by Alta Hensley
“Sure,” he said, and, before I had a chance, he’d reached down, deftly unbuckled the tiny straps, and slid first one and then the other of the heels off. He claimed a bit more of my heart when he then shifted me to rest against his chest and lifted my leg. The moment his strong fingers closed around my sole, I groaned.
“Keep that up. and this massage is going to be the fastest one in history,” he warned.
Sighing contentedly, I settled a bit closer. “Sorry, but if you had any idea how incredible that feels, you’d be groaning, too.” Wiggling my toes, I said, “Please, continue.”
He did as we went on to talk more about our lives… or at least, I did. Alek asked me a whole bunch of questions, and he seemed very interested in the answers. He wanted to know little things like my favorite foods, movies, and music. Everything was so casual, and I relaxed. I’d never been on a date like this one. By the time I’d begun to be escorted by men, I was somewhat of a trophy. What surprised me the most was that Alek had a way of making me feel more special with the way he actually listened to what I had to say, as he rubbed my bare feet, than I had with any man who’d fastened a diamond bracelet around my wrist before trotting me out like some sort of prize they’d won.
I looked at him and understood while he would never actually outright ask me, I felt like the moment was finally right to give him my side of the story. To tell him the truth about what happened because he’d definitely earned it. He was one of the only people in the world who hadn’t outright judged me for my past, and that really meant a lot to me.
“Alek, I want you to know while I deserve a lot of the derision that comes my way, I’m really not the bad person the media seems determined to make me out as. It’s true I did drugs and drank in excess, and it’s true I got involved with the wrong people, partied too much in order to ease the pain of my grandmother’s health beginning to fail as well as the horror the news became after Lara London’s accident, but I swear to you, I had nothing to do with it. I—”
“I know,” he said.
It took me a moment to process his response. He hadn’t demanded proof of my innocence, or even questioned me about who had been responsible… And if I trusted him to be telling the truth, and I did, then he knew about Nikolai as well. The fact he hadn’t dumped me off his lap had me wanting to come completely clean.
“When a man named Nikolai Kosloff came into my life, it was the exact right moment. Of course, that was all part of his plan, but I didn’t see it at the time. I truly thought he cared for me. Instead, he showed me the quickest way to forget my sorrows was to snort cocaine and drink in large quantities. I’m ashamed to say I ignored every sign that warned me I was getting too deep into a world that was… I’m not actually sure there is a word that defines that world.”
“Ugly,” Alek offered.
I considered it for a moment and nodded. I felt I was letting him down with this revelation. But at the same time, he needed to know it all. He had put his trust in me with bringing me into the theater, and, while there had been no false declarations of everlasting love, I felt he was opening up his heart to me. I knew for sure I’d opened mine as well as given him my body. Before we went even further, I needed to lay it all out on the table for him. To let him see it all. Every last unpleasant detail. To find out if he still wanted me once he knew the woman I had been.
“Yes, ugly. That fits in so many ways,” I said softly, pulling my foot from his hand and moving to slide off his lap.
Only he didn’t allow me to do so. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me even closer with one arm.
“Go on,” he said softly, tapping a finger against my left breast with a finger.
I looked into his eyes to see an expression of caring I’d only seen reflected in my grandmother’s eyes. Still I hesitated because this man had no real clue to how truly foul the story was.
“Go on, Clara,” he said.
I nodded and told him the rest.
“Nikolai was the man who put out the order that Lara London be removed from the production of Swan Lake, leaving me, her understudy, to step into the lead role. Like everyone else in our company, I was completely horrified at the news of her accident and then I began hearing murmurs of the ‘accident’ being something far more. People began to look at me funny as I curtsied and basked in the accolades each night when the curtain fell. When I complained to Nikolai, he smirked and told me not to worry. He said the world was his oyster and, if he wanted to see his own pearl in the spotlight, then not a fucking thing could stop that from happening.
