Minseo smiled down at me. “I can’t look at you without thinking about him too.”
I shook my head. “I— uh. I’m—”
He touched my face. “It’s okay, we both loved him.”
He put his arm around my shoulder casually. “Are you going to be tongue-tied all night?” he asked as he led me toward the others.
I smiled away my nerves as we took a seat on the quilt by the others, but the flutter in my stomach remained.
21
Lancelot
I awoke out of breath, like from a nightmare. I looked around my candlelit room and calmed before the sudden rush of memories crashed down on me. The wedding. Gwen.
“Lance,” I heard her say. I turned to see her seated on the other side of the bed.
“How could— Why did—” I flailed. My eyes felt heavy and so did my limbs, and it wasn’t a minute before I realized I’d been drugged, but the whats and whys of it had to wait. Gwen was here.
She looked down at her hands, her auburn hair amber in the candlelight. “I should have told you.”
“How long has this been going on?” I asked, breathlessly.
“It doesn’t matter—”
“How long!” I shouted.
“Just this year.”
“A year?” I stood and began pacing. Blood drained from my face. “You sent me letters.”
“You were gone a long time. I tried to wait.”
“Tried?”
“It’s not just about that, Lance. He’s offering me the throne of the most powerful kingdom in the world.”
I turned to her. “Is that it? That’s enough for you?”
She inched back on the bed, but I stepped closer. “Do you love him?” She broke eye contact. I lifted her chin and whispered, “Do you still love me?”
Tears touched her pink cheeks. I squatted, wiping them away. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s okay.” She shook as she cried into my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, her voice muffled. Her breath was warm. She lifted her chin to my ear. “I’m sorry.”
Slowly, they moved to my neck. She kissed it, sending a frigid chill through my body.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again, her bottom lip dragging across my skin.
“Lance” she breathed, “come here.”
I ignored the pain that had shattered every nerve, the thought of her with Arthur. I’d felt my soul leave my body, and only her lips could breathe me back to life. I felt dazed, half of me still waking. The warmth of her breath on my neck thrilled—sending me to the purgatory between awake and asleep. I pushed her back onto the bed and pulled my shirt off, each impulse as thoughtless as the last. She pulled me down to her. I kissed her with a mix of all the anger and love I felt. I needed her to remember—to love me. I tasted her neck like I’d imagined, night after night, for the years we were apart. She arched her back and moaned a sound so rapturous that I stopped to watch. Yes, Gwenevere. Don’t hold back. I want Arthur to hear this.
I awoke to an empty room. My body was numb and my eyes were swollen from crying. I recalled the night before.
“Even after that, you’re still going to marry him?” I yelled as she scrambled back into her dress.
“You act like I have a choice here. Arthur will never let us be together.” Her voice cracked, “He’ll kill you.”
I grabbed her wrists. “Say you don’t love me and I’ll let you marry him. Say it.” She pulled her hands away. “I won’t.”
After she left, I cried myself dry, leaving an empty space where love and sorrow once were. I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking to a world where Gwenevere had chosen Arthur.
“Become a knight,” she’d whispered. “I heard Arthur say she’s in Wellwood.” But all I could hear was Arthur’s name on her lips. What was the point? Did she mean that we’d continue seeing each other behind closed doors? I shuddered.
A knock sounded at my door and my heart pounded back to life. Gwen. I swung open the door to see Merlin, her eyes glittering with worry. “Can I come in?” she asked as my heart sunk with disappointment as her somber expression breathed truth into all the events of last night. It was real. Gwen was going to marry Arthur. “You look like hell,” she said. I nodded, unable to put together real words.
We sat together on my bed. Her pity nauseated me, or maybe I was sick from the leftover drug. At some point in the course of the morning, I’d put together what happened, what Merlin had done. Either way, there was no denying she’d done me a favor.
“Thank you... for what you did last night,” I mumbled.
“Oh, yeah.” She pushed a pastel braid behind her ear. “I figured she owed you an explanation.”
