by A I Knowles
“Alyss, I won’t lie to you. It won’t be safe. None of this is safe. But if we can get you out...get you on the street...you’ll have a chance.”
“If they catch you, or me, we’ll be sent for reprogramming.”
She laughs. “There’s no such thing as reprogramming, Alyss. It’s just another word for killing people who don’t conform.”
No. The thought hits me like a ton of bricks. The weight of what she’s telling me is like a punch in the chest, taking away my breath and making my ribs ache. Tears flood my eyes and it is hard to breathe around the lump in my throat. “They’re all...they’re all really dead?”
“I’m sorry, Alyss.”
Every one of them. Every girl I’ve grown up with, everyone I’ve sat beside in the mess hall, laughed with, talked to...every one of those voices is now silenced forever. That is, if she’s telling me the truth. I can’t wrap my mind around the concept. Every person I grew up with is dead, except for the five other girls currently living here. The headmistress, the security guards, the few administrative HAs who occasionally visit...they’re pure machine, nothing of their humanity left beside complicated computer algorithms.
“But why?” The words burst from me before I can stop them. “Why don’t they just make more computers? Why do they need us?”
Her voice is gentle, even though I know she’s in a hurry to impart the information before she’s discovered and has to leave. “None of us know for sure. I think in the beginning, it was because nobody would buy a HA if they didn’t see what looked and sounded like their friends walking around in android bodies. Now, we suspect it’s to convince the rest of the world.”
“The…” now I really feel like I can’t breathe. “The rest of the world?”
“Oh, honey.” She laughs bitterly. “They really have brainwashed you, haven’t they? There’s an entire world out there. If we ever manage to escape the Society altogether, Alyss, I will show you an entire world. This city is only a tiny part of it.”
My breath comes in gasps, my brain spins in circles as I try to reconcile the two stories I’ve been told. All my life...for as long as I can remember, I’ve been told one thing. Now someone is telling me I’ve been lied to. Why should I believe her? Why don’t I dismiss her out of hand?
Maybe it’s because nothing the Society has ever told me quite rang true.
Maybe it’s because, more than anything, I want hope. I want the ability to direct my own fate.
Damn it, I want to live.
As my heart rate and blood pressure rise, heat grows beneath my ear. I shake my head and touch the spot.
“Alyss? Alyss, what’s wrong?” In the background of her voice I hear a frantic alarm wailing, and I launch upward as the heat on my neck surges into an intolerable burning.
Gasping, I crash to my knees, hand clutching the side of my neck, fingernails trying to work under the little implant as it burns me from the inside out.
Just as the pain sends me spiraling toward unconsciousness, a jolt of electricity surges through my body, and my limbs spasm into rigidity as the world goes dark.
Chapter 4: Questions
The first thing I hear is the whispers. The indistinct tangle of sound rolls over me like a wave. Then I become aware of my body again, and the pain makes me gasp. I try to raise my hand to my neck, but it moves slowly, as if it’s weighed down.
“Alyss, lie still.” A cool hand grabs my wrist and pushes my hand back down. I whimper. My neck hurts. I want to know what’s happened.
My eyelids are heavy and feel stuck together. I force them open and blink rapidly, trying to bring the room into focus. A bright light is above me, and I squint. Several figures stand just outside the brightest of the beam.
“What...what happened?”
I hear the headmistress’ voice, and one of the humanoid forms turns to face another. “Can she sit up?”
When the second figure nods, hands reach out and grasp my arm. One goes behind my sore neck, and I flinch. They pull me upright, and when they release me, the angle of the bed has been changed. It’s also brought me out of the most blinding angle of the light beam, and I can see that there’s a half-dozen androids gathered around me. Across the room, a screen displays the day’s Society announcement, and I’m too disoriented to tear my gaze away from the words and the happy-looking Asian man who stands on the screen beside them.
In The Society, you can be anyone you wish to be. The possibilities are endless. Gone are the days of painful, dangerous sex-change surgeries after months or years of risky hormone treatments. All citizens are given their first 18 years of life to decide who they wish to be once embedded. Race, skin color, gender, height, and weight...they are all yours to choose. The entirety of the world's genetic blueprints will be at your fingertips. And if you one day find yourself dissatisfied with your body, and want to start from scratch? We can do that, too! The only limit is your imagination.
Be whoever you wish to be.
-end broadcast-
The words seem like something that belongs in another time and place. Not here, not in the compound, not in front of me. Not being shown to someone who has just been almost killed because of the actions of someone she didn’t even want to talk to.
“Alyss? Can you hear me?” the headmistress leans forward, her piercing eyes fixed on my face.
I nod, then cough. My throat is dry enough to choke me, and my lips are cracked. Someone hands me a cup of water with a straw. After enough of the water to make my mouth work again, I lower the cup. “What happened?” I look around at those nearby. Besides the headmistress, I see the Medbot, two Nandroids, one of the security-officer HAs, and a male HA I recognize vaguely as one of the administrative personnel that helps run the Compound.