“When the truth behind his words filtered through my fuzzy brain, I lifted my hand to slap the sneer off his lips. He caught my wrist and twisted my arm behind my back until I feared the bone would snap as easily as Lara’s legs had. He told me never ever to try that again. I was so upset I didn’t pay attention to his warning. I called him a bastard, told him only a coward would put out orders for an innocent woman to be hurt. I told him he’d ruined Lara’s life and demanded he let me go.”
The memory of the look on his face when I’d accused him of being a cowardly bastard had me shuddering and tucking my feet beneath me as if needing to be the smallest I could be.
“He didn’t, did he?” Alek asked quietly, his hand beginning to rub small circles on my back.
“No… no, he didn’t. Instead he slammed me up against the nearest wall, pushed my dress up over my ass, and raked down his zipper. He didn’t even bother to remove my panties. He… he simply pulled them aside with one hand while he pushed his cock against my entrance.”
“He raped you.”
“He wouldn’t call it rape. He considered me his property to do with as he wished. He told me I was forgetting he owned me, and that I wasn’t allowed to hit him or make demands. Nikolai didn’t care I was as dry as the Mohave Desert or that he was hurting me. All he cared about was reminding me he was the great Nikolai Kosloff, kingpin of the bratva. All he wanted was to show me no one fucked with him — he fucked others.”
“Stop. You don’t have to tell me more,” Alek said.
I so wished that were true, and yet I knew I had to continue. I’d opened the wound, and it truly needed to be cleaned or there was no way I’d ever have a chance at being free again. Shaking my head, I continued.
“He was brutal, pounding into me with a force that had my cheek slamming against the wall with every thrust. Once he’d shot his cum into me, he turned me around and pressed me to kneel at his feet.” I could hear my voice growing fainter as my mind relived every moment of that horrific night.
“He ordered me to suck him until he was hard enough to go again. Told me we were nowhere near done. I remember looking around the room, every cell in my body aching, pleading with my eyes for someone… anyone to help me, even though I knew better. Every man in the room, and there were at least a dozen, belonged to this man. He was right. No one fucked with the head of the Russian mafia and lived to tell about it. Evidently, I was taking too long so he slapped me and, when I opened my mouth to cry out, he shoved his cock inside.
“Suck me, bitch, he said. And I… I did.”
“It’s called rape, Clara. Say it… he raped you.”
I looked up at Alek, expecting to see disgust, and yet all I saw was his unwavering gaze.
“Say it, Clara. Say he raped you.”
“He… he raped me,” I said and, even as my eyes welled, I said, “He raped my mouth like he raped my pussy. And then… then he raped my ass. When he was done, he leaned against me and told me every single time I stepped onto the stage, I was to remember I was only a star because a bastard allowed me to be. Said as long as he was happy with my performance, he’d make sure there wasn’t another who even dared to step into the spotlight.
“He finally released me from the hell he’d dragged me into. He left me in a huddled mess. I remember lying on the white rug on his white marble floor and wondering why there were specks of red in the fur. It wasn’t until I moved I discovered i
t was my blood. I don’t know how long it took, and I will never know how I finally found the strength to pull myself up and drag myself into the bathroom as the sun began to peek over the horizon.
“I didn’t even recognize the woman who stared back at me from the mirror. My face was bruised and my lips split and swollen. When I lifted my hand to wipe a smear of blood from the corner of my mouth, I almost screamed again. My arm hurt like nothing I’d ever experienced before, and I wondered if he’d actually broken it.”
The welling tears slipped down my cheeks.
“Oh, Clara, baby, don’t cry. The goddamned bastard isn’t worth your tears.”
“I… I know it shouldn’t have mattered, not when there wasn’t an inch on my body that didn’t ache, but I felt shame flooding through me. He hadn’t even bothered to undress me. Instead, he’d torn and ripped at whatever might have been in his way, leaving my dress in tatters, and one bra strap snapped in two. My left breast had been lifted from its cup, the nipple throbbing, and I remembered screaming when he’d bitten down after I begged him to stop.
