by L. B. Dunbar
“Guinevere,” he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing.” His voice was soft, despite his reproach.
“Of course she knows what she’s doing,” my father answered. “She’s going to be the wife of Arturo King. He’s the prince of Camelot Records, the king of rock and roll, and she will be his queen”
This was what I feared. It was all about possession and Arturo. What he was, is, and what I would be in relation to that. It wasn’t about me.
I was suddenly bone tired and we hadn’t even had a conversation about the details. My father seemed to know I was moving in with Arturo permanently even though I had temporary living arrangements at Lace’s. He didn’t question this move now that I would be Arturo’s bride.
I gave directions to Talia to pack certain additional items from my room and left my father’s home by eleven for practice with the girls at Emerald Isle. I was sweating with nerves to the point I had two obvious pit stains by the time I reached the tavern. I didn’t know how the girls would react. I thought Lace would truly be happy for me. She didn’t seem to harbor any interest in Arturo and she had listened patiently to enough of my questioning rants, sad tears, and changing behavior to know that I really loved Arturo before I even admitted it to him. Allora wouldn’t be upset either as she had found her love in another man. Shane Shaw was a really great guy who hung out at the bar each night, making comments about his wife taking it easy, and teasing us girls between gigs. Enid was so easygoing, she wouldn’t be fazed. She had her own concerns and didn’t have time for the drama of Arturo and me.
Trinity, on the other hand, was going to be a different story. Her animosity toward me had only softened slightly over the weeks of playing together. She walked away whenever I mentioned Arturo and I could tell that she bit her tongue time and time again to hold herself back from what she wanted to say. I still didn’t have their whole story, but I was too excited about my news to care for her opinion.
“Congratulations,” Lace squealed as I entered the dark bar and blinked to adjust from the brightness outside.
“How did you already hear?”
“It made Page Six.”
Again, I groaned.
Enid was sitting at the bar, and without removing her eyes from the page of the newspaper she read, she handed over a sheet of newsprint.
My mouth hung open as I covered it in horror, but no sound escaped my lips. I couldn’t speak. I was offended and hurt.
“Don’t read the extra dribble. That’s all it is, is spewing,” Lace said as she gently rubbed my back in slow circles.
“We need to celebrate,” Enid said, breaking away from what she was reading and I felt her staring at my profile. I was shaking and that cold sweat of nerves was almost dripping down my arm at this point as I continued to focus on the newspaper gossip without reading any of the words. A cup of coffee was slid in front of me and I looked up to see the closed-off expression of Trinity.
“A celebration is just what we need,” she spoke with a dry undertone to her voice. “And I know the perfect place.”
Hours later I was crimped and primped as Lace and Enid took over my hair, makeup, and attire for the evening. While Arturo gave subtle protest, wanting to spend our first night together in his apartment as fiancés, I promised him I would come home to him when the night was over. He laughed and said he loved the sound of that word, home. He asked where we were going but I said Trinity was keeping it a secret. Arturo groaned at the sound of that plan. I knew better than to ask him what was the issue between the two of them, because it would only lead to no answer, and I didn’t want to fight with him. He said the boys in the band wanted to take him out to celebrate as well and he’d meet me at home later.
“I love you, Once.” His voice was breathy as he said the words before we hung up.
“I love you, Future.”
After he proposed to me and we returned to his apartment to make love in our own private celebration, he explained to me better what he meant by his once and future. I was his one and only. His once. He had only ever loved someone one time. I was also his forever. We would be each other’s future. When he said, “I love you, Once,” I knew he meant for a lifetime.
When our phone call ended, I wanted to go to him immediately. I suddenly had a bad feeling about the night to come, and that gut feeling I should have listened to because that night changed everything.
Arturo
When we hung up, I was both excited at the prospect of her coming to my home permanently, and brooding with a sense of something awful happening to her before she got the chance to come home to me.
