He slipped behind the steering wheel and shoved the key in the ignition. Linus sat in the passenger seat, arms crossed protectively over his chest, face turned toward the window. An air of tension and turmoil began to bubble between them. Samson started the SUV, making sure the heater was on high, and got them on their way to the hospital.
You should at least offer him comforting words. Tell him everything will be okay.
But how could he say such a thing when he didn’t believe it? Samson gripped the wheel a little tighter. He wanted to smack it with his palm and curse but found the strength to resist the temptation. It likely would startle and upset Linus further. He was being a dammed fool and he knew it.
Linus meant the world to him and if it took a ring to prove it, why did he continue to hold back? Was it an undiagnosed fear? Unacknowledged doubts? Samson knew he needed to get it figured out sooner rather than later, or he was going to lose the most important person in his life.
He stopped for a red light. When he reached over to put his hand on Linus’s thigh it was as much for Linus’s benefit as it was to remind himself that Linus was still there.
Chapter 3
“Her prognosis is good,” Doctor Ashley Mueller stated, eyeing the notes on the clipboard she held. “She did suffer a significant blow to the head, but swelling is already diminished and brain activity is good. That’s the most important injury. We’re monitoring her closely and I assure you, she’s in good hands.”
Linus stood outside the hospital room where his sister slept, clutching Samson’s hand. He’d practically leapt out of the car as soon as Samson parked, making a beeline for the automatic doors and the reception desk beyond. The gray-haired lady behind the desk had called for Dr. Mueller after Samson politely hushed him and conveyed what he’d been trying to say with more calm. Linus had taken to pacing while he waited what seemed like an extraordinarily long time but was in fact a handful of minutes.
Samson greeted the white-coated, stethoscope wearing physician, taking the lead; for which Linus silently thanked him. He was a barely-contained bundle of nerves, his thoughts a jumbled mess. As they followed Dr. Mueller on to the elevator and down a hall, at some point Linus slipped his hand into Samson’s, wanting the comfort and stability of his steady, strong boyfriend. Samson always managed to keep his cool in times of stress while Linus knew he let his emotions run the show and get the best of him.
Perhaps that was something he needed to consider.
Later.
Dr. Mueller brought them here first, to the Intensive Care Unit, where his sister was being looked after. Standing there listening to the doctor rattle off the various bumps and breaks, Linus experienced a rush of lightheadedness, prompting him to tighten his hold on Samson.
Samson must have sensed his unease, because he let go of his hand and put an arm around his waist, tugging him close. Linus leaned on him.
Dr. Mueller offered a friendly smile. “In a day or two we’ll have a better understanding of her future recovery, but things look good. She’s medicated and her body is doing its job to repair itself.”
“And Lawrence?” Linus managed to ask, inquiring about his brother-in-law.
She consulted her notes. “He’s doing okay as well. He suffered a fairly significant break to his right leg and a bruise to his liver. Given from what I heard about the accident the two of them are quite lucky to have survived.”
“Can we see them?”
“Of course,” Dr. Mueller said, stepping aside to allow them entrance to the room. “Your sister is being kept in a medically-induced coma for the time being simply as a precaution. She won’t be awake, but she’ll be able to hear you. When you’re done I’ll have a nurse take you to Mr. Daily’s room. Feel free to stay as long as you wish.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
She wandered off down the hall, her white sneakers squeaking on the tile floor. This information barely registered with Linus, because his focus was fixated on the closed door where his sister’s name was written on the front on a whiteboard. He hated hospitals, the mingling smells of illness and cleaning chemicals, the whirring of machines and crying of family members.
“Linus?”
Did he want to step beyond the door to see his sister laying there with tubes and wires running between her and various pieces of equipment meant to keep her alive like she was some cyborg in the making? Did he want to see her in a way he never had before, frail and vulnerable? Marnie was older than him by two years. She took her role as big sister seriously, watching out for him throughout the years. He even went to her first when he finally accepted his sexuality, hoping she would be at his side when he came out to their parents. And she had been. Marnie stood by him much the way Samson did now. She even caught him and helped to pick up the pieces when their parents showed him the door and told him not to come back.
A sob bubbled out of Linus and his eyes burned with a fresh set of tears. Today hit all the earmarks of a truly horrible day.
Samson slipped his arm from around his waist and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “You don’t have to go in there, you know. She would understand.”
Linus gave a slow shake of his head, dismissing the idea. Misgivings aside, he had to venture within, if only to make sure for himself that it was Marnie laying in the bed. What if the cops got it wrong and the woman lying in the hospital bed was someone else? Her family would have to be notified and then Linus would promptly call Marnie so the two could share a laugh of the mix-up as well as mutually hope for the victim’s wellbeing. Yes, he had to see because Marnie was off somewhere with her little girl and…But what about Lawernce? Unless he went out with a friend or happens to be having an affair there’s no reason for him to be here. The nurse says he is and surely, it’s impossible to misidentify two people? Right?
“I have to do this,” Linus finally said. “I have to see her.”