“I sagged against the counter and had an epiphany so late in coming. I was no better than the men who’d watched as their boss repeatedly raped me to ‘teach me a lesson.’ I’d done Nikolai’s bidding for months for nothing more than a night filled with champagne, parties, and enough cocaine to keep me going. I’d gone for rides in any one of the cars from his collection that filled the top floor of the parking garage beneath his penthouse. I’d lain on his silk sheets in his bed and welcomed him with open arms even after I’d heard him give orders for someone to be “reminded” who ruled New York City.
“I’d intended to take a shower. but I suddenly knew that once Nikolai woke up and found me, I’d never have the strength to do what I had to do. Everyone thought I’d walked away from the theater out of guilt and I’d done nothing to dissuade them of that version. I walked away from everything… I left the world I loved more than anything… not only to survive, but to assure not another soul was ever hurt on my account.
“I spent the first year moving from place to place, torn between wanting desperately to step forward and clear my name and constant terror Nikolai would find me, would demand I pay a price for turning away from him, for refusing his generosity. Finally, the stories of how I’d ruined Lara’s life, how I’d disgraced my company, how I swallowed anything my pusher handed me and personally drank half the vodka on the planet, started being replaced with photos of Nikolai with different women — women who were as naïve as I’d been. Starlets who suddenly got the break of a lifetime to appear in blockbuster movies. Girls from Nowhere, USA, who were suddenly “discovered” to be the next supermodel. But it wasn’t until I saw him at the opening performance of Romeo and Juliette with his arm wrapped around this stunning brunette’s tiny waist that I finally began to relax. I’d been replaced. He’d found a new prima ballerina.
“I’d most likely not have made it through if it wasn’t for my grandmother. Even though she was the one who was sick, she was the strength I’d needed to get my ass into rehab and do some serious work. It wasn’t easy facing my demons, but I did it. I knew I’d never be the star I’d always envisioned I could become, but I was satisfied I had enough funds left to purchase my house. Its quaint charm and small garden fill me with a quiet calm I’d forgotten even existed.”
“It’s a charming home,” Alek said, giving me a hug.
“It is,” I agreed, noting that he’d said home. It was as if he knew the penthouse I’d owned in New York had been nothing more than a place to hang my clothes and to occasionally crash when Nikolai had business to attend to. Shaking away the thoughts of the man who almost killed my very spirit, I finished the story.
“Another year passed, and I began to dance in the garage. A few more months, and, again at the urging of my grandmother, I turned the garage into a studio and began teaching the craft I so love. It isn’t a life of lavish parties or couture clothes… I had some months where I’d had to rob Peter to pay Paul in order to pay for the drugs my grandmother needs, but it’s a life I’m not ashamed to live.”
18
Alek
I was ready to find the bastard and teach Nikolai Kosloff a lesson or two of his own. Like how any man who lifted a hand in anger against a woman was a goddamned coward and one who raped a woman — well, let’s just say I felt a burning desire to make sure he’d no longer own any equipment to even make that a fucking possibility. I wanted to… I raged inside, and yet I knew the woman seated on my lap was as fragile as the crystal globe I could see sitting in a place of honor on my mantel. There was a small figurine of a ballerina inside that globe, protected by the glass surrounding it, and I had to be satisfied my job was to protect Clara from the memories that had haunted her for years.
“Why didn’t you ever tell the media the truth?” I asked. “Why have you always allowed yourself to be abused? If people understood your reasoning behind it, they’d be much more willing to forgive you. You made a mistake. People understand that. You were in pain from watching your grandmother’s health begin to deteriorate. You grew addicted to drugs and drank too much. There are valid reasons for what you did. Not right, but at least reasons some people would understand and maybe relate to. We all would do whatever it took to take care of a loved one.”
