by M. Mabie
She continued, her voice soft and slow, as if trying to process and digest the letter, word-by-word, as she read. “These are letters to me from Jacob. You both deserve to know what it was like for him and for me, and what they did to him. What they’ve done to us and probably many others. Jacob isn’t the only person they’ve pointed to the grave, and I know this for a fact. But in leaving, I won’t have to live in fear of what they might do to me anymore. I won’t have to hide, pretend to not know what they’ve done, or look the other way ever again.
“Jacob was special to me. He was my only real friend and my first love, maybe my only love, but hopefully not. Only time will tell.” She took a deep breath and then continued with emotion in her trembling voice. “When you came back for Mr. Fox’s funeral, I wanted to give these to you then. Things are quickly changing in town and the church, but I do not have it in me to stay and fight. I only hope that these letters will bring some understanding of the corrupt and evil direction this place is headed.
“You may not even want to read them, but they might also bring you peace. Maybe if someone else knows about what Jacob went through, and maybe if they can help bring change, Jacob will be at peace too.”
Myra’s brow pinched as she spoke the last bit, looking into my eyes. “Matthew needs to be stopped. Sincerely, Andrew Yakle.”
I reached forward and lifted the bundle as the paper slipped out of her hands. The first letter on top, under a tan rubber band, there was scrawled. To Andrew. June 18.
“Abe, that’s the day he died,” she said.
My stomach ached, my head swam, and dread and fury spread through my veins.
23
Myra
The sun was barely up, but inside it still felt very dark. Like a bomb was dropped on our doorstep. The package was not a gift. At least, there in the hotel room it didn’t feel like one. It felt more like a bag of snakes.
Abe looked at the time and then sighed as he shifted on his feet and ran his fingers through his hair.
“You need to go to work,” I said.
He scratched the back of his neck and paced in front of the mattress. “I do. And I can’t read these right now. I need to have my head on straight today.” He tossed the bundle at the top of the empty box and they landed inside. “Those guys out there need me to be on it. I can’t be late. I don’t know what to do about this, but I can’t read them right now.” His face was turning red.
There was so much to let sink in. Jacob and Andrew loved each other? My brother needed stopped? What did that mean? And why?
Both of us were silent.
Reaching for my clothes, I stood to dress. I put my pants on, skipping yesterday’s underwear. Put on my bra and then slipped my shirt and sweater over my head, since they were still paired together. As I tugged my socks on, Abe continued to walk around the room.
We’d had such a nice night, and now I wondered if visiting had been a mistake.
I didn’t have a toothbrush, but in the bathroom, I found his mouthwash and rinsed. When I got home, I’d shower.
After freshening up as best as I could with what I had, I came out to find Abe looking out the window as the sun began to top the trees on the other side of the parking lot. I slipped my arms around him and pressed my cheek between his shoulder blades.
“I have to get on the road, but I don’t want to take the box. I’ll end up reading them while you’re gone, and I don’t think I can.”
His hands covered mine over his stomach, and he tipped his head back. “I’ll keep them here. I don’t want to read them without you either.” Hunching forward he brought my hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to them. “Honestly, I don’t know if I want to read them at all. All I want to do is work, come home to you, and be free of it. Every time I feel like I get away, that place pulls me back in. Now, it’s doing the same thing to you. Is there ever going to be a time when we say enough is enough? Just let it go and move on?”
It wasn’t hard to understand where he was coming from. We already had so much on our plate, as individuals. And then there was the idea of us against Lancaster.
Yet, there was some hope.
Robbie and Jenny were taking matters into their own hands.
Andrew Yakle, after only God knows what, decided he didn’t want anything more to do with the town or the Church.
The Griers had made it out and were better than they ever would have been—had they stayed.
Abe was about to realize the dream of his own business, one he literally built with his two bare hands.
And I had control over my life for the first time.
Banishment wasn’t a death sentence like I’d always imagined it. I didn’t fear excommunication anymore. And I didn’t worry about what anyone thought of me.
That knowledge gave me a lot of power. Gave me experiences. Gave me hope that maybe others in Lancaster, who were ready to break out, could do so too. There were literally hundreds of people who could have better lives. Their children could have bigger dreams. And maybe in generations—or possibly sooner—there wouldn’t even be a Lancaster as we knew it now.
As far as I was concerned, growing was painful. It wasn’t easy to live outside of your bubble and try the unknown. However, it was worth it.
Still, I had no interest in reading Jacob’s letters alone. There was only so much I could take before the weight of it all would suffocate me. Given the option, processing things in portions and pieces was easier.
I remembered how Abe hadn’t told me the whole truth when I first came to the cabin. Although I needed all the facts to know how I felt about him—to believe how he felt about me—had he given me all the painful details at once, it would have overwhelmed me to a point I’m not sure I could have handled.
“Maybe we can go through them together after you’re home. When this job is done. Jacob is gone, and Andrew isn’t going back. I’m not sure reading them all right now would do anything more than distract you. Distract both of us. We have time.”
