He wasn’t kidding about being all-seeing.
Just how much can you tell me, my honored Vanir?
“C-c-cute clothes don’t look good on me, and I would be embarrassed to buy any or have any bought for me, so I’ve never touched them before… I just noticed it there and thought maybe I’d try it on… It was just the passing impulse of a brusque, hyper-muscular girl. Forgive me… I’m s-s-sorry…”
She covered her red face with both hands, apologizing profusely in a shaking voice. I didn’t really think holding up Megumin’s clothes against herself demanded that kind of apology, but it looked like after having her foibles called out like this, Darkness was watching her ability to resist go down to zero.
“A cute dress? You should do it, Darkness! You’re always wearing cool stuff or grown-up stuff. You even wore a fancy one like a real noblewoman that one time. So what’s wrong with adding something adorable to your wardrobe? We would never hold it against you that you secretly try on cute clothes!” Aqua, no doubt totally devoid of any malice, pumped her fist encouragingly.
This was too much for Darkness, who was already hiding her head in her arms against the table; she went red up to her ears.
Vanir nodded in distinct satisfaction at this display. Then he said, “Finally, then. You continue to wear clothes that expose your figure, even though you know that young man you live with can’t stop looking at you with carnal lust. Why?”
“What—?! What in the world does this have to do with telling my fortune?!”
Darkness, looking like she was about to cry, pounded her fist on the table.
Vanir gave her a genuinely puzzled expression.
“When did I say I needed you to answer these questions in order to tell your fortune? I only said I was going to ask them. As far as telling your future, placing your hand on the crystal ball is enough. The interview is just to kill time until the fortune comes out, and I— Hey! Hey, stop that! How can you touch my mask so easily? Stop weeping and trying to pull it off!”
Darkness had her hand on the crystal ball again, but she refused to look at any of us, no doubt upset about having been duped. Vanir was peering into the crystal orb.
“Oh my. Mm. Yes, that would lead to a prediction of destruction. Your house, and your father, is in for some trouble soon. And you, dim as you are, will take an impulsive action in the belief that if you sacrifice yourself, it will make everything better. But your deed will not make anyone happy. Your father will spend the rest of his life in regret and gloom. Avoiding this fate is—”
Darkness’s face became progressively more serious as Vanir spoke.
“Oh. Impossible, with your strength. When the moment arrives, your best fortune will come of leaving everything behind and fleeing. Get a fresh start in a place far away with this man who is thinking, ‘With the right push, I could probably convince Darkness to fulfill all my desires’ yet lacks the courage to cross that line, fearing your current relationship will not endure.”
“All right, hold on. Every time you open your mouth, my party members trust me less.”
Darkness stood without a word. I flinched, but she didn’t seem angry. I mean, why would she be? I only thought a push might get me somewhere. I hadn’t actually done anything yet.
“Vanir,” Darkness said. “Thanks for the reading. But if I end up in a crisis like the one you’ve mentioned, I won’t be able to run away. I’ll listen to some of what you have to say, though. Kazuma, you’ve got lots of money now, and you obviously don’t intend to go on any quests for a while. Not that I’m especially worried about this ‘fortune,’ but it’s been a while since I’ve been home. Maybe I’ll go see my dad.”
Then Darkness left the shop.
5
“Listen to me, you third-rate demon. Can’t you say anything more specific? You were the one complaining about how vague the gods’ prophecies are. And do a reading for me, too. At least tell me what kind of dragon Emperor Zel is gonna be when he hatches. Tell me if he’ll have what it takes to rule over the other dragons. Oh, and I used all my money to buy Zel, so I need you to tell me a quick and easy way to get more. Surely the all-seeing demon knows that much, right?”
After Darkness left, Aqua tried to wheedle favors out of Vanir, but he only frowned with distaste.
“I have never encountered such a vulgar goddess. If there were such an easy way to make money, I would have let my wreck of a shopkeeper in on it, and I would currently be using the proceeds to set up my dungeon. My powers allow me to see what a person has done in the past and what’s likely to befall them in the future. If they’re used merely to satisfy greed, little good is likely to come of them. You don’t even seem to realize that. Are you truly a goddess?”
