I nod.
“Better than the drummer when we were shooting in New York that one summer?”
I cringe. Geez, I don’t need to be reminded of all the guys I’ve had sex with. “The best.”
“Is it the best every time?” she asks skeptically.
“Of course not.” I roll my eyes. “But it’s always intimate, even when it’s rougher, you know?”
“I do.”
“And he always makes me feel sexy. He says I’m sexiest when my hair’s a mess and I have no makeup on.”
“Keep him,” she says immediately, making us both laugh. “Seriously, Addie, when was the last time you were with a guy who even wanted to help you?”
It’s true, I’ve never dated the white knight before. “Probably never.”
“It’s okay for the guy you love to want to defend you.”
I pause, frowning. “Who said anything about love?”
“Oh come on,” she says with a snort. “I’ve known you all of your adult life. Love is written all over you in permanent marker. And also, he kissed her cheek, Addie. You don’t have photos of him fucking some chick.”
I bite my lip and watch as she paints my nails. “Loving him scares me.”
“As it should.” She screws the brush on the bottle of polish and sits back in her chair. “Love is fucking terrifying.”
“It’s fucking bullshit,” I mutter.
“No it’s not.” She smiles and pats my arm. “But I understand the sentiment.”
“I wasn’t very nice to him earlier.” I cringe and blow on my fingers. “He was just trying to get Jeremy off my ass.”
“You skipped that part,” Cici says. “What did Jeremy want?”
“A free ride,” I reply. “Under the disguise of I want you back, I was stupid, blah blah blah.”
“Idiot.”
“Big-time. And everyone tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen.”
“That’s pretty typical for women whose loins are attracted to someone.”
“Loins?” I smirk. “My loins were attracted to him?”
“Seriously, was there anything else there?”
I think back on my time with Jeremy and shrug. “No. You’re right.”
“And what do you find attractive about Jake?”
“Well, my loins are certainly attracted to him.” I giggle. “But it’s more than that for sure. I love watching him work. He’s seriously good at it, and he loves it. It’s not just what he does, it’s who he is.”
I tilt my head to the side, thinking. “He’s thoughtful. He’s nice to my friends. And when he smiles, I’m telling you, my panties burst into flames.”
“You must spend a lot of money on lingerie,” she says with a laugh. “I like him for you, Addie. You deserve to be with someone that makes you happy.”
“We all do.” I chew my lip. “I may have overreacted this afternoon.”
“It happens. At least you know it, and you can work on making it up to him.”
“I think a blow job is in his very near future.”
“I think you’ll be forgiven quickly.”
Chapter Fourteen
Jake
What just happened?
I stare at the door that Addie just slammed, and am dumbfounded. We just had our first argument, and she walked away.
She walked away.
I sigh and push my hand through my hair in exasperation, just as Riley walks back into the office.
“Oh, sorry. I thought you guys left.”
“Addie left,” I reply. Riley tilts her dark blond head to the side and frowns.
“Is everything okay?”
“I think they will be,” I reply honestly, shoving the vial of coke into my pocket, then chuckle in frustration. “We argued, and she left.”
“Ah.” Riley nods and walks behind her desk. “Typical Addie.”
I simply raise a brow, waiting for her to continue.
“Addie’s great at confrontation, when it comes to strangers or people she doesn’t love,” she says carefully. “But when her heart is invested, whether it be family, or friends, or a man, she’s not good at confrontation at all. She never has been.”
“An argument isn’t confrontation,” I reply and shake my head. “It’s a heated conversation.”
“For some,” she says simply. “For others it’s scary. Not that she would ever, ever admit that. She has abandonment issues.”
Of course she wouldn’t admit it. “Who abandoned her?”
“Her parents. They’re good people, but they’re pretty selfish. Not really around when she needs them. She grew up and they pretty much washed their hands of her. Men don’t stick around when they don’t get what they want from her. She’s learned to guard her heart, Jake.”
She and I need to talk. “I guess I’ll head home and get some work done.”
“Don’t worry, she’ll cool off, and by this time tomorrow, she won’t even remember that you fought.” Riley offers me a supportive smile. “But that photo of you with Karina? Not cool, man.”
“I didn’t fuck Karina!”
“I didn’t say that you did, but Addie has a history with musicians who didn’t think twice about fucking around on her, so just seeing that photo of you from last night would be enough to make her run. She’ll come around.”
“Thanks.” I wave and leave, still completely confused. I’d planned to come pick Addie up and take her somewhere nearby for a quick lunch, see how her day is going. Hell, I just wanted to see her. Because I’m a selfish bastard.
I’m addicted to her.
But when I arrived, Jeremy was leaning toward her, about to put his motherfucking hands on her, and I saw red. I know she can handle herself, but damn it, she doesn’t have to. Not with me around.
Maybe I overstepped when it came to finding out that one of the waitresses was using, but damn it, why does she have a junkie working for her?
It’s none of your damn business, Keller.
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel as I drive through the tunnel and up the Sunset Highway, heading west of Portland. This highway is curvy, and hilly. People go way too fast up this thing.
