by C. C. Wood
I had houses to clean and a shift at Crave the next day.
I also had less trouble with the morning sickness because I took my mother's advice and kept a can of 7-Up and a little baggie of crackers next to the bed. I ate one as soon as I opened my eyes, waited a few minutes, then sat up just enough to take a few sips of the lemon-lime soda. Then, I'd lain back down and read a book on my phone for fifteen minutes.
When I finally risked sitting up, my stomach still rolled but the nausea wasn't severe enough that I thought I would puke.
Mom had warned me that it could get worse as the first trimester went along. Or that I might hit the five- or six-month mark before it went away. Or that it might never go away.
She'd laughed when I'd replied that at least I had something to look forward to.
I walked to the bathroom in slow, careful steps, used the facilities, and washed my hands and face. I stared in the mirror, looking for any visible signs that I was pregnant in my face or upper body.
Nothing.
I looked the same as I always had, though my eyes were puffy from lack of sleep.
Abandoning my study of the mirror, I went back into the bedroom, munched on another cracker, and carried my soda into the kitchen with me.
After another day of a breakfast of toast and tea, I took a shower, dressed, and headed out to clean my first house of the day. I wasn't due at the shop until five that afternoon, so I was going to fit two cleaning jobs in this morning and early afternoon, take a short nap after, then go to work.
Cam was planning to leave when I got there, so I would need to arrive a bit early so I could talk to her about moving to full-time and getting benefits.
The sooner that could happen, the better.
As I went through the motions of cleaning the two houses, I thought about what I would say to Cam and how I would say it.
I didn't want to go in there cold because then I would blurt out that her older brother had knocked me up on the night of her wedding.
Yes, that was a great way to ask for a promotion and benefits. Telling her that her brother had sex with me.
I was sure she'd be thrilled. Absolutely thrilled.
By the time I got home from cleaning the second house, I took another quick shower, dressing in light pajamas, and climbed into bed. As stressed out as I was about talking to Cam, I was also exhausted. Again.
Sleep came a lot more easily than I expected and I woke up about five minutes before my alarm went off, feeling much more rested.
There was a bounce in my step when I walked into the shop, though I stopped short when I saw J.J. standing at the end of the counter, his arm around Cam's neck as he rubbed his knuckles over the top of her head.
It was something my brothers would have done to me and I could see a similar annoyance and love in Cam's expression. It was probably the same look I wore when Robert or Clayton did it to me.
"Save me, Lee!" Cam called. "My former best friend and business partner has abandoned me."
Despite the fact that there were people in the shop, Sierra hollered from the office. "She lies! Lies, I tell you!"
The patrons were obviously used to the theatrics and silliness between Cam and Sierra because they either laughed or ignored them.
I approached the counter, my stomach flip-flopping. There was no way J.J. could tell I was pregnant just by looking at me. I'd taken four pregnancy tests, all positive, and I would have had trouble believing it myself if I hadn't woken up with the urge to hurl every morning.
He smiled as I walked closer. "You wouldn't hurt me, would you?"
"She pays my salary, so, yes, I would. And I'm sure you remember what my brothers were like when I was growing up. I learned how to defend myself."
J.J.'s smile widened but he released Cam. Then, he grunted when her fist hit him in the gut.
"Jerk," she grumbled.
He ignored her and asked me, "How's it going?"
"Good. You?"
"I'm good. How's the studying going?"
It was a struggle not to give him a pointed look. I knew he was asking about the little gifts he'd sent and not the work itself. I was grateful for my olive skin tone because my face heated. If I hadn't been spending so much time outside gardening, the blush would have been obvious.
"It's going well." I glanced at Cam and asked, "Can I talk to you and Sierra privately for a few minutes before I clock in?"
Cam's eyes widened. "Please tell me you're not quitting because if you try, I don't know what I'll do. Other than plan your possible kidnapping."
"Jesus, Cam," J.J. said.
We both ignored him.
"Nothing like that. Actually, it's the exact opposite."
She beamed at me. "Sure." Using her hip to bump her brother out of her way, she walked around the counter and gestured for me to follow her to the office.
As we walked away, I tried, really, really tried, not to look back.
I also failed.
When I chanced a furtive glance over my shoulder, he was watching me walk away.
In the full five seconds it took to walk to Cam's office, I got myself back under control.
Sierra looked up when we entered, her bright red hair in a messy bun on top of her head, black glasses perched on the end of her nose, and magenta lipstick on her lips. She looked like a sexy yet slightly demented librarian. Until she stood up and revealed a long tee with a cartoon raccoon head on it and a pair of brightly patterned leggings. When I looked closer, I realized the leggings were a fun print that consisted of little stick figures in various rude poses. I didn't stare too long because I didn't want Sierra to ask me why I was staring at her crotch.
"What's up?" Sierra asked.
I cocked my head to the side when I realized that her shirt had the words "Gary the Evil Raccoon" under the raccoon head. Weird.
I jerked myself out of my contemplation of Sierra's outfit. "I wanted to talk to the two of you about the full-time position we discussed. How firm is the February date for me to move into the full-time manager position and start health benefits?"
