by Guy Bass
“Time’s up!” cried General Kurg, firing again. “You made your choice, O Prince! Now surrender to the inevitable!”
“Everyone, move!” Frog cried. With a great push of his legs he sprang into the air, landing on a nearby balcony. “Follow me, Lumps! Use your mighty legs!”
“I am Man-Lor!” confirmed Man-Lor, grabbing Princess Rainbow and Oldasdust and leaping into the air. Though his landings were a little ungainly, Man-Lor managed to keep up with Frog, following him up balcony after balcony until they found themselves on the roof of the palace. Ahead of them was the long rampart and, at its end, the archway to the charred remains of the Tower of Tallness.
“They’re coming after us!” yelped Oldasdust, looking down to see the Kroakans scaling the balconies. Frog ushered everyone along the rampart. They hurried through the archway and began to climb the stairs.
“Run!” he said, turning back. He drew his sunder-gun and fired at the rampart again and again until he’d blasted it to rubble, leaving nothing but a plummeting drop to the ground below.
Frog hurried inside, racing and leaping up a zig-zagging flight of stairs. By the time he’d caught up with Man-Lor and his passengers, Frog could see that the top of the tower had been completely destroyed.
“There’s nowhere left to go!” screeched Oldasdust, the blackened skies churning above them. “We’ll be trapped!”
“We don’t have a choice! We have to find Sheriff Explosion!” said Frog. “Also, I may have slightly destroyed our way back.”
“What a surprise. Your ex’lunt plan is actually a stupid plan,” tutted the princess.
“I’m improvising! And this wouldn’t be the plan if you hadn’t locked up my steed!” replied Frog.
He ducked under Man Lor’s legs and zig-zagged up the remainder of the stairs until he reached the top … but the stairwell continued into thin air. There was nothing … nothing and no one.
“Sheriff Explosion… No!” said Frog, falling to his knees. “I will avenge you! You will be avenged!”
“Baa?”
Frog looked down. Dangling from the jagged remains of the very top step, snagged by its thick woolly coat was…
“Sheriff Explosion!” Frog cried. The sheep gave a baa of abject terror. “Man-Lor, give me a hand!”
The great barbarian placed the princess and the wizard on the steps and he and Frog leaned over to grab the sheep. As they looked down, they saw the devastation wrought by the Kroakan attack. Huge areas of the palace and its grounds were in ruins, flaming or charred. In the garden, the bipods continued to blast their sunder-beams into the blackening sky.
“They’re coming up the tower!” shouted Oldasdust as Frog and Man-Lor pulled the sheep to (relative) safety. Frog peered down the centre of the tower. A sunder-beam flashed so close to his head that if he’d had ears, he would have lost one.
“They jumped the gap!” he cried, drawing his sunder-gun. “That’s mightier leaping than I expected.”
“I like how all your ideas are terrible,” said Princess Rainbow sarcastically.
Frog ignored her, blasting down the stairwell and sending two Kroakan troopers tumbling to the ground.
“By the Doom Bringers! Are you sure the boy hasn’t been trained, Doctor?” said the general, watching his troopers plunge to their doom from halfway up the tower. “He’s taking to battle like a glork to water.”
“Then perhaps we should stop toying with him and do this the easy way,” hissed Doctor Kull.
“Fine!” grunted the general. “But you’re digging his body out of the rubble.”
At the top of the tower, Frog fired another volley of sunder-beams. When no one fired back, he dared to peek over the edge of the stairwell.
“They’re retreating!” he said. “I did it! In your face, Princess Brain-slow. Who’s the most skilled-up excellent prince ever? Me is who!”
“Uh, Greeny?” began Man-Lor.
“See, that’s how it’s done!” continued Frog. “While you sit around crying into your tiara, I’m bringing on the big-time mightiness and—!”
“Greeny!” boomed Man-Lor. He was pointing over the edge of the tower into the garden.
“What?” sighed Frog.
Everyone rushed to the edge and peeked over. The bipods had stopped blasting the sky … and turned towards them.
“See? We are going to die – told you so,” noted the princess.