So how am I going to fix this? How am I going to convince her that she needs to run toward me rather than from me?
Because I’ll be damned if I’ll let her turn her back and walk out on me again. I’ll put her over my fucking knee.
Just as I reach the Portland Zoo exit, I see a wrecking crew, and a Jetta, crumpled from rolling.
My heart speeds up as I realize it’s the same color as Addie’s car.
Is that Addie’s car?
I pull up behind a cop car, and race out of my car toward the first officer I see.
“Where is she?”
“You can’t stop here,” he says sternly. “This is the scene of an accident.”
“Who was in the car?” Please, for the love of Christ, tell me some guy was in the car.
“A woman was in the car,” a female officer replies. “She’s already been transported to the hospital.”
I watch in horror as what I’m sure is Addie’s car is loaded onto the bed of a tow truck.
I run back to my car and peel out into traffic, desperate to get to the hospital. I call Addie’s number, praying that by the grace of God it wasn’t her, but it just rings and rings and finally dumps me into voice mail.
Sonofabitch.
I try one more time, cursing more as I get the voice mail again, then I try Kat.
“Seduction, this is Kat.”
“This is Jake. Did Addie come back there?”
Please say yes.
“No, she had an appointment with Cici this afternoon. Why?”
“I just came up on a wreck on the Sunset,” I reply grimly. “Same car as hers, same color. The person in the car has already been taken to the hospital. I’m on my way there. I tried her cell and she’s not answering.”
“I’m sure she’s fine,” she says, but her voice is shaky now. “Let
me call Cici’s phone and make sure she’s there.”
She clicks off, but calls back in less than thirty seconds. “Cici didn’t answer.”
“Fuck.”
“But her phone might be off,” she says quickly. “She usually turns it off when she has a client.”
“I’m pulling into the hospital now. I’ll call you when I have information.”
I hang up, thank the parking gods when I find a spot close to the door of the emergency room, and run inside.
“I’m looking for Addison Wade,” I say breathlessly as I approach a receptionist. “She’s been in an accident, and would have been brought in by ambulance.” I think.
The young woman clicks the keyboard, frowning.
“I don’t see anyone by that name.”
That’s a good sign.
“But if she was just brought in, we might not have her in the system yet. Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll keep an eye out and ask around.” She smiles kindly, but she doesn’t make me feel any better.
The woman I love so much it hurts could be broken back there right now.
The thought makes me want to scream. And throw up.
I sit, leaning my elbows on my knees, and curse myself as every kind of selfish bastard there is. What am I doing?
I destroy the people around me. The ones I love suffer because of me. My parents. My band. Christina.
And now Addie.
Addie deserves so much better than me.
After thirty minutes of waiting, I glance up at the receptionist, making eye contact, but she only shakes her head, silently telling me that there is still no word.
My phone rings in my pocket. “Kat. Tell me you found her.”
“She’s fine,” she says, leaving me weak with relief. “She and Cici both had their ringers off. She’s safe, Jake.”
I nod, not even caring that Kat can’t see me, and hang up the phone. I scrub my fingers through my hair and stand, on autopilot as I return to my car and drive toward my house.
She’s safe.
She didn’t run out, upset, and get hurt the way Christina did.
She’s going to be just fine.
But what happens next time I screw up? I obviously fucked up big-time last night. It didn’t even occur to me how it would look to kiss Karina’s cheek. It’s her goddamn cheek.
But I should have thought about it. Jesus, even when I had my lips planted against Karina’s face, all I could think was that Addie smells better and I wish she’d been my date.
Instead of just thinking of myself, I should have also realized that the photos wouldn’t look as innocent as it was.
I pull into my driveway and bypass the house, headed for the studio.
“You know, you were much more punctual before you had a girlfriend,” Max says with a grin as I walk inside, but when he sees my face, he sobers. “What’s wrong.”
I shake my head and sit in my office chair. “What am I doing, man?”
“Well, right now you’re freaking me out,” he replies and walks toward me, dropping into the chair on the other side of my desk. “Who died?”
“That’s not funny.”
“I didn’t mean it to be funny.”
I pick up a pen and tap it on the desk, turning it from end to end. “No one’s dead.” I tell him about the argument and coming up on the crash and waiting at the hospital for what felt like hours.
“She’s not Christina,” he says softly.
“I fucking know that.”
“But it scared you.”
I nod. “It was five years ago, all over again. And then I felt like such an asshole.”
“Because you were worried that she might have been in an accident?” Max asks with a scowl. “Yeah, that’s a real dick move.”
“No, because I started this relationship with an amazing woman. Because I’m playing music every weekend again, and I’m loving it. And I don’t deserve any of it, Max. I walked away from performing for a reason. I don’t do the relationship thing for a reason.”
Max sighs. “You know, I never really understood what exactly those reasons are.”
I narrow my eyes on my best friend, not afraid to deck him if I need to. “People around me get hurt.”
“Bullshit.”
