“I’m going to get on a plane tomorrow morning and fly back to Richmond. I’m going to do everything I can to make it on this team, to be who they need. To play the game.” I fiddled with the paper coaster under my mug. “And I’m going to do everything in my power to forget all about her. She’s made her choice. I need to move on.”
Gia sighed. “Do you really think that’s possible, Leo?”
I shrugged and leveled a gaze at her, one that was meant to convey more than one meaning.
“I’m going to do my damnedest to find out.”
This book was not easy to write. I knew it going in, but still . . . the painful parts were harder than I anticipated. I don’t set out to write books with angst and sad stuff, but that is in the nature of this story. Leo, Quinn and Nate haven’t had a smooth road, and this was perhaps their bumpiest section yet. Perhaps.
Thank you, as always, to the wonderful team of people who make my books possible: cover designer Robin Ludwig of Covers by Robin made this beautiful cover and Stacey Blake of Champagne Formats made the inside just as pretty. My fabulous promotion helpers, Maria Clark, Jen Rattie and Mandie Stevens, make every day a little brighter. And Olivia Hardin keeps me as sane as it gets—and makes me beautiful trailers, too!
Huge thanks (and a few extra boxes of tissues) to my beta team: Kara Schilling, Krissy Smith, Marla Wenger, Dawn Line and Julianna Santiago. You ladies rock beyond the telling. Big loves and hugs all around.
All of my Temptresses have been wildly supportive of the Keeping Score Trilogy, and I am so grateful. I couldn’t do what I do without their support.
Book 3 is coming in September, so hang tight. And in case you didn’t pick it up, there will be two spin-offs (at least) from this trilogy: Your Wildest Dreams and Not Broken Anymore will be released in 2017. Can you guess which characters will be featured?
On a more serious note, football is something that has always been a big part of my life—as a fan. I have special love for college football (Go Army!), and it’s always a treat to see these young men with amazing talent live lives of responsibility and consciousness off the field, giving back where and when they can. It’s also heartbreaking to see some of the players take a different road, one that may lead to dark places. I didn’t know Matt Lampert’s future or fate at the beginning of Hanging By A Moment, and I was saddened by it. Unfortunately, his story is all too realistic. It is my hope and prayer that the young men currently struggling with the side effects of fame and success would find a better answer—and a happier ending—than Matt did.
Suicide prevention is a cause dear to my heart. If you or anyone you know needs help, please check out To Write Love On Her Arms (https://twloha.com/). The website includes help lines, emergency text help, and much, much more. Remember: Hope is real. Help is real. Your story is important. Don’t end it before its time.
And with that, I send you all oodles of love for reading, for your sweet messages of support and for reviews. You are important to me. Never forget that.
Hanging By A Moment Play List
Guardian Alanis Morissette
Love the One You’re With Crosby, Stills and Nash
Stressed Out Twenty One Pilots
Lucky Jason Mraz
Why Don’t You Love Me New Hollow
Falling Slowly Steve Kazee
I Can’t Make You Love Me Bonnie Raitt
Apocalypse Jackie Evancho
Hanging By A Moment Lifehouse
To see other play lists and keep up with new ones, follow me on Spotify!
To David
My baby and my only boy
Who will turn sixteen about two weeks before this book is released.
Where did the time go?
You have brought Pokemon, Ed Sheeran, Teen Wolf and About Time into my life.
And I am so much richer for all of that.
I love your passion for learning, your boundless interest in everything,
Your compassion for the weak and powerless,
Your patience with those younger than you,
Your love for all things autumnal and holidayish,
Your appreciation for gray and rainy days,
And your wicked sense of humor.
I hope that you will always look back on these days we’ve spent together
with fondness,
Remembering that you are always the light of my life
And my favorite son.
I love you, sweet boy!