My thoughts raced. “I meant about drugging me. Did you tell Gwen to come to my room last night?”
She nodded. “At least you have closure. You can move on—”
I stood. “Closure? I know more than ever that she loves me.” I sighed. “ But she’s going to marry Arthur anyway.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Whatever, now you can let her go.”
I clenched my jaw as my thoughts turned to Gwen. Become a knight.
Merlin hit her palm on the doorframe. “Did something happen?”
I swallowed, and her eyes widened. In an instant, she was out the door. It slammed behind her with such force that I worried the frame would crack.
22
Minseo
Gabriel strummed a slow tune on the lute that seemed to descend the sun and scale its shining counterpart. Morgana tossed flower petals in the air, casting imaginary spells at the forest's edge. The candlelit pond was the only orange left of the night as the moon poured a silver glow over Wellwood.
I sat beside Charlotte and watched her sway to the melody. She sighed. “This is nice.”
“Good,” I said. I lay on my back and looked up at the stars—they seemed brighter in Vires, but more beautiful here. Charlotte laid beside me, moving close enough that the top of her head touched mine. My pulse raced from her close proximity. Friends, I reminded myself. I wondered if I should tell her about the letter from my father, or if it would add pressure. I didn’t want her to worry. I didn’t dare interrupt the peace we’d finally found.
“Do you know any constellations?” she asked.
I smiled. “Of course.” I pointed to the sky. “Do you see the bright ones, there and there?”
She pointed above her. “This one?”
“No!” I took her hand and traced a shape in the sky. She giggled, and I felt heat rush to my face. “Here,” I said, “this is a juicy bowl of banana soup.”
She laughed. “You liar.”
My cheeks were sore from smiling. I turned my head to see her beaming back at me. Our hands still joined in the air, my smile fading along with hers as our fingers tangled together. My heart thudded against my ribs. Slowly, our hands moved down toward us, intertwined—until locked together on the ground by our side. I swallowed nervously as her chest rose and fell in time with mine. Friends, my mind screamed. Friends. I inched closer. I felt the warmth of her breath on my lips. I put my forehead to hers, her eyes closed, a touch of a smile at the corner of her mouth. Her mouth... Did I dare? Stop me, Charlotte. I slid my free hand to the back of her neck. Just say no, Charlotte, and I’ll stop. I gazed at her lips. Stop me, Charlotte, I thought, but she didn’t. Her lips parted, pulling me in. I’m sorry, Charlotte. I can’t just be your friend. I never could. I leaned in.
A bone-chilling scream sounded from the forest. We sat up, dizzy from a shattered trance. Gabriel sprinted toward the forest, Charlotte and me close behind him.
“Morgana!” Charlotte screamed. The forest beamed with a sudden orange light. Black smoke swirled into the fresh air. Ash rained from the sky like falling stars.
Morgana sprinted from the forest, tears pouring from her eyes. She leapt into Gabriel’s arms. “My hands! My hands!” she cried. We caught up to them to find Gabriel pressing her small hands to his face.
>
“What’s wrong, baby?” Charlotte cried, pulling her into her arms. “My hands!” Morgana cried.
Gabriel shook his head. “Her hands are cold. She wasn’t burned.”
The wind changed direction, pushing smoke into our faces. “How did that fire start?” I said as the flames moved toward us.
Gabriel covered his face. “Maybe she grabbed a candle?”
I shook my head. “A candle can’t do this.”
He turned to me. “Minseo, run into town. Ring the bell. Get some help. We need to put this out before it spreads.”
Six hours later, Morgana slept soundly in her bed. Covered in soot and ash, Charlotte, Gabriel, Junho, Jay Hyun, and I sat in a circle in the living room— exhaustion heavy on our limbs. With the help of almost twenty strangers, we managed to put out the fire, but how had it started?
