We all froze, afraid to look at each other. And then Gia snickered, Quinn started to giggle, and finally we were all roaring. Zelda stood up and stretched her back, still laughing.
“Come on, Eli. I’m hungry for chocolate ice cream, and I don’t want to go alone. Let me take you and your fucking wheelchair away from the annoying football game.”
Tuck looked at her, his face inscrutable, and then he nodded. “Yeah, good idea. Catch you guys later. Try not to brawl while we’re gone.”
Once the door had closed behind them. Gia and Quinn hooted. “Did you hear that? She called him Eli. And how he looked at her! Who do they think they’re fooling?”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
Quinn shook her head. “Zelda and Tuck. Gia and I are almost a hundred percent sure they’re secretly seeing each other.”
“Why would it be a secret?” I didn’t understand subterfuge and intrigue.
“God only knows.” Quinn lifted one shoulder. “Zelda is so paranoid about dating and about anyone thinking she actually has feelings. I think she’s just scared shitless.”
“Huh.” I hadn’t thought about it much, but now that I did, Tuck had been acting strangely. Maybe he was seeing someone. And it was definitely possible that it was Zelda, though I’d never thought they even liked each other.
Gia stood up from the sofa and stretched. “All right, kidlets. The game’s over, and once again my kinda-sorta boyfriend slash fuck buddy didn’t get any field time. This means he’s going to need some serious TLC in the form of hot phone sex from yours truly. If you hear moans coming from my bedroom, pay no attention at all.”
“Eww and TMI.” Quinn wrinkled her nose. “Tell Matt I said hello.”
Once she’d disappeared behind her bedroom door, Quinn glanced at me. “And then there were two. What’s on your agenda for tonight, Nate?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I guess dinner and catching up on some reading.”
She sighed. “Yeah, me too. We’re a couple of wild ones, aren’t we?”
I smiled at her. “I don’t know. I like our lives. I’ve never been much a party animal, anyway.”
Quinn laughed. “Yes, I’m aware of that.”
“But speaking of parties . . .” I leaned back in the chair, rubbing my palms on the thighs of my jeans. “Homecoming for us is in three weeks. I haven’t gone before now, because . . . well, you were with Leo. But would you go with me? As my date?”
Quinn’s mouth dropped open a little. “Oh, Nate. I don’t know. I wasn’t planning on going to homecoming at all.”
“But now you can. With me.” I licked my lips. “Quinn, you know how I feel about you. I understand about everything with you and Leo, and I know it’s been hard for you. But maybe if you give dating me a try . . . you might like it. Maybe it’ll be better than you think it will be.”
“I’m sure it would be wonderful, because you’re wonderful. But I’m not sure I’m ready to move on yet, Nate. Leo and I . . . we haven’t made any decisions. We’re still in this weird holding pattern.”
“But it’s just me. He won’t mind that.”
Quinn cocked her head. “You just said you wanted me to try dating you. And trust me, Nate, Leo’s fully aware of how you feel about me. He’s going to mind.”
“Come on, Quinn. Please.” I didn’t want to play this card, but I could hear Dr. Randall’s voice in the back of my mind, along with a ticking clock. “I want to experience homecoming. I want to have a real college experience. And I won’t be comfortable doing it with anyone but you.”
For a few beats, she didn’t answer. Finally, she dropped her head back onto the sofa. “Okay. Okay! Fine. I’ll go, but I’m not going to promise to enjoy myself.”
“Just put on a dress and let me take you. I’ll take care of the rest.”
I’d never been to a dance before. In high school, I hadn’t been interested in anyone but Quinn, and she’d either been hung up on Leo, dating Leo or trying to get over Leo. I was excited about homecoming for more than one reason.
As it turned out, the dance part wasn’t very exciting. It was held at a hotel just outside of town, in a non-descript room that reminded me more of setting for a business meeting than for a dance. The music was loud, the food was bland and there were far too many drunk people.
But I didn’t care, because Quinn was with me, and she was beautiful.