I dressed in dark jeans and my signature gray T-shirt with a lightweight V-neck sweater over it. We weren’t going clubbing tonight. I didn’t want that scene. We were actually going to a local pub down the street from the Emerald Isle and I was hoping to sneak over there later to find Guinevere. I didn’t trust Trinity Donovan, but I knew she wasn’t a clubbing kind of girl so chances were that the girls would be hanging at their own hideout for the night.
Trinity was an interesting character. Appearing like Tinkerbell from the outside, she had the true original nature of fairies. In traditional literature, fairies were evil, stealing babies and taking their breath. Fairies weren’t pixie dust and glitter, and neither was Trinity. She might have passed for a modernized Miley Cyrus lookalike with a rocking body and a tough outer shell, but under that shell was a scared girl who hated rejection.
It wasn’t that Trinity and I were ever attracted to each other. We weren’t. Miniature blondes just weren’t my type, and we ignored each other. Until I slept with Lace. Trinity was irate at my behavior, as Lace had a fan-girl crush on me. She felt I took advantage of Lace’s feelings to drown my own. Lace was friends with Lansing Lotte from the Performing Arts Academy and she became part of a growing group of followers who appeared at bars where we played and parties we entertained afterward. Lace was a sweet girl, but after what I learned about Ana and me sharing a kid, I wasn’t interested in getting involved with anyone, especially one who had commitment written all over her.
Trinity couldn’t let it go when I didn’t call Lace or ask her out again, and when she eventually learned I slept with Allora, again unbeknownst that she was Lace’s sister, Trinity’s evil nature flew to new heights. She was verbal in her assaults whenever she saw me, practically cursing me with death wishes. She had one positive quality and that was her loyalty to her friends, who obviously could live with their one-time experience with me. Trinity, on the other hand, held resentment like no one else I knew. I’d think that bitterness took a lot of energy to continually hold onto, but her small stature had the strength for it.
I met the guys at The Brown Bear, another pub in the Lower East Side. It was small and quiet, and if we were recognized, we wouldn’t be monopolized within this old hangout of ours.
“I can’t believe it. Arturo King settling down,” Tristan said, shaking his head and holding his beer just outside his lips before taking a big gulp.
“I’m excited for you, man. You’re lucky you found her,” Perk added. For a big guy, he had the most romantic heart and I knew he held out for that one girl he’d lost in the woods when we were younger. He was convinced that he would find her again and it had been a quest of his for so long that I worried at times he was following a pipe dream, but I knew that his support was sincere. He was happy for me that I found my once and future.
My once.
My future.
The words were lyrical and I planned to use them in a song just for Guinie. I already had the small musings of lines in my head for a song I planned to sing on our wedding day. I could already imagine her as my bride and I couldn’t wait. After asking her to be my wife, the next big question would be when. I didn’t want to wait. I wanted her to be with me for the upcoming tour as much as she protested that it was a time for me to shine and enjoy the success with the band. Little did she know that spending time with the band was exactly what I was trying to get aw
ay from.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved these guys. We were a band of brothers soldiering through life with a song in our heart and music to spread, but I was looking for something more solid, more consistent, and more permanent. Camelot Records would be that place for me. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t be part of the band, traveling on adventures and in search of new music lovers, but I also felt there could be a new avenue to my vision through the birth of a new, improved record company. It wasn’t going to be easy, and I knew the road would be bumpy at times. There was a lot of work to be done that I couldn’t focus on until after the world tour, but with Guinevere by my side, I was convinced I could conquer any obstacle.
She had only responded to my first text saying Trinity admitted they were going to a party. She still didn’t know where and it ruled out my escape down the street to the Emerald Isle to surprise her and sweep her off like a thief. When I didn’t have a response to text two and three, I decided to stop being such a girl and just enjoy the night. It hadn’t been just us guys hanging out in a long time and it was good to catch up without the focus being our music.