“I better get back to the inn,” Junho said, standing. “I’m glad no one was hurt.” Junho cleared his throat, breaking Gabriel from his exhaustive daze.
“Oh, yeah. I’m going to turn in for the night too,” Gabriel said.
Gabriel headed into the bedroom, waving goodnight before he left. Taking his cue, Jay Hyun opened the front door, the wind still heavy with the scent of burning wood. “Goodnight,” he said as Junho followed him out and closed the door behind him.
I turned to Charlotte. “Listen, about earlier.”
“It’s a sign,” she said solemnly.
I moved next to her. “The fire?”
“Yes.” She turned to me with tears in her eyes. “Young doesn’t want us to be together.”
I took her hands in mine. “So he tried to light his own daughter on fire?”
She covered her face with her hands.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
She wiped her face, soot smudging across it. “How could we be happy together when he died for us?” She stood.
“Wait, wait, wait, Charlotte...We’ll figure this out. Don’t panic.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. She covered her mouth with her hand and pushed the door to her bedroom open, closing it behind her.
23
Merlin
I knocked on Arthur’s door, his guards watching me closely. As if they could stop me if I decided to kill him.
The doors opened and Arthur grinned at me. “Merlin, to what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I’ve done it.”
He blinked vacantly, combing his blonde hair forward with this fingers. “You did what?” His eyes bulged. “Fire?”
I held my hand out—a blue flame at the center of my palm. He leaned in, looking more like a child than ever. “It’s so blue. And your eyes as well. How strange.”
The fire snuffed out. “Really?”
“Oh, brown again,” he said.
“Your Highness, I wonder if you’d permit me use of the cellar to practice... and a leave of absence from your wedding today.”
“Certainly, certainly,” he said. “I’m happy to see such progress.” He touched his hair again. “Ah, my crown.” He looked over his shoulder. “You, bring me my crown.” A guard disappeared into the king’s quarters. “How is Lancelot’s hunt for the girl? He should have found her by now.”
I eyed him. “You know where she is.”
“How much can I be expected to hand him? I was certain he would have found her by now.” He sighed. “What was the key to unlocking this new power?”
I eyed my hands. “I’m not sure exactly, but the feeling is getting stronger. Perhaps my power is somehow linked to Charlotte’s. I felt something similar when we’d almost caught her two years ago—though no flame manifested. I’m sure she’s connected somehow. When she arrives, I’ll be sure to get her up to speed, but it’s likely that she’ll help me develop my own powers as well. Maybe you should send someone else to get her, someone with a brain between his ears.”
“I see the hero worship has finally worn off.” He sighed. “Oh, Jeremy,” he said, “same thing happened with him and Gwen. Speaking of whom, I better get ready for the ceremony.”
Witch, I heard my mother say as I considered outing Gwenevere, but as much as Lancelot had hurt me, I knew I’d never bring myself to hurt him. He’d surely be killed for it when Gwenevere was to blame.
How much time had I spent helping Lance with his quest when I could have been training? How much sooner could I have unlocked this fire?
Lance wasn’t the answer. He’d always mistreated me, moping about as he did. Show me a man worthy of me; until then, I’ll not lower myself to fit someone less. I’d meant the words, but the sting from the last few days lingered. Perhaps instead of finding love with Lancelot, I could make a sister out of Charlotte. We shared the same gift, the same burden. Perhaps all I ever wanted was for someone to understand.
I headed to the cellar, the place where I’d spent so many hours training before I’d embarked on Lancelot’s knighthood quest. A stone spiral staircase led down to the chambers of varying size. I skipped down one flight after the other, deeper underground. The area was lit with wall torches and had broken stone from where the iron cells were pried out. Once used as a dungeon of sorts, the cellar was now as vacant as Lancelot’s eyes when I’d last seen him. Arthur loved taking prisoners, but he’d discovered early on that working prisoners built a kingdom, not captive ones. He set up prison camps for manual labor and had all Camelot's prisoners sent there. He even had prisoners carted in from his allies. I heard a rumor that he held a special group of captives somewhere in the castle, but I’d discovered little evidence of that.
