by SM Olivier
Easton handed me the tape to secure the needle in place.
“Good job,” Easton praised me. “You’ve done this before.”
I gave a shaky laugh and nodded. “Thank you, and yes, but the youngest patient I had was maybe eight or nine. Not… this age.”
“I’m impressed,” he commended me once more.
If I wasn’t so worried, I might have preened under his praise. He handed me the rest of the stuff to complete her IV. I opened the IV line and ensured the fluid was dripping into the chamber. I checked for leaking and swelling at the IV site, relaxing marginally when I realized it was a successful insertion. I then secured the IV line with additional tape.
Easton adjusted the drip rate and then smiled at me. I smiled in return. I knew we weren’t out of the woods yet, but we did as much as we could for her right now.
“I found something,” Kingston stated, running into the room.
He had a kitchen cart and a clear plastic bin with a bassinet pad lining the bottom of it. It looked similar to what they used in the NICU, and I was surprised by his ingenuity.
“I made sure to wipe it down with antibacterial wipes,” Kingston reassured us.
“We’ll move her to that,” Easton said soothingly. “Depending on the severity, it may take several hours before I even consider her stable.”
I nodded in understanding, but as he reached for her, I quickly bypassed him. “I’ll get her,” I told him.
Kingston rolled over the cart, and I carefully lifted her into the container.
“It’s so tiny,” Kingston breathed in wonder. “I didn’t know they came that small.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his awe. “They come smaller than this sometimes,” I informed him.
“How old do you think…” He looked around. Without her pink dress on, it was hard to tell whether she was a boy or girl, so I understood his dilemma.
“She is−” I stopped and closed my eyes, memories flooded me, my heart dropped. “−thirteen days old or so.” I tried to stop the emotions from overwhelming me. “Her mom and dad must have been shopping nearby,” I said quietly as I double checked to make sure all her tape was affixed in place, then grabbed a soft shirt from a rack and covered her, keeping her warming. “They probably knew they couldn’t protect her out in the open, maybe hoped they could come back for her. They shoved her into a place they thought would be safe from the infected. They didn’t make it far, though. Rhett Michaels and Donna Michaels.”
I had noticed their relationship the first time I came across their names. I then remarked about it to Sylvia as we were hanging up their ID’s. I even wondered aloud if they had gotten a sitter to watch their newborn baby because, thankfully, no babies were found. It was terrible enough—No. I couldn’t think like that.
I swallowed and continued. “They were right outside these doors when they were infected and later… dispatched.”
“The Coach pink bag with the gold Cs on it,” Kingston finished grimly. “I’ll go get it,” he offered.
“Thanks.” I tried to smile as Easton stepped up, verifying the drip once more. “She was a breastfed baby,” I said into the silence. “She didn’t have any formula in her bag. Just a handpump.”
“We’ll find a formula that agrees with her,” Easton promised. I was thankful he was planning for her future like I was.
“Or… if you’re not opposed to a wetnurse,” Steph spoke from the doorway, “I can nurse her once she’s ready. My milk is already coming in, and I tandem-nursed the boys. If not, I can pump the milk for her so you can feed her.”
I turned to see my stepmother walk, or should I say, waddle, into the room. She stopped by the makeshift bassinet. With one finger, she gently traced the baby's soft cheek as tears filled her eyes.
Stephanie looked barely older than me, which was no surprise, because she was only ten years my senior. She was beautiful in a classical way, with light brown hair and pretty dark blue eyes.
Stephanie got pregnant with Miller during her senior year of high school. She got married shortly after graduating but lost her husband overseas when the boys were seven and five. My dad had been his commanding officer. She and Dad had struck up a friendship. He would help her on occasion and helped her navigate her husband’s death.
A couple of years later, they ran into each other again. Stephanie had been working on base as a physical therapist, and they started hanging out. Next thing I knew, my dad was telling us he was getting remarried. It had been hard to accept.
“Nursing can induce labor,” Easton said cautiously.