One thing I noticed was the eerie silence of Lansing. He congratulated me with a mumble and had hit the shots hard as round after round made their way across our table. I knew he was struggling with Elaine Corbin’s continued adoration, which ignited into an obsession after their make-out session upstate a few months ago. This was the problem when hooking up with girls in our inner circle. It complicated the hell out of the friendship. Elaine wasn’t emotional to the point of needing a restraining order, but she wasn’t holding back her blatant desire for Lansing any longer either.
I personally thought Lans needed to get laid by Elaine to get her out of his system, or get it out of hers. Who knew, maybe she was his once and future, and he didn’t recognize it yet. At times I wanted to punch myself in my own face that I had not taken notice of Guinie earlier. I had wasted time before I found her.
By midnight I was getting worried when I hadn’t heard from Guinie and she hadn’t returned my phone calls either. I didn’t want to seem like a total chic, but I snuck off to the bathroom twice to contact her. At closing time, I was wasted from my congratulations celebration, too many shots, and my nagging despair. When I finally got home with the help of Tristan, I had a sick feeling in my stomach and it wasn’t just the alcohol.
Guinevere
The whole night had been one fuzzy moment after another. As soon as we hit the club, I knew it was a mistake. It seemed so different from a place that Trinity would have decided on for celebrating my engagement, with its bright strobe lights and pulsing techno sound. In fact, it was the exact opposite of what I imagined would be Trinity Donovan’s thing, but it was exactly what Mel Agent loved.
It didn’t occur to me that seeing Mel in Club 21 wasn’t an irony. This was his territory. These were his people. Everyone in the place wanted to touch him and he did touch most people as he maneuvered through the crowd to our table. He kissed each of us on the cheek, lingering on mine for what I considered an uncomfortably long time. When he asked what was our poison for the night, Trinity immediately responded.
“Death of Freedom,” and she looked at me.
Mel seemed to find her comment particularly funny and laughed with his head thrown back before he asked her to clarify.
“Don’t you read the gossip page? You’re in it enough, you should know the headlines. We’re graced this evening with the new queen of rock and roll.” She dramatically waved a fake princess wave over her head before twisting her wrist in a way that looked like she was holding an imaginary wand and ended by pointing her hand in my direction.
Mel held the grimace on his face as he looked down to the ring on my left hand. His eyes jumped up to my breasts before he met my face with that false smile still plastered on his model looking pouty lips.
“Well, poison it is. Congratulations, Guinevere.”
He held up a hand and I had no idea who he was signaling but instantly a scantily clothed waitress appeared to take a drink order. Mel did the honors and before we had a say, she wandered into the mass of bodies.
“First round on me. Speaking of getting on me, ladies, let’s dance.”
He took Trinity’s hand in an exaggerated way to link through his arm and turned his back to the table. Reaching behind him, he grabbed my hand and yanked me hard to follow after him. I heard Lace squeal with excitement after me as she patted my upper back and within seconds we were crushed against each other on the over-warm, over-loud dance floor. I let Lace’s enthusiasm captivate me and we danced together.
We didn’t need to return to the table for that first round as the waitress appeared at Mel’s side with a tray of shots.
“What is this?” I yelled over the music toward Mel.
He brought his mouth to my ear and spoke directly in it with a seductive tone.
“Death of Freedom.”
He held my eyes as he downed the alcohol that moments later burned my throat and I had a coughing attack. He placed his hand on my elbow and directed me back to our table, raising his hand again in that way, and immediately ordering me another drink to wash down the first. Enid was still at our spot and she took the invitation from Mel to go join the other girls. I was watching them dance when our drinks arrived.
Another shot was placed before me.
“What’s this one?” I yelled, not quite as loudly as we had moved considerably away from the dance floor.
“Escape from Camelot.” He laughed, but I didn’t as I downed the fruiter-tasting drink.
I licked my lips to savor the taste of this one and Mel watched my mouth before asking me if I liked that one.
