by Zandria West
LANA
Darkness and a bitter taste on my tongue. Pressure, like rocks weighing against my chest. Cold. So cold. Silence.
How can it be silent?
My eyes blink open, but I see nothing but impenetrable black surrounding me. I take a breath. Cool, stale, ancient-tasting air enters my lungs. I’m not underwater.
Where the hell am I?
‘Ah, Lana, at last…’ I hear a cold, harsh voice. The sound reminds me of a snake, coiled and deadly. I know that voice. I had hoped never to hear it again.
Garenda. Fucking Garenda. But how could she be here? And why?
Scratch that. I know why. To finish what she’s tried to start at least twice now. To kill me. It’s become a kind of madness, I think, an itch under her skin that she just can’t bear not scratching. It’s not about the enchantment, or the Barrier, or her power anymore. This is personal. I have wounded her pride, so she is determined to end my life.
I look around blindly. My eyes are adjusting to the darkness, but ever so gradually. There’s a faint ice-blue glow that has the strangeness of something magical. I make out vague shapes, nothing more. If my senses are correct, I’m deep underground somewhere. A cave?
A trap.
I’m naked, just like I was when I jumped off that goddamn cliff. I shiver from the cold.
‘How did you find me?’ I ask.
Garenda laughs. ‘I have some old friends among the Circle…’
‘Graciela’s nearby,’ I say quickly. ‘She won’t let you harm me. She’ll kill you –’
‘Where’s your amulet, Lana? Such a pretty piece. And a powerful source of protection too. I do hope you haven’t lost it…’ I can hear her smiling.
I swallow, icy dread growing inside me. I reach automatically for the place where the amulet usually sits against my collar bone. Of course, it’s not there. I’m naked. Unprotected. Alone with a vengeful, powerful witch.
Help me I send the thought urgently. Alex will hear. The men will know that something is wrong. The moment I fail to surface, they will come after me. Surely it won’t take them long. But where the Bond normally hums with energy and connection, now it feels empty.
‘Didn’t Graciela tell you about the final stage of Izushi’s prophecy? The Jaws of Death?’
I frown and don’t say anything.
‘Funny how ancient tales are often twisted until they lose their original shape, isn’t it? The Jaws of Death is one of the entranceways to the Land of the Dead. A place where no earthly power can act. It was once the domain of the Dark God, but since his banishment it really is a kind of limbo. Call for your men all you like, Lana. Gabriel’s magic has no power here. They won’t hear you. And they won’t find you, unless they’re willing to cross into the Land of the Dead themselves and never return. Do you think they love you enough to do that, Lana? To die for you? Is the pull of the Binding that strong? I do hope so…’
I try to control the shivering that’s taking hold of me. Cold and fear and the adrenalin souring in my bloodstream are making me shake. ‘Well you’re here,’ I say. ‘I assume you have no intention of dying today. So, there must be a way out.’
‘I didn’t say there was no way out. But finding the exit requires… skill.’
‘Graciela will know. She’ll find you here.’
‘Oh, your mother thinks she’s so clever, doesn’t she? Laying out a path for you as though it truly were your destiny. All the pieces fitting together perfectly. I bet by now you almost believe you are the Goddess Izushi…’
‘Of course not,’ I say sharply, though I can’t help feeling unbalanced by her words. I had wondered about it myself, if truth be told. It had occurred to me that it was all too neat, too easy. The brutality of what I must do is so well-hidden beneath a beautifully woven tapestry of prophecy and myth.
I can just make Garenda out now. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness. I see before me the vaguest outline of the person I most despise in all the world. Anger burns within me. I want to hurt her. I want to kill her. I hold onto the anger. I don’t know how much of what she’s saying is true, but there’s no sign of either my mother or my men. If rescue isn’t coming, rage might be all I have to defend myself with.
‘I honestly didn’t think you had it in you…’ Garenda muses.
‘Had what in me?’ I ask, then remind myself that she will twist my thoughts with her words. I tell myself: Don’t listen to anything she says. Don’t let her in.
