by M A Roth
“I can see why you’re confused. But now that you know it’s not as black and white as you may first have believed.” Celica paused and squeezed my hand again. “Whatever is causing this anger, you need to let it go.”
Tears fell from my eyes and I pointed at them. “See this? This is new. I don’t normally cry and babble to strangers. I’m a mess.”
Cecelia gave me a kind smile before extracting a handkerchief from her apron.
I snorted a laugh. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Tell me about your life,” she said softly.
I wiped my eyes and nose before looking at her suspiciously. “Why?”
“Because sometimes it helps if you talk about it.” She patted my hand again.
I studied her for a moment before I started. “There really isn’t much to tell.” I paused. I hated talking about myself before, and I still hated it now.
Cecelia still sat patiently, waiting for me to talk, so I did. “My family died when I was young, and I was taken in by Father Peter, who trained me to be a demon hunter. Well, not really; it was all a lie. We were the ones attracting demons, so the REOTE kept an eye on us.”
“The Reote?” Celica asked.
“Rid Earth of the evil. Original, I know,” I said when she smiled.
“But I’m sorry to hear about your family, Abigail. That couldn’t have been easy” Celica gave me a sympathetic look.
“No, it wasn’t. My mother killed herself she got depressed after she had me, and so she…” I trailed off, thinking about her lying on the bathroom floor, the coldness of the room, the water frozen. The water frozen played in my mind again. My chest tightened as I jumped up, startling Cecelia, and raced from the kitchen my heart pounding. I nearly ran into Elena.
“Where’s your brother?” I asked, panting.
“What do you want him for?”
“Just tell me where he is.” I needed answers. Elena looked concerned, but pointed to two large doors at the end of the hall. I pushed them open and walked into a large room, the training room. It was a large, bare open space with plenty of room to train in. The walls were covered in equipment: swords, crossbows, ax’s, daggers, and everything dangerous. Nicolas had his gloves off and was practicing with a sword when I walked in. He looked up.
“Where you there when my mother died?” I blurted out, not able to hold it in much longer. My heart pounded as I waited for his answer. He looked at me and then averted his eyes to the sword that he still held in his hands. I prayed he wasn’t. I didn’t want to hate him any more than I already did. “Yes, I was.” His eyes met mine with sympathy.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The air caught in my lungs. But I nodded my head, trying to remain calm. “Did you kill her?” my questions came out in a whisper as my hands trembled with anger.
“No, she killed herself.”
I searched his face, finding only the truth, and let out a breath of relief. I felt a little shocked at how much relief I felt that Nicolas hadn’t killed her. “Is she in Hades?”
“Yes, she would be, but you must understand, Abigail; Hades is as big as Middle Earth, and to find someone…”
I cut him off, not wanting to hear what I feared. “So she’s here.”
“Yes,” he answered simply.
I stood for a moment, lost in thought, trying to regain some composure. “You were the one who made me cut my wrists after I had met you at the bath house.”
For the first time, I could see guilt on Nicolas’s face. “Yes. I needed you here, so you had to die.”
I didn’t feel as angry as I should have; maybe I had known all along.
“How did you die?” Nicolas asked, curious now. He didn’t know about the tree of life, that I wasn’t dead.
“I fell,” I lied.
He looked at me for a moment. I wasn’t sure if he believed me or not. Instead, he turned away. “Since you’re here, we can start your training.”
“Okay.” My answer surprised him, and I gave him a small smile. He looked at me with suspicion, so I dropped it, hoping I hadn’t overdone my enthusiasm. If I could learn to fight, I could find my mother.
I had a feeling I knew where she was. In her letter, she said she was going to find her tormentor, and that was Lucifer. If I found him, I found my mother. This purpose gave me a surge of energy. I would be strong for her. I would find her, and tell her how sorry I was.
Training with Nicolas was harder than I thought, and starting off with swords was no fun. My arms shook with exhaustion by the end of the day, and I hadn’t got past Nicolas’s defenses, not even once.