Frog rubbed his temples, desperately trying to divine some excellence from his princely brain.
“Oldasdust, have you got any of those magic whatjamacallits left?” he asked.
As the bipods took aim, Oldasdust reached into his robe and dug out the last of his enchanted talismans.
“Only two,” he said. “One All Change transformation stone and my last Sphere of the Year protection stone … that I was saving for a special occasion.”
“I think this counts,” said Frog, picking up Sheriff Explosion.
“Very well – everyone gather round!” Oldasdust shrieked. He held the protection stone above his head as everyone huddled behind him. Frog squinted as the bipods began to glow…
“Do it!” Frog roared. “Do it now!”
“Gah!” cried Oldasdust again, and cast the talisman on to the step as the sunder-beams fired. There was a flash of shimmering blue light – and a moment later what remained of the tower was obliterated in a shower of rubble.
The Mighty Sword
In the moment before the remainder of the tower was disintegrated, Oldasdust’s talisman created a perfect bubble of impenetrable blue energy around him and his companions. The Sphere of the Year flew through the air, propelled by the force of the exploding tower. The sphere contained, in reverse order of height:
Sheriff Explosion the sheep
Princess Rainbow
Prince Frog
The wizard Oldasdust
Man-Lor the barbarian
The bubble arced through the air, clearing the remains of the palace before plummeting downward. The sphere’s passengers watched in horror as the ground rushed towards them…
“Baa!”
“Stupid Greeny!”
“Yoiks!”
“Gah!”
“No one ever read Man-Lor’s poetry…”
A moment later, the sphere crashed and exploded in a shower of sparks. Its occupants were sent scattering in all directions.
“What the … what?” said Frog, still clinging on to Sheriff Explosion as he scrambled to his feet. “Where did we land?” He looked around and realized they had crashed on the palace bridge.
It occurred to Frog that it could only have been a few days since he had first crossed the bridge to reach the palace, but it seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Is everyone all right?” Frog cried. He turned towards the burning wreckage of the palace to see Man-Lor get up and dust himself off. “Lumps! Where’s the princess? Where’s—”
“Oldasdust!”
The princess’s cry was desperate. Man-Lor stood aside, and Frog spotted Oldasdust’s tall hat lying on the bridge. Then he saw Princess Rainbow, hunched over the old wizard where he lay next to his hat.
“Pr-princess…” muttered Oldasdust, as Frog rushed over to them. “I think … I think I may have broken something important upon landing.”
“You’re all magic and old like the sea – you’ll be all right,” said Princess Rainbow hopefully.
“Gah … I fear I am not built for what is to come…” he began with a pained sigh. “I am just a man, with a man’s courage … but you … you can save us all…”
Oldasdust pointed his finger slowly.
“Who, me?” asked Princess Rainbow.
“No…” replied Oldasdust.
“Me?” asked Man-Lor.
“No…” wheezed Oldasdust.
“Baa?” said Sheriff Explosion.
“No! Him!” gasped Oldasdust, pointing at Frog. “Come closer, Frog. I knew you were important … from the very moment I— Actually, I had no id
ea. But still … I know now that you are … good. Protect the princess. Where I have failed … in my promise, you must succeed. Promise me, Frog. Promise me … you will protect her.”
“I—” began Frog.
“I don’t need protecting! And I don’t need saving!” the princess interrupted.
Oldasdust reached inside his robe for his last talisman – a simple stone with a small curved symbol carved on its face.
“Frog … your stick – hold it aloft,” he coughed, waving his hand weakly.
“Basil Rathbone?” replied Frog, taking the broken stick off his belt. “He’s – it’s – just a stick.”
“I’ll be the judge … of that,” the wizard wheezed. The charm in his hand seemed to melt into sparkling, shimmering dust, which floated up and surrounded Frog’s stick in an aura of light. Frog’s wide eyes grew wider still as the stick began to glow – and change.
“Yoiks!”
