“Is that your dick I feel pressed up against my ass, Hutch?” Jillian giggled as she turned to face me. “I should go brush my teeth.” She covered her mouth with her hand just as I reached down to lace our fingers together.
“Why?” I whispered before I slid my mouth against hers. “Your breath smells amazing.”
Jillian snorted. “Liar.” She tried to get up, but I held her tighter.
“I know you’re leaving soon, but I want to make this work.”
Her face grew serious. “Hutch, let’s not do this now.”
“You don’t want to make this work?” My stomach dropped. Did she not feel the same way? Were we just casually messing around?
She shook her head. “Wait.” Jillian flung the blankets off to hurry from the bed and I heard the door shut as she finished her morning routine.
Shit, she was going to dump my ass. Maybe I should have fucked her like she had wanted. My hands were tugging at my hair without me even realizing it as Jillian walked back out and climbed up next to me.
“We can, you know, fuck if you want,” I muttered without looking up.
Her hand came out to swat my arm. “Hutch Kelly.” She said my name as if I had gotten in trouble in school. It might have been hot if I wasn’t so worried about her leaving me. What my life would be like when she was gone.
“Stop,” she said, climbing up onto my lap, and grabbed at my wrists to stop me from pulling out my hair. “Don’t do that to yourself, baby.” She soothed my hair down around my head. “I want to make this work. I like you so much.” Her cheeks flushed pink. “Hutch, I can’t imagine my life without you.” When she got all flustered like that, it was such a turn-on. It was something that didn’t happen a lot.
“You like me.”
“Hutch.”
“I like you too, Jills, but—”
Jillian cupped my face in her hands. “I don’t know why you find that so hard to believe.” Her green eyes, flecked with bits of orange and brown pieces, searched my face. “You’re so damn amazing. This beautiful human that I want to know everything about.” She dragged her teeth across her bottom lip as if she wanted to say something else, but didn’t. “I have to go away next weekend for orientation. I leave on Friday night, but I’ll be back on Sunday afternoon.”
I stared at Jillian as her words began to sink in. She was leaving next weekend. “Going away?”
She nodded. “Just until Sunday though.”
I gripped her hips and pressed my forehead against hers. “Jillian, I don’t...do you have to?” I felt like I might be having a panic attack as fear burned through me like wildfire.
“Orientation is kind of important. You won’t even know I’m gone,” she assured me. “We can text and talk on the phone when I’m not busy. I get to meet my teachers, my roommates.” I stiffened in her arms at the mention of her meeting others. “Hutch, don’t get upset.”
I tried to relax, but I couldn’t. Jillian was going to be gone for a couple of days. There would be other guys there. Ones that were into the same things she was into, and that could mean she might meet someone else. Someone more suited for her. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” I lied.
Jillian pulled back. “What?” Her voice shook. “Hutch, it’s just an orientation.” She tried to make me face her, but I shook my head. “Baby, we’re a good idea. We’re a damn great idea,” she reminded me.
“I should go workout.” If I looked at Jillian right now, I would break. I would apologize for being an asshole, which I was, and admit that she’s right to go to her school thing. Maybe we were a bad idea like everyone in Ocean View kept trying to tell us.
Jillian climbed from my lap. “You’re not being fair.”
“Life isn’t fair, Jillian.”
She sat there while I changed into my workout gear, both of us silent.
“Do you want me to go home?”
It was like a knife to my back. I didn’t. I wanted Jillian to stay here forever, because with her, I felt like everything was going to be okay. “Whatever,” I muttered before I walked out the door.
I had beaten the living shit out of the heavy bag that was set up in the basement of my parents’ house. Hit it over and over again until I knew my knuckles were bleeding, but that was my fault too. Just like everything else. I was so fucking stupid to think that whatever was happening between us was going to continue when Jillian left for New York. When I returned, Jillian was gone, and it made me feel numb all over.
I dragged my hands through my damp, sweaty hair as I paced the apartment. Forgetting about Jillian was the right thing to do...
