Body Switches

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "And if it's just sex?" she asked, a little too bluntly.

  "I'm in a relationship," he reminded her. "I don't want to cheat on him. He's willing to let Babs in, but I doubt he'd have you."

  She raised her eyebrows. "So Kyle is quite open... should I talk to him myself? Would you fancy a threesome?"

  "Uh... no, thanks. Please, leave me alone."

  He rose and went to the kitchenette to drink and grab a snack, followed by Pat's stare.

  She narrowed her eyes. He was playing hard to get, but she'd find a way to seduce him. Maybe she could get to him through Kyle. She had a few days to study them both.

  Her phone rang – it was Deb.

  "Your secretary told me you won't be back this Friday. I had told Gab to come to the beauty parlor! Will you really leave me alone with her?"

  "You always got along better with Miss College even way back when," Pat retorted. "Listen, something unexpected happened."

  "Oh, really? Don't tell me, you've met a man!" Deb chuckled.

  Rohit passed in front of Pat who followed him with her eyes as he went upstairs to his room.

  "Yes, but I'll fill you in when I come back. Can't talk right now. Bye."

  She hung up and went to the stairs too, knocking on Rohit's door. But when she tried to open it, she found it locked.

  "Go away!" he said from inside.

  Gritting her teeth, she went back downstairs.

  ***

  Samantha thought Pat's attempts at seducing Rohit were quite pathetic. And she didn't fare any better when she tried to talk to Kyle. The two men had settled in a trio with no sex with the woman and didn't see why they should change that.

  So Samantha followed them when they retired to bed, wondering if they'd discuss the guest that had been bothering them for the past day and a half.

  "Why is Pat so obsessed with you?" Kyle asked, glaring at Rohit.

  "Uh... I don't know."

  Samantha felt Rohit's embarrassment, but couldn't pinpoint it. He seemed to be quite confused by an elder woman coming after him so openly.

  "Besides, she wants a threesome," he added quickly.

  "She wants a threesome to get to you," Kyle retorted.

  "Why do you say that?" Rohit protested. "Just because I'm younger doesn't mean all the women are after me! I mean, I could be her son!"

  "She doesn't look at you like a son, Rohit, she looks as if she wants to rip your clothes off!"

  Rohit curled in his corner of the bed, frowning.

  "I don't want her here," he muttered. "I'd rather have Babs. Miss Sadness makes me want to scream!"

  It was actually Babs who had called Pat "Miss Sadness" first, but the two men had immediately agreed. And Kyle sometimes called Babs "Lady Ice", since she said she had no feelings. Samantha knew Babs had done a short comic with herself and Kyle titled "Lady Ice", so she didn't mind the nickname.

  "Lady Ice makes me want to scream sometimes," Kyle replied with a frown. "Babs can be a grumpy old spinster if she wants to."

  "I think she's very honest, even if I don't always understand her. But at least she's not a career woman bitch."

  "Babs is asexual, she'll never want you," Kyle snapped. "But I'm quite sick of haughty Pat myself, so tomorrow we'll kindly request her to leave and move on with her life."

  "Okay." Rohit stared hopeful at Kyle, who was still seated with his arms folded on his chest. "Can we sleep now?"

  Kyle looked at him and half-smiled. "Dormouse," he said, patting his cheek before turning to switch off the light.

  Rohit chuckled. "You can always keep me awake," he said in the dark.

  "And I will," Kyle assured.

  From the following sounds Samantha imagined what they were doing and grinned. If she closed her eyes, she could actually see them kissing and touching, ready to give vent to their passion.

  She shook her head and decided to go out for a change – or she'd end up showing herself to them.

  ***

  "What happened to your career and all-important meetings?" Kyle asked. "Monday morning you went to a meeting in someone else's body, and now you don't seem to have a life to go back to anymore. What's keeping you here besides drooling over my boyfriend?"

  "I'm not drooling over your boyfriend," Pat snapped. "I'm still upset by what happened and thought I could relax for a couple of days before going back."

  "I'd relax better in my own house, unless my lust kept me somewhere else," he retorted.

