by A. J. Downey
It was such a sinfully delicious thing to say. I giggled and he let his towel drop and pulled mine free from around my body, turning me and walking me back until the backs of my thighs hit the bed. I sat down and wrapped my fingers around his cock before he could even think about going anywhere, stroking him firmly in long, sure strokes, twisting my grip, massaging, staring up at him as he took in the sight, his eyes heavy-lidded with lust, his face going slack with peace as he got into the sensation.
When he threw his head back and let out a shuddering breath, I took him into my mouth, taking him as far as I was comfortable, using my hand lower on his shaft to make up the difference. He swept my hair back from my face so he could watch me and I tensed, always afraid in that moment, in the back of my mind, that the man I was with would force himself into my throat, that I wouldn’t be able to breathe. It was an irrational fear, one that had never come to pass, but was always there none the less.
“Easy, you don’t have to.” His voice was low and husky, unintentionally sexy, and he was just plain sexier still for giving me the option to stop, but I didn’t. I teased my tongue back and forth, side to side, along the underside of the head of his cock instead, and listened to him suck in a sharp breath.
“God, Serenity… babe, baby, you gotta stop,” he whispered.
I pulled back and asked, “Are you okay?”
“God, yes, but as good as that feels I’ve never been able to get off that way and I fuckin’ need it. I need you,” he said, and reached into the cubby of the headboard and pulled out a foil-wrapped square.
I took it from him, tearing it open and letting the wrapper fall to the floor. He watched me, and my pussy tingled with anticipation as I rolled the condom down his considerable length and scooted back on the bed, turning so I was on it properly and he could join me.
I lay back and reached for him, and he came to me willingly, eagerly, and got between my thighs.
“You are so fucking sexy,” he whispered, teasing his cock against the seam of my pussy lips, slapping it against my clit. I moaned, and he lowered himself on his arms, sliding up inside me as he pressed his lips to mine.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, arched my body into his by way of offering, and let him love me, knowing nothing this good could last forever. Not for someone like me… so I’d best enjoy his warmth for as long as I could, because nothing good would ever stay.
10
Stoker…
Her body fit mine like a glove. Warm and silken wet, she was so soft around me, her eyes tender as she gazed up at me, giving herself over so completely. She was so beautiful, her long hair spread over my pillow, her lovely brown eyes heavy-lidded and filled with passion and I could tell she felt everything just so completely, gave as good as she got, her pelvic muscles gripping me tight, pulling me in, her arms gentle, her hands smoothing over every inch of me she could reach.
She was so present, so fully here with me. I’d never been with a woman who didn’t just lay there and take what I gave her with not so much as a care as to whether I was getting off. Serenity wasn’t like that. This was something uniquely different. This was a true sharing, a meeting not just between our two bodies, but our two souls… and I was here for it.
I lay over the top of her, cradling her face, bracing against the bed so I didn’t crush her, but rather embraced her. She climbed my body like a little spider monkey, her arms around my neck, legs around my hips, meeting me thrust for thrust, an enthusiastic partner in sex and I couldn’t ask for more. She was so wonderful, so beautiful; kind, funny, smart, sexy, and cool for me – and yet she didn’t think she was worthy. I could see it in her eyes, in those little nervous blushes, in the way she wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and finally in her little self-deprecating comments.
I tried my damnedest to chase all of those doubts back into the black where they belonged. Tried to tell her with the way I worshipped her body that whatever was past had passed, and that the here-and-now was all that mattered.
I didn’t know who had hurt her, who had damaged her, but I was damn sure going to be the one to keep it from happening again. I’d die before I did her dirty – well, depending on if she wanted it that way or not, if you know what I mean.
“Stoker!”
Her voice sounded desperate and it was the clear desperation of being so close to the fall but just that one last little bit shy of taking the plunge. I worked myself inside of her, climbing to unearthly heights just behind her. Higher and higher, our souls twining in concert, dragons dancing in the sky, beautiful, unreal, points of light flitting and flashing from their scales at the edges of my vision.