“I’m thirty-six weeks pregnant,” Stephanie said resolutely. “If Madeline wants to come now, so be it. The antibodies in my milk may be more beneficial for this sweet thing right now. Especially if she was already nursing.”
Easton gave me an inquiring look. I knew he was giving me the chance to make that decision. I knew the ongoing debate about breastfed vs formula-fed, but at the end of the day, I knew breastfed was best, no matter how I felt about it personally.
I bit my lip and swallowed, my feelings and memories too close to the surface. “If you’re okay with giving it a try, I’m okay with that, Stephanie. I know some women aren’t compatible with pumps.”
Stephanie smiled and nodded. “I can care for her, too… if you want,” she said hesitantly.
I shook my head immediately. “No. No, thank you. I really appreciate the offer, but I want to care for her.”
“Avery,” Axel said, surprising me. I had forgotten Axel and Corbin were here. “If you−” he began. He had watched me break down too many times already. He must have seen the pain I felt when I first lifted the baby from the carrier.
“No, Ax.” I shook my head, cutting him off. Then I looked at Steph and Corbin.
They had never known about Bella, and that was another guilt I had carried around for months. I had longed to talk to Aunt Pam about my miscarriage. However, I also knew Stephanie had had a miscarriage before she had gotten pregnant with Madeline. Both women had experienced miscarriages, and in Aunt Pam’s case, several of them. There were times I wished I had talked to them through my dark periods.
I knew part of me thought this was a second chance, of sorts. That God, fate, destiny, had brought me this sweet baby girl, but I knew she would never replace my baby girl or make things magically better. There had to be a reason Bane, the dog that had picked me, had found her, and that out of all the names I had come across today, her parents’ names had stuck with me.
“I was—” I cleared my voice. “Trevor and I were expecting. At first, I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the whole first-trimester taboo. Then we decided to announce it to everyone at the annual family trip to Sanctuary Lakes.” I swallowed my tears down. I felt warm arms encircle me and knew it was Axel by his spicy scent with mint undertones. I leaned back into him, glad for his support. “At our sixteen-week check-up, I found out she was a girl. We decided to name her Bella Mae, after Mom and Aunt Pam. Six days later… I lost her.” I was fighting my emotions as I looked down at Axel's arm around mine.
I heard a gasp at the door and looked up to see Aunt Pam; her eyes were filled with tears. “I was going to be a grandma?” she asked tremulously.
“Mom,” Corbin gently said as he approached her.
She pushed his arms away and came towards me. “But why, Avery?”
I knew what she was asking. I didn’t know how to tell her why we hadn’t told her. At the time, it had seemed like the best thing to do. We wanted to surprise the family as a whole. We didn’t think there was a massive rush, because we had been out of the “danger” zone, and we wanted to let Nana, Pop-pop, Dad, Uncle Scott, and Aunt Pam know in person.
“You know I had three miscarriages,” Aunt Pam whispered as she patted my cheeks. “I know how hard it is. How hard it still is! We could have talked about it. I could have been there for you.”
“When did you lose the baby?” Corbin inquired almost icily.
I looked over and noticed his green-gray eyes were very, very icy gray. I knew his anger wasn’t directed towards me, though. He must’ve done the math. He knew now that it was around the same time.
“It doesn’t matter, Cor.” I shook my head decisively. “It’s all water under the bridge. I’ve decided to move on.”
“Was it before or after he cheated on you?” he insisted.
“Corbin, please,” I whispered as I heard Aunt Pam’s gasps.
“Cavalier,” Axel said in warning.
Corbin took a deep breath and shook his head before storming out. Kingston came into the room, carrying the diaper bag. He looked in confusion at Corbin’s retreating back, then handed me the bag.
“Thanks,” I croaked out.
I looked at the baby, the diaper bag, and then Corbin’s retreating form. I was so torn. I wanted to run after him, but I didn’t want to leave the baby either.
