by Zara Teleg
“Magnolia, I highly suggest we keep this conversation between us. I don’t want your mother needing a new round of Botox because you’re giving her wrinkles.” He left the envelope on my dresser and turned to walk out.
“Enjoy your winter break. And think about what I said.”
Christmas came and went. The house was empty with my parents and brother away on separate ski trips. Lucky for me, my father had given me twice the Christmas gift he usually gave. And cash was precisely what I needed. I packed everything carefully. I made sure to take anything of value that I could use to pay for school and my baby.
I was leaving. I was nineteen, a legal adult. I didn’t need my parents anymore. I was doing them all a favor; I would only be a disappointment to them. So I was leaving before they could make decisions for me. I was strong and smart. School had resources that could assist me if I wanted help.
Viola quizzically picked up the jewelry bag, especially the diamond tennis bracelet I received on my sixteenth birthday. “You need this at school?” The diamonds shone in the winter sun as she held them up.
“Yes.” I snatched it back.
“Hmmm. And these?” It was the stack of bonds I’d been collecting since my first Holy Communion.
“Uh-huh,” I said, taking those as well.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Viola placed a gentle hand on mine.
“I do,” I lied again.
“Maggie, if you think I don’t know what you are hiding, you’re wrong.” She sat next to me and pulled me into her. “It’s the boy, Vincent’s?”
How did she…?
“I’ve known you since you were a baby. You hate ham and anything spicy. That was your first giveaway. My suspicions grew stronger when I saw how emotional you’ve been.” I leaned my head on her shoulder. “Does he know?” Viola stroked my hair as one lonely tear escaped and made its way down my cheek.
“No.” It was painfully stuck in my throat.
“Do you plan on telling him?”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t exactly live a life where you would want to take care of a child.”
“Don’t you think that should be up to him to decide?” Viola faced me, waiting for my answer.
“I want to tell him, of course, but I’m scared.” I began picking at the edges of my blanket, pulling on a loose thread.
“What are you afraid of? You said you two were in love, didn’t you?”
“I’m afraid if I tell him, he will reject me and resent me. But I’m also afraid if I don’t tell him, and he ever found out, he would hate me forever.”
The more questions she asked, the more I felt sick. The only way I could fix this was to face my fears and go and talk to him, I knew it was the right thing to do, yet I still found myself hesitating at the thought.
“Do you have a plan? It looks to me like you are preparing for something?”
I stood up and began gathering more things as I told her about what my mother said and how I knew what would happen if they found out. Something on Viola’s face changed when I told her I planned to do this on my own and leave home for a long time. She almost seemed proud. I waited for the guilt trip or for her to scold my decision, but she didn’t.
“Well then, you seem to have this all figured out. Magnolia, if there is anyone who can do this, it is you. I’ll miss you and pray for you and always be here for you, just remember that. Paige will be watching over you. I know the pain of being without my child, and I want you to have every opportunity to give yours the best life it can have.”
“Please promise me you will not tell ANYONE, not even Frederick.” I offered my pinky the way she used to do with me when I was a child.
“Okay. I promise.” She hooked her pinky with mine. My only regret now was that my child would not have Viola and Frederick in his or her life.
“I’m going to tell Vincent. You’re right. No matter how he reacts, he deserves to know.”
I made a decision. I would return to school, and when it came time for spring break, I’d go to Louisiana and tell Vincent the truth.
Lucky for me, two weeks into the winter session, my roommate was expelled for drinking and doing drugs at a party. They really meant zero tolerance around here.
I sat in the library with a magazine covering the What to Expect book hidden inside. Over the past few weeks, my belly popped. I was carrying small, and thankfully, winter clothes were covering me up just fine, but it wouldn’t be long before professors would notice.
The more I read about childbirth and motherhood, the guiltier I felt for not telling my family. I was far enough along and far enough away that no matter their reaction if I told them, I could still keep proceeding with my plan. I was being unfair for judging them without giving them a chance to react to my news. Maybe they would be overjoyed at the idea of a grandbaby.
Was I crazy or just hormonal? That seemed to be the question I was continually asking myself.
It was a Sunday. My parents always had brunch after morning services. I thought it’d be a good time to call. I spent two days mustering up the courage to tell them the news. I just couldn’t face them for it. I would never be able to leave if I went home and told them face to face. My mother would take over the way she did with everything. So, a phone call would have to do.
“Put it on speaker so we can continue our meal.” I heard my mother instruct the new cook who answered the phone.
“Magnolia. What a surprise! Calling on a Sunday? You know we are dining, right?” My palms were so damp I nearly dropped the phone.
“Yes, Mother, I was hoping to catch you both. Sorry to have interrupted.” I tightened my stomach, trying to keep my shaky voice from cracking.
“How is school going?” my father interrupted.
“Very good, I am working hard. I have all A’s except in organic chemistry. I have a B+, but I’m working on extra credit.”
“You have a B?” my mother scoffed.
I swallowed hard, pushing down the fear. Just rip it off like a bandage.
“Well, it has been a little harder this semester—”
“We told you a medical degree was too hard and unnecessary.”