Once upon a time, not that long ago, I had just about everything I ever wanted. I was a star football player at one of the best colleges in the country, and I had the girl I’d always loved by my side. The promise of a future most guys can only dream about was close enough to touch.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that life is unpredictable. One twist can change it all, and suddenly, I’m alone. Even football, the one constant in all the insanity, somehow isn’t enough anymore, because without her, everything else is empty. Meaningless.
I’ve got one shot left. One more chance to win her heart. We’re not kids now, and I know that being good enough for Quinn isn’t some game I can fake my way through. She’s more than the prize; she’s my reason for living. The world only makes sense when we’re together.
And this time, I’m going to do whatever it takes to give us our happy ending.
Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
And death is only a horizon.
Carly Simon
Shameless by Billy Joel
“Excuse me. Aren’t you Leo Taylor?”
I gritted my teeth and just barely kept from rolling my eyes. I wanted to turn to the blonde standing just behind my bar stool and tell her to leave me the fuck alone, but I knew that wouldn’t fly with the PR suits at the Richmond Rebels, the team that had drafted me with their number three pick back in April.
So instead, I stretched my lips into a parody of a smile and nodded, shifting a little so I could face the chick who was checking me out.
“Yes, I am.” I stuck out a hand. “Nice to meet you.”
She laughed and shook her head, ignoring my hand. “You don’t remember me. Well, it’s been a long time. I’m Dana Jenkins. Sarah’s little sister?”
It took me a minute before I placed her. The mischievous brown eyes, the pert, upturned nose—she’d been the annoying little kid who’d tried to spy on Sarah and me when we’d dated in junior high and then again in high school.
“Holy shit.” I stood up and wrapped her in a hug. “I haven’t seen you in—well, I guess since I graduated from high school. Before that.” I held her at arm’s length. “You’ve grown up.”
Dana smiled, twin dimples popping up in her cheeks. “Yes, I have. Well, you know . . . it happens to the best of us.” She pointed to the bar and then out to the wide corridor, where travelers were trudging past. “So what’re you doing these days? Are you heading out of town for work, or do you live somewhere else?”
I couldn’t tell at first if she was busting my chops by pretending she didn’t know what my life was now or if she genuinely was clueless. The least douchy response seemed to be assuming the latter.
“Ah, well, I’m kind of playing football, down in Richmond. I’m in the middle of moving there and getting settled, but I had, uh, something up here this weekend and had to come back, so now I’m heading home. Or to Richmond. Which is home now, I guess.”
“That’s cool. Did you know Sarah’s living in D.C.?”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. We kind of lost track of each other during college. What’s she doing there?”
Dana shifted her weight to one leg and hiked her backpack further onto her shoulder. “Well, she went to school in Washington, and then she worked there during the summers, as an intern for Representative Daly. She was hired before graduation to work for a political action coalition.”
“Nice.” I nodded. I could totally see Sarah doing that; she’d always been one of the smartest people I knew, even though she di
dn’t play up her intelligence, and despite the fact that most people assumed she was just a flighty cheerleader. “Tell her I said hey, okay?”
“Oh, I will. She’ll be totally jealous I got to see you.” Dana leaned one hand against the bar, bracing herself. “She’s supposed to be in Jersey later this summer, if you’re ever around.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. So what’re you up to these days?”
“Just finished my freshman year at Rutgers. I’m flying to California, spending the summer being a nanny for my cousin.” She shrugged. “It’s nothing glamorous, but it’ll keep me in cash for the next school year, anyway.”
“We do what we gotta do.” I took the last swig of my drink.
“Yep. So were you up here visiting your family?” Curiosity tinged her eyes.
“Uh . . .” I paused. “Yeah, that and to see some friends graduate from Birch. And then they got married, so I hung around for, um, the wedding.”
Dana’s eyebrows shot up. “Married? No way. They’re your age? I’m not anywhere near ready for that kind of deal yet. I can’t imagine it.” She laughed. “I haven’t even been able to keep the same boyfriend for more than a month, let alone a husband.”