We stopped for water, and I gulped it down greedily. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I turned to Nicolas, who was watching me.
He was coated in sweat, but didn’t pant like I did. “You learn fast,” he said.
I had to raise an eyebrow, I hadn’t done much only learn how to deflect his blows. But I smiled. “Thanks.” My reply made him eye me with suspicion. “What?” I asked, feeling annoyed at being looked at just because I was being nice.
“It’s hard to know if you are being smart or not. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see you like this; just different.”
I shrugged, not sure what to say. The silence that fell between us was uncomfortable, and I wanted to break it. “So, what do you guys do for fun around here?” I asked.
Nicolas snorted. “Normal stuff, like dancing, or go into the town.” Nicolas didn’t meet my eye, and I could see a sadness there.
“What do you do?” I knew dancing and going into town wasn’t something he did.
Nicolas stood, pushing his wet hair away from his face. The movement had his biceps pushing against his top. I looked away from the small piece of skin that was showing along his toned abs. When my eyes returned to his, I could see a flash of amusement; He had caught me checking him out. I flushed under his stare. “I don’t have time, but maybe one day when all this is over, I just might go dancing.”
I laughed at the thought of Nicolas dancing, and his forehead creased. “You don’t think I could dance?”
I stood up, too, untying my hair while grabbing all the loose bits that had stuck to my neck with sweat, and re-tied it. “You don’t look like the dancing type,” I said, pulling my bobbin to make it tighter.
“One day, I promise I will prove you wrong.”
Now I smiled in amusement. “Nicolas Frost, I will hold you to your promise,” I replied, and he smiled back, causing my heart to jump. I looked away wondering why I was feeling this way around him. Seeing how uncomfortable I had become, Nicolas put away the swords. “We will leave it at that for today.” The clang of the swords being placed on the wall was the only sound in the training room.
“Nicolas?” He turned towards me. “I have questions,” I said, knowing if I didn’t ask them, my head would explode.
“I can only imagine.” He gave another smile, and my heart skipped a beat. Damn you, betraying heart, I thought, and pulled the sleeves of my top roughly down to distract myself.
When I looked up, Nicolas had a frown on his face. “Why don’t you get washed up, and we’ll eat and talk.”
“Great,” I said with no enthusiasm, feeling angry with myself. How could I feel anything towards him? This shocked me. Not when my heart belonged to Zee. Calm down, Abigail, I told myself. He’s good looking; that’s all.
“Did I say something wrong?” I turned back to Nicolas and he looked confused, I didn’t blame him, my emotions were all over the place, but why did he have to stand there looking confused and concerned, I wanted to scream at him for making me feel like this, for bringing me here to this confusing place.
“You never say anything right,” I replied, and left without looking back, feeling a twinge of guilt at my words. One step forward and ten back, I thought to myself. I washed quickly and got into clean clothes, I was nearly the same size as Elena now and her wardrobe seemed to be endless. I pulled on a pair of khaki green trousers with my brown boots tha
t laced up nearly to my knees and a cream satin shirt that was fitted and snug. Leaving my hair down to dry, I left my room. Once again, I avoided mirrors and made my way to the kitchen, where Cecelia seemed to be permanently fixed.
Nicolas still hadn’t arrived, and I sat down. “Cecelia, I’m sorry about leaving earlier. I just needed to talk to Nicolas.”
She turned to me and looked relieved. “I thought I had upset you with prying about your life.”
I could see she had a very soft heart, and I felt guilty about the way I had treated her. “No, you were kind to me. Thank you,” I said, and meant it. It was a word I had used today more than any other time in my life.
Cecelia’s face broke out into a huge grin and a cup of coffee was placed in front of me. “I sprinkled it with chocolate,” she said, and winked. I smiled into the mug as she bustled around the kitchen. I closed my eyes. Her noise was comforting, and the smell of melting chocolate and coffee made me sigh.
“So that’s how I can get you to smile.”