I rolled my eyes and steadied my breath. Balling my fists at my side, I said a silent prayer before I spoke again.
“It’s not that. I haven’t really been feeling well.” I rubbed my palms down my pants, taking another breath.
“Have you gone to the doctor? Maybe something’s going around. I heard college cafeterias can be notorious for food-borne illnesses.”
“No, Mother, not that either,” I snapped.
“Okay, then, Magnolia, what is it?”
“I don’t know how to say this.” I began to break out in a chilling sweat. I picked up the magazine next to me, fanning myself. “Do you remember I told you about the boy I met at the mission?”
“No,” my mother said while my father said, “Yes.”
“Maggie?” My father’s voice became stern. “What are you getting at?”
I was silent a moment. I could hear my father mumbling something to my mother.
“What?!” she said sharply, louder than I ever heard her speak. “Magnolia, you better not be saying what I think you’re saying.”
My heartbeat quickened as tremors riddled my body. My armpits were drenched, and I could hardly still my hands to hold the phone.
“Magnolia? No,” she said as if it could change the facts.
“Mother, I thought maybe you would understand, that you’d listen to me.”
“Magnolia Grace. What you did is a sin.” Her voice elevated several octaves. “And now you made a mistake with a boy from the gutters of the bayou. If you think for one minute that you’re coming home with that baby, you’re sorely mistaken, young lady. You will be cut off. You’ve disgraced this family and yourself. I never—”
My father jumped in. “Maggie, we can find a family—”
I couldn’t hear any more. I hung up the phone. Tears slowly f
ell in warm salty trails over my lips. I held my bunny and let the tears fall freely. I was crazy. Crazy to think that they would support me or a choice that I made, not them.
The dorm phone I called from rang back. I didn’t answer. It rang on and off the whole day. I was glad they were heading to the islands tomorrow for a vacation they took every spring break. They expected me to come home. But I would not be there.
“This is going to be cold.” I jumped as Dr. Charmain squeezed the gel onto my stomach and then pressed the wand onto the area. My heart fluttered as the whiffing sound filled the room. “That’s a strong heartbeat.” She smiled, gliding it back and forth. I could hardly believe my eyes as I watched the movement on the screen. “Do you want to know the sex?” She held the wand over one place.
“Yes.” I could feel the tears boiling as the heartbeat continued to be music to my ears.
“Magnolia, you’re going to have a daughter.”
I’d been seriously tormenting myself about whether I was doing the right thing by keeping this baby and not letting a family desperate for a child raise him or her. But the moment she said daughter, I didn’t think that was a choice I could consider anymore.
“A girl,” I repeated, closing my eyes, allowing the tears to fall. My mind immediately conjured up thoughts of what our daughter would look like.
“Her growth is right on target.” The doctor removed the wand. “Are you okay, sweetie?”
“Yes, just excited.” I wiped my cheeks.
“It’s okay, Maggie. You don’t have to do this alone. We have programs for you.”
“Thanks, I’ll come see you after break. And I won’t be alone. Her daddy will be home from the service soon enough.” When had I become such a comfortable liar?
“I will see you next month for your checkup.” She wiped off the gel and pulled my shirt back down. “Here you go. Her first picture.” She handed me the photo of the ultrasound.
“You’re going to be fine. It’s normal to be scared, Magnolia.” She placed an arm around me.
Over and over, I looked at the black and white image and continued to sob the rest of the night. I held my bunny, placed Vincent’s medallion on my tummy, and told my sweet baby girl how sorry I was for not knowing what to do. I cried myself to sleep.
The days were getting longer, and spring break was here. If I was ever going to face this situation, I needed to talk to someone who could help, and it was evident that it wouldn’t be my parents.
I retrieved the slip of paper from my jewelry box. I dialed the number and waited for her to pick up. No such luck, just a machine.
“Hi, this is Maggie Grace. I am so sorry it took me this long to call. Here’s the number to my dorm. I would love to talk.” I left the number and hung up. I tried focusing on my finals, but that wasn’t easy. When the phone rang, I jumped a hundred feet.
“Hello.”
“Oh my god, I was so surprised when I got your message. How are you? Tell me everything about school. What are the boys like? Have you kept up with listening to actual good music?” In true Shannon fashion, she peppered out questions faster than I could answer.
“I’m sorry. I have been focused on schoolwork, no time for much else.”
“Boring,” Shannon huffed. I imagined her rolling her eyes.
“Shannon, of course, I called to catch up. But I also need a favor.”
“I’m listening.” I could hear the questioning in her voice.
“I’m in some trouble.” I exhaled a long breath. “I really need to speak to Sissy about seeing Vincent. You know how we left things. I thought you might have Sissy’s number.”
There was a long pause. “I do, but Maggie, the last time I spoke to her, things were not good there. What kind of trouble are you in?”
“The kind that takes nine months.”
A loud shriek on the other end of the phone caused me to pull it away from my ear.
“Are you kidding me?”
“No. And you cannot tell another living soul.”
“And Vincent doesn’t know?”