I shoved the front door open, sprinted down the stairs, and across the front lawn, stopping only to make sure there were no cars before I crossed the street. I climbed up the lattice fencing to her room like I did it every single day to tap on the outside of window with my knuckle, hoping she was alone. Praying she was there.
Jillian appeared at the window with confusion on her face. “We have a door,” she muttered, and I saw the tears on her cheeks, in her eyes. Fuck, I did that to her. I made her cry. Why was I such an asshole?
“Let me in.”
“Why?”
“Damn it, let me in before I rip this screen off,” I growled. Her eyes flashed before she slid the screen up. I climbed into her room while she watched me sternly, her arms folded over her chest. She must have showered because she had changed into a pair of tiny little tan shorts with a matching shirt. “I’m a fucking idiot, Jills.” I dropped to my knees, keeping my eyes at her feet. “I’m so damn sorry. You have to—” I stopped when her hands touched my chin and she forced me to look up.
“Don’t call yourself an idiot, baby,” Jillian whispered. I grabbed her hips, pulling her closer so that I could press my face against her taut stomach. Her scent overtook me and my eyes filled with tears while Jillian ran her hands through my hair. “You stink.” She chuckled, and when I looked up, she had a smile on her face. “You didn’t even shower before you came to see me?”
“I couldn’t wait. I needed to make sure you weren’t going to break up with me,” I admitted.
Jillian smoothed her fingers against my cheeks. “Hutch.” Her voice sent shivers up my spine and straight to my balls. She was it for me. How was that even possible? I had known her my entire life, only as my little brother’s girlfriend’s sister, and in a matter of weeks, she had changed my life.
“Jillybean, you have made my life worth living again,” I blurted out before I lost my nerve. “I don’t know what it is about you, but when we’re together, I just want to live. I want to be the old me, whether you know it or not...” Her fingers pressed against my lips as she got down to her knees to join me.
“I’m not going anywhere, Hutch,” Jillian assured me before she slid her mouth over mine. “I promise you that I’m not breaking up with you.” I knew she felt the smile that had broken out over my lips because she pulled back. “You look so happy when you smile, baby.”
“It’s because of you.”
“I’m sorry I left.”
I leaned my forehead against hers. “Thanks for letting me in,” I whispered.
There was a knock at the door before Jo pushed the door open. “Jill, do you still...oh, hey.” She twisted her lips to the side. “Um, I can come back.” She looked between the two of us.
I started to get to my feet, but Jillian grabbed my arm, keeping me where I was. “What’s up?” Jillian asked her sister.
“You guys want to hang out tonight?” Jo asked. “Pat and I were thinking of having a fire at the beach.”
Jillian turned to look at me. It was the last thing I wanted, but her eyes told me it’s what she wanted, so I gave a quick nod. The smile on her face told me it was the right answer. “We’ll be there.”
Chapter Thirteen
Jillian
I knew that Hutch was only agreeing to go to the bonfire at the beach with Jo and Pat because of me, but I hoped it wouldn’t turn into a disaster. I also
made Jo promise that no else would be there. I didn’t want Knox or Madison to show up and ruin everything when Hutch was finally starting to come out of his shell.
Hutch went home, showered, and told me he would meet me at the beach at six so when I checked my phone to see, it was two minutes after I started to think he was blowing me off. I knew how he was. He didn’t like to be late, was always on time, and I wondered if he was even going to text me an excuse. I decided to walk over to his place when I saw him approaching with Patrick.
He looked nervous, but he looked, well, he looked freaking amazing. Hutch was wearing a Kenny Chesney shirt that stretched across his chest like a second skin, and I was beginning to think he had stocked those. He was wearing a pair of swim trunks that fit his muscled thighs perfectly, and sneakers without socks. His hair looked freshly washed, a little damp maybe, and he had a bag hanging off his shoulder that was nearly bursting at the seams.
I swallowed as the butterflies in my stomach fluttered when he flashed me a megawatt smile. Then he stopped in front of me, and I greeted him, “Hi.” I felt like I was seeing a completely different man right now. Who was this version of Hutch Kelly, because I wanted to keep him hidden away forever.