That provoked a snort of laughter from Aqua. “Even for a demon, that’s blatant false advertising. Geez, you’re worthless! Let’s go home, Kazuma. I want to get back to hatching Zel. The sooner he’s born, the sooner I can start him on an all-demon diet.”
“Oh-ho, something’s coming to me,” Vanir said. “Your Emperor Zel. You’d best change his name to Terry. Terry Yaki! Then he’ll be much beloved, especially at the dinner table!”
Vanir and Aqua stood, sort of laughing together.
“My, my, wherever did you get a name like that? You know what hatches from eggs, don’t you? Dragons! I paid a lot of money for that egg, so why would I give him a name that sounds like food?”
“I, the all-seeing demon Vanir, stake my very fame on this declaration: What emerges from that egg will be an excellent physical specimen, as you judged—excellent for his delicious meat!”
I decided to leave the two of them to their glaring contest. I stood up, clutching my reward protectively. I would deposit it at the bank, to keep it from being stolen or lost.
The influx of cash put me in good spirits, and I was just about to walk out the door, leaving the supernatural enemies to stare daggers at each other, when—
“Wait, boy who is pleased to have come into even more money and is excited about his overnight reservation at the ‘usual place.’”
I stopped in my tracks. You know, I really wished he would stop snooping into where I had reservations.
“Do you remember what I told you when we first ran into each other at the shop?” Vanir asked.
“What do you mean? Did you tell me something?”
Hey, how long ago was that? Was I supposed to remember all that time ago?
“O boy who, having a memory no better than that of a goddess, forgets the advice I went out of my way to give him. I suppose it can’t be avoided. I shall give you a new piece of advice. You would do well not to be content with the payment you’ve received but to make plenty more things to sell. You believe you won’t want for money again, don’t you? I told your Crusader friend earlier that her strength would not avail her, did I not? But with your strenuous efforts, it may yet.”
“I’m going to give you some advice, too. The money you’ve worked so hard to save shall be reinvested with Wiz, and after a short while it will all be gone! …Well? What do you think? The all-seeing Aqua has told your future!”
““………””
Wiz’s shop still rang with the sound of shattering potions, two bickering voices, and more stuff breaking as I left to head home.
Along the way, I mulled over what Vanir had said at the end. He had predicted that Darkness’s family, along with her dad, would come to grief. Darkness would impulsively sacrifice herself to help, and how it ultimately turned out would depend on me. And finally, he’d told me to keep coming up with new products if I wanted things to work out for her.
…What the heck was he talking about?
6
It happened a number of days later, when I had thoroughly forgotten about Vanir and his prophecy. The door burst open without a knock, and an unfriendly-looking man in a butler’s outfit bustled in without so much as a by-your-leave.
“I apologize for disturbing you at this time, and indeed during a meal.
I have urgent business with the lady Dustiness that brings me here. May I request a moment of her time?”
The man didn’t even give his name but only bluntly announced his business, appraising us (we were busy eating) with cold eyes.
Darkness, who did not look very happy, left a vegetable speared on her fork as she responded, “You refer to me as Lady Dustiness? Then you must be the servant of some noble family. I suppose I can deign to hear you out. What do you want?”
“Indeed,” the man murmured, and then, “My master, Alderp Barnes Alexei, has requested your immediate presence. Out of consideration for where you’re living, a carriage is waiting outside. The details will be conveyed at my master’s residence. If you would follow me, please.”
To refer to a person’s beloved home as simply “where you’re living” was awfully rude, but it didn’t seem to bother the man as he gestured toward the door. I could hear the fork creak in Darkness’s hand as she squeezed it so hard it bent out of shape. I was worried that my impulsive noblewoman of a friend would haul off and hit him, but she only set the twisted utensil on the table.