‘Killing all those innocent people. I’m actually impressed. I have to hand it to your mother, I don’t know what she did to convince you, but it was a master stroke on her part. Whatever happens next, you will be so tainted, so utterly ruined by that one act that you can be sure when it comes time for recognition and glory, you’ll be running away from it not running towards it. Leaving it all for her…’
‘Glory isn’t what my mother’s after,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘She’s not like you.’
‘Oh, but that is where you’re wrong. She’s more like me than you could ever imagine. We are opposite ends of the same spectrum, she and I. I want the power that will come from chaos. She wants the power that will come from control. She’s been preparing for this day for years, you know?’
‘She wants to help people,’ I say. ‘To save people.’
Garenda laughs. ‘How sweet. She must be so pleased that you think that. But Lana, if your mother really wanted to save people, wouldn’t she have told you that there’s an alternate source of power that you could have harnessed to create the Barrier spell?’
I frown. ‘And what would that be?’
‘The Binding. The deepest, most potent magic performed by the only son and apprentice of the Great Witch herself. All the magic Gabriel poured into the Binding spell has been amplified by the connections that have formed between the five of you – it is five now isn’t it, Lana?’
I grit my teeth harder. My jaw is starting to ache.
‘All that feeling, Lana. The love. The lust. The loyalty. The protectiveness. The symbols that mark your skin are only the surface. I know you think I failed because I couldn’t get them off you, but I didn’t fail: I learned. The magic that binds you, it goes deep. The Binding has allowed the powers of each of your men to combine and grow. I’m fairly sure it would generate enough magical energy to jump-start the Barrier spell without the need for any additional sacrifices. Though of course, from your perspective, it would mean letting it all go. Do you think men like that would ever be interested in a girl like you in the real world? Could you hold their attention for even five minutes, if it wasn’t for the enchantment Gabriel has cast on them?’
Her words are like a punch in my guts. They literally knock the air out of me. I can’t think, can’t breathe.
Could it be true? That the sacrifice of all those lives is not necessary, the magic of the Binding could replace it?
I don’t want it to be true, I realise, and that realisation is what makes me crumble.
In that moment, I see myself as I truly am. I’d rather kill an entire village of innocent men, women and children than give up the Binding, and the love and connection it has brought me – even if those feelings are not actually real, even if they’re just a by-product of Gabriel’s magic.
I’m selfish and greedy. I’m a monster. I’m worse than Garenda. Worse than any demon that dwells on the other side of the Barrier.
She laughs. ‘Don’t worry too much, Lana. It’s lucky really, isn’t it, that you won’t ever have to face that choice? Death has a way of resolving difficult life decisions; that’s one thing you can say in its favour.’
And then I feel it. An invisible pull, like an undertow dragging me out to deeper water, only it’s not my body that is being drawn away, but some vital part of myself that I never even understood existed until now. I can see it as clearly as though someone had drawn a diagram in chalk on a blackboard.
Lifeforce. Soul. Energy. Prana.
When it’s gone, I’m done.
I’m not ready for this. I have too much to do. I must complete the Barrier spell and protect the human realm. I need to see my men again, even if it’s only one more time, even if it’s just to say goodbye. I don’t want to die naked and alone in some secret place where nobody will ever find me. There’s so much that is unsaid and undone.
The agony of regret burns me. I want to scream.
I wonder if this is what my father felt when he died? I wonder how hard he fought? How much it hurt? Not the pain of flesh, but of a soul being ripped away when it has not yet completed its destiny. Hot tears stream down my cheeks.
I’m facing the end of my life and all I feel is disappointment – that I didn’t do more, become more, love more. I’m not ready for my story to be over.
There is a way…
I jerk like I’ve just had an electric shock. The voice is in my head and all around me. It’s strange and terrifying and utterly familiar.
‘Please, what can I do? I’ll do anything…’ I sob. I’m begging now. Begging the darkness and the silence to release me.
So long, I have been waiting so long…
‘Who are you?’ I cry. ‘What do you want? Help me, please…’
Don’t you understand, Lana? I want the same thing you want. Existence. Freedom. And you are the Key to unlocking my prison...