“Oh, God yes!”
Her voice was high, breathy with the wind bracketing us as we made that clear, perfect, imaginary fall from euphoric grace where everything became sensation, the touch of her body, the flicker of her pussy tightening around my cock, milking it dry as I spilled into the condom inside her.
The world ceased to exist for several moments as I drowned in the sound of our heartbeats, thundering like wings against the sky as our souls stayed high without us, riding the thermals of the passions we’d just created.
“Serenity…” I whispered her name, a prayer, a plea for her to stay with me. I was past having it bad for her. I may not have known her well, but it was clear to me I needed to learn. I needed to know everything about her and I wanted her to know everything there was to know about me.
She felt far overdue for a real taste of freedom…
“Stoker!” Bam! Bam! Bam!
Serenity stirred against my chest and I groaned, looking down at her. She smiled serenely, her chin atop her hand, which rested on my chest as she smiled like the Cheshire cat, her hair mussed, that freshly-fucked look radiating from her, and I felt an echoing glow of pride at having satisfied her so thoroughly.
“Yeah! What?” I yelled back, and the pounding on my door stopped.
“Hurry the fuck up! Captain wants everyone at dinner, sent me to come get you two.”
“What time is it?” I growled.
“Dinner time, now move it!” Lightning called through my closed bedroom door.
Serenity burst into a fit of quiet giggles.
“My suit is out there,” she said in a scandalized whisper.
“I got it,” I said grinning, thinking it was adorable how she was pointedly ignoring the fact that everybody on the beach had known we’d gone off to fuck. It was okay, though. If she needed to preserve some modicum of an illusion that we’d been in here just talking and sipping iced tea, I’d go with that.
I got up and poked my head out my bedroom door and muttered, “Goddammit, Lightning.”
“What is it?” Serenity asked, and she sounded alarmed.
“Nothing, baby. He’s gone, he just left my front door wide open, so stay in there for now.”
I bolted down the hallway and shut the door, then gave her the all clear. She peeked around the edge of my bedroom doorway, clutching my bed’s top sheet around her and I put my hands on my hips, standing there naked as the day I was born. She laughed and turned her face and I etched that moment, the sheer unabashed beauty of the sight in my mind’s eye forever.
“Come on, you’ve gotta be hungry by now,” I said, grinning, and she nodded.
“Starving.”
“Dinner awaits.” I winked at her and she stepped into the hall. I went to her and she turned her face up for a kiss which I granted her gladly. She drifted into the bathroom, picked up my board shorts and tossed them out the door to me. They hit me in the chest and I caught them, she laughed and closed the door behind her, sealing herself from my view, but you know what? We were new and I didn’t need to see her pee.
I got dressed, shrugged my feet into my flip-flops, and my arms into my cut. I had her sheer wrap with the velvet and the fringe at the ready when she stepped out in her suit.
“Oh, thank you!” She turned and I helped her into it, dropping it onto her lean shoulders, slipping my fing
ers under her hair and unthreading the thick mass from under her collar for her.
She turned and I smiled at her, smoothing my hands over her shoulders.
“Come on, let’s get back to the beach, and get you some food.”
“Okay,” she murmured and stepped into her thongs on the way past them in the hall. I opened the door and she perked up in surprise.
“How late is it?” she asked.
“I think we napped for a good few hours,” I commented.
“Shit, I hope Linny’s not mad at me.” She bit her bottom lip.
Linny was, for sure, nowhere near mad. She greeted us enthusiastically when we hit the stairs leading down to the beach.
“Ren! Hey!”
Ren went to her friend without thinking twice.
Marlin sauntered up to me and raised his eyebrows and I grinned, shaking my head. He nodded, made a look like he was impressed, but stayed silent.