Clara took a moment as if to seriously consider my words and then shook her head. “Why did I never try to defend myself? Why didn’t Lara ever come forward and talk about what really happened that night? I suppose because neither of us thought we’d be believed. I was barely twenty, and Nikolai was not only twice my age, he had so much power. I became used to hearing I was nothing more than a jealous, conniving bitch, to being told dancing with the devil would send me straight to where I belonged… Hell. And, to be honest, a lot of it had to do with the fact I knew I deserved their disgust and all that came with it.”
“You didn’t deserve all of that, Clara. A great number of the media would have printed shit, that’s true, but there are still honest journalists out there. Men like Baker.” I paused and shook my head. “Did you know his editor informed him the interview he did with you wasn’t worth the paper it was written on because there was no real ‘dirt’ in it?”
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t even know when it was supposed to come out. To be honest, when I saw you get out of your car in your sexy suit, my first thought was you’d read the story and had come to see what else you might get.”
“Sexy, huh?” I said, unable to keep from grinning though the story she’d shared was as far from amusing as one could get. Still, the words had begun to cut through the tension, slicing through the shroud of ugliness that had descended upon the telling of her story. I was determined to keep slicing until every last piece of it was gone.
“And, it didn’t really matter what the press thought I deserved. I was so ashamed at all the things I’d done, I suppose I felt the need to punish myself. So, when I say I understand why people don’t trust me anymore, it’s true. How can they when I’m not sure I trust myself.”
“I trust you,” I said softly. “I’ve trusted you the entire time.”
This time when she looked up to meet my eyes, she lifted her hand and placed it against my cheek. “It’s taken me a long time to learn to trust anyone again, but I trust you, Alek. My life shifted again the day you appeared. No matter what happens now… on stage or between us, I want you to know, I will always treasure the moment you pulled into my driveway and offered me another chance.”
There was a lusty, heavy atmosphere surrounding us. It had been brought on by Clara finally opening up to me. I had never wanted to push her to do it, and now I was glad for that because I think she respected me more for letting her come to me on her own terms. Probing might have gotten me the basics, skimmed the surface of what had happened. But by waiting until she trusted me enough to reveal the darkest details, she’d shared the memories that had caused her so much physical pain as well as mental and emoti
onal distress. And then, when she told me that her life shifted when I appeared in it, something incredibly powerful altered within me as well.
I pulled back for a second, just wanting to take a moment to check that Clara really wanted to do this. I didn’t want her to be swept away by lust like our first encounter on the stage, or worse, be engulfed in the memories of a past that was too sordid to think about.
“Don’t,” she said softly.
“Don’t what?”
“Look at me like I’m broken. I was at one point, but I’m not any longer. I’m proud of the fact I’ve worked my ass off to heal myself, and you have been part of that healing. You see me in a way no other man has. You see the real me… not the shell of a woman I once was. Please don’t treat me like a fragile flower.”
And she wasn’t. She was a petite woman, so much tinier than me. Every time I took her hand, I was amazed at how small her bones were, and yet I’d seen her dance with the beauty of a gazelle and the strength of a lioness. Treating her differently now simply because she’d been brave enough to share the ugliness would be doing her a major disservice. Bending forward, I cupped her face in my palms.
“You are the most unbroken soul I’ve ever met.”
I bent down for a deep and erotic kiss. I knew her now, inside and out, and I still wanted her. Even her darker side did nothing but enhance all the good. I understood her mistakes. I knew where she was coming from, and I still wanted to be with her. None of that bothered me at all. All I really cared about was Clara and the woman she was today. In fact, when it came to me and what my body wanted… it was the woman with those dark edges. I wanted the devil inside of her to emerge to dance and cavort with the one inside of me.
Lifting my head, I murmured, “You are strong.”
Closing that fraction of an inch, I kissed her and lifted my head again.
“You are beautiful.”
This time I pushed my tongue into her mouth to dance and play with hers until I swallowed her soft mewl of desire. Withdrawing my tongue, I took her bottom lip between my teeth and nipped.
