Out of the Dark

by Sundae Leighton

  My lips were on hers before I realized it. Soft, plump and so damn kissable, Jillian didn’t even try to stop me, but instead brought her hand up to grip my neck while funneling the other through my hair as our tongues twisted and tangled together. When I pulled back, I thought I would be racked with guilt, but that never came. I brushed a piece of hair from her face before I buried my face into her neck and wrapped my arms around her small frame to pull her close.

  I don’t think either one of us meant to fall asleep like that, but it was always easier for me when Jillian was next to me. Sleep was hard for me before she came into my life. I often overmedicated with sleeping pills or even alcohol, but not when Jillian was in my bed.

  I heard the birds first, chirping and making God-awful happy sounds. Who was that excited to be awake? I still had my arms wrapped tightly around Jillian like I was afraid she would disappear again, and my arms were stiff when I started to move them. The alarm clock across the room blinked 12:00am, which meant it was wrong, and when I rolled onto my back and reached for my phone, I had several missed calls and way too many unopened texts from Madison.

  Fuck.

  “Sweetheart, are you awake?” Ellen Robinson knocked on the door, and I froze where I was lying. The handle jiggled, but Jillian must have locked it because the door never opened. “Jill, why is this door locked?”

  I glanced over at Jillian whose eyes were focused on me. “Seriously?” she mouthed before she rolled her greens over to the door. “Mom, I’m twenty-two now. I can lock the door if I need to. Besides, since when do I have rules?” She hadn’t cracked a smile yet. “Give me a minute to wake up, huh?”

  “I need to fit your dress. I know you’ve lost weight so we need to make sure it fits, sweetie,” Ellen told her. “I haven’t seen you in four years.”

  Jillian shook her head. “Can I shower first?” She pulled the covers back, and I tried not to notice the shirt had risen up enough to give me a glimpse of her flat stomach.

  Ellen let out a breath. “Alright.” Her footsteps disappeared down the hall, leaving us alone again.

  Jillian gave me a quick, shy smile that didn’t meet her eyes. “You heard the woman.” She stood up. “I’m assuming you have work or whatever?” She was fishing for information that I wasn’t going to give her. Last night was something I shouldn’t have let happen—a fluke—and I’d be damned if I would give her shit.

  “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?”

  I stretched my arms over my head to crack and pop the sore muscles and bones. “Act like we’re friends or something. We’re not.” I pointed my index finger at her. “You fucking broke my heart, Jills,” I reminded her and watched the way her face fell.

  “You think I don’t know that?” Her voice came out in a rush. “Every single day for the past four years?” She closed her eyes. “I thought about what I did to you. How you trusted me...” Her voice broke before she could form a complete sentence.

  “Then why did you do it?” I roared so loud I expected the windows to break. “You won’t even tell me why? Did I mean that little to you? Was I some sort of game for you on your way out of this town?”

  Jillian flinched. “I loved you,” she whispered.

  “Bullshit.”

  Jillian stared at me. “I’m not the one that hopped into bed with the town slut and knocked her up,” she spat.

  “At least I know that Madison won’t disappear on me,” I growled.

  “I want you to leave.”

  “Isn’t that what you do, Jills?”

  Her chin trembled as she stared up at me before she turned and sat down on the bed with her back to me. “I deserve everything you’ve said, but I honestly have no fight left in me this morning, Hutch. Please leave before I say something else that I don’t mean.” She dropped her head as her shoulders slumped.

  “Jilly—”

  “Please, Hutch.”

  I wanted to tell her I was sorry for the things I said. That I didn’t mean to hurt her, but honestly, I did. I wanted Jillian to hurt the way I did when she left me without saying goodbye. I had plans to go visit her every weekend. I had plans to maybe move there if she wanted me to. I had plans to ask her to marry me. I wanted Jillian to be my forever, only she hadn’t felt the same way.

  I didn’t say another word as I opened the window, the screen, and then climbed out, making sure to shut them both behind me before jumping back onto the lawn. Only to come face to face with Jo sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee in her hand.