“No, and I think I want to tell him. I need to go back there to figure this out. I wish I had someone to talk to that could help, but no one understands.”
“You know who would understand? Catherine.”
“That would be nice, but they would be long gone from there, wouldn’t they?”
“Well, not exactly. After you left, I spent a few more weeks there. Catherine was really sick, and it turned out she’s pregnant. She’s having some issues because of her age. It’s a high-risk pregnancy. They decided to stay with Paul’s mom until after she has the baby to help with Ana and the mission.”
I was shocked. “How do you know all this?”
“Catherine invited me to volunteer again this year and assist her with the next project. We’ve spoken several times.”
“Um, I don’t know what to say.”
“You should say you’ll call her and don’t make any decisions until you do. She and Paul are both good at giving advice. That’s who I’d talk to if I were you. Besides, she has asked me if I have heard from you every time we talked.”
“Okay, I’ll give her a call. Can you give me both numbers? And Shannon, this stays between us.”
“Yes, Maggie, it stays between us.”
I packed my bags for spring break, not knowing if I would return. I wanted to see Catherine in person and call Sissy when I got back down to St. Genevieve. It took two buses and a long taxi ride, including three stops to pee. Then we drove down a little street, stopping at the restaurant Alcide had taken me to when we stayed at Marie Rose’s house.
I dialed the number. My feet shuffled in the small phone booth as I waited for the phone to connect.
“Hello,” Catherine answered on the first ring.
“Hi, Catherine, this is—”
“Maggie Grace, is that you?”
“Um, yes, how did you know?”
“How could I forget? How are you?” She sounded chipper.
“Um, I, uh, I am in St. Genevieve, and I spoke to Shannon. She said you were staying at Marie Rose’s.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Are you coming to visit?”
“I would like to. I really need some advice.”
“How soon can you get here?”
A half hour later, a very big-bellied Catherine waddled out of the house onto the front porch with Ana by her side.
“Oh, Maggie Grace, you are just glowing.” She held open her arms.
Her face changed when we hugged. Her eyes got wide, and she stepped back, eyes diving to my stomach.
“I see.” Her mouth hung open.
“Meme, can you take Ana to the store to get something for us to make for dinner?” she hollered up the stairs. Rose was a few steps down when she and Catherine shared glances, and Catherine’s eyes rolled to my stomach, encouraging Rose to look.
“Why, hello, Magnolia. It’s positively wonderful to see you.” She placed her hand on my cheek before letting her finger graze my belly with a knowing smile on her face.
“I will let you catch up. Looks like it may take a while. Come on, Anabelle.”
Chapter 24
Magnolia
Catherine paced as she listened to my story. Every time Paul spoke, she shut him down. I could tell she was concerned about me keeping this from my family and telling Vincent.
“I know what you are going through.” She looked down at her own belly. “If you aren’t going home, I want you to stay here. Maggie, I have one child now and another on the way, I cannot imagine doing it without the help of Paul and even Rose.”
Paul tried to speak again, but Catherine kept going. “I promise we won’t tell anyone you’re here. You’re nineteen, and this is your decision, but I hope you will let us help you.”
I jumped up and wrapped myself around her. We both started crying. “Oh great, now I got two of them crying.” Paul rubbed his head, laughing.
“We are staying at a house righ
t down the road. We have an extra room,” Catherine offered.
“You’re sure?” I sniffed, rubbing my stomach.
“Let’s go get you settled in.” She put her arm around me. “Rose, we will see you later this week. We are going to get Maggie settled in at our house.”
Rose came into the room with a covered plate of food. “Here y’all go. I made some biscuits earlier. I remembered how Maggie loved them.”
My heart warmed at her gesture.
“You’re welcome here any time, dear. You drop by if you need to get away from them.” Her eyebrows rose in Catherine’s direction.
“I’m not that bad,” Catherine huffed. “Just hormonal sometimes.”
That afternoon I settled into the spare bedroom at the house they were renting. It was simple, a bed with a white Chantelle duvet, a small chest of drawers, and a mirror in the corner. After dinner, I chose to stay in my room and rest. I was tired, almost too tired to pray. It was getting harder to get on my knees and back up, but I did it. Every night my prayer started the same way. “God, please help me make all the right decisions. Please look after my family, and Viola and Frederick. Please watch over Sissy, Shannon, and all my friends. And please keep Vincent safe. Thank you for leading me to Catherine and Paul. Help me have the courage to do what I need to. Let me always put my little girl first. Please, Father in heaven, give me a sign of what to do.” A sharp kick pained my ribs. And then a softer one.
I placed my hands on my belly. “Little one, I love you so much. I always want you to know that, no matter what happens to us, I’ll make sure you have a safe life and that you know you were created in love.”
My head had been a bit confused lately. After listening to Catherine say how hard it was to be a mother and not have help, I was considering that maybe I wasn’t the best person to be raising a child. They needed so much, and I could barely keep myself together these days. I prayed for a sign to know if I should be raising this child or finding a loving home for her with someone who could give her everything I couldn’t. That might be why I was so adamant to find Vincent and tell him. His reaction would help make that decision.