They glanced at each other, some kind of non-verbal communication going on. It was Cam who turned to me and said, "We would love to do it earlier, but a lot of our funds are tied up in opening the new store early next year. Can we give everything another look and let you know in a few days?"
"Of course. I just wanted to ask."
Cam glanced at Sierra again and it was Sierra that asked, "Is something wrong? I mean, are you having problems with school or something?"
I shook my head, hoping the fact that I never actually lied out loud would make me feel less guilty in the long run. If I told them what happened, even if I left J.J. out of it, they would bend over backward to give me what I needed, even to the detriment of the business.
And I couldn't let them do that. Not just because it was important to them, but because it was important to me, too.
"If that changes, let us know, okay?" Cam said.
I nodded, once again choosing not to speak. This time because I would probably cry.
They may act crazy, but these women were smart and compassionate. I was lucky that I had the opportunity to work for them and, hopefully in the future, with them as an equal.
"Thanks," I said. "I'm going to clock in and get started."
They both nodded at me.
I left the office and settled in to work.
Part of me wanted to panic because I didn't know what I was going to do if the answer was no. I knew it would do me no good to freak out before I knew their answer.
When Mom and I had talked, she encouraged me to tell J.J. as soon as possible, not just because he deserved to know, but because he was a good man and he would want to help me in whatever way possible.
What scared me was how his idea of help might differ from mine.
Too bad I didn't have much choice about how he found out.
I spent the next week and a half trying to figure out how to tell J.J. that I was pregnant
. He still texted me and even sent me a mini succulent to go with my collection on the screened-in back porch. Which made it even harder to keep my mouth shut.
Part of me wanted to wait until I finished the first trimester because there were no guarantees I wouldn't miscarry. I'd been doing enough reading online to know that a lot of women miscarried their first pregnancies. I wanted to go to the doctor for a preliminary exam, but I couldn't afford it, even if my OB was willing to see me. My online research had also told me most OB-GYN's preferred to wait until the last few weeks of the first trimester to see patients unless there was a problem. So, I was playing the waiting game.
I didn't want to freak J.J. out if it wasn't necessary.
It also seemed that my morning sickness was becoming random-times-of-the-day sickness. Yes, I still woke up nauseated, but it would often hit me again throughout the day and never at the same time.
I tried to hide it from Cam and Sierra, but it was impossible to hide the fact that you were bolting for the bathroom to yak at least once a shift, sometimes more.
God, I really hoped this faded after the first trimester because it sucked.
What sucked more was the day I nearly lost my cookies in the ice cream case. I'd carried a container of ice cream out from the freezer in the back and placed it inside.
As soon as I bent over with the ice cream, that horrible sick feeling rose in the back of my throat and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to hold it off. I slammed the lid of the case down, the ice cream container still sitting on top of another, and dashed for the bathroom.
Thank God it was a slow afternoon and the restroom was empty because I didn't even have a chance to shut the door behind me before I was bending over the toilet.
I saw a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye, but I was a little too busy to tell them to give me a minute.
Once the horrible spell was over, I used some toilet paper to clean myself up a bit before I flushed the toilet.
Without looking at the two figures in the door, I went to the sink, rinsed my face and mouth, and then grabbed another tissue to blow my nose.
After I felt more like myself, I faced Cam and Sierra. They were both looking at me with wide-eyed expressions.
I heard the bell on the front door and J.J. call out, "Cam!"
Neither Cam nor Sierra heard him, they were both fixated on me.
Finally, Cam spoke. Really, it was more of a yell. "You're pregnant!"
I closed my eyes because J.J.'s face appeared behind them just as she spoke the words. And judging by his expression, he'd definitely heard them.
Great. Just great. This was a time I really wished I cussed because a few obscenities would truly express my dismay.
"That's why you were asking about insurance, isn't it?" Sierra asked.
I nodded, my eyes still closed. I didn't want to look at them and see disappointment or anger on their faces. I didn't want to see the expression on J.J.'s face either now that the news had time to settle into his brain.
"Well, we'll figure something out," Cam said. "We can put off opening the new store if we have to."
My eyes flew open. I forced myself not to look at J.J. even though I really wanted to. "No! You can't do that. It's important that you maximize your growth now. If you lose momentum—"
"Okay, okay," Cam said, lifting her hands as if she were surrendering. "Please calm down."
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
"Look, we'll talk about it some more later. First of all, is there anything we can do to help you?" Cam asked.
My shoulders slumped a little. "Not really. I'm just trying to make it through the first trimester right now without throwing up on anyone."
They both smiled and I chanced a look at J.J. He was staring at me, but I couldn't figure out what on Earth he might be thinking. His expression was as closed as I'd ever seen it in all my years of knowing him.
"I know I'm probably not supposed to ask this," Sierra said. "But have you told the father?"
I shook my head, keeping my eyes on J.J. "It's okay. I wanted to wait until after the first twelve weeks in case I miscarried. A lot of women lose their first pregnancies."