Within moments, the stick was no longer a stick. Indeed, the very thought that it had ever been a stick was suddenly absurd. It was a sword with a long, silver blade that glinted with light and magic. Its fine, sculpted hilt curved round Frog’s hand, and the handle immediately felt as much an extension of his arm as his sunder-gun.
“A sword … fit for a prince,” wheezed Oldasdust. “It will cut … through anything … so watch your fingers.”
“Basil Rathbone … you look amazing!” cried Frog, a beaming smile spreading across his face. “This is the best, most excellent royal present ever! Thanks, old wizard!”
Oldasdust turned to Princess Rainbow, wincing with pain. “I’m sorry, Princess – I failed you. Please tell your parents … I tried. And for what it’s worth … I thought you should be allowed … friends.”
“I don’t want you to go,” said Princess Rainbow, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m the princess and I order you to be all right.”
But the wizard Oldasdust did not obey the princess’s command. He took a last breath and vanished into smoke. All that remained were his robes and one very tall hat.
The Battle on the Bridge
Silence fell over the bridge as everyone tried to take in what had just happened.
Princess Rainbow hugged the old wizard’s empty robes. She turned to Frog, tears streaming down her face. “This is your fault…” she hissed.
“I-I was trying to save us…” began Frog.
“You couldn’t save anything! You’re the most horrid thing there ever was!” insisted the princess. She grabbed at Frog’s sunder-gun, tearing it from the holster and shoving it in Frog’s face. “The wizard’s gone and it’s all your fault!”
“I’m sorry!” cried Frog, staring down the gun barrel. “I’m trying my best. I didn’t even know there was a world last week. I thought that— Wait, do you even know how to use that?”
“Yes, I do know!” snapped the princess. “I’m going to extinguish you! Then you’ll be sorry…”
“Gobbins!”
Frog and Princess Rainbow spun round to see Man-Lor pointing at the palace gates. The booming sound of shattering walls suddenly filled the air. Boom followed boom … closer and louder, until the outer gates of the palace were smashed to pieces, sending the great doors flying through the air.
Frog ducked just in time as one of the doors soared over his head and crashed into the moat. By the time he looked up, all three bipods had emerged from the wreckage of the palace gates.
“Princess, could we discuss you extinguishing me after we’ve been extinguished by the outer-place invaders?” he suggested.
Sheriff Explosion and Man-Lor huddled round as the towering machines stepped forward on their writhing, metal legs and loomed over them.
“Still alive? By the Hordes of Hyperspace, I’m impressed!” said a voice.
Frog watched General Kurg, Doctor Kull and the remaining six Kroakan troopers clamber and leap over the devastated gates. “Perhaps there is something about you after all, Prince Frog…”
“It’s too late for that now,” insisted the doctor. “It’s him or us.”
The general’s face hardened. He drew his sunder-gun and the troopers followed suit. Frog’s eyes darted about. There was no way they could outrun the bipods across the bridge – and the only other way to escape was over the edge, into a chasm that looked altogether bottomless. Frog felt suddenly alone. He drew his sword…
Then he felt a slight tingle in his toes.
“What the … what?” he whispered.
The sensation was unmistakable. He looked down at his feet, then up into the ink-black sky.
“Listen for the thunder … look for the lightning!” the rarewolf had told him. “I will help you, if I can…”
“The toes knows!” said Frog, a half-smile flashing across his face. He gripped his sword tightly and turned to General Kurg. “Hey! I’m opening a shop that only sells crushing defeat – and you’re my first customers!” he cried. “I’m going to fight you till I’ve got no mightiness left!”
“Then you shall not last long,” growled the general – and aimed his sunder-gun.
All at once, thunder clapped, rain poured and lightning struck! The lightning bolts darted out of the churning, ink-black clouds, striking all three bipods with such force that they sparked and shook.
“Kroak’s teeth!” yelled the general. “We’re under attack!”
“Man-Lor, get them out of here! Run!” Frog cried.
As Man-Lor grabbed Princess Rainbow and Sheriff Explosion, Frog held his breath and triggered his camouflage – in a moment, only his catastrophe pants and sword were visible.