I swallowed hard. I myself had no problem imagining being married. The issue was that whenever I pictured it, my bride was the woman who’d just yesterday said I do to my other best friend.
Dana’s phone buzzed, and she checked the screen. “Shit, I’ve got to run. My flight’s boarding in ten minutes, and it’s still a long way down the terminal.”
I hugged her one more time. “It was terrific to see you, Dana. Enjoy California.”
“Oh, believe me, I will.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed my cheek. “And you enjoy Virginia. Good luck with the football thing. I’m totally going to find you on social media and harass you now.”
“Uh . . .” I began to speak and then stopped. There wasn’t time to explain to Dana that after my brush with small-time celebrity in college, I stayed as far away as I could from posts and tweets these days. She’d figure it out for herself once she looked me up, I figured.
“Bye!” She walked backward a few steps, gave me a wave, and then took off down the concourse, dodging small knots of people who were moving too slow for her taste. I smiled, shaking my head. Same old Dana.
I hadn’t thought about Sarah Jenkins for a long time. We had dated for a few months, way back in junior high, when dating hadn’t meant anything, and then again for couple more months in high school, when it did mean something. That time, Sarah had been a useful excuse for pushing the girl I’d really wanted away from me, since I’d been certain that Quinn was too good for me. Or maybe more accurately, that I could never be good enough for her.
But Sarah was so easy to be around, never demanding or expecting anything from me. I’d had the sneaking suspicion that she’d worked hard to maintain that façade and fit in with the rest of the cheerleaders, who tended to chase football players for quick hook-ups. Sarah hadn’t had any objections to sex, and I knew I hadn’t been her first. She didn’t have a reputation for sleeping around, but she’d had a few steady boyfriends between our two go-rounds. When I’d made my move the first night we’d gone out, she hadn’t hesitated.
We’d broken up when I had realized how unfair it was for me to use her when it was Quinn who I wanted. Sarah was classy to the end, and even after I’d begun dating Quinn, she’d been friendly with both of us. I smiled a little, thinking of what had happened when I’d run into Sarah at a party not long after I’d broken up with Quinn in the spring of our junior year.
She’d rounded on me, hands on her hips and eyes blazing. “What the hell did you do?”
I was holding a beer, but I’d already done a couple of shots. “Heyyyy, Sarah. What’s up?”
“When did you get to be such a dick, Leo? God. I’m so fucking mad at you.”
“What the hell?” I spread out one hand. “What’d I do to you?”
She rolled her eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “It’s not what you did to me, asshole. It’s what you did to Quinn.” Curling her hand into a fist, she punched me in the upper arm. “You know, Leo, when you broke off things with me, I was a little hurt, but I wasn’t surprised. I’ve always known how you feel about Quinn.”
“You mean, how I felt about her,” I corrected, trying not to slur. “She’s not mine anymore.”
“And whose fault is that? Idiot. And don’t try to sell me that shit, bud. You didn’t stop liking her. I’m going to be all sappy and say you even love her. Still. I don’t know why you broke up with her, but I know it’s not because you changed your mind. I know you didn’t cheat. I know she didn’t mess around.”
“No.” I muttered the single syllable.
“So when I think to myself, hmmmm, why would Leo break the heart of the girl he loves, and put himself through hell at the same time, I’ve got to think you did it for some stupid noble reason. Like someone convinced you that you were hurting her. Or told you that she deserved more. Am I on the right track?”
I swallowed hard. She was too fucking close to the truth, and I’d been steadily drinking away Quinn’s memory tonight. I didn’t need Sarah reminding me of why I needed to get wasted. But being this drunk also made it hard to argue with her. So the response I gave her was less than inspired.
“Maybe.”
She nodded. “I figured. I think I have a pretty good idea, too, about who put that shit in your head. Seriously, Leo? You’re going to listen to Nate, who’s been in love with Quinn as long as I’ve known you guys? You believe him?” She made a rude noise with her mouth and shook her head. “And here I thought you were reasonably intelligent.”
