She shrugs and pushes another forkful around.
I pause for a moment then raise my eyebrow. “Would you like me to have them serve dessert now?” I offer, hoping to entice her to eat at least something. “It’s your favorite.”
“They? Oh, the caterers. I sent them away after they served dinner. I can go get it if you want, I had them leave it in the fridge.”
She doesn’t wait for me to answer but leaves the table and Lea follows her, taking our dishes.
I don’t know why she’s so worked up about company when it’s our best friends, but she can’t blame tonight for her appetite. She hasn’t been eating properly for a while, and it is starting to piss me off.
“Christ, she needs to snap out of her funk,” Craig mutters. He’s right, but I choose to ignore him.
“Do you want me to talk to her again?” Shaina offers.
“You can try, I just don’t know how to get her out of this mood.”
“You should just give her space and try to find her someone to talk to.”
“I’ve tried, she said she’s fine.” I sigh.
“That’s usually the first sign that she’s not. I’ll see what I can do later.”
Lea and Skye come back with plates. I ordered our favorite cheesecake and despite her sour mood, I notice she has served it on the plates just like the restaurant serves it, with dollops of whipped cream and strawberries. It makes me smile, perhaps she will actually eat this. She sets mine down in front of me without a word and moves to go back to the opposite end of the table to sit with Lea.
“No,” I say abruptly.
She stops and turns to me with a bewildered look. “No?”
The tension builds for the next few seconds and the table is silent as she waits for me to answer. “No, sit here. I uhh… want you to sit by me.”
“Umm ok.” She looks bewildered. She sits in the seat beside mine, then looks right at me. “Happy now?”
“Yes.” I nod, aware that I made it weird and hoping everyone will turn their attention back to their dessert. I take a forkful, ignoring our guests and groan as the smooth, creamy goodness tickles my taste buds. Even in these circumstances, the cheesecake wins.
I watch as Skye starts playing with her food again, damn it, I don’t have the patience for this. This cheesecake is too damned good for her to just smear it on her plate. “Quit playing with your food and eat the damn thing!” I snap, forgetting for a moment that we have company.
I glance over guiltily at them and see Craig’s amusement, not very smooth on my part.
She sets her fork down carefully, too carefully in fact. “Now that you mention it, I’m not hungry.”
I drop my fork onto my plate, surprised that the fine bone china doesn’t crack. “You didn’t touch your dinner, Skye. So eat the cheesecake.”
She pushes it a little further away. “No.”
I grind my teeth so hard my jaw hurts. She’s so damn stubborn. She’s wasting away to nothing before my eyes. I turn in my seat to face her and try another approach. “Skye, please, eat the cheesecake, or…”
Craig’s hiding a smirk behind his hand while Shaina and Lea are watching this with interest not knowing where the hell I’m going with this.
She lets out this deep husky laugh. “Or what?” she asks defiantly.
“Or I’ll make you,” I growl.
“Preston!” Lea says in shock.
Skye’s laugh gets raspy and deep. “Make me? What are you going to do, tie me up and feed me?”
I bless her with the exact same smile that I gave my mama earlier and answer with a simple, “If I have to.”
She laughs again, her laugh is really something. It’s a sound I’ve missed terribly. She’s being playful, it’s a side of her that she rarely shows. She looks at me with a dazzling smile. This is the most relaxed I have seen her since she has been home, it’s almost as if she needs something to push back against. I should have known.
“Do it then,” she demands, sitting back in her chair with her arms folded. “Make me.”
Lea gasps, reminding me they are there. I wish they would just disappear. I want to see this thing through with Skye. I look around the room, first at Craig as he sits back with a smirk, then at Lea and Shaina, their surprised looks are hilarious. It’s bad form to humiliate her with an audience, but she’s asking for it and Craig nods subtly, letting me know he would go for it in my position.