  She glared at him. She hated how he "owned" Rohit, being older and everything. She hated how Rohit did what he said and kept rejecting her. And she hated how he was absolutely right. What was she doing still in Portland? Not that she wanted to meet Gabrielle at the beauty parlor... She could go back and lock herself in her posh apartment to recover.

  "Fine," she said, pulling out her i-Pad. "Let's see if I can change my flight again."

  Kyle stared at her with his arms crossed over his chest and Rohit right behind him, hardly hiding his satisfaction to see her go. At least Babs wasn't around.

  "Can we keep in touch?" she asked as she waited for her new flight schedule.

  "I don't think it's a good idea," Kyle said.

  But she knew where to find them. Unicorn Books. Each of them probably had his or her own email. She'd email Rohit without telling Kyle – although Rohit seemed to be dumb enough to tell his boyfriend immediately. Whatever. She'd risk it. Maybe they were even on some social network...

  Her new boarding pass came through and Kyle grudgingly took her to the airport.

  "See you," she said suavely to the departing car. They wouldn't get rid of her so easily.

  ***

  Babs finished her own version of "Loverboy", from the soundtrack of Bollywood movie Love Story 2050, and stared expectantly at her audience of two, seated on the couch in the living room of their house.

  "Well?" she asked. "Did you like my Priyanka Chopra impersonation?"

  Kyle hesitated, but politely answered "Yes", looking unconvinced.

  Rohit was still and serious for a moment, then said, "No."

  "Aw, come on!" Babs snorted and went to sit on the couch next to them. "Is it because you've dealt with the original? Because I'm older than her?"

  She quickly batted her eyelids in a parody of a flirting woman.

  "Is this better?" she asked.

  "What was that supposed to be?" Kyle asked, puzzled.

  She rolled her eyes. "Kareena Kapoor..."

  Rohit burst out laughing while Kyle shook his head with a smile.

  "Why do you want to look like a Bollywood actress anyway?" Kyle asked. "You're not an actress, are you?"

  "Well if the actor, here," she pointed at Rohit, "can become a writer, then the writer, here," she pointed at herself, "can become an actor, right?"

  "I thought you didn't want to break into Hollywood after all!" Kyle said with a chuckle while Rohit composed himself.

  "It wasn't bad," he told her. "But it wasn't Priyanka. Or Kareena. It was Babs. Which is perfectly fine for me." He smiled fondly at her.

  Babs sighed. "That's not helpful, Rohit," she muttered, averting her eyes.

  Things were going back to normal now that Pat was gone. Babs gave up the idea of writing a body switch and started mulling about two assassins who were also lovers, set in her fantasy world.

  Then she went back to Italy for a month to visit family and friends.

  "You'd never believe what happened," she told her friend and cover artist Cristina. "I switched bodies with this woman – we called her Miss Sadness. She's in her fifties, but thinks she's much younger and she went after Rohit like a bull! You should have seen her, trying to look sexy to impress him!"

  "But isn't Rohit gay?" Cristina asked, puzzled. "I mean, I know he was married because you told me so, but I thought he was in love with Kyle?"

  "Yes! But she obviously thought she could win him back to the women's side! Except she looked like a fag hag – and she was so self-absorbed, she didn't even
notice, I bet!"

  Cristina shook her head with a sigh.

  "Such a waste! Rohit is so... gorgeous! Don't you ever wish he'd see you as a woman?"

  Babs pondered.

  "I think he does. But we made a pact. No sex between us. So I treat him like a younger brother and hope he reciprocates."

  "But what would you do if he tried to kiss you?" Cristina insisted.

  "I'd probably run away," Babs admitted. "I don't feel like falling in love right now. My body is changing, and until I become a butterfly with menopause, I don't want to deal with men. My periods have become so irregular, it must be close!"

  "But until you get there, you'd rather not think about it, I got that."

  "Well, you can't miss what you don't know." Babs winked. "And when I go back, Rohit's parents will come over from India... I look forward to meeting them!"

  "As in-laws?" Cristina teased.

  "Nah. He'll be the lodger then. I'll have to move to Kyle's bed."