I’d tried to push away from the wall just to escape the sound of Sarah’s voice, reminding me of how stupidly I’d fucked up my life. But the wall didn’t seem that steady, and I’d half-stumbled, banging my arm against the doorway. It hurt so bad that my eyes swam with tears.
“Shit. Fuck. Damn.” I leaned my head on the non-injured arm, screwing shut my eyes. “Aw, fuck it all.”
Behind me, I heard Sarah sigh. “Oh, Leo. God, I want to be pissed at you—and I am, don’t worry—but . . .” I felt her hand on my back as she ducked under my arm. “C’mon, big guy. Let’s get you somewhere safe, where you can sleep this off before you do something stupid. Or even more stupid, anyway.”
I’d never remembered the ride back to my house that night, but I knew it had to be Sarah who drove me. She hadn’t made a move on me, hadn’t tried to come on to me at all; I was pretty sure I would’ve turned her down, just like I did all the girls that year who did make it clear I could have them any way I wanted. But Sarah didn’t put me in that position. She was a friend, and more than that, I could tell that she really cared about Quinn, just as much as she did about me. That definitely gave her extra points in my book.
Watching a drop of condensation race from the rim of my glass down to the bar top, I couldn’t help a wry smile as I wondered what Sarah would have to say when she heard that Quinn had just married Nate. It still felt surreal to me, like something out of one of my worst dreams. Somehow, I’d been sure that something would happen to stop the wedding from actually taking place. The minister had never paused to ask if anyone had objections. I had quite a few. But apparently, no one cared to hear them.
God. I wanted to thump my head into the bar until I was forced to stop thinking. Unfortunately, I was in public, and that meant that someone was bound to snap a pic of me looking like an idiot and post it everywhere, probably along with the caption, ‘New Richmond Rebel’s Drunken Breakdown in City of Brotherly Love.’ And then I’d have to deal with the team’s PR department, who’d already laid down the law to me about behaving myself. Not that I’d ever been a problem to any of my teams; even back in high school, at the height of my party days, I’d toed the line when it came to our coach’s orders. And in college, I’d spent too much time cleaning up after my friend Matt to get into any trouble myself.
>
I winced, thinking about Matt. That still hurt, too. I missed him with a keen aching that surprised me. He’d sunk so low in the weeks before he’d committed suicide, pulling away from me and from everyone else, that it felt as though we’d lost him long before he’d given up in that motel room. But I missed the Matt I remembered from elementary school, the kid from junior high and the guy who’d been my best bud and wingman in high school. I missed the man he was capable of being, when the booze and the drugs weren’t in control. God knew he had other problems, too; abandoned by the worthless fuck-ups who were his parents, indulged and ignored by the grandparents who did have custody of him, Matt had kept most people at arms’ length. I was one of the few he’d let in. Gia was another.
I couldn’t forget her face yesterday at the wedding. In her own way, Gia was almost as upset as I was about Quinn marrying Nate—and about Nate putting her in the position where she’d had to say yes or deny her best friend his dying wish. But Gia always seemed slightly removed now. The girl who used to be a firecracker, who’d busted balls on a daily basis, including mine, barely spoke anymore. When she did, though, I’d noticed it was usually to me. Maybe it was because we were the two people closest to Matt, or maybe she figured broken hearts could relate. Either way, I’d become protective of Gia. I was worried about what she was going to do, now that she’d graduated.
She’d been my sidekick all during the nightmare wedding yesterday. And very early this morning, she’d been the one to knock on the door of my room at the hotel in Atlantic City, where we’d all stayed—Gia, Tucker, Zelda and me—after the wedding. I had been touched that she was worried about me—and she had been—but she was also freaking out because she’d realized that she’d left her cell phone at the beach house, where Nate and Quinn were currently honeymooning—or whatever passed for their version of it.
The Keeping Score Box Set Page 51