“Did you see that? He’s mastered the Kroak cloak! The prince has the power of the Keepers!” the general howled. “Open fire! Blast him! Aim for his pants!”
The Kroakans fired through the torrent of rain at their all-but-invisible enemy. As sunder-beams whizzed past his head, Frog raced towards the closest bipod and sprang into the air on his mighty legs. He leaped towards one of the bipod’s massive metal tendrils and swung his sword with all his might. The magical blade sliced through the alien metal like it was a rotten turnip sandwich. Sparks flew from the severed limb as it toppled to the ground.
Frog grinned. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Basil Rathbone!
“By the Imperial Forehead!” the general cried.
Frog spiralled through the air and landed on the bridge. He skidded to a halt, sliding through a slick of rain as more lightning streaked down from the sky. He glanced back to see Man-Lor racing towards the other end of the bridge with the princess and his trusty steed in his arms … then he heard a strained metallic creak fill the air. The one-legged bipod began to waver and stagger towards the edge of the bridge…
“My favourite bipod!” shrieked the general, as he watched it tumble over the edge and plummet into the darkness below. His eyes all but glowed with rage. “By the Boot of Oppression! Someone extinguish that prince!”
“It’s no good! Between the rain and the Kroak cloak, he might as well be a ghost,” snarled the doctor, wiping her eyes in the driving rain.
“Then we turn him into one!” General Kurg cried. “Bipods, blast the bridge! Send him into the chasm!”
The two remaining bipods wheeled round, their sunder-beams aglow, and took aim.
“Yoiks…” Frog muttered. His eyes darted left and right, but there was no way to get across the bridge in time. He took a deep breath and leaped into the air. The searing, shrieking sunder-beams shattered the ground beneath him, sending rubble tumbling into the chasm.
Frog soared over the top of the nearest bipod, landing roughly on its smooth, rain-slick shell and sliding to a clumsy halt. He watched the great machines blast the middle of the bridge to smithereens, leaving either end jutting out over the dark abyss. Despite his near-death experience, Frog smiled – with the centre of the bridge gone, there was no way the bipods could reach the princess, Man-Lor and Sheriff Explosion on the other side.
“That must have extinguished him,” the ge
neral began, trying to see through the rain. “No one could have survived—”
“I see him!” snarled Doctor Kull. “Up there!”
From atop the bipod, Frog saw the doctor point directly at him. He looked at his hands and realized that he had lost concentration – he was no longer camouflaged.
“Uh-oh,” he squeaked.
“By the Galactic Wedgie! Why will this prince not die?” cried the general.
Frog clung on to the bipod for dear life, as the other wheeled round to face him.
“What are you waiting for? Incinerate him!” the general roared.
“Not again…” muttered Frog. He scrambled to his feet and leaped into the air, flinging himself at the other bipod as it fired. As the first bipod exploded, Frog skidded helplessly along the second’s surface, jabbing his sword into the bipod’s shell to steady himself.
“We’re losing machines of mass destruction by the mikron,” huffed the doctor, as they watched the blasted bipod stumble and sway, its body consumed with flames. It lurched unsteadily one way then the other, then it staggered backwards…
“It’s going down! Move!” ordered the general, leaping at the doctor and knocking her clear. He glanced back to see the bipod fall to the ground on top of the Kroakan troopers, squashing them flat.
“My troops! My loyal, nameless troops!” he shrieked. “By the Void, Frog, you will pay for this…”
With a leap as mighty as Prince Frog’s, General Kurg propelled himself into the air and landed squarely on top of the remaining bipod.
“You’re mine now, O Prince. There’s nowhere to run,” the general growled.
Frog pulled his sword out of the bipod and brandished it defiantly. “You don’t scare me!” he replied, although he wasn’t sure he meant it. “I’m going to chew you up like a turnip sandwich and then spit you out like … a turnip sandwich!”
“I was wrong about you, Prince Frog – you truly are a mighty son of Kroak!” laughed the General. “I will do you the honour of a fair fight.”
With that, he threw his sunder-gun over the edge of the bipod, sending it spinning into the chasm below.