  "And aren't you scared? What if Kyle tries something?"

  "Kyle is a gentleman, Cri. He already made his pass, and we remained friends. Not something I can say about my Italian dates," Babs replied. "Hey, will you read my latest story? I translated it into Italian – about this young king who gets raped..."

  6.

  Pat and Deb met at the beauty parlor without Gabrielle.

  "So, how is our friend?" Pat asked as they sat in the sauna together.

  "She's fine. She's sick of trying to stay young and has given up those plastic surgeries. As a divorcee, she hopes to find her next husband among New York's best."

  Pat scoffed. "Good luck," she muttered.

  "She's been offered a role on stage," Deb continued. "She'd have refused it until last year, but now she's considering it. And... how was Portland?"

  "I locked a deal and I'm pretty close to my goal. Don't tell anyone, but I might soon buy this small company that..."

  Deb snorted and rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean your job. I'm sure you got what you wanted. I need to know about The Man who made you skip our Friday Beauty Parlor!"

  Rohit's face and body flashed in Pat's mind.

  "Oh, him." She sighed. That was a one-night stand she'd wanted to last much longer.

  "Yeah, him." Deb nodded. "So, what about him? Who is he? How did you meet him? He obviously left an impression on you, so was he really that great?"

  "He was... gorgeous. A sculpted body, a Greek god's face and those gray eyes... you'd never think he's Indian," Pat said, dreamy.

  "Indian?" Deb was puzzled. "One of those north-west tribes?"

  "No, Indian from India. He's forty and he's the most amazing man I've ever met."

  "He's what? When did you turn into Demi Moore? I thought it was Gab who went after younger men!" Deb protested.

  "It's a cliché for actresses, not for female execs," Pat retorted. "Unfortunately, I had him only once, and then his boyfriend kicked me out."

  "His what? He had a boyfriend?" Deb couldn't believe her ears.

  "He also has an ex-wife." Pat shrugged. "I wouldn't have let go someone like him, but then... I'm not his ex-wife."

  "God, Pat, you're sick! A forty-year-old bisexual man! You beat all the kinks I've heard so far!" Deb looked a little disgusted.

  "Will you stop playing the Perfect Wife and Mother for a moment?" Pat snapped. "I'm not married. I'm not even in a relationship. I can enjoy a man's company, can't I?"

  "Sure." Deb shrugged, then flashed an impish smile at Pat. "So, tell me more about having a younger, gorgeous lover..."

  Pat burst out laughing. She was very happy to discuss Rohit with a very attentive and receptive Deb.

  ***

  "How are you, son?"

  "I'm fine." Rohit bent to touch his parents' feet, but they pulled him up and hugged him.

  "You look fine," his father said with a satisfied smile.

  Rohit was nervous at their presence, but he was indeed fine. They'd been asking to see where he lived for almost a year now, and he had run out of excuses. They'd flown to Portland and were spending a couple of weeks there.

  He helped them to retrieve their luggage, big suitcases full of who knew what – food and presents, probably – then headed for the exit. It was the first time he'd taken Kyle's car, but the airport was close and he'd felt confident he could do it on his own. He needed to adjust to his parents' presence before introducing them to Kyle and Babs.

  He'd missed them, although they'd kept in touch through Skype, but at the same time he felt their visit was an intrusion in his new life. They belonged to the past, the Bollywood hero, and he was now a writer, a new man – who slept with another man. Well, not during their stay. On his way to the airport, he'd wondered how Babs would be able to sleep in Kyle's bed, since she was so wary of men's touch, but now he was too busy answering his parents' questions to worry.

  He parked the car in front of the house and saw Kyle come out with a relieved expression. He got out of the car glaring at him. Did Kyle really think he'd have an accident?

  "Welcome," Kyle said, coming forward to greet Rohit's parents and help unload the car. Babs was at the office, so they'd meet her later.

  His parents weren't very impressed by the house – too small in their eyes – but he told them it was the only thing he could afford at the moment.

  "A room in somebody else's house," his father chided. "Come back home, son, there's plenty of room."