The words ring in my mind. For a moment, I feel blind and lost, utterly bewildered. Then I understand. I know who I am speaking to. I know what they want from me. And in this moment, I don’t even care. The only thing in the world that matters is that I get out of here and hold my men again.
‘I’ll do anything, whatever you need. But I can’t do it if I’m dead.’ Tears are streaming down my face. Heat is building in my chest, a powerful energy growing within me.
Luckily my Hounds were able to stop you from dedicating your power to the Goddess. Soon, it will be soon my child, and then we will meet, face to face… in the meantime, consider this my gift to you.
There’s a movement in the darkness before me and suddenly my ears are filled with sound – a screaming noise that tears at the air and fills me with dread.
I see Garenda. She is crawling, scrabbling on the ground before me. The darkness becomes thicker, taking form, and circling her. She jerks, as though tugged by an invisible rope, screaming even louder, her eyes wide with panic and fear. She looks up at me.
‘What are you doing to me?’ she sobs.
Coldness fills me. This woman tried to kill me. She tried to kill Reuben and Alex. She tried to kill my brother. She destroyed my father. Now she is at the mercy of a dark and vengeful God. He will break her for me, to win my favour. And I don’t care.
‘Please,’ she begs, desperately trying to crawl towards me.
She is pitiful. I close my eyes. I feel a blast of hot air and hear a hollow whump and then the darkness pulls tight around me, almost like an embrace. Garenda falls silent.
A moment later, there’s a rush of sound and a jerk and I find myself flailing underwater. My lungs are burning with the need for air, but I don’t know which way is up. If I breathe now, I’ll die. Strong hands have a hold of my arms and I’m pulled to the surface. I gasp, unable to see anything but brightness. The daylight is blinding. I’m shivering from cold.
‘Lana, it’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m here –’ Alex pulls me close to him, holds me firmly with one arm and begins to swim with powerful strokes to the edge of the lake. My vision washes in and out, but I can just make out the waterfall a little distance away, the sheer cliff face that I jumped off.
‘I found her!’ Alex yells. ‘She’s here!’
I close my eyes. I’m tired. So tired. I can barely believe I’m alive. In the distance, I hear voices and chanting: Izushi! Izushi!
My head pounds.
‘I’m going to fucking kill Graciela,’ Alex mutters under his breath.
‘It wasn’t her,’ I manage to say. ‘Not her fault. It was Garenda. She found me. Trapped me.’
Panic rushes through me as the memories return. Darkness and terror. The sensation of being swept away by a force more powerful than I could have ever imagined. And then, watching Garenda being tortured by a force darker and more powerful than any I could have even imagined. The silence that followed.
Alex curses under his breath.
I’m too tired to cry. Too tired to protest as he carries me in his arms, naked, up onto the bank of the lake.
‘Let me see her, is she injured?’
I sense my men through the humming of the Binding. The connection is restored. They are there, beside me. Touching me gently. Holding me tenderly. Protecting me, treasuring me. Loving me.
I feel sadness in the core of my bones.
‘Lana,’ Graciela’s voice is sharp and commanding. ‘Lana, what happened? Speak to me, child.’
She sounds frightened. She thought her perfect plan had failed. She thought she’d lost me.
I turn my face away and close my eyes. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to see any of them. A darkness moves inside me, a being of shadow and nightmares. It has been there all my life, I realise. I just never recognised it for what it was before today.
Now I know.
The Dark God has saved my life and claimed me for his own.
19
LANA
The dreams are bad, but waking is worse. I feel like I’ve been run over by a herd of buffalo. My entire body is bruised and tender and my head aches. My eyes feel raw and my throat burns. Every time I swallow, I wince. I try to lift myself up to sitting but I have no strength left. All I manage to do is flop ridiculously like some almost-dead fish out of water.
