Survivor's Guilt

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Survivor's Guilt Page 10

by Michelle Arnold


  Greta blinked again, more slowly, as if she were getting sleepy. “Kiss me,” she said softly.

  “I’d love to, sweetie, but I’m gonna wait until you’re a little more alert. I want you to remember our first kiss.” Our first kiss. Abi could hardly believe she was even speaking those words to Greta. “I’ll just kiss you on the cheek for now.”

  She bent down and tenderly kissed Greta’s face, which was at least not quite as swollen now as it had been that first night. The redhead smiled in genuine delight and reached to embrace Abi, but cringed in pain and began to cry when she moved her broken arm.

  “Oh no, love, don’t move that arm,” Abi said gently. “It’s broken pretty badly. They’re going to have to operate on it.”

  Greta continued to cry, and Abi felt her heart breaking. She ran out to the nurse’s station and begged for someone to give Greta something for pain. Toni hurried off and came back to inject something into Greta’s central line. Once it kicked in, Greta’s tears subsided and she fell asleep. Abi tenderly touched her hair.

  “Okay,” she said, steeling herself as she turned towards Toni. “Now that she’s becoming more aware, we’re going to have to stay on top of her pain management. How soon can she have the operations?”

  “The surgeon will have to make that call,” said Toni. “Dr. Khan has given new orders regarding her pain medication, and I’ll make sure she gets it as often as she needs it. Soon we’ll get her a pump so she can get it without having to call for help.”

  Abi nodded. “We also need to make sure she doesn’t see any news about the plane crash. I know I can’t keep it from her forever, but for now, I’d just rather she not know she’s the only one who made it out alive.”

  “I’ll make sure to intercept any papers with news of the crash. Now have you thought about getting a hotel room for yourself? We have a guest house across the street for family members of intensive care patients, and I’ve just heard that a room has opened up.”

  Abi shook her head. “I just want to be here with Greta.”

  “It would be a place to shower, do laundry. She’s gonna be here a while, honey.”

  Abi thought about it. She probably needed to go buy some new clothes, since she hadn’t brought any with her. “Okay. I’ll look into it.”

  “I’ll get you a card with the number.”

  ***

  Greta slept most of the day. When she did wake, she always smiled to see Abi, but she was still making very limited sense when she spoke, and she paid no attention whatsoever to anyone else, even when they talked to her. While she was taking another pain meds-induced nap, Abi booked her room at the guest house and made a quick shopping trip to buy more clothes, followed by a shower in her new room. Then she returned to Greta’s side to spend another uncomfortable night in the chair.

  “Your lips are chapped,” she observed quietly as she sat looking at Greta. “Hang on, I bought some lip balm.” She dug the lip balm out of the bag and very gently applied it to Greta’s lips. Greta opened her eyes slightly. “Your whole skin care regime is going to be thrown off,” Abi said with a sigh. “But don’t worry, I’ll get you back on track as soon as the bruising is gone and you don’t need oxygen anymore.” She put the lip balm back and got out a bottle of lotion, which she gently rubbed onto Greta’s good hand and up her arm. “You’re still beautiful,” she promised her. “Even without a proper skin care regime, you’re a stunner. The bruises don’t even change that.”

  “I like it,” Greta murmured.

  “Like what?”

  “You touch me.”

  Abi grinned. “I’ll keep touching you then,” she said, lacing her fingers with Greta’s and gently rubbing the redhead’s hand with her thumb.

  ***

  The following day, they brought Greta a bowl of soup. She looked quite eager when she saw it and quickly grasped the spoon, but then she completely missed her mouth and splashed the soup onto her face instead.

  “Whoa, careful there,” said Abi, taking the spoon from the stunned woman. “Here, I can help you.” She wiped Greta’s face with the napkin and then got another spoonful, which she guided into Greta’s mouth. Greta smiled gratefully.

  “I’m having coordination problems,” she announced groggily. It was the longest sentence she had said so far.

  “Yeah, I guess you are. Must be the brain injury.”

  Greta swallowed another spoonful. “What kind of brain injury is it?”