  “Gee, if I had known I’d see you this morning, Hutch, I’d have brought you a cup too.” She smirked as she brought the mug to her mouth.

  “It’s not what you think,” I assured her.

  Jo’s brows dipped. “No? Then why is Madison blowing up my phone like it’s a pandemic?” She leaned forward. “Seems you told her you were going to visit your brother, but never came home.”

  “I did, I mean I was.” Fuck, I was a dead man.

  “But here you are, leaving my sister’s room with guilt written all over your face.”

  I pinched my lips together. “Nothing happened.” Why was I acting as if I was nine instead of thirty?

  “I know that, but Mads doesn’t.” Jo pointed out.

  “What do you want?” I blurted out. “Because I don’t like blackmail, Jo.”

  She chuckled and crossed her right leg over her left. “Fix whatever the hell happened between you and my sister.” She acted like it was so simple.

  “Jillian needs to do that,” I reminded her.

  Jo took another sip of her coffee. “You still love her.”

  “Not having that discussion with you about my private life.”

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” Jo winked. “Pat will cover for you. You tell Mads you were there, and we’ll get the two of you back together. Dump that bitch something fierce when the time comes because she really is no good for you. I thought you were going to shit yourself, bro.” She stood up and raised her hand for a fist bump, which I returned.

  “Thanks, I think?”

  “You love me.” Jo waved as she went back inside.

  Sorry, but you are not the Robinson sister I’m in love with.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jillian

  “Jillian, stop fidgeting,” Emily hissed into my ear as she put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to stick you with this pin if you don’t.” Her brows dipped as she looked me in the eyes. “Just let me finish and then you can take the dress off.” That was like music to my ears.

  This maid-of-honor dress was hideous. I swear, Jo was doing it on purpose. The mint green was God-awful, and I hated every single minute I had it on. I had been fitted at a shop in New York before they sent my measurements to the bridal shop back here, but I had yet to actually put the finished product on. I made a mental note to burn it when the wedding was over.

  Jo was watching me from across the room with a cup of coffee in her hands. She was wearing our mother’s wedding gown, which Emily had taken in for her measurements, but the rest of the bridal party was stuck wearing these terrible gowns that Jo had picked out for us. That included me, and our other friends—Claire and Holly. “You look better than you did this morning, Jill.” Jo walked around me with a smile creeping up her face. “Did you sleep well last night?”

  "I slept fine, thanks. Ouch, Mom, watch it!" I felt a pinch where the pin stuck into me.

  "I warned you." Mom shook her head. "Josephine, dear, don't you have something else you can do besides bothering your sister? Where's your dress?”

  Jo gave me a wicked grin. “My dress is hanging up in my room.” Wait, did she know that Hutch slept in my room last night? What was the gleam I saw in her eye? She looked like she might say something else when the loud male voices came booming from the kitchen.

  "Good morning, beautiful Robinson women!” Patrick's voice bounced off the walls from the kitchen. "I hope you all are decent."

  "Pat, really?" Hutch sounde
d horrified, but he stopped short when he saw me standing there.

  Patrick appeared in the doorway. "Jill, look at you. I don't remember ever seeing you in a dress before." He hugged Jo tight against his chest.

  I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Pat, but I’ve worn plenty in lifetime. Ballet dancer, remember?" I tried to ignore the way Hutch was staring at me, but it was as if he was seeing me for the first time all over again.

  “What are you two up to?” Jo asked, trying to change the subject.

  “Man stuff,” Pat answered as if that was a normal thing to say.

  I wrinkled my nose. “Man stuff? What exactly is man stuff or do I even want to know?” I stole a glance at Hutch who was leaning against the wall, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but in this house right now. He had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a polo shirt that was so tight across his chest that I thought it might rip in two. He clearly hit the workouts harder these days.

  "Sure, bachelor party stuff," Hutch answered. Wait, was he actually holding a conversation in front of my mother? I had so many questions right now.