I had to smile as Linny took Serenity aside and both of them spoke quietly and earnestly, their heads together. The smiles said everything was fine, everything was better than fine, and I loved this. That she was here, that she was happy, and that my brothers and sisters of the club were here to see it.
“Hey, we late to the party?” Rory, our drummer, called out. He was coming down the steps with Gideon, our lead singer, a cooler between them that looked on the heavy side.
“Fuck, yeah! Beer was running low!” Pyro called out.
“Where’s Pat?” I asked and he called out, “Right here!” as he crested the steps and jogged down our way.
The easy-up was coming down, the bonfire was already going, and the sun was in that state of more than half-set, the light growing dim, but still there for the hardcore beach bums to get in that last round of Ultimate Frisbee or whatever else fuckin’ game they were playing.
Linny and Serenity yipped and put their hands out as they were sprayed with sand from an errantly booted soccer ball.
“Sorry!”
A tourist type – as in a dude not from Ft. Royal ‒ came running up to grab it. Linny picked it up and held it out to him.
“Hey.” He straightened, his eyes fixed on Serenity. “I know you,” he said, and she wouldn’t look at him.
“No, I don’t think you do,” she said and everything about her had gotten stiff. Linny started this way just behind her and said tartly over her shoulder at the dude, “You got your ball, now go back to your friends.”
I started walking, a bunch of my brothers straightening up.
“Yeah, it is you!” the guy called, and then looked back over his shoulder at his friend and shouted something truly bizarre. “Hey, guys! It’s Murder Whore!”
“Seriously?” Linny cried. “Fuck off!”
Serenity had frozen, her shoulders collapsing under the weight of what this fucking little cockbite had called her. I went to her as some of the guys started shifting, silent thunder over the fact one of ours was clearly hurt by what the dude had said rolling through our mini-party camp.
“Serenity?” I asked, but she brushed past me and went straight for her beach bag. She sniffed and Linny started coming our way, exchanging barbs with the dude who was walking away.
“I don’t want to ruin your party,” Serenity said, and her voice was hollow – gutted.
“What the fuck did that guy call you?” Radar demanded.
“Nothing, it was nothing,” she said, but it was definitely something. Silent tears coursed down her cheeks and she was shaking, her hands convulsing, trembling so bad she almost couldn’t get them to work.
“Oh, babe. Don’t listen to that asshole, don’t let him ruin –”
“I just want to go home, Lin!” Serenity’s voice was high and tight, and I exchanged a look with Marlin who jerked a nod and went for Faith.
“Pyro! Atlas! Go pay our new friend with the soccer ball a visit, would you?” Cutter asked ‒ but he wasn’t asking.
“Talk to me,” I whispered, putting myself into Serenity’s path.
“I can’t,” she said and she sniffed again. Linny was grabbing her shit and throwing it together.
“You can tell me anything, babe.” I put my hands gently on her shoulders and she hugged herself, trying so hard not to sob and failing.
“Linny?”
“Right here, we’re out of here,” Linny said, and she took my girl from me.
“Call her in a couple of days, yeah?” she asked and raised her blonde eyebrows, looking at me pointedly.
“Yeah,” I grunted, but to hell with that. I was going home, throwing some shit in my bag, and taking my truck. I’d be getting to the bottom of this, but give her a couple of hours, the drive home, to calm down.
I watched them rush up the stairs and into Serenity’s car. She got behind the wheel and her tires screeched in protest at how fast she backed up. She stopped for a second, her shoulders rising and falling as she tried to hold it together. Linny said something to her from the passenger seat and she snapped at her friend and peeled out.
Marlin came over and handed me a wadded-up tissue.
“Shit, she gone?”
“Yeah, not for long,” I said and he nodded.
“Go get her,” he said. “I’ll square things with the captain and let you know what Pyro and Radar find out.”
“Yeah, text me,” I called back over my shoulder as I jogged up the steps and in the direction of home.
11
Serenity…
“You want me to drive?” Linny asked, and I felt horrible almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but I snapped at her angrily, “I’m fine!”