She wore a short black dress with high heels that made her legs look endless, and her hair fell over her shoulders in a cascade. She smiled at me like I was the only guy in the room, and she danced with me to a slow song, her arms twined around my neck.
“Quinn,” I murmured in her ear. “Thank you being my date tonight. We’ve never danced before.”
She pulled back a little to see my face. “We haven’t. You’re pretty smooth on your feet, Nate Wellman.”
I laughed. “Only when that means I can shift my weight and shuffle. I’m a champ at that. I guess I missed my calling all these years.”
“Maybe.” With a sigh, Quinn laid her head against me. “And you smell good, too.”
“Thanks.” I mentally thanked my mom for giving me a bottle of cologne and insisting I’d need it at some point.
We danced in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before I got up the nerve to ask her what I’d been wanting to ask all night. “Quinn, could I kiss you? Just once, please?”
She lifted her chin and stared up into my eyes. I couldn’t read her expression, but after a moment, she framed my face with her hands, stood on her toes and touched her lips to mine.
I’d been dreaming about kissing Quinn for more years than I could remember. The feeling of her mouth on me was better than anything I could’ve imagined, and I couldn’t stop myself from threading my fingers through her hair, angling her head to give me better access and coaxing open her lips.
She didn’t respond at first, but when her lips parted, I deepened the kiss, feeling my heart pound against hers as my body responded. We stood there on the dance floor, perfectly still, as my tongue made tentative strokes against Quinn’s.
When she drew back a little, I leaned my forehead against hers. “Quinn, I know things between us aren’t . . . the same. I know you’re still figuring things out. But I love you. I always have, and I always will. You’re the only girl I have ever wanted. I want you to know that.”
Her eyes clouded, and she sighed, laying her head on my chest again. “I do know it, Nate.”
“Could we try? I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don’t know what it’s like. And I’m not asking you to sleep with me.” She stiffened, and I hurried to go on. “I just want to be able to kiss you now and then. To hold your hand. Take you out to dinner or watch a movie.”
“We do all that already.” She spoke against the lapel of my jacket.
“Not the kissing and the hand holding.” I rubbed her back, daring to let my fingers venture onto the bare skin revealed by the deep V of the dress. “I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have this chance, Quinn. What if we just tried it . . . and if it doesn’t work out, or if you end up back with Leo, then I’ll understand.”
“Nate, I love you too much to ask you to be my fall back guy until the time is right for me to be with Leo again. That’s not fair to you.”
“It is if that’s what I want. And I do.” I brushed a kiss over her temple. “I’ll be your fall back, Quinn. I’ll be your in-between. Your rebound. I just want to be with you for now.” Because now is the only time I have. I didn’t speak the words out loud, but I heard them in my head. “You don’t have to say yes right now. Just . . . don’t say no.”
The music ended, and a new, faster song began to play. Quinn covered my hands, still at her waist, with her own and stepped back. She looked at me for a long moment before she squeezed my hands and nodded.
“Okay.”
Senior Year
Spring
I wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened, but by the beginning of senior year, it se
emed that Nate and I were in a relationship.
It began at the homecoming dance, and then things happened slowly and gradually from there. Nate held my hand as we walked to class. He kissed me good-night when he left my apartment at night. His kisses weren’t long or involved, and they didn’t feel like they were leading anywhere more complicated, but still, I was uneasy. I tried to ignore all that, until one day, when I was meeting him at the student union after a class, I heard Nate talking to someone I didn’t know.
“Yeah, I’m just waiting for my girlfriend, and then we’re going to the movies.”
For a brief second, I actually thought, Nate has a girlfriend? And then I realized he was talking about me.
“Honestly, Quinn? You and Nate have been dating since last fall.” Zelda shook her head at me as she dried a pan. “You’re just the last one to notice.”
“And maybe you didn’t notice because of all the sex you’re not having,” Gia put in helpfully. “Which, I have to say . . .why not? Nate is totally a hottie. You know I’d have done him, back before I was all into self-destructive jerks who like to torture me.”