He turned around and cupped my cheeks with his palms. “I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.” Again, I was reminded of another inspirational quote I’d seen on Pinterest. “Do you know how to eat an elephant?”
His hazel eyes peered down into mine. He looked at me—into me—like no one else ever did. With such intense affection. Adoration. Respect. Not that our friends looked at me without those things, he just did it more.
“I’ve never tried. How do you eat one?” he asked.
“One bite at a time. That’s how. Right now it feels like we have about nineteen elephants though. So together, we’ll just keep taking bites until they’re gone. Nothing is too big.”
He’d shown me that.
“How’d you get so damn smart? Not even that. So wise.”
Was I?
I had an opportunity to study with someone who could help me get where I wanted with my GED test, and I let my attitude hold me back. I had a long think about it the day before in the car, but standing there that morning with him, I knew I only had one choice.
“I’m going to hire Ms. Perry to tutor me.”
His brows climbed his forehead. “Really?”
“I have to. I committed to taking that test, and I’m ready for the next thing. If getting help from her will get me there, then that’s what I have to do.”
He brought his mouth to mine and my lips parted for him, loving how it felt. His kisses never failed to spread throughout my body. My mouth tasted him. My limbs tingled. My heart pounded. And my soul was fed.
“I’m so proud of you,” Abe said against my mouth. “You’re going to do it.”
“So are you.” I rose onto my toes and placed another peck on his lips. That would be the last until he came home for a night because if I wasn’t careful, I’d find a way to stay with him.
We still had work to do, and patience now would make our reunion so much sweeter when this was all over.
“I’ll see you in a few days, and I’
ll send you a text when I get back to the cabin.” Releasing my arms from around his back, I stepped away and grabbed my phone, jacket, and purse off the table.
“Be careful,” he said.
“You too.”
At the door, I glanced at him one more time, and I gave him my best smile. He smiled back, and the image of him like that stayed with me all the way home.
IT MAY HAVE BEEN IMPULSIVE buying the sewing machine on sight, but I couldn’t resist.
After stopping at the cabin to shower and get dressed for the day in clean clothes, I had enough forethought to bring a sample of the materials I wanted to use with me to the shop. The salesman was helpful and before I knew it, he was loading it into the back of the Festiva along with a few other accessories he’d brought along. It had worked like a dream on the heavy canvas-like fabric and at the price I got it for, I knew I’d make it worth it.
Plus, if what I made for Abe worked and he liked it, it would be more like an investment than a splurge.
My only problem was, getting the monster out of the back of my tiny car. The thing barely fit in there as it was. I hated bothering Chris while he was home, but he was the only guy I knew who was big enough to lift it out and carry it inside.
So that afternoon when I got back, I had nothing better to do than start a large meal to sweeten the deal. It would be Saturday night after all, and usually we went over to their house when we all got together, but I hoped by offering dinner, it would help my chances they’d come to me.
“Hey,” I said to Ashley on the phone.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Do you guys have plans tonight?”
“I don’t think so. Are you lonely?”
I smiled, hearing her sympathy. I was a kind of lonesome, but I didn’t want to eat up their whole night since Chris was only home for a few days. Hence, the food. Everyone had to eat.
“I’m making a crock pot full of beef stroganoff and thought I’d invite you and Chris over. Bring Violet, too. I’m sure you want to spend some time alone because he’s been gone, but I need Chris’s help with something I bought. So I’m hoping I can bribe you guys with food.”
“Sure,” she said quicker than I prepared for. “The last thing I want to do is cook. What do you need Chris to do?”
“I bought a great big sewing machine so I could try my hand at upholstery. I’m not sure I’ll be much good at it yet, but I’m going to start with some cushions and see if I can get the hang of it.”
“Oh my God, that’s cool. I bet Abe is pumped. You guys could work together. Forget Hobby Lobby. What time do you want us over?”
Her optimism was contagious, and I was so lucky to have a friend like her. “He doesn’t know yet. I’m surprising him, if it doesn’t look awful. Whenever you want is fine, and the food will be ready between three-thirty and four. But don’t feel like you have to waste your whole Saturday night here.”
“You’re crazy. Besides, it’ll be good to get Violet out. Should I bring anything?”
I was fortunate to have them close, and I loved spending time with their baby girl. “No. Unless there’s something special you want to drink.”
“I’ll bring a bottle of wine. You like white, right?” she asked.
“Pink is my favorite. Rosé. I think they call it.”
Ashley giggled. “They do. I’ll grab some and see you this afternoon.”
“Okay. Bye.” Before she hung up, I added, “And thank you.”
She meant you’re welcome, but she said, “Oh, shut up.”
I was becoming more familiar with sarcasm, and after hanging up with her, it reminded me I needed to call the most sarcastic person I’d ever met.
Ms. Perry.
Cassie said she worked a lot, so I doubted she’d answer, but there was no time like the present to get the ball rolling with this tutoring thing. The sooner we got started, the sooner I’d be finished.
As expected, she didn’t answer, so I began to leave her a message. “Hi, Cassie. This is Myra. I was calling to find out when you might be available to start tutoring and—” I was interrupted by my phone beeping in my ear. Looking at the screen, I saw she was calling me back, and so I followed the prompts to switch over to her call.