Another shot arrived and when I took this one, I realized it didn’t taste like either previous drink. Before I could ask, he told me the name.
“Kidnapper’s Kiss.”
I laughed this time, feeling like he was making all these names up. He smiled big at my laughter and tugged me back to the dance floor. I wasn’t much of a drinker, so while the shots tasted good in their own right, they went down too fast and it didn’t take long for them to kick in. At some point, the music muffled in my ears and my limbs felt thick. The club became a muddle of colors and shapes before me, and I tried my voice but couldn’t use my tongue to respond. I turned to look at who I thought was Trinity and the world went black from that point forward.
I was stuck in a deep darkness, so much so that when I finally opened my dry eyes, I realized the room that surrounded me was dark as well. I couldn’t hear a sound outside what I assumed was a door as I lay on a bed covered with a thin sheet. I immediately realized I was naked except for my thin thong. I ached all over, including my head, which throbbed in a way I didn’t think was possible. My temples actually pulsed so hard that I could feel them hammering above my eyes.
My mouth was dry enough to match the dull in my eyes and I had an overwhelming thirst for water and a desire to relieve myself. Rolling from the bed, I found I was in some kind of bedroom. I made my way to the door, which I could only make out because of the low beam of light slipping under the bottom edge. I reached for the handle, rattling the locked knob several times before pounding on it and attempting to yell for help. My throat was so parched I couldn’t make more than a strangled scratching sound. The panic overwhelmed me and the urge to pee became too strong. I turned in my despair to fumble through the dark room in hopes of finding another door for a bathroom.
My hands skimmed the wall and within moments I had luck. I didn’t even bother with a switch as I plopped on the toilet and released my bladder. As I sat, I began to shake and a cold sweat broke out all over me. My legs were trembling uncontrollably and I knew I needed fresh air. The darkness was consuming me. I quickly turned around to release the contents of my stomach.
I wasn’t sure how I made it from the cool tile floor of the bathroom back to the comfortable bed. I was certain more time had passed and the light outside the main door was now off. I didn’t
recall anyone entering this room to assist me and assumed I must have crawled at some point back to the main room. I sensed I was in a hotel room or a guest room, but I had no idea where. What I assumed were closed drapes emitted a faint glow from the edging and I struggled to reach them. Hunched over with abdominal pain and shaking legs, I pulled open the curtains to find a spectacular view of New York City from the opposite side of the river. I had to be on Staten Island somehow.
Good God, where am I? And with who?
I finally found a light switch to realize the lights would not turn on. I stumbled in the dim city lights shining from across the water to this room for my purse, my clothes, my phone, anything. In full panic mode, I returned to the door, banging.
“Hello?” My frog voice hardly carried. “Hello? Anyone?”
After minutes with no response, I rushed back for the bathroom to release the contents of my stomach. It could have easily been my nerves as well as alcohol that brought me to my knees again and I did recall crawling to the bed this time. I had cupped water from the faucet to try and clear the taste out of my mouth, and found to my delight a glass of liquid on the bedside table with two aspirin next to it. I sniffed the drink to confirm it was water and placed the pills in my mouth. Swallowing the liquid to force the aspirin downward, I realized it wasn’t water in the glass as my throat burned again from alcohol.
My nerves shattered at this moment and I began to sob at the idea that what I just took might not have been aspirin either. Uncontrollable shaking took over my body again and I slumped to my side on the comfortable bed that felt nothing but scratchy and foreign suddenly.
Guinevere
I was dreaming. I was back in high school at my first party. I was sixteen years old and he was eighteen. I had a school girl crush on him. The way he played guitar, the way he sang. I knew he was part of a band, a band my father was trying to help promote, and I would sneak down to hear them practice. As he was still in high school, my dad didn’t feel right letting them headline yet, but he let them use the Round Table as a favor to Mure Linn, an old friend of my father’s whom I didn’t know much about at the time.