“It’s not like that.” I handed Zelda another dish to dry. “We’re just like we’ve always been. Except he kisses me. And apparently calls me his girlfriend.”
“Is he a good kisser?” Gia leaned her hips against the counter. “I always thought he would be. You know, that intensity and attention. Like, you’d feel like the only girl in the world.”
“Yes.” I rinsed off a plate. “He’s actually a really good kisser. But don’t you think it doesn’t matter how good someone is, if he’s not the right one? It’s like pesto. You could eat the best pesto in the world, but if you’re not really a fan, it’s not going to do anything for you.”
“True.” Zelda picked up her wine glass and drained it. “But you know, if you keep an open mind, you get to enjoy a lot more pesto. And sometimes it’s okay even if it’s not the best pesto. Sometimes you just need pesto, regardless of the quality.” She sighed. “Eating the best pesto all the time is pretty amazing. But the sampler platter wasn’t half bad, either.”
I raised one eyebrow. “Why do I get the feeling we’re not taking about pesto anymore? When did this conversation veer into sex?”
“Honey, it’s always about sex.” Gia leered at me. “Besides, we were talking about you and Nate, and when you turned into you-and-Nate. And why you’re not having pesto. I mean, sex.”
“He hasn’t pushed. He hasn’t even mentioned it.” I shrugged. “We don’t talk about that stuff. Leo and I, we talked about everything.” I remembered, with vivid clarity, the night we’d slept together for the first time. I could see us in my mind’s eyes, sitting in my car outside the hotel, talking about what we were going to do.
“Speaking of Leo . . .” Zelda crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at me. “How’s everything going there? And how does he feel about you and Nate?”
“I haven’t seen him since Christmas break.” I wrapped my arms around my waist, staving off the pain that came whenever I thought of him. “I haven’t said anything about Nate and me. Mostly, because I didn’t know there was anything to really say about us. Leo and I talked over break, but it’s always the same. We go round and round, with Leo trying to convince me things can change and me believing they can’t. It’s the same situation. And now that they won the championship again, it’s gotten even worse. He has agents talking to him, and they’re working on where he’s going to end up in the draft.” I slid a glance Gia’s way.
Her expression was grim. “I’m not sure what’s worse: Leo being too popular to be with you, or Matt getting kicked off the team altogether, thanks to his inability to kick the booze and drugs. Oh, and of course, the fact that he can’t keep his dick in his pants.”
I slung an arm over her shoulder and side-hugged her. “I’m sorry, Gia. I wish Matt had been able to pull it together. He could’ve had a good senior year . . . or if he’d been willing to switch positions, like Coach Demby suggested, he could’ve played more. He might be in the draft, too.”
“Yes, but that would be logical.” Gia’s voice was just a little bitter. “And apparently, it’s Matt’s way or no way at all.”
On the counter, my phone began to ring. Frowning, I answered it. “Nate? What’s up?”
There was a rasp on the other end of the line. “Quinn. Need help.” His breathing was heavy and labored. “Get my mom. I need to go to the hospital.”
“Nate?” I called his name in alarm, but there was no answer. “Shit!” I cut off the call and scrolled for Sheri’s contact info. As I waited for her to answer, I grabbed my purse and a jacket, yelling to the girls. “Nate’s sick. Zelda, can you drive? We need to get him to the hospital.”
“And here we are again.” Sheri grimaced. “Sitting in this damn hospital. Again. Waiting for news.”
“It was so scary. I’ve never been there when he first got sick, you know?” I shuddered. “Sheri, I was terrified.”
“You did fine, kiddo.” She patted my hand. “You called me, and you got him to the hospital. The rest is up to the doctors.” She closed her eyes. “And Nate.”
I watched his chest rise and fall over the gentle hiss of the oxygen. “I’ve been worried about him for the last few months. He’s seemed . . . like he’s slowing down. I notice he’s avoiding crowds. Sleeping more.” I raised my eyes to hers. “What’s going on, Sheri?”
