could decide any of that, Alec stunned her by asking, “Is everything all right sexually?”
She put down the piece of toast she’d been holding and stared at him. “I don’t understand the question.”
“I want to make sure you’re, ah, satisfied. If there was something else you’d like us to try or be doing or...” He gestured vaguely with his hand.
The question was confusing enough, but so was the timing. It was barely seven in the morning. They’d just spent the night together and had made love at three in the morning. She’d needed to use a pillow to muffle her cries of delight.
“I still don’t understand the question.”
He looked away, then back at her. His eyes and pretty much every other part of him was unreadable.
“One of the complaints my ex-fiancée had was about our sex life,” he admitted, his voice flat. “She said sex with me was boring.”
Margot tried to absorb the statement. Boring? Boring? They had sex in his office, the kitchen, the shower, and, sure, in their respective beds. They did it standing, sitting, sideways, in positions she wasn’t sure had names but had been immortalized in his erotic netsuke. They played, they talked, they touched and they teased. They were masters at the three-minute encounter with a minimum of fuss and often spent hours enjoying each other, slowly, sensually until they were both shaking with exhaustion.
She opened her mouth to tell him all that and more only to burst out laughing. Once she started, she couldn’t stop. She laughed until tears filled her eyes, then she laughed a little more. When she caught her breath enough to speak, she managed a gasping, “No. No, you’re not boring.” Then the laughter claimed her again.
Alec waited patiently, his expression slightly pained. When she finally got control of herself, she sighed. “Alec, you have many flaws, we all do, but boring in bed isn’t one of them. You’re not even close. Seriously, the woman was an idiot. You should let that go.”
The Summer of Sunshine and Margot Page 26