I glance around to see if we have anything I can use to tie her, I don’t trust her to stay put if I go in search of something. I’m about to ditch the plan and just drag her onto my lap when the ruby red table runner catches my eye. I grin and take my plate off the fabric which runs from one end of the table to the other, starting to pull it toward me slowly. Thankfully no other plates were in the way. I have her full attention, her gaze locked with mine, and I don’t break it as I gather the material in my lap. The table centerpiece slides toward me and I pause to pick it up and put it aside, pulling the rest of the cloth with a snap. This makes her jump, but she doesn’t break eye contact with me.
I rise as I gather the end, and she watches me with her moss green eyes. I move to stand behind her chair but she doesn’t turn her head to follow me. She puts her hands on the table, she has a sassy tilt to her head. Behind her I shake out the runner and slip it through the back of the chair and then under her arms.
She sits patiently with the fabric in her lap. I move to her side and pick up the end, pulling it over her arm. I lean over and do the same to her other arm. I’m surprised she is allowing this, but there is an air of challenge that I feel she can’t back down from, so I take advantage of the silent permission. I glance down and can see her pulse hammering where her neck and shoulder meet.
She looks up at me with a playful glint in her eye despite her resolute defiance. “Are you going to tie a little bow?” she goads.
I step back behind her and pull the fabric back. “Yes,” I reply, securing her arms behind her. I hook my foot into the leg of my chair, pulling it close to hers and take a seat beside her, picking up her plate. “Now,” I begin. “I can see that you haven’t been eating properly, Skye.” I take a small forkful and glance up at her.
She narrows her eyes at me. “I have been eating until I’m full. I don’t eat a lot,” she huffs.
“I know you better than that, now open up. This is your favorite.” I bring the fork up to her lips. She presses them together in a firm line and shakes her head.
I set the plate back on the table and raise my hand slowly, so she can see I’m not going to hurt her, moving it in close to her face. She flinches as I pinch her nostrils shut. Her eyes pop open and a moment later, so does her mouth. Before she can close it again, I pop the cheesecake in and use a single finger to push her chin up, effectively closing her mouth.
She chews reluctantly, and I watch her closely as she swallows and then licks her lips. “Ok, you made your point.” She sighs.
“I don’t think I did.”
She opens her mouth for a smart remark and I pop another bite in.
“I think we should give them some privacy.” I hear Craig whisper to Shaina and Lea.
“I kinda want to watch this play out,” Lea says in awe.
“Come on, ladies, let’s go grab a beer or something.” Craig quietly ushers them out of the room. I owe him one.
“Knock it off, Preston,” Skye says with a mouth full of food.
“And just watch you starve yourself?”
“I—” Her argument is cut off by yet more cheesecake, which I watch her chew and swallow. Her tight jaw working reluctantly and her eyes set grimly on mine just serve to push me on. I have never wanted her more and yet my instinct is to care for her even as she fights me.
“You think I don’t notice your clothes falling off you and your plate always full at the end of meals?” I challenge. “You’re thinner now than when I found you on the street. Why?”
Skye rolls her eyes and parts her lips to answer, but f
inds only cheesecake on her tongue where she wanted words to form. I bite my lip to suppress my smile. I have a serious point, but her frustration with me is amusing. I can tell she is slightly amused too, except she is maintaining her annoyance.
“If there is a good reason you aren’t eating, then tell me and I will help you. But if this is simply some misguided ambition to be as scrawny as the women on Rodeo Drive then let me tell you, bones aren’t sexy.” I deliver more cheesecake and I’m as surprised as she seems to be when she takes it willingly, distracted by my speech.
“What is sexy, Skye, is softness.” I brush the backs of my fingers over her cheek as I withdraw my hand. Her eyes flutter closed at the sensation. “Sexy,” I whisper, “is your empty plate and your full belly and the carefree smile on your lips.” I can’t stop myself as I lean in and press the smallest of kisses to the corner of her mouth. She gasps.
“Sexy,” I murmur against her skin, “is your warm, curvy ass curled up against my body while you sleep peacefully.”
