by Phoebe Mills
“Ow! What was that for?”
Her smile only grew. “I wanted to show you just how much I love you.”
“Next time do it with a little less twisting, yeah?”
“Uncle Carter, Uncle Carter!” Sofia ran down the stairs, clutching a piece of paper as it flapped in the breeze. “I made this for you to put in your office!”
Once again, Carter squatted to her level and accepted the picture she offered him. She’d been getting better at drawing, especially since the weekly art classes Gia taught at the Sunshine Corner, so Carter was able to just barely make out what he assumed were four people standing in front of a large blue square he figured was meant to be a house. The bright yellow door gave it away as the Sunshine Corner. She’d written her name in the bottom corner, and it was seeing those shaky, imperfect letters that nearly undid him. Knowing just how much it would change in the months and years ahead, and knowing that the only time he’d see that change would be once a year in cards, broke his heart.
He cleared his throat from the unexpected emotion that had crept up on him. “Wow, this is really good.”
She beamed at him. “It’s me and Mommy and you and Miss Abby at the Sunshine Corner.” Sofia pointed to each object in turn. She hooked an arm around his neck and pressed their heads together as they gazed at the picture. “Put it in your office so you can see it every day and ’emember us.”
God, just when he thought this couldn’t get any harder, this sneaky little three-year-old wormed her way into his chest and poked around inside with a sharp stick, prodding at all his soft spots. He was going to have to make a more concerted effort to either come back and visit them more or fly them out to him, because he didn’t know how, after spending two months being a part of their daily lives, he could go back to only seeing them twice a year at most.
He opened his mouth to ask Becca if she’d come to Vegas later in the summer, but snapped it shut when he realized that taking time off for family was about to be a luxury he would no longer be afforded. His appointment with Franken was on Monday, and he anticipated things moving very quickly after that. He had so much to do, so many plans to put in place before he’d be ready to open, and since he was still working at Mosley & Associates, his free time was going to be a thing of the past.
Giving Sofia one last hug, he thanked her for the drawing before standing and hefting his suitcase. “I’ll call you when I get to Vegas and let you know I made it home okay.”
Becca nodded and opened the door for him, holding Sofia’s hand. “Thank you. For everything,” she said, sincerity ringing true. “Don’t get so busy you can’t come back to visit us, okay?”
He managed to keep his cringe to himself, but just barely. She knew him too well, and knew exactly who—or rather what—their competition was. Well, he was just going to have to figure out a way to make it back here to see them. He had to. Their newly enriched relationships were too important for him not to.
Of course, more trips back here meant an increased chance of running into Abby again. He’d lasted little more than twenty-four hours before seeing her again this time and knew the same fate would greet him every trip back home. While he planned to stay in touch with her, there was a big difference between exchanging texts once in a while or calling every so often and coming face-to-face with each other.
He couldn’t stand the thought of seeing her with someone else. Even though he told her he’d wanted her to have the life she’d dreamed of—one with a husband and kids of her own—facing the reality of that was going to be devastating, especially knowing how different things could have been between them.
* * *
Driving away from Becca’s house was one of the hardest things Carter had ever done, and considering the life he’d lived thus far, that was saying a lot. He gripped the steering wheel as he passed the Welcome to Heart’s Hope Bay sign, the breathtaking views of the ocean to his left not even a match for the thoughts currently occupying his mind.
If he was doing the right thing, why did it feel so absolutely shitty? Like he’d ripped out his heart from his chest and left it sitting in the center of town with a kind, compassionate, loving woman who’d stolen it at sixteen and then again at twenty-nine. None of this felt right, but how could he change it? He’d already committed to this path, and if he backed down now, he’d be everything his father accused him of, wouldn’t he?
He was only fifteen miles out of town when the faintest hint of smoke drifted up from under the hood of his rental car. Carter lifted his hands from the steering wheel to read the gauges, but he might as well be reading a cookbook in Japanese. He had less than zero knowledge about cars, but he did know the temperature gauge was definitely not where it should have been, and the smoke now billowing from the hood told him the same. He groaned, slamming his hand against the steering wheel as his car finally sputtered to a stop along the side of the road.
Like he needed one more obstacle in his path back to Vegas. He was already on tenuous ground, his determination to leave chipped away little by little with every mile he traveled away from Abby, the abyss in his chest growing wider with each passing minute.
The stretch of highway leaving Heart’s Hope Bay was practically deserted—he’d only passed a handful of cars in the time since he’d left, which meant he was on his own. Probably for the better, all things considered. He needed to get used to that again since he was currently on a one-way track to solitude, all thanks to his own doing.
During his time in his hometown, it’d been so easy to fall back into old patterns, accepting help from the people he loved and cared for, and offering it just the same. But as soon as he stepped on that plane out of Oregon, things would take a sharp turn back to the status quo. Sure, he had friends in Vegas, but they were more of the let’s grab a beer after work and BS about nothing variety and less of the my car broke down on the side of the road and I’m having a bit of an existential crisis variety.