“How can you say that? You were there five years ago. Before that.” I stand and pace. “Christina lost her leg because of me.”
“As she has said, many times, bullshit.”
I shake my head. “It’s not bullshit. And that could have been Addie today. She could have been hurt. She could have been killed.”
My blood runs cold at the thought. I lower myself into the chair and stare at Max. “She deserves so much better than me, man.”
“Maybe she should be the one to decide what she deserves.”
“I have to quit performing.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Boy, that’s the truth.”
“And you’re being a selfish asshole.”
I stare at Max in disbelief just as my phone pings with a text.
Addie:
Kat says you were worried about me. I’m okay. I’m sorry that you were worried. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?
“First of all, five years ago was an accident. It wasn’t your fault, but you’ve convinced yourself that it was. So the band broke up, which I don’t have too much resentment over anymore. I mean, we probably would have broken up at some point anyway, and this writing and producing gig is awesome.
“But you’ve become a hermit. And Addie was bringing you out of that. You deserve to be loved, you know.”
I shake my head, but he interrupts me before I can speak. “You do. Everyone does. You deserve to fall in love and have a dozen babies and do what you love. If you love to sing for a couple hundred people every weekend in a pretty cool restaurant, then do it.”
I don’t respond. I simply nod and stand and walk out of the studio. I need some time in the pool.
I need Addie. Everything in me is screaming at me to go find her, to hug her and make sure that she’s really safe and whole.
But Addie doesn’t need me.
Chapter Fifteen
Addison
“It’s going to be another stellar day in Portland, Bill.”
“Indeed it is, Shelley.”
I glance out the window and smile at the sunshine. The newspeople are right; it’s going to be another beautiful day in Portland.
I reach my arms high above me, stretching, and then bend over to touch my toes. Even in heels, I can touch my toes.
Not bad, if I do say so myself.
I feel great today. I slept like the freaking dead, although I would have slept better if I’d been wrapped around a certain sexy rock star, but I think it was good to have a night away from each other. My chat with Cici helped a lot. I know that there will be times that we get on each other’s nerves, but we’re just human. It happens.
And whether I like it or not, he’s a celebrity, and there will be times that he’s gone, around other famous people, and photos will be taken. The press is a son of a bitch who likes to start rumors, and I need to learn to trust.
Because I don’t really believe that he’d hurt me. Not on purpose.
In fact, I miss him. I reach for my phone, but stop with my thumb hovering over his name. What am I going to say? I’m sorry seems trite.
But I am sorry.
Just as I’m about to tap on his name, the doorbell rings, and I can’t help but smile and rush to the door, butterflies taking flight in my belly.
I hope it’s Jake.
I’m not disappointed when I fling the door wide open. He’s leaning on the jamb, and when his eyes meet mine, I see relief in their green depths.
I grip his hand in mine and pull him inside, then launch myself into his arms, holding him tightly around the neck.
“I was just about to call you! Jake, I’m so sorry for yesterday. I totally overreacted. I think I was thrown off and irritated by Jeremy showing up, a
nd then you surprised me, and I really just reacted poorly.” I kiss his cheek and bury my face in his neck. God, he feels so damn good. “But I talked with Cici for a while yesterday and she helped me come to my senses. Sometimes I just let my emotions get the best of me. I’m sorry.”
I kiss his neck and wiggle even closer to him, soaking up his warmth and his clean, amazing scent. “I’m really sorry you thought I was a part of that accident. From now on, I’ll keep my ringer on.”
He suddenly stiffens against me, and it occurs to me that he hasn’t said a single word since he got here.
“Are you okay?”
“No.” He grips my shoulders in his hands and sets me away from him, then walks to my window, facing away from me. He shoves his hands in his pockets. “No, Addie, I’m not okay.”
“Is this about yesterday?”
I frown and watch him as he stands perfectly still. He’s not looking at me. He’s completely closed off. He simply shakes his head no and sighs.
“Are you not speaking to me?” I ask incredulously.
He sighs again and turns to me now, looking at me with resigned, bloodshot eyes.
“Have you slept?” I ask, frowning.
“No,” he replies.
“Why not?”
His hands are still in his pockets. I walk to him, but he immediately walks away, out of my reach. “Why won’t you let me touch you?”
He shakes his head and sighs. “My life is busy, Addie.”
“All of our lives are busy, Jake.” He rubs his hand over his lips, then turns to me and all I see is a stranger. I don’t know this man staring at me with empty, emotionless eyes. “Are you saying you need time away from me? We have been spending a lot of time together—”
“I don’t want time away from you,” he whispers.
“I know you’re attracted to me.” Why is my voice shaking? And why do I want to beg him to stay? I fucking hate this!
“Look at you,” he murmurs, with a sad half smile, gesturing at my outfit. “That red blouse shows off your tits perfectly, without actually showing me your tits. How the fuck do you do that? Did you learn that from modeling?”
I simply nod.
“I thought so. But you’re beautiful no matter what you wear. You could wear a burlap sack and my dick would be clamoring for you.”
Listen to Me Page 17