“I’m going out for a while,” she said. “If I’m late coming back, lock the front door. I’ll see you later.” Then she followed the man outside, leaving the rest of us to wonder what had just happened.
“Who was that? And what did he want?” Aqua said.
“He mentioned Alderp. He’s that old noble goon, isn’t he? I sure hope she’s not getting herself caught up in anything weird again.”
We went quiet, our faces downcast, collectively hoping that nothing unpleasant was about to happen.
“If Darkness isn’t staying, then I can have her leftover hamburger, right? You’ll feed it to me, won’t you, Megumin? Kazuma is the worst at feeding people. Yesterday he was feeding me some soup, and he tried to put it right up my nose!”
Quiet, that is, except for one person who couldn’t read a room to save her life nor use her hands because they were still wrapped around her egg.
The next morning.
“It’s summer already; isn’t it time for you to shed some of this fur? You know, you don’t act much like a cat. How do we get you to go back to your real form? I mean—that’s it, isn’t it? You’re secretly a beautiful cat-eared girl who adds meow to everything she says, just hiding in the body of a cat, right?”
I was sitting in the warm sunlight by the living room window and brushing Chomusuke, who was perched on my knees. I had been keeping up a steady stream of banter for a while now. So far, though, I hadn’t been able to get any response.
Every once in a while I got the impression that Chomusuke could understand human language, but I still hadn’t gotten her to reveal who or what she really was.
The only thing I was sure of was that she was not a normal cat. Meaning that if this were a manga or something, she would definitely turn into a beautiful woman at some point, but…
“Just so we’re clear, I don’t have anything against beautiful nonhuman women. It doesn’t matter what you are, okay? You always come crawling into my bed on cold days. If I woke up one morning to find you had turned into a girl, you can bet I wouldn’t panic. Wouldn’t even move. Of course, no matter what you are, you’re welcome to stay in this house as long as you like, so don’t worry. In fact, we’ll cook some nice fish for you every day.”
At the mention of fish, Chomusuke, who had been sitting there and enjoying being brushed, looked up at me with a twitch of her nose.
“Aha, I see that got a rise out of you, you little gourmand. Okay, Chomusuke, listen up. If you turn into a person, your body will be bigger, meaning you’ll have more room for fish. See what I’m getting at?”
“Mrrrow,” Chomusuke answered, then purred and batted at my hand as if to demand more brushing.
“Okay, you’re pretty cute. Stay cute, all right? Even if you do transform into a person one day. Please don’t turn out to be a loser heroine like the rest of this bunch. If you behave, I promise you’ll get a taste of that chicken we’re expecting.”
Then I started brushing again. Suddenly, the door flew open.
“Kazuma! Let’s hunt a monster with a huge bounty on it!”
Speaking of loser heroines, the one who had worried us all by not coming home the night before was back now, first thing in the morning, and spouting idiocy the moment she opened her mouth.
“You’re doing the walk of shame, and this is the first thing you say? I don’t care where you were or what you were doing with whom, but you aren’t married yet, so try to keep the prodigal-daughter act to a minimum, okay?”
“The walk of what? I was out so long last night that I thought I would just bother you all by coming home so late, so I went to my family’s house! But more to the point!!”
Darkness came over and thrust a piece of paper at me.
“Have a look at this!”
“Bounty monster,” I read. “Kowloon Hydra? What kind of hydra is that? Is it like Yamata-no-Orochi, the many-headed snake monster?”
The paper Darkness had given me boasted an illustration of the creature in question, along with a detailed description of its behavior and habitat. I looked at the flyer unhappily; Darkness cocked her head at the name Yamata-no-Orochi.
“The Kowloon Hydra lives in the mountains near Axel,” Darkness said. “It’s a big-game monster that spends most of its time fast asleep. When it uses up all the magical power it’s stored in its body, though, it goes to sleep at the bottom of a lake and starts absorbing MP from the surrounding land. An especially large hydra can take up to ten years to store enough MP to wake up again, and this one last went to sleep just about a decade ago.”