My eyes snapped open as Nicolas sat down beside me. I scowled at him. Why couldn’t he sit across from me, where he usually did? He was too close. “What?” I asked, my words coming out in anger.
“Coffee. It seems to make you smile.”
I blushed and looked away. He smelled so good, so I buried my head in my coffee, trying to eliminate his smell from my nostrils, but it did no good.
Celica placed a plate of food in front of me and one in front of Nicolas.
“Enjoy,” she said, winking at me before leaving the kitchen. She never left the kitchen. What was she playing at? I didn’t want to be alone with Nicolas.
“Your food is going cold,” he announced, pulling my gaze away from the doorway that Celica had just vacated.
I started to eat, but it went down like a ton of bricks. With my arm occasionally brushing against Nicolas, I wanted to scream. Why was he sitting so close? I looked at him sideways, and he was eating away no problem at all.
When he noticed I wasn’t eating, he stopped. “Something wrong with the food?” he asked.
My mouth moved before I could stop myself. “No it’s the company,” I said, and regretted it almost immediately.
His face became stone, his brown eyes shutting down. “Well, sorry, but you have to put with me a bit longer.” His words were laced in ice. “Now eat,” he barked.
I did, afraid my mouth would shoot off again. I stuffed my face, not tasting one bit, but didn’t stop until my plate was cleared. Great, Abigail, just great.
Nicolas cleared our plates away and sat down, across from me this time, his face set in stone. “You said you had questions. Ask them,” he commanded.
“No. Not with that tone.” I said back and folded my arms.
He let out a growl and got up, getting ready to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“To kill something,” he shouted while leaving.
Elena entered raising both eyebrows. “What was that about?” she asked.
I got up too, feeling that if I sat for a moment longer, I would explode. “I don’t know. Ask your stupid brother.”
“Okay then,” I could hear Elena say as I tried to track down Nicolas.
What I was going to say, I had no idea, but I just needed to find him. I checked the training room, meeting room, and library with no luck. When I returned to the kitchen, Celica and Elena were whispering. I paused at the door.
“She doesn’t understand, Elena. Don’t be so hard on her,” Celica said.
“Hard on her? He’s risked everything to bring her here and she makes it so awkward. I just hate seeing him like this.”
I didn’t wait any longer, but schooled my face to look passive. When I entered, they both looked up. Guilt showed in Celica’s face, but Elena looked pissed.
“Where’s your brother,” I said, and she stood.
“No way you have done enough.”
I swallowed my pride. “I just want to apologize to him”
“Now see,” Cecelia said, but Elena just snorted, earning a small whip of the towel from Celica.
Elena looked at her. “What was that for?” she said.
Celica shook her head and looked at me, her features softening. “He’s in the forest,” she said, and I smiled my thanks.
“You better not upset him,” Elena called from the kitchen. I could hear another slap of the towel and Elena’s screech. I smiled.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I didn’t have to go deep into the forest to find him. He was hacking away at a huge lump of timber, and maybe he was picturing my face. He looked at me sideways, but didn’t stop. “What do you want?” He was still pissed.
My hands balled into fists, but I took a deep breath. I needed him, so I had to suck it up. But the apology lodged in my throat. I didn’t say anything.
He stopped and wiped sweat from his brow. “Really, you have nothing to say?” he questioned, some of the anger leaving his voice.
I had plenty to say, but none of it was nice. Something I had read once: if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. With the anger that was seeping back into his features and the way the ax hit the wood, I knew now wasn’t the time for my silence.
“I’m sorry, okay,” I said, with not an ounce of remorse.
He stopped briefly and laughed, but it held no amusement. “You need to work on your apology skills, because that was awful.” He hacked away again.
I wanted to walk away, but I didn’t. “I’m sorry,” I said more softly, trying to push emotion into my voice, minus the anger, irritation, and frustration. I don’t think I quite got there, but it was the best I could do, and it seemed to work.