‘Here,’ Alex is by my side in an instant. He helps me up, fluffing a pillow and placing it behind my back, then passes me a glass of water. I take a few, long sips. Memories come back to me: water everywhere. In my eyes, my nose, my throat, my lungs. I should have drowned. The terror is a knife cutting me open. I take a breath, accidentally inhale some of the water I was trying to drink, then cough my lungs up, almost literally. I cough so hard I think I’m going to vomit. Alex says soothing words and rubs my back, waiting for me to stop.
‘Can I get Grayson for you?’ he asks once I do.
Grayson, better than any drug. One touch will take away pain, discomfort, every bad thing. I shake my head, even though right now I long for my Angel’s touch like a junkie for their next fix. I can’t afford the haziness that will come from him messing with my thoughts and feelings. Not now. Maybe not ever again.
‘What happened down there?’ Alex asks, his voice a low whisper.
I feel numb and hopeless. ‘You can read my thoughts, why don’t you just take it from my mind?’
He shrugs. ‘What I can read is that there are more barriers up than usual between us. I’d rather you tell me yourself than try to push through them.’
‘I…’ I think of everything that has happened. Memories flash like fragments of a dream, leaving me dizzy. ‘I’ll tell you everything, just not yet. I need some time. Alone.’
‘Of course,’ Alex says quickly. ‘Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?’
I shake my head. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper.
I’m holding it all back. The sorrow. The pain. The truth. The choice I must make. I can’t bring them into it, I realise. It is my choice, mine alone.
Alex looks at me a moment, his eyes narrowing. I close myself down. I didn’t even realise I could – I know I’ve done it instinctively from time to time, but this is different. It’s a deliberate cutting-off of my mind from his. He winces like I’ve hurt him, then gives me a small smile and nods.
‘Reuben is guarding your door,’ he says. ‘Gabriel and Graciela have done some kind of mega-combo-spell to stop Garenda from harming you. You’re safe, Lana. Take whatever time you need.’
I swallow. I haven’t yet told them what happened down there, in the dark. I don’t think Garenda will ever be able to harm anyone again, but the know
ledge brings me no comfort.
‘Okay, that’s good,’ I say.
‘Call if you need me.’ His voice is low and husky. ‘For anything. If you want to talk, I’ll try to keep my wandering mind to myself.’ He’s attempting lightness, but I see the hurt in his eyes.
I nod, but don’t say anything. I’m too tired to try to match his tone. No part of me feels light right now.
He leans forward and kisses my forehead gently. ‘We thought we’d lost you,’ he whispers. ‘It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I can never lose you, Lana. Never again.’
I blink away the tears that are threatening to flood my eyes.
‘I just need some time…’ I say, scared that if he stays a minute longer, I’ll break down and tell him everything.
‘Of course. I’m sorry.’ He stands and leaves the room without looking back.
I let out a long, shaky breath. Is this what it will be like, I wonder? This sense of dislocation? Is this how it will feel if I let them go, cut the Binding, break the connections between us.
But I know it won’t be like this at all; it will be much, much worse.
I force myself to imagine it. The warmth of the magical bond dissipating, the emptiness it will leave inside me. The last time they look at me with love, adoration, protectiveness, desire… Will I be a stranger to them, when it’s done? When the magic seeps away, will there be any shred of connection left in its place? Or will they regret ever having known me, having shared all they did?
I lose myself in dark thoughts. I cry a little. And then it comes to me: one simple truth.
If I give my men up, I may as well give up myself too. I have no desire to continue living without them. It’s what the Great Witch said must happen. She told Gabriel that once I remake the Barrier, I must die to prevent the Dark God returning to this world. I’ve met the Dark God now. I know that part is true. He is powerful and malevolent. He’s waiting, straining at the very limits of his confinement. Ready. I can feel him, even now, just below the surface. He can’t act yet, but soon, very soon…
When Gabriel first shared with me what his mother had commanded him to do, I was terrified. I wanted to fight against the possibility of my own death with every fibre of my being. But now I see it all laid out before me, like a story about somebody else, and it makes sense. It’s dark and it’s sad, but of course it must end that way. There was never going to be a happily ever after.