  Abi smiled. “Now that sounds like the Greta I know! The doctor says you have a skull fracture with a subdural hematoma, but it’s shrinking and your brain swelling is going down. You didn’t need surgery for that, but you will for some of your broken bones.”

  Greta looked at her. “How did I get hurt?”

  “Your plane crashed, love. Coming home from LA.”

  “It crashed?”

  “Yeah. You’re pretty banged up.”

  “Is everybody okay?”

  “You’re here, and that’s all that matters.”

  Greta looked around the room as if just now noticing it. “Where are we?”

  “Peoria Memorial Hospital, Illinois.”

  “Why aren’t we in New York?”

  “This is where the plane crashed.”

  “When can I go home?”

  “I don’t know, honey. You’ll have to ask the doctor about it.”

  Greta thoughtfully swallowed more soup. “I dreamed you said you loved me.”

  “That was not a dream. I love you very much, and I have told you about a million times since I got here.”

  Greta’s eyes met Abi’s. “You love me?”

  “I do. More than anything.”

  Greta smiled. “Abi! I love you too. I wanted to tell you that.”

  “I know. And as soon as you’re better, we’re gonna do all kinds of romantic shit, okay?”

  Greta’s smile widened. “I also dreamed about Jordan. He was on the plane with me. He said he was doing you a solid.”

  Abi chuckled. “Oh really?”

  “Yes. What does that mean?”

  “It means he was doing me a favor of some kind.” Abi frowned, remembering her last conversation with Jordan, when he had urged her to ask Greta out. He had said he was trying to do her a solid by telling her that. How did Greta dream Jordan saying that when she didn’t even know what the phrase meant?

  “Oh. I wonder what it was.” Greta looked around the room again, her eyes lighting on the little Christmas tree. “Is it Christmas?”

  “No, it’s January eighth, but they had a sale on Christmas trees in the gift shop, and I thought it would brighten the room a little.”

  “Are there cats on it?”

  “Yeah, they were pet-themed trees.”

  “I like it,” said Greta.

  Dr. Khan came into the room. “Hello Greta, how are you feeling?”

  “I don’t feel great,” Greta admitted. “I want to go home, and I want Abi to come with me.”

  “I understand that, but we can’t let you go home just yet. What I’d like to talk about is the surgery you need. Our orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Heidel, will be in later to talk to you about specifics, but we’d like to get you scheduled for that tomorrow.”

  “I can feel my bones rubbing against each other,” Greta said. Abi cringed.

  “Well, that’s what we want to get fixed. Your radius and ulna are fractured on the right side, so we need to put those back together with plates and screws, and pin up the tiny bones in your wrist that were shattered. We need to do the same for your right tibia, and we have to pin your right ankle together because it’s been dislocated. You also have a fracture in your right hip, and we will need to put screws in to hold that together. Once we get all that done, we can get your arm and leg into casts, and then you’ll have a little more mobility. You won’t be independent for a while, I’m afraid, but at least we can move you around more without upsetting your fractured bones.”

  “I’m not sure I want all that,” Greta sai
d with a frown. “Screws are very dangerous.”

  “Greta, you have some really bad fractures,” Abi told her. “They have to put your bones back together so they can heal right.”

  “It sounds like it would hurt even more,” said Greta. “And how is a plate going to fit in my arm?”

  “It’s not like a dinner plate,” Abi said incredulously. “It’s a special metal plate, to hold the broken parts of your bone together.”

  Dr. Khan smiled at Abi. “The surgeon understands that her decision-making ability is currently compromised by the head injury. You will have the final say on any procedures we do for now.”

  “I will?” Abi bit her lip, hoping she would do the right thing.

  “You’re the person Greta chose for this, so she clearly trusts you more than anyone else,” Dr. Khan said reassuringly.

  Abi nodded. “So, I know she can’t go home home for a while, but would it be possible to transfer her to Cornell in New York? She’d be close to home there, and her friends and family could visit her. I think it would be good for her to be in a familiar environment.”