The headmistress looks...worried. Is this a point in favor of her really having a human soul inside her body, or simply a manifestation of her programming? My head throbs too much to puzzle this out right now. “Alyss, your implant exploded. You were nearly killed. We fear it’s the same group of rebels who hacked your school screen.” She peers at me with an unreadable expression. “For some reason, they’ve focused all their efforts on you. A signal from outside the compound overloaded your implant and caused a catastrophic failure. We had to do extensive surgery to save you.”
My hand goes to my neck. I can feel the blood drain from my face as my fingers touch the wound. “I….” darkness sparkles at the edge of my vision. This can’t be real. I’ve never so much as broken a bone. The worst injuries I’ve suffered are bruises as a child when I fell in the exercise yard while playing, or skinned knees from falling while running down the corridors.
This...this is something from nightmares. All I can feel is puckered skin and drawn lines. I run my fingers up the gash, which feels like it’s been glued together, and whimper when I find it runs all the way down my neck to my collarbone, and up, bisecting where my earlobe used to be, all the way to my temple and ending in my eyebrow.
My stomach heaves, and someone barely manages to get a basin in front of me before the little water I swallowed reappears. I cough and choke helplessly, as unused to vomiting as I am to pain and injury.
When the spasms finally pass and I fall back against the pillows, everyone is still just standing there, staring at me. The headmistress pats my hand. “Don’t worry, Alyss. Once you’re in your android body, you won’t have to worry about it anymore.” She smiles, and I don’t know why, but I shiver at the sight. “In fact, we’ve moved your Process up. Since we no longer have a way to track your vital signs, and for some reason the rebels are after you, we want to get you in an android body as soon as possible. Your Process is scheduled for five days from now.” She chuckles. “If you can just survive until then, you’ll be immune to the rebels’ terrorist acts.”
I have the feeling she meant this as a joke, but given my recent conversations with the voice that claims to be my mother, it comes across as rather cold. The headmistress shoos the Medbot and Nanbots away
, and sends the security guard over to stand by the door.
Wait. She just said my Process is five days from now.
My implant is gone, so the rebel woman has no way to talk to me.
We can’t plan my escape if I can’t talk to her.
In five days, I’m going to die.
Assuming the woman is telling the truth.
“Alyss!” The headmistress is nearly shouting. “Alyss, are you alright?”
I force myself to focus on her face, and swallow down the renewed nausea. “I...I’m fine.” I try to erase all expression from my face as she watches me.
“You are obviously tired. We will discuss the details of your rescheduled Process in the morning.” She pats my hand and turns to look at the silent HA that stands next to her. “We should leave the girl to rest, Victre.” He nods, and the two of them bid me goodbye.
Once the door hisses shut behind them, I let my head fall back and stare at the ceiling, trying to curb the panic rising in my throat. Everything...all the insanity that’s happened these past few days...has it really all been in vain? Could the universe really grant me a glimpse of the world beyond the walls of The Society, give me a sliver of hope, only to jerk it away so cruelly?
If only she had never tried to talk to me. I would have gone to my potential death with misgivings, but I wouldn’t have known what would happen beyond a vague uneasiness. Of course, that’s assuming she’s right and I’m actually going to die. Even though I try to convince myself she was as likely to be the liar as the Society, my heart screams that they’re wrong and the mysterious voice is right. Placing a human soul in a mechanical body defies every law of nature as I know it. Even more, it just feels wrong. How could you capture the essence of a person and place it inside a machine?
The only question is, if they really are killing us, why not just create more androids? Why do they need us at all? I find it hard to believe.
My head is spinning. I close my eyes as I try to make the room stay still.
***
When I open them again, I’m alone. The Medbot is shut down in the corner, and all the lights are dimmed. My head feels better, but my stomach is so empty it aches. Moving slowly so I don’t make myself dizzy again, I sit up and swing my legs down. I’m only wearing a thin white gown with a zip seam up the side. Across the room, a dimmed screen displays a new day’s Society announcement. Next to the words is another happy-looking man with snowflakes falling on his upturned face.
Life inside a HA android means never being troubled by the afflictions so common to human life.
Feel the coolness of snowflakes on your skin, but never endure frostbite.
Walk through a desert without suffering dehydration or heat exhaustion.
Dive beneath oceans (provided you stay within safe depths for your android's alloy frame), and experience marine life in ways previous generations could only dream of.
When you're embedded in one of our line of HA androids, you can enjoy all life has to offer...as safely as if you were in your own home.
This is life inside the Society.
-end broadcast-
The irony does not escape me as I turn my aching body to the side in an attempt to stand up.
I gasp as my feet hit the floor and the cold travels up my calves. I sneak a glance at the Medbot, but it remains dark. Pulling the thin blanket from the bed, I wrap it around my shoulders and stand. My knees tremble with weakness as I take a step forward.
The plan is to find a Nandroid and beg some food from them. Surely they’ll let me break protocol because of my injury and missed meals.
As I reach the door, it hisses open and I step through. The corridor is eerily dark and silent, with just the little floor-lights to show me where I’m going. My bare feet scuff on the chilly floor as I walk toward the bedrooms, then bypass the six doors on my left and keep going.