Grumbling curses, he climbed out of the car and kicked the front driver’s side tire as if that would do him any good. He grunted as pain radiated up his foot, the cadence of his favorite four letter words only intensifying. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he limped to the passenger’s side of the car, near the guardrail that protected him from the crashing ocean waves below, and braced his hands as he stared off into the distance.
He’d always been a bit cocky in that he’d always had his life figured out, but that had fallen by the wayside recently. His life had become confusing, and suddenly the goals he’d been working toward his entire adult life were starting to seem like not enough. Lately, he couldn’t picture his successes without also picturing what those successes would cost him.
He picked up a stray rock and hurled it into the ocean, channeling all his frustration in the throw, and watched with little satisfaction as the palm-sized rock disappeared like a speck into the vast, crashing water below.
“A lot of good that did me,” Carter grumbled.
Well, so far, hitting a steering wheel, kicking his tire, and hurling a rock into the ocean hadn’t made him feel any better, nor had it provided him any answers. Maybe…just maybe…this was an ache that physical aggression couldn’t relieve.
He hung his head and braced his hands on the rail as a gust of wind swept over him, stirring his hair around his face. A flash of white out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he turned in time to see Sofia’s picture lifted on the breeze, the wind sweeping it up and out through the open car window with ease. Heart seizing, he lunged for it, slipping on some stray rocks as he tried futilely to catch it. He fumbled for it twice, missing the floating paper by mere centimeters each time as panic climbed up his throat. He absolutely couldn’t lose the last thing his niece had given him, not when he didn’t know when he’d see her next.
Finally, on his third try, he caught it, the once pristine paper now crumpled in his grasp, but crumpled was better than lost entirely. Collapsing back against his car, relief washed over him as
he pressed the drawing to his chest. If this picture had managed to be swept off to sea, he didn’t know what he’d do.
And how sad was that? He glanced down at the drawing—one that depicted his family…his true family. Though losing it would hurt, it had nothing on the pain he was about to inflict on himself and the people he loved.
What the hell was he doing?
He didn’t want to leave. Not Oregon, not his sister or niece or friends. And certainly not Abby.
He wasn’t going to be content trapped in a stuffy office all day, looking out over the Vegas skyline, surrounded by white walls save for the single picture his niece had drawn for him. He wanted to be living that picture, every day of his life. If his time in his hometown had shown him anything, it was that he didn’t take after his father. He was so much more than Robert Hayes ever was or would be, and he needed to stop comparing himself to someone with whom he shared DNA and little else.
Fear and imagined judgment had no place in his life, especially when it was keeping him from the woman he loved and all the dreams he hadn’t been sure he’d be able to provide. But his two months under the same roof as a three-year-old was all the proof he needed that this wasn’t beyond his capabilities. He was patient with Sofia—fun for the most part, stern when necessary, but loving always. Would a family of his own really be any different, especially if he had someone as kind and nurturing as Abby by his side? They’d make a great team, both using their upbringings, not as a roadmap for how to raise their own kids, but rather how not to.
He clenched the picture in his hand, curling his other around the guardrail as he inhaled the salty ocean air. Realizing he’d made his choice a long time ago, and his subconscious had been trying to tell him that in a thousand different ways. He’d just been too stubborn to listen.
Choosing Abby and Heart’s Hope Bay meant sacrifices. His dream of owning his own firm would no longer be a possibility, but as he closed his eyes and pictured Abby’s smiling face, her fiery, sunkissed hair swirling in the breeze, he didn’t care about what he was giving up in order to stay. He’d make a thousand sacrifices if it meant he got to grow old with her. He’d had enough heartache in his life. He wasn’t going to inflict any more on himself. He’d take the happiness that had been dropped into his lap, hold on with both hands, and never let go.
Taking one more deep, calming breath, he folded up Sofia’s picture and tucked it into his wallet. He pulled his phone from his pocket and navigated to Becca’s contact information just as a car rolled to a stop behind him. He lifted his hand to block out the glare of the sun off the hood and saw the last person he thought would ever pull over to help him. Especially given how he’d left her granddaughter. But there was no mistaking the scowl Hilde shot him as she stepped out of her car and slammed her door.
“Huh. I thought for sure this would take another day or two,” she said, glancing to the smoke billowing from his hood. “Looks like my spells are getting more powerful.”
Carter’s eyebrows hit his hairline as he glanced from his broken-down car to her.
She merely shrugged. “Knew you just needed a gentle nudge to figure out what was best. Or, really, more of a shove.” She tipped her head to her passenger’s side door. “You going to get in or what?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
As much as Abby had needed time with her girlfriends last night, she also needed time by herself to sort through everything. She’d been able to put on a brave face throughout the day, her kids at the Sunshine Corner making that easier than she thought possible. But once everyone was gone, things got lonely.
In the past seven weeks, since Carter had started helping Abby with the preschool renovation, she’d gotten used to his company nearly every night. And now it was suddenly gone. It reminded her a lot of how she’d felt in the days and weeks following their split after high school. When, suddenly, one of her best friends was no longer there. She’d gotten through it then with the help of Savannah. She figured she’d get through this one much the same. The only difference was while she’d only had two months with him this time as compared to two years, the loss felt even more overwhelming.