  “Jillian.” My mother’s voice brought me back to the real world. “You need to eat more.” I knew she was trying to keep her voice down, but everyone could her here in the room. “You’re so thin. I’m going to have to bring this dress down almost half a size before the wedding.”

  My face blazed with embarrassment. I wasn’t not eating if that’s what she thought, and I didn’t exactly make a lot of money. I ate two meals a day and the little I had left went to pay the bills I had. “Are you done?” I wanted to die right now. She could have at least waited until we were alone to say something or maybe not said anything at all. I had lost a little weight, but nothing to be concerned about.

  Hutch coughed softly. “Hey, Jills, when you’re done, you want to go grab something to eat at the Egg? My treat.” I brought my gaze back to him. He gave a brief smile before he looked back at his feet. He saved me. He saved me from my mother, and I wanted to kiss him so hard right now. Even if he hated me or wanted nothing to do with me.

  Mom patted my arm. “Go on, sweetheart. You can change, but make sure you hang this up in my room before you go.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

  I looked over at Hutch. "Don't you have man stuff to do?" I made air quotes at him, and he broke into a smile.

  “Not if it means I can spend time with you, Jills.” Hutch tilted his head. “You look beautiful

  in that dress by the way,” he added.

  "Let me change." I lifted up the dress so I didn't trip over it. "We’re getting pancakes,” I called to him as I headed upstairs to change.

  ***

  After I changed into a clean pair of jean shorts and a baggy t-shirt, I found Hutch waiting for me on the porch. Gone was the happy face he shared when my mother had been around, and I realized that had been just for show, for my family, and probably Pat too. He hardly even glanced at me when I closed the screen door behind me, but I noticed the way his body stiffened. For a second my brain flashed back to the morning after I left his apartment.

  I don’t understand why you left without saying goodbye, Jills. What did I do? Why won’t you answer my calls or texts? I can’t do this without you. I love you. I thought you loved me, but clearly that isn’t the case. Your Instagram is private now, you deleted me from your Facebook, and Jo won’t tell me anything. This is my last attempt at trying to get in touch with you, and after this? I’m not going to bother you anymore.

  “Let’s go,” he grunted, practically stomping down the front steps which brought me back to the present. He was halfway down the walk before he noticed I wasn’t following him. “Jillian?” Hutch stopped to look at me over his shoulder.

  I put my hands on my hips as I walked down the steps. “Is this how you’re going to talk to me? How you’re going to act at the restaurant? Like a complete and total dick? You said you wanted to spend time with me,” I reminded him.

  “I think I have the right to act however I want, considering what you did to me.”

  Point to Gryffindor. “I don’t want to be around if you’re going to be mean.” Hot tears blinded me before I could stop them, and I turned my face so he couldn’t see me cry.

  “Don’t do that.” Hutch sounded closer now. “Don’t try to make me feel guilty for being mad or hurt with you. You broke my heart, remember?” He placed a finger under my chin to force me to look at him. “Don’t cry, Jilly.” Hutch used his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheek before he took a step back from me. “I said I’d treat you to breakfast, and that’s what I intend to do. I promise I won’t be mean,” he whispered, his brown eyes searching my face.

  We walked in silence down to the Angry Egg, and even though Hutch walked next to me, I could feel the wall between us. I was thankful for the tourists that kept us from speaking, happy that my sister had decided to get married on the week of Fourth of July. As we approached the popular restaurant, there was already a line of people waiting to get inside to be seated.

  “It won’t be long,” Hutch assured me. “They have seating outside now.” He ran his hand through his hair and leaned toward the right to see past the line into the diner.

  I wanted to touch Hutch. I wanted to hold his hand and wrap my arms around his thick frame to get closer, despite the hot sun that beat down onto our skin. I wanted to smell his scent, the soap he used, the aftershave he wore, and get lost in him all over again. I missed the way he said my name when he came in my mouth, the way he kissed me, and the way he looked first thing in the morning. How his muscles felt above me when we made love, and how he always made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. I missed Hutch. That’s what I missed most of all.