Pale beams of moonlight drift through the tiny window at the apex of the mess hall ceiling. They fall like ropes of glass straight down to the table, and dust motes as bright as diamonds drift within the narrow columns. As I step into the room, for a moment I stop and admire the sight. Maybe I’m delirious, or maybe it’s the thought of imminent death that’s making me see beauty in the tiny, everyday things. What if it’s the last time I see them?
Shaking off the persistent desire for introspection, I walk over to the food niches. The one where my trays sit is empty and dark. I look around. To the left is the door to the kitchens, yet another off-limits area. Maybe a Nandroid is inside.
I shuffle over and the door’s alarm beeps at me, reminding me I’m not allowed inside. Ignoring it, I reach out and rap on the glass with my knuckles. Then I fold the blanket tighter around my shoulders and wait. After a few minutes I knock again, then wander over to the table to take the weight off of my trembling legs. The effort has warmed me, and I lay my head on the cool tabletop. It feels soothing against the aching wound on my neck. I keep my eyes on the door in case it opens, fighting the urge to let my lids drift closed. Even my hunger isn’t enough to stave off the fatigue that overwhelms my limbs. I’ll hear the door if it opens. Just going to close my eyes for a second…
“Alyss!” Linea’s voice in my ear startles me, and my eyes fly open to bright sunlight spilling in. The other girls cluster around me. Linea looks worried. The twins manage an expression of mild concern while the other two girls whisper together as they study their nails and the ends of their hair. “Alyss, are you okay?”
I groan and sit upright. My back is stiff from sleeping hunched over. “Yeah...I’m fine. I think.”
Linea walks around the table and lowers herself to a spot on the bench directly across from me, setting her tray down in the process. Lakasha, Shana, Mo, and Jo take seats with their trays on the rest of the empty spaces. I’ve never realized how much Shana looks like the headmistress, though the girl’s eyes are ice blue rather than purple. Jo grumbles something about sweating legs and heavy skirts, and after a glance to either side, pulls the fabric up to her knees to let her calves be exposed[Jenny Tho1] beneath the table. Mo rolls her eyes, and Lakasha is too busy trying to use the shiny table surface to perfect the braids in her obsidian-hued hair to notice any of us. Linea is the only one who keeps her eyes fixed on me, though I have the sense the other girls are listening as intently as she is.
“What happened?”
Scrubbing my face wearily, I hold up one finger to pause her questions while I fetch my food from the dispenser. My stomach growls so loudly that everyone but Linea and Lakasha chuckle. I set my tray down with a clatter, and step over the bench to sit down again. After shoving a giant spoonful of oatmeal in my mouth, I look up to find Linea practically bouncing with impatience.
“Someone hacked my school room.” this seemed safe enough to say, as the administration knew about it. “Then my implant.” I pull my hair back to expose my neck, and the other girls gasp so loudly that even Lakasha stops studying her face in the table to look up at me. I drop my hair when Jo goes green and looks like she might puke. I’ve already dealt with enough vomit for today.
Linea has tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Alyss. That must have been so frightening.”
You don’t know the half of it. Shrugging, I stuff another large bite of oatmeal in my mouth to avoid answering.
Unfortunately, Linea doesn’t seem inclined to let the matter go. She starts chattering about cyber-attacks on the compound, and wondering if the rest of them are next, or whether the Nandroids and Medbots will be turned against us. It’s brought out an unusual glint in her eye, an animation to her movements that I rarely see these days.
She sighs. “I wish my Process was closer, so I could get out of here and be where it’s safe.”
My head snaps up at this, and she looks taken aback by my expression. I bite my lip until I taste blood, trying to stop myself from screaming at her that the Process isn’t what she thinks it is. Instead, I fight back the tightness in my chest and shovel down the rest of my oatmeal, tr
ying to quiet the growling in my stomach. When the bell rings, I rise with the other girls and return my tray to its niche, only to realize all I’m wearing is the blanket and the infirmary gown. Spotting a Nandroid on the other side of the mess hall, I stride to it as quickly as I can.
“Nandroid, may I be allowed to return to my room and change clothes before school?”
The metallic face stares at me blankly, and I know it’s checking through the Compound’s network. Then it nods. “Yes, Alyss. You may perform all necessary hygiene tasks, then go to your school room for Language hour. We extend our condolences on your recent injury.”
I nod. “Thank you.” I watch the Nandroid walk off, so human-looking but for the skin so pale it’s almost silver. They’re made to look like women, but I’ll never see them as such. Nothing with such severe cheekbones and such straight hair could ever truly look human.
Heading back to my room, I drop the blanket and gown on the floor near the door, and stumble over to sit on the bed for a moment. The air is cold against my bare skin, and it prompts me to seek out the warmth of the shower. Upon stepping through the bathroom doorway, I stop short. Though most evidence of my collapse has been cleaned away, a single, faint soot stain mars the gray floor. I kneel down and touch it with the tip of my finger, feeling where the surface is now slightly pitted by the heat. I can’t believe I’m still alive.