But that made sense, didn’t it? Because at eighteen, she’d had no idea just exactly what she was losing. And now at twenty-nine, her eyes had been opened. She no longer held delusions of her prince waiting for her. Because that prince—her true one and only—had slipped through her fingers once again.
In the family room, she curled into the corner of the couch and rested her bowl of popcorn sprinkled with peanut butter M&M’s in her lap, settling in for a night of Gilmore Girls reruns. She’d seen the series in its entirety at least five times already. But what was once more? It was her happy place and if she ever needed that happy place, it was now.
Nearly halfway through episode two of the first season, her grandma poked her head in. “Isn’t it a little dark in here?”
Abby glanced up, only now noticing exactly how dark the room had gotten since she’d sat down. But did it really matter? The only thing she needed light for was to see what she was eating, and she’d just been shoveling fistfuls into her mouth anyway. She’d no doubt find some stowaways tucked in her tank top—the bra had come off long ago—but she wasn’t going to focus on that now. “I don’t need the light on. It’s better to watch TV this way.” And if the darkness just so happened to hide any lingering tears, well, all the better.
Without asking if Abby wanted company, Hilde settled in on the couch next to her before reaching in to the near-empty bowl of popcorn and grabbing a handful. “Did you have a good day?”
Abby furrowed her brows, shooting her grandma a look out of the corner of her eye. This was bordering on subtle, and Hilde did not do subtle. “It was all right,” Abby replied tentatively. “Yours?”
She shrugged as she gathered another handful of popcorn. “Fine. I met Mabel out at that antiques farm on Highway 101 earlier today.”
“Oh yeah? She find anything she likes?”
Hilde snorted. “Do you mean of the furniture or human variety?”
Abby’s eyebrows hit her hairline as she regarded her grandma fully now. “She’s buying humans?”
Hilde cackled loudly, slapping a hand to her knee. “Well, I can’t say she wouldn’t be the first in line if they’d offer him for sale. But no, she just has a thing for Edward, the owner of the farm. He’s a little young—only in his late fifties—but I don’t see what the big deal is. Instead of just asking him out like a normal person, she harasses him every chance she gets. When I left her, the two of them had been arguing for fifteen minutes over the price of an antique typewriter.”
“What does she need a typewriter for?”
“She doesn’t. That’s the whole point.”
“Seems a lot more complicated than it’s worth.”
“That’s often the way with love, isn’t it?” Her grandma was quiet for several long moments—a heavy, weighted silence, where Abby could feel something more coming. “I saw Carter on my way back.”
In response to that, Abby’s head jerked up automatically, her reflexes too ingrained to be able to school herself into any sort of nonchalance. “He was heading out of town?”
Hilde nodded. “Can’t be sure where exactly he was going, but he was headed north.”
So that was it, then. He really was leaving. She’d known he was. He’d told her so, and she’d heard it reiterated from Becca just yesterday. But hearing firsthand the evidence of his departure was hitting her harder than she’d anticipated.
“Well, then. I suppose things can get back to normal around here,” Abby said, her voice watery as she suited up in her coat of armor, attempting to put on a brave face.
She had no idea how long it was going to feel like this…like a vise was squeezing her heart. But it had to get better at some point, didn’t it? She knew firsthand that the heartbreak wouldn’t last forever. And anyway, maybe now that he was actually gone…that she didn’t have to worry about running into him around
town or seeing him when he picked up Sofia from the Sunshine Corner, she could get on with her life, in whatever fashion that shook out to be.
And even though he wasn’t there, even though he hadn’t chosen her in the end, she could never regret their time together. It’d taught her so much. Had taught her not to take the things, or people, she loved for granted. Had taught her that though her life may not have been what she’d originally planned it to be, that didn’t mean it wasn’t fulfilling. She was grateful for her life. For the close friendships that she’d cultivated. For the love of her grandma who’d practically raised her. And for her family at the Sunshine Corner.
If that was all she ended up with for the rest of her life, she could be content with that. She could be content without kids of her own or Carter in her life, knowing she’d felt his love, not once but twice. He may not have been hers to keep, but he had been hers. How much luckier could she be?
It wasn’t until Hilde handed her a tissue that she even realized she was crying. Thankfully, it hadn’t been the soul-crushing exhaustive cry of the night before. The one she’d done under the veil of her shower, not wanting her grandma to hear her sobs. The one that had wrung her so dry she’d fallen into bed straight from her shower and hadn’t so much as dreamed.
“Thanks,” she murmured, accepting the tissue and blotting her face before wiping her nose.
Her grandma rested her hand on Abby’s knee and squeezed lightly. “You know what I think we need?”
“More popcorn and maybe some margaritas?”
Hilde laughed and shook her head. “No. Well, I mean, yes, always. But that’s not what I was referring to at this particular moment. I was thinking maybe we should take our girls’ trip down the coast a little early this year.”
For as long as Abby could remember, she and her grandma had taken a vacation, just the two of them, staying in a little beach house on the coast for a week at the end of every summer. Her earliest memories of it had been when she was seven. They’d built sand castles and splashed in the ocean and camped out under the stars, eating too much junk food and laughing until their stomachs hurt. They hadn’t missed a single year in the time since.