  “Well, she could charter a medical flight, but it would cost a lot of money.”

  “That’s okay, she can afford it, and I really think it’s what she wants.”

  “I’ll speak to some people about the arrangements,” Dr. Khan promised.

  Not long after she left, the surgeon came in to explain the procedure in more detail and to have Abi sign release forms. Then a physical therapist came in to do a few simple exercises with Greta while she was lying in bed. Abi was surprised to see that Greta was really struggling with these. Having to touch each of her fingertips with her thumb seemed to take an enormous amount of concentration. That head injury really had done a number on her coordination.

  “Is she going to be back to normal eventually?” Abi asked the therapist quietly as he was leaving.

  “That is the goal of therapy, but sometimes it takes a while.”

  “I know it’s the goal, but…is it going to happen?”

  “I can’t really answer that,” he told her. “Her doctor might be able to give you a better idea, but really, with head injuries, it’s hard to predict how it will turn out. There’s really a lot science still doesn’t understand about the brain. All I can tell you is that it’s possible for her to make a full recovery if she works hard enough, but I can’t make a guarantee. All she can do is keep working and stay hopeful.”

  Abi nodded. She appreciated his honesty, but it frankly terrified her to see this veteran Broadway star – the woman who could spin and leap around in high heels without so much as a wobble – struggling just to touch each of her fingertips with her thumb.

  ***

  The following day, a nurse named Nick came to prepare Greta for surgery. He had given Greta something to relax her, and between that and the head injury, the redhead was getting pretty loopy.

  “Have you met Abi?” she asked Nick pleasantly as he was changing out her IV bag. “She loves me.”

  “That’s great,” said Nick.

  “When we get home, we’re going to have so much sex,” Greta informed him.

  “Greta…” Abi pleaded.

  “I’m going to find her G-spot,” Greta continued with a conspiratorial smile. “I’ll give her an orgasm like she’s never had before.” Her eyes rolled back a little as she smiled rapturously at this thought.

  Abi smiled sheepishly at the nurse. “She’s usually not like this.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve had patients tell me a lot of interesting things before and after surgery,” he assured her. He put the rails up on the bed and unlocked the wheels.

  “All right, love,” said Abi, giving Greta’s hand a squeeze and kissing her forehead. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

  “When they fix my hand, I can give you digital stimulation,” Greta told her.

  “Okay,” said Abi. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” said Greta, smiling as they wheeled her away.

  And Abi was left alone, an empty feeling settling around her as she realized it would be hours before she saw Greta again.

  13

  Back to New York

  The MediFlight staff were wonderful. They came all the way to Greta’s hospital room in Peoria to get her, and they rode with her and Abi in the ambulance to the airport. Greta had never been to Peoria before, and she was a little sad that she couldn’t look around during the drive. The staff situated her next to the windows on the plane though, which wasn’t hard since the plane was so tiny. It felt like there was barely enough room for her bed and the staff that had to ride alongside her, as well as Abi.

  Greta had been able to move around a little more since her surgery two days earlier. Now that her hip was bolted back together and the splintered bones in her radius, ulna, carpals, tibia, and tarsals were all plated or pinned together and casts had been put on, she could sit up for periods of time and could be helped to the bathroom. Sitting completely exhausted her though. Just being awake for more than an hour exhausted her. Her body was using all its resources to heal itself, and there was quite a lot to heal. She ached everywhere. There seemed not to be a single part of her that didn’t hurt, and moving her whole body was agony.

  She didn’t complain, though. She hated being like this, but she did have one very important thing going for her: Abi loved her. As if it wasn’t obvious enough from the way she stayed by Greta’s side for absolutely everything, she also told Greta how much she loved her several times a day. She would kiss Greta’s face and her good hand, but she hadn’t kissed her lips yet. She had told Greta she would do it as soon as she could correctly answer all the questions the nurses kept asking her. It was the date that she kept getting stuck on. How was she supposed to keep track of that when she was asleep most of the time?