My breathing hitches. I’m so aroused. Every cell in my body begs me to kiss her and make her mine again.
Her sigh is inviting and I imagine taking her now, right here on the table.
But I can’t.
We have to talk first. I need to admit so many truths to her before I can do that. It would be unforgivable of me to give in to my desire before she knows the truth.
I pull back, breathing heavy from being so near her. She lifts her eyes to mine and they are shining with emotion. It would be so easy to give in, get lost in her and forget everything. I reach out a hand to…I don’t know what. I just need her.
Damn it, Preston.
I suck in a breath, stand abruptly, reach around the back of her chair and give a tug on the end of the runner. The fabric comes loose and her arms fall free.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, then head quickly for the door. I have to get away from her for both our sakes. Pausing just beyond the doorway, I steady myself and then in the shadow cast by the dining room lighting against the doorframe, I steal a glance back into the room.
She stares dumbfounded at the empty doorway, unable to see me in the shadows. Then she snaps herself out of her trance and sets her lips into a grim line. She scowls down at the plate realizing she ate all but the last bite of the dessert I chose for her.
She grabs the plate and stands, then turns and pauses. She looks down at the red table runner hanging off the back of the chair. I can tell she isn’t pleased by the slight flaring of her nose. She looks up at the doorway again and I draw back further into the shadow. She stares for a long moment, then shakes her head and walks toward the kitchen.
I hear the plate smash as I head down the hall, away from temptation. Away from her.
I let myself into my workout room, the tranquility of it surrounds me. The space is open, and I stop at the top step taking in the view. The far wall is smoked glass, overlooking the mountains, but the sun has already set so it’s just darkness I see and that suits my mood. I have every kind of workout equipment in here, lined up against the walls, but I don’t need any of it tonight. I step down into the room and go to my rack of custom boxing gloves. Right now would be an ideal time to spar with Craig, but the bastard left.
I strip to the waist and roll my shoulders back trying to loosen up my muscles. I haven’t been working out in here as much as I should. I stretch my neck and take a moment to soak up my surroundings. I crave the peace I can find in this room and I already feel some of the tension leaving me.
I move toward the punching bag in the corner. I pull my arm back and let my first swing fly, the thump of the bag soothes me and I work my aim up and down the target. I’m not sure how much time passes, hours maybe? But I keep going, sweat pouring off me and my breaths searing my lungs, trying to forget. The burn in my upper torso and arms is a good indicator that I’ve had enough and eventually, I give in to it.
The moment I stop and set the room right again, thoughts of her come crashing back into my head. I need to tell her why I left, I yearn for her forgiveness. We have to talk.
Fifteen
I’m stirred by soft kisses on the back of my neck, my favorite spot. I must be dreaming. I moan and arch back into him, feeling his breath at my ear and then teeth scraping down my neck ending in a gentle bite on my shoulder. I’ve missed this. Him. I’ve missed him. I turn slowly to face him, reluctant to open my eyes. I don’t want this to be a dream.
I lift my head, my mouth seeking his. I don’t have to wait, his mouth crashes on mine immediately. It’s familiar yet different. He takes charge, starting a tango with our tongues, a dance we haven’t done in over five years. He tastes like home.
I cup his face, still afraid to open my eyes. I press myself against him, wrapping my legs around his, feeling his hard length pressing into me. His hips thrust. I rise to meet them, cursing the clothes that separate us. Feverish need rolls through me. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. My heart is beating a thousand beats per minute.
He pulls one of my hands and then the other, entwining our fingers together and pressing them down into the pillow on either side of my head. He presses his body fully down on mine. I can’t move, but I don’t feel trapped. I trust him, I always have. He kisses me hard and then pulls back, my head lifting to follow him.
“I’m so sorry, Skye.” The huskiness of his voice makes me shiver. “So sorry for everything.”
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, this isn’t a dream. None of my dreams have ever been this perfect. Teeth pressing into my bottom lip, I sigh and my eyes flutter open, my senses on high alert. I fight back a whimper at the sight of him above me.
