CHAPTER LXXXVIII.
Day by day, as strength returned to Tara, remembrance returned also.It might have been with abhorrence of her present position--with dreadof her broken vows--with terror of the Mother's vengeance, and witha sense of her own pollution as an escaped Sutee--which would haveutterly overwhelmed her with remorse, and forbidden recovery at all;and in such a case, death would have been welcome. We will not saythat there was no revulsion of feeling: it would have been unnaturalin one with so fine an intellect as Tara possessed, had there beenno struggle. Perhaps the new life to which she awakened, after theillness she had undergone, had blunted the perceptions of the old;perhaps, as Zyna and Lurlee told her, that it was her destiny, whichshe could not resist; and that, if she were to have died, as her creedhad determined, could Fazil have prevented it?--would she have beendelivered at all? Had she not already undergone the pains of death inpreparation for it, and been delivered from them?
Then Lurlee again brought forth her books, and went over all her oldcalculations, and there were the priest's also with them, all tendingto the same point. If her faith had been shaken for a time, in thefact that Afzool Khan had died, when the planets showed that he shouldbe victorious, might there not have been some mistake? Here at leastthere was none; none in the restoration of her child, as she calledTara, from death to life--none in her having been rescued from the evilidolaters and Kafirs, to be newly born into the true faith, acceptableto Alla and the Prophet. All this was very plain and incontrovertible.
Could Tara deny it? It was not clear that she even attempted to do so:and ever nigh her, were anxious pleaders against any justificationof the rites of her own faith, from the most horrible consummationof which, she could not possibly have escaped. "Even your father andmother could not have saved you had they desired it," argued Zyna,"from dying in the fire before them: they would have seen you burned,and shouted 'Jey Kalee!' with the rest, to drown the scream of yourdying agony; but they would not have relented." No; Tara's heart toldher they would not have relented, and she must have perished, but forFazil.
And when he pleaded?--It was long before he attempted it; but it wasat last irrepressible. More than his sister and Lurlee, he knew whatstruggle would ensue in Tara's heart if she were called upon toosuddenly to renounce her own faith; for he had lived, young as hestill was, more in the world. On this point, he had as yet forborneto address her at all. But such love as his for the deserted girl,must be spoken by himself. Lurlee and Zyna had told him all they hadsaid, and it seemed strange to both that he was silent; but he hadjudged rightly. What the girl could bear from them, could not have beenendured from him till her bodily strength assisted her mind to bear it,and he waited his opportunity.
It was the first time she had ever mentioned her own affairs; almostthe only time she had spoken freely at all. She had reverted to thepast, to the day of the attack on Tooljapoor, and to Fazil's recoveryof her mother's ornaments; for the Brahmun women had bathed herthat day, and she had performed some simple ceremonies of her faithfor purification after her illness, and charitable gifts had beendistributed by Fazil and Lurlee on her behalf. So she had suffered Zynato twist a garland of flowers into her hair as she used to do in camp,and to put on her some of the old ornaments which, while she was yetdecked for the Sutee, had been brought away with her: and when Fazil,who had been absent all day in the camp, returned before sunset for theevening prayer, he found her talking earnestly with his sister.
Still pale, but only showing the traces of illness in the purity ofher colour, Tara had perhaps never looked more lovely than in theresumption of some of her former richness and elegance of costume; andas Fazil entered the court, for the moment unobserved by her and Zyna,who were seated together, he stopped involuntarily to regard her.
Tara would have fled when they saw him, but Zyna would not have it so.
"Look," she said, "brother, is she not like herself once more? See howI have decked her for her sacrifice of thanks to-day! Surely all thatis past is as a dream, and Tara is again what she was the evening shewas taken away from us. Is she not, brother? She is not changed?"
"Yes," he said, "changed, I think, in spirit in her new life, as we hadhoped--that is all! Tara, sit down: we will all remain together, andyou must hear me now, with Zyna as witness.
"There is nothing new to say," he continued, after a pause--"nothing.It is only the old tale, once told before, when you believed it: and itis not changed, only confirmed. Ah! we have both been tried since; andif out of that trial you have come, like me, strengthened, then thereis no doubt. Tara! in the deadly struggle by that hideous pile, withthe crash of music, and frantic screams of the people in your ears,even then your heart bore witness to me that I was true. Am I falsenow?"