For now, the cellar was mine alone. And with gray stone covering every surface, there was a low chance I’d damage anything—but, then again, I wasn’t sure exactly how powerful I was now.
I inhaled deeply and felt the warm blue glow on my palm. If I combined it with wind, could I shoot it? I took a deep breath and conjured a short gust. The flame snuffed out. I tried again with varying levels of intensity, but each resulted in a flame weaker or dead. What if I didn’t combine them? What if I tried increasing the intensity of the flame itself? I focused on the tingle at the center of my palm. I pushed my life energy to it. It swelled a flash bigger and settled back to its original form.
Ah, that was difficult. How could I maintain enough energy to make it useful? If Arthur saw that weak attempt, he’d likely demote me from battle mage to castle candle lighter.
I tried again, this time pushing every bit of power to my palm. The teal wave blazed, engulfing my hand. It felt like pure energy and tingled in a way that might make a small child giggle with delight. More power, I beckoned. The flame flared. Suddenly, the sleeve of my shirt caught, burning red. I screamed as it seared my skin. I shook my hand wildly, too panicked to use another spell to help. I slapped the flame out, and my skin still stung near the edges of the burnt sleeve.
Suddenly, my eyes glazed over, my vision teleporting me to a night two years ago. The orange fire blazed, and the little girl screamed in fear.
Using every ounce of power I had, I pushed the flames away. A man carried the girl to Charlotte, who watched me with troubled eyes. I blinked myself back to the cellar. That night, Charlotte had lost control of her power as well.
I eyed my singed sleeve, a smudge of burn where the fabric lit. I get it. Blue fire is good and red is bad.
24
Charlotte
I sat in the empty living room, tempted to check back on Morgana for the tenth time since I woke up. She was sleeping soundly, not a single mark on her hands. What happened? I brushed her hair out of her face.
I tilted my head back and breathed deeply.
I was Morgana’s mother. I didn’t have the luxury of falling in love. Not again. My baby almost got hurt. Even with two adults watching, I let myself drift for one second and almost lost her.
Where was it? Where was the strength I’d been building all these years?
My thoughts drifted to Minseo, a nervous flutter at the pit of my stomach. I’d wanted him to kiss me,
and everything about that felt wrong. Why couldn’t I push him from my mind? Did I just miss the rush of falling in love?
Minseo had been right about one thing: this was different than what I had with Young. I didn’t feel the warmth, calm, or peace I’d felt with him. I didn’t feel the heaviness—or the depth. Young’s love was all-consuming and endless. Minseo was easy, light. It was full of life in a world where I’d only known death. He sparkled with charm and charisma. It didn’t always feel sincere, but it felt good—it felt so good until the guilt set in. Questions rose much quicker than answers. Why couldn’t I stop comparing them? Had I always been attracted to Minseo? Did Young know this would happen?
I opened the bedroom door. “I’m headed out for a bit,” I said. “Morgana’s asleep.”
Gabriel rolled over and waved his hand.
I left the house, closing the door quietly behind me. I headed out along the path I’d walked so many times before, but this time I dreaded what I’d feel when I arrived. I entered the clearing—the magnolia tree blooming near the top. Trudging through the overgrown weeds, I put together what I wanted to say.
I put the palm of my hand against the tree. “Hello, love,” I said. “Minseo’s back.” I sighed and took a seat, leaning back against the trunk. “I know… of all the men in the world.” The wind picked up, tossing my curls into my face. “He makes me feel like I’m still alive. That there’s more life ahead of me. I swear, for a while after I lost you, maybe even until recently, I’ve been waiting to die. Just barely surviving.” I exhaled. “I want to live. I want to fall in love with him.”
It was the first time I’d said it out loud, and it startled me. My eyes teared. “Tell me it’s okay.”
Kingdom Soul Page 9