I slammed my little automatic into ‘Drive’ and peeled out of the lot and onto the street. My heart was racing, I couldn’t get the tears to stop, but I just wanted out of this town. Away from them, away from the past I could never escape.
“Serenity, slow down,” Linny said in a soothing voice, and I couldn’t handle her sympathy, couldn’t stand the confused look on Stoker’s face, couldn’t deal with the idea that it was over so soon, before anything had even had a chance to get started, the seeds barely planted, not even allowed to sprout, let alone grow.
“Serenity, you’re freaking me out, please slow down!” Linny cried.
I screamed, “Alright! Alright!” before jerking the wheel of my little car and pulling over onto the gravel shoulder on the side of the road. I threw it in ‘Park’ and promptly burst into defeated tears.
Nine years and counting… I thought to myself.
“Oh, honey, it’s okay… it’s going to be okay…”
I collapsed sideways into Linny’s arms and let my best friend hug me and hold me as I wept in utter despair.
“Shh, it’s okay.” She made nonsensical soothing sounds while the bitterness poured out my eyes.
She sighed and said, “I wish they would just let it go and leave you alone.”
I was with her… I honestly didn’t understand why she was still my friend after it was all said and done.
You can’t have nice things… you don’t deserve them, I told myself resolutely. It was stupid of you to even try.
Stoker’s face floated to the surface in my mind’s eye and I lost it harder, all over again, for a completely different reason. I liked him, a lot, had given him a piece of my heart today, and even though I had known it was a bad idea – I had dared to hope.
I guess, like the popular A&E song, Hope Dies Last…
Stupid, Ren… You’re so stupid!
My car door opened and both Linny and I screamed. I turned, and stared right into the deep, unrelenting gaze of Stoker’s dark eyes.
“Come on, baby. I got you.” He unbuckled my seatbelt and with a guiding hand on my knee, turned my legs out of the open door of my car so he could put his arms around me.
I collapsed against his chest, his truck running just a few feet behind my stopped car, and wept all over again, hope, just as unrelenting as his gaze, bubbling up in the center of my chest.
“Tak
e this for me,” he murmured, and unwrapped a napkin, plucking a little yellow pill off of it.
“You got any water or anything?” he asked Linny.
“Uh, yeah, here.”
She passed him the half-empty water bottle I’d filled up that morning for the drive.
“You trust me?” he asked, and I nodded, surprised to find that I did and wanting whatever oblivion that tiny yellow pill had to offer at this point.
“’K, drink up.”
I tossed the pill into the back of my throat and swallowed it down with three big mouthfuls of water.
“Okay, Linny, you’re gonna have to drive. She’s going to be no good for it in the next twenty minutes.”
“Okay,” Linny agreed immediately.
“You want to ride with Linny or with me in the truck?” he asked me.
“I’d better stay with Linny, in my own car,” I said feebly as my mind screamed, Choices, decisions, yes! Take them! Take them all… I don’t want to do this anymore.
The panic and the angst swirled in my breast and Linny cut in, “You don’t have to stay with me, girl.”
“I want to,” I lied, and she bought it and nodded. She undid her seatbelt and leapt up out of the car.
“Come on, up you go.” Stoker held out his hands and leveraged me up out of my seat, and walked me around to the passenger side of my own car. I got in and he buckled me in like a child. It felt nice that he still cared for me right now, so I let him do it.
“I’m right behind you,” he swore, and pressed his mouth to mine in a swift kiss that was bittersweet with the salt of my tears as panic flowed through me like lava, scorching me from the inside out.
“Okay,” I whispered, scared for an entirely different reason.
What if you tell him and he doesn’t give up on you? What if he stays?
I’d never had that happen before.
He shut my door and I let my eyes follow him as he went around the front of my car. He stopped at Linny’s window and she rolled it down.
“Drive careful. She’ll probably rack out once she calms down a little more.”