"O no, no, no!" cried the girl, throwing herself uncontrollably athis feet, after her old Hindu fashion. "Not false, not false! You aremy lord and my saviour, and I worship you! I will be your slave, yourservant, for my life, and Zyna knows it; but consider----"
"Not thus, beloved," he said, gravely but kindly stooping and raisingher up, "will I hear that, but so, face to face. There is no shame init now--none; for it is our destiny, Tara: let it be as honoured as,methinks, it is loved. Sit there and listen." And Zyna put her armround her, and they sat down together side by side.
"I have to say hard words, perhaps, Tara," he continued, "but you musthear them. In saving you from death by fire, I have brought you into aliving death from your own faith; for you are an outcast now, as youknow--you cannot return to it. You could not be received as a Brahmun,nor would any other caste assist you. Shaven, denied shelter, and evenwater, by the very mother who bore you--if she live--you must herd withthe vilest, and enter that condition of abject dishonour and profligacywhich Moro Trimmul intended for you, and from which God--your God aswell as mine, Tara--has now delivered you. There is nothing else foryou that I can see but death, and that is now gone from you, and willnot return. Could you escape this, Tara? Is this a life for you?"
He saw the girl shudder violently, and bury her burning face in Zyna'sbosom; while Zyna, drawing her to herself more closely, said gently,"Listen, listen; is he speaking the truth? You do not answer, Obeloved!"
Tara could not reply, but she clung to Zyna the more closely.
"Or instead," continued Fazil, "there is, what was said once before,in presence of my honoured father--peace be with him!--which I nowrepeat, and Alla and the Prophet, who sent me to you, and you to me,are witness of its truth,--that all of honour, all of wealth, all oflove and respect that I possess, I will share with you as my wife, tillI die. You are not of us, nor of our creed: no matter, we can admit youhonourably to both. It is no disgrace to quit the blood-stained beliefof Hinduism to join the glorious ranks of the true believers; but ablessed gain, for which, out of all these trials, Alla hath preordainedyou. Enough, O Tara: before Him, your God and mine, and before Zyna,answer to me truly and freely, once and for ever. He is witness thatthere is no constraint upon you."
Could she resist that earnest manly pleading--she, already won longago? she who, in all her trial, had carried about in her heart thatimage of glory and beauty, which she could only compare with the heroesand demigods of her own sacred poems--her highest standard,--and who,in putting it away, had done so, only to die in that horrible, calmdespair, which preceded voluntary immolation? It was impossible!
As she sat there, and as he ceased speaking, there rushed through hermind a sudden flood of old memories which, had the love she bore forhim been weak, or less deeply rooted than it was, had swept it awayas the torrent sweeps dry straws from its bed, and they are seen nomore. Father, mother, Radha, the old pleasant memories of Tooljapoor,and the old people; a happy childhood, a joyous budding into womanhoodwithout care. Next, her service to the goddess, and all that had comeof it--terror, desperation, and living death. She could not serve hernow, even did she desire it; and she could not see the image as before,nor the weird ruby eyes which used to follow her, and seemed to glintinto her very
heart. She remembered the fierce Brahmun, her foe--theglittering fly which she had seen in her little garden--and trembling,clung more closely to the breast on which she was lying; and, last ofall, the hideous pile of black logs, the crash of gongs and drums,the shouts of the people, the fluttering pennons, the torches blazingaround her to light her to death, and the agony of two women as theybeheld it all, and of an aged man who had come to her and caused heronce more to fear----
It takes long to write this; but all, ay more, rushed through thegirl's heart as a strong flood in a moment, tossing and whirlingfiercely: yet it shook nothing there. How true was it that, in thatlong unconsciousness and delirium, the old life had passed away, andthe new one came with other obligations to be fulfilled. She wasweeping passionately while Fazil was speaking, but when the rush ofthought came, it was with awe, which repressed other emotion, and wassucceeded by calm, inexpressibly sweet and assuring. Yes, love for himhad resisted the fury of passion in its last attempt, and she could notcontrol it now. Zyna felt her arms withdrawn from about her, and Tara,covering her burning face, on which the tears were glistening, withher garment, bent down before him, not in prostration, as before, butkneeling and bowing her head reverently, as she joined her hands in anattitude of supplication.