“Hi.” Hutch’s voice caused goosebumps to break out over my arms. “You look beautiful, Jills.” His arm suddenly snaked around my waist as he pressed me against his chest. “I really want to kiss you right now,” he admitted, and relief washed over me as his ears burned pink. There was the Hutch I knew.
I slid my hand up his impressive chest. “Is this a dream?” I whispered before his lips landed on mine in a soft, wet touch. I bit back the groan that threatened to escape as I felt Hutch’s tongue evade my mouth.
“Okay, enough of that.” Jo clapped her hands. “You two can make out later,” she teased as Hutch pulled away.
I buried my face against Hutch’s chest, breathing in his fresh scent. “You smell so good,” I whispered as he held me closer.
“Not half as good as you.” His fingers gripped my hips. “One day it’s peppermint, the next it’s flowers. I can’t figure you out.” His breath was hot against my skin, and heat flared between my legs.
Something was different about Hutch tonight, but I liked it more than I wanted to admit.
I grinned at him. “I have to keep you on your toes,” I teased as Pat sat the cooler he had been carrying down in the sand.
“I have burgers, hot dogs, and some beers,” he announced. “You girls brought the s’mores for later, right?” Pat glanced at Jo who nodded her head.
I had been on plenty of dates with my sister and Pat before. Knox and I had casually dated for a few months before prom, but it wasn’t serious, however the guy I lost my virginity to, who had left the View while we were still juniors, had been close with Pat. Lincoln Matthews was my first real boyfriend, and although I wasn’t sure he was the one I would have spent the rest of my life with, he had treated me well, been very sweet, and seemed to care about me. In fact, Pat was the one who had set us up at the insistence of my sister who was more than obnoxious about it when things worked out between us.
“You disappeared on me.” Hutch’s voice brought me back to the present. “Where’d you go?” He tugged me closer to his warm body.
I smiled up at him. “I was wondering if you had bought stock in Kenny Chesney shirts,” I teased, just see that smile break out on his face.
“I happen to like his music.” Hutch eased himself down onto one of the logs that was set up around the fire.
“You mean you’re obsessed.”
“There’s a difference, Jilly.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Is there?” I tried to keep a straight face, but the look on Hutch’s face was too much, and I burst into a fit of giggles as his eyes grew serious. I laughed even harder as he grabbed me and pulled me down onto his lap, making sure to wrap his arms tightly around my stomach.
“You’re teasing me.” Hutch chuckled into my ear. “What?” he grunted up at Pat who was staring at us with his mouth hanging open.
Pat shook his head. “Nothing, I just...nothing.” He turned to face Jo.
“Say whatever it is you were thinking, Patrick.” Hutch went stiff with anger. “Don’t fucking hold back, brother,” he hissed between clenched teeth.
I turned slightly so that I could reach up to touch his face. “Baby,” I whispered softly. “I’m sure that Pat was just glad to see you so happy.” Hutch’s eyes locked with mine, his face softening, and his body relaxed.
“Is that it?” Hutch glanced up for a second before he met my gaze again. “Jesus, you’re sure you don’t want to change your mind about being a dancer?” he asked before he dropped a kiss against the top of my head.
“I like seeing you happy, bro, that’s all,” Pat told him. “Jill’s good for you.” He threw his arm around Jo’s shoulder as I leaned further back against Hutch. Jo popped open a beer and took a sip. “You balance one another out,” he added with a wink.
Hutch’s arm tightened against my belly. “You hear that, Jillybean? He said you’re good for me.” His husked voice sent fire through my veins.
I snuggled as close to Hutch as I could as realization began to set in about my future. I knew Hutch had his insecurities about us being apart, but now I was starting to wonder if my leaving was a good thing. Would he be okay? Would he continue to simply go back to living in that shell he had been under before being with me?
Or would he be able to handle the distance that we both knew was coming.
***
“Hutch.”
“Mmm.”
“I think you’re drunk.”
He snorted as he swayed with me to the music in the sand. Yep, he was drunk because I don’t think he would be dancing with me otherwise. “Not drunk, Jills, just enjoying having you in my arms,” Hutch admitted as we moved together.