“Hello,” I greeted. She’d been more friendly yesterday, but I was still nervous.
“Hey, I wasn’t quick enough to answer when you called.”
“I was leaving a message.” Suddenly, I was nervous, but I forced myself to spit it out. “I’d really like it if you could tell me when you’re free to start tutoring.”
“Really?”
I pulled the phone from my ear; her shrieking response was unexpected. Then again after our history I couldn’t blame her for being shocked.
“Yeah, I need help, and you’re the only one who has offered.”
“Oh. I suppose that’s good for me then. I work a lot of afternoons and nights, but I’m free most days before noon.”
It wasn’t an issue for me, I was free whenever. “I’m not sure how this works. Do you want to meet somewhere? Or would you like to come here?”
I didn’t want to intrude on her space, but I also didn’t know how well I’d be able to concentrate at a coffee shop or somewhere public like that.
“Your place works for me. My place is a total shit hole.” She was being considerably nicer, but her mouth was just as colorful as ever. “And mornings work for you?”
“Yeah, I’m usually up early. Could we start Monday? And what do you charge?”
“Monday works, and it’s ten dollars an hour. Cash. Is that a problem?”
I hadn’t really thought about it as an hourly thing, but I guessed it made sense. Who knew how long it would take before I was ready to take the test, so a flat fee wouldn’t have been smart on her end. It didn’t seem too steep of a fee either. I knew her work would be cut out for her.
But just like with the new sewing machine, if I wanted to move forward, I’d have to take a risk and sometimes risks cost. I had enough money in my wallet for at least nine hours before I’d need to visit an ATM or the bank.
“Sounds good to me. What time will you be here?”
“How about eight? Is that too early?”
“Eight works for me.” Not everyone woke up at the crack of dawn like Abe and I. Luckily, she did.
“Where do you live?”
“Well, it’s a ways out of town.” Another thing I hadn’t considered, but I wanted to be fair. “So I’ll pay you for an extra hour for the drive.” Twenty or so minutes both ways would add up fast and gas wasn’t cheap. It was the least I could do since she was coming to me. “Do you know where the Grier Lumber Mill is on Route 19?”
“I think so,” she answered. “But I can find it.”
After I gave her the rest of the directions, there wasn’t much more to say, and we hung up.
It felt good knowing I wasn’t wasting time waiting for the math and science prep-course weeks to come around, and maybe some one-on-one lessons would improve my understanding. Especially if she was as smart as Mr. Paxton implied.
Regardless, I was prepared to do whatever it took to cross the GED off my list.
Having that sorted, I got started on dinner, did some extra cleaning, and before I knew it, I heard Chris and Ashely coming up the drive. While Ashley got out, Chris pulled the baby and her car seat from the back.
I met them at the porch.
It was nice to have some company with all the things that had been running through my head. The box of Jacob’s letters I left with Abe. Classes. The Carter’s baby.
The trio coming my way was a welcomed distraction.
“Let me take her,” I offered.
Chris climbed the stairs and handed her off to me while Ashley carried the wine and her baby bag.
“I’m guessing that massive thing in the back is what you’re wanting brought in?” he asked, pointing to my car in the drive.
“Yeah. It’s heavy and awkward, but I think you can probably get
it.” He was much younger than the gentleman who loaded it up, but they were about the same size.
“Oh, I can get it. Don’t you worry,” he teased and rolled up the sleeves of his plaid shirt.
“And while Hercules over there is bringing that in, I’ll pour us a glass of wine,” Ashley said grinning and waggling her eyebrows as he passed me and the baby.
Leaving the door open for Chris, I walked inside and propped Ms. Violet up on the island. “How’s my favorite flower today?” I booped her chubby cheeks and her eyes beamed up at me. Every single time I saw her she got cuter.
“Your favorite flower took a shit right before we left and had to be bathed and completely changed.” Ashley pulled two glasses out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. “Didn’t you? Yes, you did. You had shit all over your back.” Then the young mama’s eyes met mine. “So sorry if we’re a little late and sorry if I smell like poop. Blame her.”
Having dealt with many, many of my niece’s and nephew’s messy diapers I completely understood.
“I bet you feel so much better now,” I sang to the baby who didn’t have a care in the world.
“That food smells too good. Damn, Chris is going to expect me to start cooking now, but that’s not likely to happen.”
“I learned a long time ago not to expect you to do anything, mouthy,” he replied, lugging in the large machine.
“You can put it over there.” The new machine had adjustable legs and basically a built-in table under it. I gestured to the empty space in the corner near my trunk.
He groaned as he set it down. “That’s some behemoth you’ve got there.”
“I know. I hope I can figure it out.” I’d watched a few videos that day, and aside from loading the thread into it, it seemed to just be a bigger, beefier version of a standard machine. I had the whole next day to play with it and looked forward to getting my hands dirty. With the house in tip-top shape, Abe away, and not much to study until Monday, it was the only thing on my Sunday agenda.