  But she had practiced this morning with Sue, her night nurse, who had lingered past the end of her shift to see Greta off. Everyone who had treated Greta seemed sad to see her go, though Greta wasn’t sure why. She couldn’t even remember that much about her time there.

  “We’re going to miss you,” Sue had said while Abi was busy with her transfer papers. “But we’re all so glad to see you getting better. I’m sure your friends in New York will be pleased to see you.”

  “Abi says she won’t kiss me until I can tell her the day of the week and the date,” Greta blurted out. “I want her to kiss me today. I know it’s 2019. Is it Friday?”

  Sue smiled indulgently. “Yes, it is! Friday, January 11. If you can keep that in your head until you get to New York, I’m sure you’ll get your kiss.” She lightly patted Greta’s shoulder. “I want to come to the wedding.”

  Greta repeated the date over and over in her head as the plane took off. Friday, January 11, 2019. She just had to keep that in her head until she got settled into her room at Cornell Hospital and finally had a moment alone with Abi. Since she was now in stable condition, she hoped she’d be able to get a room with a little more privacy than the one she was leaving behind.

  Abi stayed buckled into her seat while the plane took off, but as soon as they told her she could move around, she came over to Greta and groped for her good hand. Greta noticed that she was shaking.

  “Are you okay?” Greta asked in surprise. “You’ve never seemed nervous about flying before.”

  Abi shook her head. “I’m not scared for me, but…last time you were on a plane, it didn’t end well.”

  “That doesn’t mean every plane I’m on is going to crash now,” Greta assured her.

  “I know, but…” Abi looked down. “I saw it. The plane crash. I saw it happen live, on TV.”

  “Oh, Abi…”

  “I was planning this romantic dinner for when you got to New York. I ordered dinner for two from Chez Gustav, and I was gonna pick it up on the way back from the airport.”

  “You don’t even like that restaurant!” Greta exclaimed with an awed smile.

  “I know, but you do, and I wa
nted to do something nice for you since I was so stupid not to let you kiss me. My mum was working at the Mermaid – she knew about the whole thing, and believe me, we have her blessing – and I was at your house, setting the table with your favorite china and candlesticks, when I got that text from you.”

  “What text?”

  Abi smiled sadly. “I guess you wouldn’t remember. You said you loved me, and that was it. I thought it was odd, because you should have been in the air, and we’d promised to talk when you got back. I was going to tell you how much I loved you over dinner, and then we were finally going to kiss. That was my plan. And then I got that mysterious text from you, and then Mum called. They had the news on at the Mermaid, and they were reporting on a flight from LA to New York that was quickly losing altitude over Illinois. The pilots had radioed in something about the rear engine exploding and taking out the hydraulics . There was no keeping the plane from going down, and they were just hoping it would land in a field and not a city. They were showing it live. I turned on the TV to see if it was your flight number, and it was, and then I saw the plane crash and burn in a field. I was so scared I had lost you.”

  “I’m sorry you had to see that,” Greta said softly.

  Abi rubbed her face. “I think it was the worst moment of my life so far.”

  Greta looked out the window, trying to remember more details of her doomed flight. “I hope Lauren’s okay,” she said suddenly.

  “Lauren?”

  “Yes, she was the girl sitting next to me. She was only about fourteen. It was her first time flying on a plane, and I switched seats with her so she could be next to the window.”

  “They said they found you in economy,” Abi said slowly. “What were you doing back there?”

  “Someone was in my seat,” Greta said, frowning as she struggled to remember. “A man. They assigned us both the same seat. He wouldn’t get up at first. He said I could sit in his lap.”

  “What an arsehole,” scowled Abi.

  “The flight attendant found an empty seat in coach, and then the man said he’d let me have his seat, but I didn’t want to owe him any favors, so I took the seat in coach. It was by the window, but I switched with Lauren because she wanted to look outside. She was going to visit her dad, who had recently moved to New York. She told me all about her part in the spring musical at school. She said it was The Sound of Music, and rehearsals would start after break.” She frowned again. “She’ll be missing the rehearsals if she’s still in the hospital like me. I hope she wasn’t hurt as badly as I was.”

 

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