Totally drunk. “Liar,” I teased, but I liked it too. I liked how Hutch kept me as close to him as possible like he was afraid I would disappear if he let me go.
After we had cooked up burgers and hotdogs with Pat and Jo, we had made small talk for a bit until Pat suggested we turn on some music. I had no idea that they both had a thing for country music or that my sister enjoyed it as much as she did for that matter, because before I knew, they had me listening to all sorts of musicians I had never heard of before.
“You and tequila,” Hutch murmured as the song played.
God, this man was really doing everything to win me over tonight. “Are you singing to me?” I glanced up at to find Hutch watching me with fire in his eyes. Jesus, he had better be careful with that look.
“You and tequila make me crazy,” he whispered before he brought his mouth down to mine. I tasted the booze on his lips, the desire on his tongue, and the way Hutch’s hands gripped my hips told me everything he couldn’t without words. He was gentle when he had to, but I knew beneath all that, there was a wild man trying to get out, and when he was ready, he would show me just how much he wanted me. “Take me home, baby, I’m drunk.” He giggled softly as he stumbled over the sand.
Yep, I knew that already. “Okay, let me just get your things together,” I told him. “Be careful and don’t hurt yourself.” I moved to gather the bag that Hutch had brought which was sitting on the ground. It had a sweatshirt inside, which I was now wearing, a few bottles of beer, and a package of our favorite peanut butter cookies that we hadn’t even touched.
Jo looked up from where she was sitting with Pat. “You two taking off?” She flashed a quick smile.
“Hutch is, um, a little intoxicated.” I hooked my thumb behind me. “I’ve never seen him like this before.” I turned to watch Hutch look up at the moon and then spin around before landing on his ass. “At least he’s a fun drunk.”
“He usually doesn’t drink this much, but tonight I think he wanted to loosen up a bit. I told you before, Jill, you’ve helped him so much,” Jo reminded me.
“Jills!” Hutch called out
my nickname. “Baby, where are you?” He laughed loudly as he tried to stand up.
I glanced at Pat. “You mind helping me? I don’t know if I can get him back up onto his feet.” I might need his help getting him home at this rate.
Pat was on his feet. “Of course.” He walked over to where Hutch was sitting. “Let’s go.” He bent over and helped Hutch back up. “You going to be trouble here, big guy, or are you going to be good for the little lady?”
Hutch grinned. “I’m going to be good, right, bean?” Where was he coming up with this stuff tonight? Right, the booze had gone straight to his brain. “Jillian will make sure I get home safe and sound.” Hutch hiccupped at the last part, which caused him to break out in a fit of giggles.
Pat’s brows dipped as he glanced at me skeptically. “Are you sure you got this?”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, but as Hutch moved to put his arm around my shoulders, reminding me that he outweighed me by more than a hundred pounds, I wondered if maybe I was in way over my head. “Let’s get you home.” I gritted my teeth, hoping my knees didn’t buckle. We made it about halfway before Hutch had to stop and inspect some lilies that were blooming in someone’s yard.
He smiled at me as he leaned over. “These...are pretty.” He reached down and yanked them up by the root.
Jesus, we’re going to get arrested tonight. “Hutch, honey, you can’t go doing that,” I whispered loudly. “This is someone else’s yard,” I reminded him.
Hutch grinned at me. “For you.” He thrusted out his hand like a five-year-old. His eyes glittered with happiness. “You know how much you mean to me, right, Jills?” I wanted to ask him the same thing. How he had flipped my world upside down and made me question everything I ever knew, but I didn’t know how.
“Thank you.” I gripped the flowers with one hand before I took his arm to wrap it around my shoulders. “Let’s get going before we get into serious trouble.”
Luckily, we made it back to Hutch’s apartment without any other issues. He grinned at me as he toed off his shoes, threw his shirt onto the couch, and tossed his shorts onto the floor. I made a mental note to never let Hutch have another drop of alcohol again because he was acting like an unsupervised toddler right now.
Out of the Dark Page 10