* * * *
“Do you want me to come with you?” Samson asked, wishing for Linus to look in his direction. His lover’s gaze, however, remained fixated on the closed door. He braced for more rejection, the sting of Linus’s words spoken back in the park still burning his heart. They were, as far as Linus declared, over, and yet, standing there in the hospital he felt closer to Linus than ever before, while feeling terribly far away. It was hard to describe, to grasp, this swirling mass of bitter heartache and warm love that threatened to consume him. “It’s okay if you want me to stay here.”
Samson’s heartbeat thundered in his ears.
A brief wave of relief washed over him when Linus shook his head again. Then he moved away, slipping his hand from Samson’s grip, taking a few shaky steps forward. Samson clenched his hands into fists, swallowing down a lump. He momentarily closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath. The door squeaked as Linus opened it. Someone was crying in a room down the hall and oddly out of place, two people laughed softly.
“Samson?”
Linus stood in the doorway, gazing over his shoulder at him, a silently pleading look in his eyes. It was clear that as much as he wanted to do it, Linus couldn’t bear to go alone. Should he take any of this as a sign there remained hope for them to patch the fresh tear in their relationship? Or did Samson simply take it at face value, a man he loved turning to him for comfort in a time of need?
“I’m here for you,” he stepped forward. “Always.”
Linus turned back to the room, either choosing to ignore the sentiment or too caught up in his grief to even notice it. Stop overthinking everything. You’re going to drive yourself crazy. Just offer him what he needs. The rest can wait until later.
He trailed after his lover, entering the hospital room. His stomach knotted at the sight of Marnie laying in the bed, all these tubes and wires running from her body to various machines. The heart monitor kept up a steady beat. Some other contraption made a whirring noise. Samson shoved his hands in his pockets, afraid to touch anything. Including Marnie. She looked fragile, a purple and red bruise on one chee
k and what looked like a bandaged cut to her chin.
Samson blinked, and for a moment he saw Linus laying in her place. The knot that was his stomach tightened. By now Linus had approached the side of the bed and taken hold of his sister’s hand. Samson wanted to be right there by his side, but he held back, wanting Linus to have some space. Still, he couldn’t shake the image or the sick feeling that settled on him at the idea of Linus being in the bed. It could happen in the blink of an eye.
One second Linus was with him, easily within reach and the next…But hadn’t that essentially already happened? Unless he could find a way to fix it.
“Linus…” His lover’s name slipped between his lips. He loved the way it felt.
“She’s going to wake up, right?” Linus asked, cutting him off, his gaze still fixated on Marnie. “She wouldn’t leave me.”
“She’s a fighter. You know that better than anyone. She’s strong. She’ll pull through.”
Linus nodded. “Yes.” He smoothed back a lock of her hair. “Did I ever tell you about the time she cornered my school bully?”
It was a story Linus had shared on more than one occasion, to the point Samson could repeat it word for word. Regardless, he shook his head. If it made Linus feel even a smidge better he would listen to all the old stories. From the bully to the way Marnie posed as a date for him to a school dance, a relatively crazy scheme more appropriate to a TV show, Samson would endure them all.
Chapter 4
A day that seemed to drag on was finally coming to an end and every part of Linus ached, from the weariness of his muscles to the sorrow in his heart. He trusted there would be better days ahead, but for now it was hard to see beyond tomorrow. He was tired, emotionally drained, and ready to collapse into the comfort of bed.
It just wouldn’t be his bed.
Leaning a little on the doorframe, arms crossed loosely over his chest, Linus watched the tiny slumbering figure of his niece. She looked at peace, almost as though everything in her world was hunky dory and his presence in her house was a holiday visit. He prayed sleep came to him as easily. She clutched a teddy bear, the faint glow of a nightlight keeping the dark from totally devouring her room.
Over the years Linus had had plenty of occasions to put little April to bed, taking her through the steps of brushing her teeth, putting on her pajamas, and reading whichever book she picked out from the shelf before tucking her in with a kiss goodnight. Those precious moments always kept him on the fence about children and having a family with Samson.
A fresh twinge of heartache prompted Linus to turn away, shuffling down the hall. This terrible day was about to take another turn, one he saw no way to avoid. He’d like to think he considered every avenue, every possible twist and turn, big or small, and he saw all the signs pointing to the same conclusion.
Dreading the conversation he was about to have, Linus slowly made his way down the stairs where he heard Samson puttering around in the kitchen. For a moment he smiled softly to himself, Samson was his nervous cleaner.
The words he spoke in the park echoed in his skull.
Did he mean them, did he consider them done once and for all?
Linus, like a man walking through quicksand, made his way to the kitchen of his sister’s house. Much as he expected the space was spotless, any evidence of the pizza they’d picked up on their way over had vanished from sight, the leftovers likely on a plate in the fridge. Samson hated takeaway containers. As the thought crossed his mind, Linus’s gaze strayed to the stainless-steel appliances humming quietly. The front was plastered with artwork done by April and proudly put on display by her parents.
Including a big purple and pink heart smack dab in the middle. The message written across its surface was simple and done in the style of a child. A valentine for her parents, no doubt made in school.
The day of love was a week away.