In other words, it was due to be awake again soon. Looking at the description on the paper, the word that came to mind was big. I mean size-of-a-house big.
As if that wasn’t scary enough, its name and appearance made it look like the final boss of some video game.
“You got up so early, your brain hasn’t caught up with your mouth yet. We’re not hunting this. What was that butler on about last night anyway? Megumin was worried, you know. You don’t have an ounce of street smarts, and she thought we shouldn’t send you off with some random noble.”
“F-forget about last night! It doesn’t have anything to do with any of you. If you don’t want to get involved with the nobility, then keep your nose out. And where is Megumin? I think she would be very interested in this quest.”
“Megumin went out with Aqua. They were going to find a cool collar for the dragon they’re expecting.”
“Yeah, Aqua asked me to help her build a hutch for the dragon when he’s born, but that egg sure reminds me of…” She glanced at me awkwardly, like she couldn’t quite bring herself to say it.
“No matter how you look at it, I’m pretty sure it’s a chicken egg,” I said. “But whatever. I’m not going on this little quest of yours. You and Megumin and Aqua can all go together. But if you come crying back to me like you always do, don’t expect me to help.”
“When have I ever come crying back to you?! …Actually, just the other day I heard a report that the lake looked kind of weird. You know that wasteland around it? They say some bushes are growing there. That’s got to be because the hydra has stopped drawing magical energy from the area. It’s a sign that it’s about to wake up!”
Darkness stopped, then resumed in a dramatic tone.
“You hear me, Kazuma? The only ones who can save this town are the ones who have already defeated general after general of the Demon King—our party! If you’re any kind of adventurer, then you’ll want to protect our home! Kazuma Satou, Hero, Vanquisher of Countless Generals of the Demon King! Your city needs you now!”
Darkness issued this exhortation with her fist balled and her eyes gleaming, but I just laughed.
“Do you think I’m stupid enough to go rushing out just because you called me a hero? We’ve known each other longer than that. You know the kind of stuff that motivates me to get involved in a
n adventure. And by the way, it’s not money. I’ve got plenty of that now. But I’m sure you can think of a few other things.”
Darkness looked downcast at this. At last, blushing slightly, fist still bunched up, she said, “O-okay. I understand. The day we defeat the Kowloon Hydra, I’ll give you a reward that should utterly delight you. A k-kiss on the cheek—”
“You idiot. What are we, kids? You think I’m gonna risk my life for a kiss?”
“?!”
Darkness had really worked herself up to make this offer, and my flat refusal took her by complete surprise.
“You know what makes me angriest of all?” I said. “The fact that you even think one measly kiss is worth all that much. What’s with this self-confidence of yours anyway? I know the nobles in the capital made a big deal over you, but don’t get carried away, all right?”
“Wh-wh-why, you…!” Darkness began to tremble uncontrollably. I picked up Chomusuke and looked her in the face.
“Hey, Chomusuke. Can you believe this girl? She actually thinks one little kiss is gonna convince a guy to risk his life. Don’t you think there’s a better way to handle this situation?”
“Meeeow,” Chomusuke replied.
“Oh, you do? I do, too! All kinds of better ways, really.”
“You son of a—! You have some nerve! Put down that cat so I can kill you!” Darkness’s eyes were bloodshot and her fists were at the ready, but I made a show of stroking Chomusuke, enjoying the sensation of her fur on my fingers.
“Hmm? Not just stupid but a one-trick pony, too. You think your physical strength is going to help you? Remember, I’ve got the Bind skill now. I can tie you up in the blink of an eye. Of course, if you want to go back to Tickle Hell, then be my guest!”
I smiled maliciously, but for some reason Darkness blushed a little.
“Bind? Yes, I suppose I am aware that you’ve learned how to make good use of that skill. V-very well. Let’s have a little contest. If you can manage to tie me up, then you can do whatever you want to me, just like you did the other day. But if you think I’ll be intimidated by a bit of rope, you’re wrong!”
110-Million Bride Page 3