“Go watch him,” Axel murmured to Kingston. “Make sure he doesn’t go near his brother until he’s cooled off.”
Kingston looked confused but ran off without question.
With shaking fingers, I placed the bag on the counter and opened it.
“I won’t like the answer, will I?” Aunt Pam finally whispered as she peered down at the baby with sadness. The nurse in her was checking the IV and the dripping tube.
“The answer won’t change anything,” I murmured in a pained voice.
“I don’t even know what I can say to make things better. I−” Aunt Pam began.
“There’s nothing to say, Aunt Pam. I love you, and I will always love you. You are not a reflection of Trevor's behavior in this.” I took a deep fortifying breath in. “Trevor is a grown man and responsible for his own actions. I know he wasn’t in the right frame of mind when he was initially with Emery.
“Things will get better,” I promised. “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I have resolved to no longer to carry the weight of unforgiveness around. I will never forget what they did to me. I’ll work on forgiving Trevor, and maybe, one day, even Emery, but right now, she hasn’t asked it of me. She still believes she didn’t do anything wrong.”
Aunt Pam sighed and patted my arm. “You’re mom always said your heart was bigger than hers,” she said almost bitterly before looping her arms through Steph’s. “We should go to the restroom and then back to bed. You need your rest.”
Stephanie patted me on the shoulder. We weren’t close, by any means, but I had an affection for her, and I loved her boys. I knew she was trying to build a relationship with me. Maybe it was time I forgave her for trying to take my mom’s place, even if she never wanted the position. She never even tried. She never deserved the feelings I held towards her. She made my dad happy, and that’s all that should matter to me.
“Thanks, Steph, for everything.” I smiled at her.
She nodded and smiled back at me.
I sighed again and reached into the bag, looking for anything to identify the sweet girl fighting for her life.
I finally came across the three hospital bracelets. I placed the larger ones on the counter before examining the smallest one. I blinked several times. My knees began to shake. My vision started to close in. The name Isa May Michaels swam before my eyes before I lost all consciousness.
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His slim, muscular arms were wrapped around my middle from behind as we laid in bed. I felt his hands trace my bare belly with a gentle touch. “What about Isa Mae Cavalier?” he asked as he kissed the back of my neck.
He knew how sensitive that spot was. I groaned and arched my back into him. I felt his erection press against my rear.
“Really?” I groaned out in laughter. “Again?”
He flipped me onto my back. His perfectly styled ash-blond hair was now mussed from the sex we’d had earlier. A lock of it was falling in his eyes. I liked him most like this. He looked more like the boy I once knew; less like the man that believed he needed to make a lot of money, drive the right car, and wear the right clothes to be successful and more like the teenager I had fallen in love with at sixteen.
Back then, our dreams had been so different. I was going to be a nurse− which hadn’t changed− and he was going to be a teacher. We wanted to move to the city and make a difference there. He always loved working with kids, ever since we began volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club.
After meeting some of those underprivileged kids, we wanted to make a difference in the world. Our dads and my mom knew what it was like not to be loved, to be abandoned. Most of those kids lived in broken homes. They needed people like us to remind them that they mattered.
The summer before our senior year, we had been invited to one of Emery’s friend's family home. Her dad was an architect. They were clearly well off. Trevor was immediately enamored with that lifestyle, and just like that, he’d decided he wasn’t going to be a teacher anymore.
Then when we started to apply for colleges and the scholarships began to roll in, he chose to go to another school. I was okay with that, but I knew it was going to take work on our part.
“My baby is carrying my baby.” He smiled wickedly at me. “How can I not want you all the time?”
With those words, he drove into me. I closed my eyes and groaned. I loved having sex. I loved the feeling of him inside me. I just found it hard to find my release sometimes, and when Trevor was in this mood, I knew he was seeking his own. He pushed into me, setting a slow but deep rhythm.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna be my baby momma. Do you want to get married before the baby or after?” he asked.