  “Jilly?”

  I blinked up at him, shading my eyes from the sun. “Wh-what?” I hadn’t even realized he was speaking to me.

  A smile tugged at his lips even though I could tell he was fighting to hold back. “I asked how ballet was going.” He tilted his head. “Jo mentioned you had gotten a part in A Midsummer Night’s Dream? That’s pretty exciting, right?” He rolled on the balls of his feet.

  The line moved so we stepped with it. “Uh, yeah.” I glanced around, trying not to meet Hutch’s eyes. “It’s great.” Lie. “I’m only playing the part of a butterfly, but it’s just great to even be able to be out there with the New York City Ballet.” Another lie.

  Hutch looked like he might call me out, but the line moved again, and we were suddenly inside. All the memories came flooding back. The place hadn’t changed at all. The paint on the walls was still faded, the grease stains on the pictures and floors were still there, and the smell of food hung in the air.

  “Welcome to the Angry Egg—Jillian?” Madison’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard, and any happy thoughts I had about Hutch went up in smoke. “What are you doing back at the View? With Hutch?” Her voice changed the moment she realized I was standing with her boyfriend. “Seriously?” she hissed trying to keep her cool, but her eyes narrowed into angry slits.

  I waved my hand in the air. “Don’t worry,” I assured her. “He’s all yours. I’m just here for the wedding.” I gritted my teeth, trying not to knock Madison out. “You know, I’m not really that hungry.” I began to turn around, only to have Hutch’s arm snake around my waist to keep me in place.

  “Table for two, Mads, please.” Just hearing Hutch call her by that nickname made me sick to my stomach. His grip on me tightened when I tried to untangle myself. “Stop fighting me because you’re doing this whether you want to or not,” he growled into my ear.

  Madison led us over to an empty both, dropped the menus on the table, and walked off without saying another word. How she kept her job with that attitude, I’ll never know, but I suppose seeing her boyfriend with his ex, who she didn’t even know was back in town, might do that to a person. I sat down with a huff while I pouted like a five-year-old throwing a tantrum.

  “Mature.” Hutch smirked as he sat do
wn across from me. “Stop it,” he muttered loud enough for me to hear. He grabbed the menu, flipped through it, and then stopped to stare at me. “I’m not kidding, Jills, you’re acting like a spoiled brat.”

  That only made me cross my arms over my chest. “Because you could have given me a heads-up.” I popped my jaw.

  “Coffee?” Madison interrupted, batting her lashes as she turned to look at me with the fakest smile on her face. “You know, Jillian, I should actually thank you.”

  “For?”

  “Leaving, silly. I got this job because you didn’t take it after you said you would.” She flashed me a shit-eating grin. “Because of you, Hutch and I were able to meet here, fall in love, and well”—Madison placed her hand on his shoulder—“the rest is a perfect romance novel ending.” She turned to look at her boyfriend, but his wrath-filled eyes were glued to me.

  A cold sweat broke out over my skin. Madison hadn’t told Hutch that until right now. It was like she had been waiting until this exact moment to do it. I watched the way his brown eyes flashed with confusion. “What?” He turned to look at her. “What are you talking about?”

  A smile that could rival the joker’s spread across Madison’s face. “Oh, did you not know?” She tried to act surprised, but it wasn’t working. “Babe, you want blueberry pancakes, right?” No, no, he fucking didn’t share that with her. “What about you, Jill?” She turned back to me with a gleam in her eyes.

  “Don’t try to change the subject, Mads.” Hutch’s nostrils flared.

  “I’m not hungry.” I shot out of the booth before I could stop myself. “I...I have to go.” I pushed passed the patrons waiting to get inside, running as fast as I could into the warm sun and down onto the beach across the street, praying Hutch didn’t try to follow me because right now, I didn’t have the strength to fight him anymore.