She swallowed and bit her lip. “When Nate got sick at the end of the summer before last, Dr. Randall let us know that he was running out of options. It’s okay as long as he stays healthy, but we knew then that we were dealing with the clock running out.” She squeezed my hand. “Since Nate was born, Quinn, we’ve known he was facing what the doctors called a limited lifetime expectation. We’ve learned to appreciate and enjoy each day.” Tears swam in her eyes. “But I’ve been dreading this all along—when the doctors say there’s nothing left for them to do.”
“There’s got to be something. He’s been doing so well lately. Aren’t there more doctors? Better hospitals?”
She shook her head. “Nate’s old enough to know what he wants and what he doesn’t want, Quinn. He doesn’t want to waste his life chasing medical options. He wants to enjoy the time he has.” She raised one eyebrow at me. “Especially now. I can’t remember him ever being happier than he has this last year, and I know that’s you. So thank you.”
I felt vaguely uncomfortable. “Nate’s always been a priority to me, Sheri. I wish . . .” I wished I could love him like he loved me. I wished I could give him what he really wanted—to be the girlfriend he deserved.
“We talked about this years ago, Quinn. Remember? I know how you feel about Nate, and I know how you feel about Leo.” She smiled. “Things aren’t easy for you, are they, sweetie? But you’re doing right by my boy, and no matter what, I respect that. Nate’s not stupid. He knows that Leo has your heart. But you’ve made room for him, too, and you’re giving him something Mark and I never could—a taste of a normal life. So please don’t feel guilty about conflicted feelings.”
I grasped her hand tightly. “I just want Nate to be okay. I want more time with him, you know?”
Sheri sighed. “Oh, honey. I do know. Believe me, I do.”
Nate’s recovery was slower this time. He spent a week in ICU, a week during which I hardly slept and missed every class. Once they moved him to a regular room, he was in the hospital for another ten days, fighting off further infection and recovering.
On the day Nate was released, Sheri texted me at noon to let me know she’d brought him home. He was going to spend at least two weeks at home, where Sheri and Mark could monitor his meds and take him to follow up appointments with the doctor.
As soon as classes ended, I drove to the Wellmans’ house, giving a quick knock as I opened the front door.
“Is there an escapee from the hospital around here?” I called, stepping into the living room.
“God, yes.” Nate la
y on the couch, covered with a quilt. “And I don’t plan on going back any time soon. Want to be my partner in crime?”
I grinned. “Always. Always have been, always will be.” I pulled a footstool over next to the sofa and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Nice and cool, by the way. Feels like ninety-eight point six to me.”
“Should be, after all the shit they’ve been pumping into me the last two weeks.” He caught my hand and tugged me close. “Hey. I’ve been stuck in the hospital with no privacy. Don’t you think I deserve more than a kiss on the cheek?”
I forced a smile. “Of course.” I touched his lips with mine, planning to keep it light, but Nate gripped the back of my neck and deepened the kiss, opening his mouth, making the caress intimate and passionate.
“That’s better.” He grinned and released me. I noticed that his cheeks were a little more flushed, and his chest rose and fell rapidly.
“I’m so glad you’re home. Now you need to take it easy and get better, so you can come back to school. Tuck’s been even more grumpy with you gone. He said to tell you to get your ass back there fast, or he’ll replace you, and I quote, with another needy nerd.”
“Hmph.” Nate’s eyes drifted shut, but he was still smiling. “Tell him I’ll be back to annoy him soon, and he’ll be wishing I’d stayed gone.”
“I’ll pass on the message.” I watched his face closely. “You look tired. I just wanted to stop by to see for myself that you were home. I better let you rest now.”
“Don’t leave yet.” He threaded his fingers through mine, opening his eyes a little. “I need to talk to you, Quinn. It’s important.”
“You need to take it easy.” I squeezed his hand. “We can talk later, Nate. I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you.”
The Keeping Score Box Set Page 47