I laughed, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Mmm, maybe before. We can just hit up the Justice of the Peace, and maybe when the kids are older, we can have a real wedding, and they can be our ring bearers and flower girls.”
He paused in his thrusting movements, his eyebrows knit, “You want more than just Bella Mae?”
I paused, frowning slightly. “Yeah. I want three, maybe four. You just want one?”
“Well,” he said hesitantly, still moving his hips. “I figured we'd both have careers that kept us busy, but I guess we can hire a nanny.”
He leaned forward, kissing me, shutting down our conversation. I tried not to think about the fact he seemed so blase about nannies raising our children. With having dads who were often deployed, we were both raised in almost single-parent households, yet our moms still handled it. If Mom hadn’t died, Dad would have never hired a nanny.
I didn’t see why we couldn’t both work and take care of our children without hiring live-in help. Parents did it across America all the time.
His movements quickened, and I forgot my thoughts as I clutched him. “I love you,” he cried out before spilling into me. He collapsed on top of me, kissing my shoulder. “I really am a lucky man to have such a beautiful woman carrying my child. You’re my best friend, Avery, the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I smiled at him, my cross and upset feelings forgotten. “Bella Mae,” I finally agreed.
He smiled. “Mom’s gonna love it.” He got up, padding to the bathroom, his lean runner’s butt flexing with each step.
It felt like I was just dozing off when the bed dipped beside me. He had been in the bathroom for a long time. I smiled and looked up sleepily, my tiredness of the first trimester still kicking my butt.
I heard a baby crying in the distance.
“Trev, can you get the baby?” I inquired sleepily.
After several beats, I heard the baby crying again. “Trev?” I mumbled disgruntedly.
I then heard Trevor's discombobulated voice, like it was coming from afar. “Run, Avery, run.”
“What, why?” I asked in confusion as I blinked the tiredness out of my eyes.
“Run, Avery, run,” he repeated.
I looked up at him and gasped. I tried to scramble away from him, but my legs got tangled up in the sheets.
Trevor advanced towards me, tears of blood pouring down his face, bloody foa
m coming from his lips.
The baby began to scream in earnest now.
“Run, Avery, run!” Trevor now screamed at me before he lunged.
“No, please, no!” I screamed in terror as I finally freed myself from the sheets.
I tumbled from the bed and began to run as I threw open his bedroom door. Wait. Where was I? I didn’t recognize his frat house. The baby wailed once more.
I heard the door slam behind me and turned to look over my should. Trevor was screaming my name.
“Please, please!” I begged him as I began running towards the stairs.
I felt something or someone tugging on my pant legs. When did I get dressed?
I felt my barefoot catch on something, and next thing I knew, my feet were taken out from under me. Something gritty and rough dug into my hands as the baby continued to cry. Another sharp pain in my knees had me crying out in pain. Arms encircled me from behind. Strong arms.
“You’re okay, relax, you’re okay,” the voice murmured in my ears.
“No, please, no,” I cried out.
“Avery, it’s me, Wyatt, you’re safe,” he murmured.
I heard an excited yip, followed by a low bark.
“Wyatt?” I murmured in confusion. When did Wyatt get here?
“What happened?” I heard Easton's voice next.
Wait why was he here?
I shook my head, the remnants of my dream disappearing. I groaned as I slowly opened my eyes. “How far did I get?” I sighed in embarrassment. My hands stung, and my knees throbbed. I looked down and noticed I had bits of asphalt in my hands.
Bane was whining and nudging me.
I frowned. How had I even managed to get outside? It was a question that never had an answer, every single time.
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I looked around and noticed I was in a room I didn’t recognize. I was on Wyatt’s lap, and Easton was sitting in a chair in front of me. A sizeable first aid kit was sitting next to him on a desk. The door banged open, and Axel and Corbin came into the room.
My humiliation increased as I felt their eyes on me. Easton rolled his chair closer and began to dab my hands gently. I hissed, feeling the sting of the medication.