“I want you,” he says so softly, then kisses my forehead before raising himself off me. “But we have so much to discuss first.” He quickly rolls out of bed and walks to the bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower, then we can talk.”
Ugh!!! Frustrated, I curl up on the bed with my back toward the bathroom door, my damn body betrayed me while my mind was still half asleep. He thinks he knows what I need, but maybe I just needed that closeness. I don’t know? It felt so good.
Anxiety grips me at the thought of losing myself to him again and my breaths hitch in my chest. I can feel the panic attack building and my mind goes straight back to feeling this way last night.
The minute Preston left me alone with our friends to tuck his mama in, Lea fired off questions like I was in front of a firing squad. It’s obvious that she’d missed me, I missed her too. But it was question after question. By the time she asked if Preston and I are back together, I had myself braced with my arms on the counter just trying to breathe. Thankfully Shaina showed up and saw the signs of the panic attack I was fighting off. She was able to get Lea to go back into the dining room. I just hugged myself and took deep calming breaths.
Shaina asked me how long I had been experiencing these symptoms and when I told her, at least since middle school, her concern grew. She offered me medication, begged me in fact to take it. She is certain it would help me, but I told her no. She knows why I don’t trust medication. Not since…
She is right though, my anxiety isn’t at a manageable level and her, I trust. I know she has my best interests at heart. At just the thought of an end to the crippling panic attacks I have dealt with for years, this latest anxiety eases. Before I lose my nerve and ignore the issue again, I grab my cell phone off the nightstand, opening up a new text.
‘Morning Shaina, I’ve thought about it and I’m willing to take your suggestion about my anxiety. I’ll try the medicine. What do I need to do?’
I hit send and put the phone back on the nightstand. I can do this.
I feel as if Preston and I have been growing closer, but we haven’t talked about our past or the present. It feels as if we are moving forward and yet, getting nowhere. I shouldn’t be wrapped in him every night and have no idea where we stand, but still, I haven’t even tried finding somewhere else to stay. I feel at home here, comfortab
le and safe, those are my ideas of home. Something I have never had before now.
I try to read him, gauge him by his actions, and I come up empty. It’s utterly frustrating. And after going to bed alone last night while he brooded somewhere in the house and then how he woke me this morning, only to walk out again…I’m even more confused. Not only by him but also by my feelings. I need the help that Shaina has offered. I’m closed off, confused, and need to start caring again.
I snap out of my brooding when I hear the bathroom door open.
“Will you meet me in the kitchen when you are ready?” he asks as he throws a towel in the laundry basket.
“Yeah, I’ll be right out,” I mutter absently.
I clean up quickly, dreading what I’ll walk into. I know this conversation is long overdue, but I’m afraid of how it will go. I stand in the doorway of the kitchen and see Liliya walk in from the sliding glass door.
Preston notices me and floors me with a bright smile I rarely see from him. “Come on, ladies, we’re going to go out for breakfast,” he tells us enthusiastically. I’m completely thrown. I thought he wanted to have a serious talk and here he is almost bouncing with excitement and bringing his mom with us to breakfast. This should be interesting. We’ve never all gone out together, it’s usually just Liliya and myself. Preston is always so busy. Liliya and I do everything together, she has brought a sense of normalcy into my life. They both have if I’m being honest with myself. Something I seriously needed, I dream of knowing what normal is really like.
Preston’s in great spirits as we leave the house, and it’s infectious. We’re going to Liliya’s favorite breakfast place, A Bit of Country. I haven’t been there in years. We all order our favorite things and chat happily while we wait. I’m excited for the Eggs Benedict, it’s been too long since I’ve had it. And after last night with the cheesecake, I want to show Preston that I do eat when I’m hungry. And yeah, okay, maybe I’m allowing myself to be a little more hungry than I have been since he told me that he finds soft, sexy. Maybe.
Divine Hart Page 13