I was answering Sierra's question, but really, I wanted to tell J.J. why I hadn't mentioned it to him yet. I didn't understand why it was so important to me, but I didn't want him to be angry with me. I wanted him to understand.
"He knows now," J.J. said, shocking the heck out of me.
Sierra and Cam both yelped and whirled around. Then, his words sunk in and they looked back and forth between the two of us until it clicked.
Cam was the first to respond. "Dammit, J.J.! I cannot believe you!"
He glanced at her, but I jumped in before they could start arguing.
"Cam, I'm pretty sure it took both of us for this to happen," I said.
She turned back to me. "He's old enough to know better!"
I had to laugh at the outraged expression on her face. I didn't want to be responsible for dissension between them, but it warmed my belly to know that she cared enough about me to be upset on my behalf. "It's not like either of us did this on purpose. We're both adults. I'm the one who invited him home. If you're going to be upset with anyone, be upset with me. If it's going to be a problem, I can turn in a resig—"
"Do not finish that sentence," Cam said. "You are not quitting while you're pregnant with my niece or nephew. And, dammit, stop being so sensible. It's one of the few times I had the high ground over my brother and you just ruined it."
I laughed again, shaking my head. But I sobered quickly. "I don't want to be responsible for causing problems in your family. That would make me feel horrible."
"Shit," Cam spat, making me smile. "Fine, I won't yell at him right now. Maybe later."
"How about you let the him in question talk to Lee alone?" J.J. said, speaking for the first time since this entire drama started.
Cam opened her mouth to argue, but Sierra just grabbed her by the arm and hauled her toward the front of the store.
"Sierra, I don't think—"
"That's right, you're not thinking. She needs to talk to him without you spreading your two cents all over the room. This is between them."
"But—"
Sierra ignored her and called back. "J.J., I'm counting on you to not be a dick because you're usually not. Don't start now."
I closed my eyes again and shook my head, tears rising in my throat. In the short time I'd been working for those two, somehow we'd actually become more than employer and employee, we'd become friends. It made my chest hurt, but in a good way.
My eyelids sprang open when the bathroom door shut and J.J. engaged the lock with a quiet click.
He remained by the door, leaning back against it, and I briefly wondered if it was so I couldn't escape the conversation that was coming.
He crossed his arms over his chest, which made me wilt inside. His body language was closed off, as was his face.
"How far along are you?" he finally asked.
"I'm estimating ten or eleven weeks based on my last period, which I'm not one hundred percent sure on the dates since it was so long ago."
"What does your doctor say?" he asked. "Usually they can tell you, right?"
I shrugged. "Probably, but I haven't seen a doctor yet."
He straightened. "Why not?" Then, his eyes focused on me, laser-bright, and I couldn't control my flinch. "Cam said you were asking about insurance. You don't have any, do you?"
I shook my head. "I'll get something figured out before I need to go to the doctor in the next few weeks."
This time it was J.J. that shook his head. "No. Even if Cam could get you insurance through the shop, it would take thirty to ninety days for it to be active."
"I know, but I can pay for the doctor visits out-of-pocket until then. It'll be difficult, but I can manage—"
"And what am I supposed to do while you scrape together the pennies
to see a doctor? Twiddle my thumbs? Maybe take up knitting?"
I flinched again at the hard tone in his voice. This was exactly what I'd been afraid of. Anger radiated in every line of his body now. I could see it.
"Stop cringing away from me, dammit," he said, but the heat was out of his voice now.
He sounded defeated.
I wanted to cry. I'd been so worried about myself and what I was going to do that I hadn't even thought about how this would affect him. Well, I had, but that's why I'd been avoiding this very conversation. I knew he was going to be upset.
"I've only known for about a week and a half," I confessed. "I'm still getting used to the idea myself. I honestly didn't know if I could handle whatever your reaction might be."
Despite my battle against them, the tears trickled down my cheeks.
"I was afraid you'd be angry with me, blame me, and—"
Suddenly, J.J. was right there, in my space. He hugged me and I leaned in, holding onto him for all I was worth.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please don't cry."
"I'm okay, just emotional," I answered, my voice breaking at the end of the statement. "Apparently, it's hormones and it only gets worse."
He chuckled, the vibration humming beneath my cheek where it rested against his chest.
"I didn't realize that you just found out," he said. "You didn't notice you'd missed a period?"
I shrugged. "Sometimes, when I'm stressed out or really busy, I miss periods anyway, so I didn't think anything of it."
His arms tightened around me. "I'm sorry."
I lifted my head and looked up at him. "For what? Getting me pregnant? Like I told Cam, it took both of us. I'm not sure how it happened, but it is what it is."
He grimaced. "Don't say that in front of Cam and Sierra. They hate that saying."
I smiled. "I know."
He grinned back at me then grew serious. "Be honest with me. Are you thinking about giving up the baby or terminating?"
I shook my head. "No. I always wanted kids. Maybe not now and definitely not this way." I saw his face close up and I smacked his chest lightly. "I mean while I wasn't married, Jay. Don't look like that."
He stared down at me in silence for a long moment and said, "You don't have to do this alone. We can get married this weekend."