"Do with me as thou wilt, my lord," she said gently; "my life is thine,and I am thine henceforth till I die. I am helpless now--do not forsakeme; and God and Zyna are witness that I pledge my troth to thee, freelyand humbly. I have no fear--none! it is past now!"
"Shabash! Shabash! Tara," cried Zyna exultingly, clapping her hands;"now thou art ours indeed. See, mother," she continued, turning roundand looking up, as Lurlee entered, "he asked her, and she has agreed;and you are witness of it as well as I."
"I am witness," said the lady; "I have heard all, and I am content.Alla and the Prophet have answered my prayers. Ah! I shall have aprecious child to give to thee, Fazil, ere long."
"Put her hands into mine, mother," he replied. "It will feel real, thatshe is to belong to me hereafter: it will be an earnest of the end."
"It is not one of the orthodox customs, Fazil," said the lady, gravelyand hesitatingly: "and I never saw it done at any betrothment;nevertheless, wait an instant--I will return directly."
She did so, while they sat as before, bearing a silver salver--on whichthere were some pieces of sugar-candy, and seated herself by them.
"Thou art still a Brahmun," she said to Tara, "but thou wilt takeone of these from thy mother? There," she continued, as she put apiece into each of their mouths, repeating the blessing, "Bismilla!It is done; ye cannot go back. There should be rejoicing, and music,and feasting; but,--Bismilla! it is done, and ye cannot retract. Ochildren! O children!" she cried, bursting into a flood of tears, "I ama widow, and have suffered sore bereavement; but ye are the light of myeyes and the only joy of my heart now! Here are her hands, Fazil," andshe took up Tara's, and put them into his--"thine, boy, till the end!"
Fazil stooped his head, and put his forehead upon them; they werenot withdrawn, and he fancied that the slender fingers closed on hisconfidently;--was it fancy?
"They should know of it, if they live," said Tara hesitatingly, andwith a gasp in her throat; "methinks they do live, mother, and that Isaw them--there--at Wye--my father and mother; but it is all confusednow, and it may have been a dream during my illness."
"O no!" cried the lady, "let them not come between us now, if theylive; but they are not alive, Tara."
"Perhaps not," she said, with a sigh; "nevertheless, if my lord wouldsend some one and ask. They would be found in Vishnu Pundit's house atWye; and if they are dead----"
"Surely," said Fazil, interrupting her, "I will send Lukshmun even now.If they are there, they should come on at once; there is no fear. Couldyou not send a letter, or a token, Tara?"
"I will write," she replied; "and here is a ring of my mother's thatshe loved dearly; it would have been burned with me! Let them take it;and if my lord would write, too, to say--to say--I am alive, it wouldbe enough."
"It shall be done at once," he said, rising; "O mother, surely thyscience told thee this would be a happy day!"
"See!" exclaimed the lady triumphantly, taking her tablets from herbodice, "you mock the planets sometimes, son, but see; while you werespeaking I looked. Is not this Wednesday? and, see, here is Venusruling the hour as you sat and plighted your faith! O children, thiscannot be wrong, for the sun is just setting, and the work is finished."
As she spoke, the last gleam of its rays, as it sank in a glory of goldand crimson, flashed into the apartment, lighting up the girls' radiantfaces, and sparkling upon their rich dresses and golden ornaments.
"Beautiful as thou art, Tara," continued Lurlee, "thou wilt be lovelierstill when we deck thee as his bride; and so may the blessing of thynew mother rest upon thee, and the evil I take from thee now,"--and shepassed her hands over the girl from head to foot,--"depart to thineenemies!"
"Ameen! Ameen!" cried Zyna, as Tara, falling upon her neck, again weptsilently those tears of joy which she had with difficulty repressed.
Tara: A Mahratta Tale Page 90