  "But I run a business with them!" he protested. "I need to go to the office too, I can't do everything online!"

  "Why don't you just write your books and find a traditional publisher?" his mother suggested. "You could do it from home."

  "I'm not just a writer," he insisted. "I also proofread and help with other tasks. I don't want to go back to India!"

  "As long as you don't marry an American," his father said.

  He rolled his eyes. He'd had enough of marriage anyway. He'd chosen Kyle precisely because the relationship with him was very different from what he'd had with his wife. Even the relationship with Babs was different.

  "Sanjana is getting married again," his mother said. "Since you're now a divorced man, would you like us to find you a suitable wife? Your first choice was obviously the wrong one, if only you'd trusted your elders..."

  "I trusted you, that's why I did everything you told me to do for all my life," he retorted. "The only choice I made was marrying Sanjana. But she wasn't the only reason why I had a breakdown. I'm happy now. Please, leave me alone."

  His father didn't look convinced, but his mother smiled.

  "Of course, son. We're here to make sure you're as happy as you say you are. And then we will leave. You're no longer a child, it's time you take responsibility."

  Rohit relaxed at last.

  "And I am, Mother. I have two wonderful friends who support me... You'll see how Kyle and Babs take good care of me!"

  ***

  The travels upset Babs's body – either jet-lag or simply going back and forth between two continents divided by an ocean in the space of a month – and by the time Rohit's parents visited, she felt as sick as the day she'd given up her steady day job to move to the US. Her stomach hadn't been that upset in months and her belly had swollen again.

  For Rohit's parents' sake, she had switched places with her flatmate, since he hadn't told his parents he slept with Kyle. Since she still needed a lot of sleep, she managed to get some even with a presence in her bed – although sometimes it gave her nightmares. Used to sleeping alone all her life made for awkward nights of restless sleep, which was probably another cause of stomachache.

  "You're pregnant," Kyle teased her as they went to bed.

  "Yeah, by the Holy Ghost," she muttered. "Besides, I think I finally have menopause – my body adjusted to Pat's."

  "I still think you should see a doctor, just in case," he said. "It might be stomach flu or something worse."

  So she went, did some tests, and forgot to pick them up, too busy
studying Rohit and his parents, trying to guess what they were saying when they spoke Hindi.

  "My song lyrics Hindi isn't very helpful," she confided to Kyle, who chuckled.

  "What did you expect?" he replied. "We could ask him for real Hindi lessons, but what for? He'll never introduce me as his boyfriend, and probably wouldn't know how to explain what you do in this house."

  "Mm... I'm one third of the business? Why do people always assume relationships between people of different sexes anyway?"

  "Because most people are extroverts, and they have no idea of what it means to be introverted. Most people can't stand up on their own, and can't believe that others make it happily through their lives as singles."

  "Until they bite the dust too." She glared at him.

  He grinned. "One day you'll bite it too."

  "He isn't born yet."

  "He is, you haven't met him yet."

  "I met the two of you and I feel blessed. I don't need anyone else in my life."

  ***

  Pat couldn't forget her adventure in Portland. Mostly she couldn't forget Rohit's toned body and his gray-green eyes. That bedroom look on his face was something she hadn't found very often.

  She started researching him, ordering the DVDs of his movies and downloading his books. He was a decent writer – not literary at all, but he could weave a tight plot – and even a decent poet, considering he wasn't composing poetry in his mother tongue. He'd dropped a poem or two in one of his stories – about a wannabe writer in India who was stuck with his family business – and they weren't bad.

  Then the DVDs arrived and she watched them all, comparing the young man of the first movies to the last, shot fifteen years after the first. Rohit was getting better looking with age. He'd obviously never stopped going to the gym and at forty he was really at his best. Pity he'd stopped acting.

  Not that Pat cared about the movies themselves. Except showcasing his good looks, they didn't do much more. He wasn't a good actor, or maybe those weren't good stories, but she could replay the songs over and over – especially when he danced. Good thing the Bollywood DVDs always had the songs on a separate page of the main menu, it made it easy to play just those.