And for the first time in years Linus would be broken hearted and alone.
“Linus, hon, are you okay?” The question penetrated the gloomy confines of his head. Linus blinked and instantly felt the burn of mushed tears. The man standing before him was the only person in the world he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and now…
Linus sat heavily on one of the stools at the island counter. Instantly he began to fidget with the placemat his sister put there, running the knitted yarn—which made him think of shoelaces—between his fingers.
“Linus?”
“I’m sorry,” he practically whispered, urging himself to meet Samson’s gaze instead of keeping it glued to the countertop. “I think…” He gripped the mat tight. “I think it would best if you went home alone tonight.”
A heartbeat of silence passed between them. “Well, I guess that sort of makes sense. After all, someone has to stay with April. Can always come back tomorrow morning.”
Linus finally looked up, his gaze locking into Samson’s. “No.”
* * * *
Much like the incident in the park, the single word hit Samson with such force that he took a step back. Part of him had hoped the distance from their morning disagreement would mellow things out, give Linus time to rethink his position on their relationship.
“Okay,” Samson uttered for lack of anything better as he attempted to process this shift. Did marriage really mean that much to Linus? The lack of one simple ring was enough for him to end everything they’d built together, to tarnish all the memories they shared?
Samson wanted to stay and fight it out, pour out his heart and soul until they found their way back to the loving place they’d occupied that morning. But the sorrow he saw in Linus’s eyes, the exhaustion on his lover’s shoulders…the day had taken more than enough from Linus. He tugged the dish towel from his shoulder and left it folded on the counter.
“I…” What did he say? Was there any way for him to lessen the grip of the heartache currently circling his heart, tightening with each beat? “I’ll go,” he said, turning toward the door. Tears threatened to start cascading, his own personal waterfalls, but he choked them back. Not out of pride, but simply to avoid adding further grief to Linus’s already overflowing plate. He paused at the door, keys in his hand, back to Linus. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
A minute tucked by, two, then three and no answer came. Samson glanced over his shoulder to find he stood alone. At some point Linus had quietly walked away. It was like the final nail in the coffin, the silence indescribably loud and utterly devastating. The first tear fell before he made it out the door. Plenty more followed before Samson reached his car, quickly ducking inside. With a shaking hand he managed to get the key in the ignition, the heater turned up, one of those annoying car commercials spilling out of the radio.
It transitioned to spiel about diamonds and making her holiday sparkle.
Samson gritted his teeth. In a burst of anger, either at himself of the situation it was hard to tell, he slammed his palm repeatedly against the steering wheel. Why did society place so much importance on the idea of marriage? How, he wondered, did having a big to-do make the love he felt for Linus any more than it already was? Who decided that a ring on a certain finger was the only symbol of how deeply one felt for another? There was so much more to love, so much depth and meaning in the little gestures, like the notes he left around the house for Linus or cooking Linus’s favorite meal.
And yet, if it was what Linus wanted why didn’t he just cave and buy the ring, get down on one knee, and pop the question? Certainly it was the right time of year. He could have done it at Christmas instead of getting Linus tickets to the play he’d been dying to see. Or at New Year’s when they both got smashed on champagne and watched the big sparkly ball drop from the comfort of their bed. Valentine’s Day was just around the corner now, all the jewelry stores were running sales and hocking their wares. He’d probably get a good deal.
But it was all cliché.
And so unlike Linus.
His gaze strayed to the house, the little two-stor
y colonial they helped Linus’s sister and husband fix up and make into a proper home. None of the lights burned. By now Linus was likely snuggled into the guest room, the other side of the bed cold and empty, as it would be for him when he got home.
He wanted no part of it.
He wanted Linus beside him, softly snoring in that cute way he did.
There had to be a way to fix things, right?
Chapter 5
Just as he suspected, the bed was cold and felt much too large without Linus curled up beside him. Samson laid there for hours staring at the ceiling wishing for sleep to whisk him away to sweet oblivion. And eventually it must have, for he tossed and turned, tormented in his dreams, always chasing after Linus, but never able to catch him. He was up before the sun, tangled in his blankets and tired.
He stayed there a good long while, unsure of how to face the day.
* * * *
Linus found it strange waking up in his sister’s house, squirreled away in the downstairs bedroom, despite having done so numerous times before. Usually Samson was at his side or already in the shower, the sound of running water filtering through the partially closed bathroom door. It would entice him to roll out of bed and join Samson.
But not today.
It was the sound of April running around the living room and cartoons playing loudly on the television that woke him. He threw back the covers, reluctantly pushing aside all thoughts of his hunky boyfriend, and focused on the task before him.
Today he needed to be there for April.
Everything else could wait.
Chapter 6
Three days later
April skipped to the car and yanked open the backdoor. Linus trailed a step or two behind her, eyeing the thick blanket of clouds with worry. So far they’d gotten lucky with the forewarned winter storm creeping along at a slow pace. He prayed it continued to dally, at least for another couple of hours, long enough for him to retrieve his brother-in-law from the hospital and get him safely home. The last thing Linus wanted to worry about was another accident.
Forever Yours Page 2