“Apology accepted.” He turned back to hacking away at the wood, but there wasn’t as much force now as before. He was ignoring me.
“My father killed my brother and then himself. Would he be here in Hell also?” I blurted out, and his ax paused mid-air. That was a bombshell for anyone.
“It depends if he did it with a sound mind or if...” he didn’t have to finish.
“No, something had taken over him. Was it you?”
He looked angry again. “No, it wasn’t,” he practically shouted, but his face softened. “I don’t go around killing mortals. I needed you, and so it was different. I don’t have the ability to take over someone, only influence them, and it wouldn’t benefit me, taking a random mortal.”
I bristled at the word ‘random’. My dad wasn’t random, he was my father, but I pushed down my anger. “So he wouldn’t be in Hell if it wasn’t him?” I asked, trying to get back to the point.
“No, he would be in Heaven, as you call it.”
I smiled with relief, but could feel fresh tears rise in my eyes; I missed him and Sam so much. I looked away from Nicolas, pretending that something was in my eye. Once I got myself under control, I turned back to him. He stood patiently waiting. “He was going to kill me too but Zee saved me.”
“Daniel.” He said his name with a growl.
“Yes, Daniel. If not for him, I would be dead also,” I said, hating how Nic looked when I spoke of him.
“Well, if you where the intended victim, then that would explain why your dad was possessed. Not everyone in Hell likes you; most do, as you’re his daughter, but others that fight against Lucifer would kill you to get to him. They used your dad to do that.”
“There’s more than you rebelling?”
“Yes and no. They want more power. I just want peace,” he said, and sadness took over him.
I felt sorry for all the people who lived in a world that they didn’t belong to. It seemed so unfair, but life was unfair. “No world seems perfect, Nicolas. Sometimes you must play the hand you’re dealt, no matter how unfair it may seem.” I should swallow some of my own medicine, I thought.
“But what if you could change your hand, get to the dealer? Life would be better.”
I smiled at his words. It was bittersweet. “True, it would.”
> “I’m sorry about your family, Abigail. I truly am.”
I smiled again, but it was sad. “Thanks. I miss them every day. I think that’s why I started to drink. It eased the pain of losing them, and also helped me cope with life.” It was the first time I had spoken about my drinking.
“What age did you start drinking at?” Nicolas moved and sat down on the large piece of wood that he had been hacking at.
I moved, sitting down beside him, feeling tired. “I don’t know; I always remember drinking. Before that, I cut myself to ease the pain, but it was never enough.”
Nicolas nodded. “Elena told me.”
My cheeks turned red, and I looked away.
One gloved finger touched my chin, and Nicolas brought my face up to meet his. My heart pounded when I looked into his brown eyes. “Don’t feel embarrassed. I understand that we all look for release sometimes, causing more damage than we intend to do.” A tear fell from my eye, and I felt it roll down my cheek, dripping off my chin.
Nicolas let go of my chin but kept his gaze. “When my dad died, his gifts came to me. I didn’t want them, and I didn’t want to let him go either. I fought for a long time, destroying anything that came into my path. But with so much destruction, I never found an answer. So instead of destroying what he had created, I have dedicated my life to finishing what he started. And accepting this curse.” His brows furrowed, but he didn’t look away. “I have to wear these gloves all the time,” he said. Looking down at his hands, he removed one glove, slowly pulling it off each finger. “I can never touch anyone, or they will die.” He touched a small weed that was growing up through the snow and I watched it freeze. “Everything I touch turns to snow. The higher my emotions, the worse it is.” Nicholas placed the glove back on with a heaviness in his shoulders. God, he could never get close to anyone else.
“But it’s only your hands,” I said, and then blushed when his eyes lit up with amusement.
“No, any part of me.” He moved closer. My heart went into overdrive, and I could feel sweat pool in my palms. “I could kill you with one kiss.” His words were causing a cold air to leave his perfect mouth. A small fog gathered slowly as he got closer. “I would freeze your heart.”
