“Yeah.” He nodded, his expression worried as he watched my face.
I sucked in a wet breath. “I can’t believe she’s marrying Justin. He’s such a douche.” I stopped and exhaled, shaking my head. “No. I always blame my stepbrother, but he’s not really the one who’s turned me into this.” I waved at myself.
“And what is ‘this’?” he asked. His fingers stilled on my cheek. His touch was feather soft, and my heart squeezed a little. “I happen to like this.”
I snorted. “This is a girl who flirts and parties and acts a big game but is really just a big phony. I’ve used guys for years. Played them.” Until you.
He was quiet a long moment, staring at me. I laughed humorlessly. “No denial there.”
He nodded once. “I kind of figured out that you had less experience than you pretended to have. Even before last night, I knew. The real question is—why? Why have you been doing this?”
I sucked in a breath. He was going there, poking around all those raw and tender places. I’d started this though. No backing down now. “I did it because it made me feel in control . . . and I guess I got off on calling the shots and manipulating boys.” There was so little I controlled. I had parents who didn’t really want me around. My mother put everything else before me. She always had. When I was fifteen I’d learned how little she valued me. It was a harsh lesson. I was still a kid then. I thought mothers protected their daughters. Not mine. My world flew off its axis then. It had been off course ever since.
With another deep breath, I met his stare head-on, part of me stunned to be confessing this to him, but the other part? There was only relief. Like I was releasing a pent-up breath. “But I couldn’t do that with you.”
“Emerson,” he said gently, his fingers flexing on my arms. “What happened to you?”
“When my mother started dating Don, I was living with her. I moved in with Dad afterward. After she chose Don over me.” I sniffed again, bitterness filling me as I remembered the morning I approached my mother and told her that Justin had crept into my room the night before. He had just come home from a night out with his friends. His breath reeked of alcohol. I guess I should be grateful that he was so drunk. It made him clumsy.
“After what? What happened?”
“At first I thought Justin was nice. He always paid me attention. He was twenty and drove a cool car. All my friends thought he was cute. I was fifteen, an only child. Suddenly having a cool older brother was . . . well, cool.”
Shaw’s face hardened and I knew he’d already guessed where this was headed, but he said nothing, just nodded for me to continue.
“It was just little things at first. He would always touch me, brush my hair back from my face. Then he started walking in on me in the bathroom, my bedroom . . . he acted like it was an accident . . .”
“Bastard.”
“I told my mom he was making me uncomfortable and she told me I was being silly. Then New Year’s Eve happened. It was really late. I’d stayed up to watch the ball drop and went to bed afterward. He came in my room drunk. Good thing, I guess. He wasn’t that coordinated, so I could shove him off before he did anything. He passed out on the floor next to my bed. I actually left him there and slept in the guest room. With the door locked. Mom and Don were out.”
Shaw’s gaze glittered brightly with a light I’d never seen before in his eyes. “He deserves to be in jail. What did your mom do when she got home?”
I shrugged. “Nothing. She told me that even if it happened, I was exaggerating the event. And that’s when she let me know she was marrying Don and I needed to learn to get along with Justin.”
“Oh, Emerson.” His hand cupped my face, his thumb grazing my cheek back and forth.
“That hurt the most, you know. It’s not so much what my stepbrother did. He was nothing to me. But Mom? Her betrayal was the worst thing. She’s my mother. She’s supposed to protect me. What did I do for her—”
“No. It’s not you.” His hands tightened slightly on me. “Baby, there’s something broken in her. A mother would die protecting her kid.”
I nodded, looking away, blinking burning eyes.
“I would, Emerson. I would die protecting you.”
My gaze jerked back to his face, my heart clenching at his words. They were words I hadn’t realized I needed to hear, but I guess I did. I needed to believe that someone cared enough to fight for me. That someone could love—
I killed the thought before it fully formed. No one had said the L word. Certainly not him. I wasn’t going to allow myself to even think it. Shaw was a Marine. He was conditioned to serve and protect. I didn’t need to read more into it than that.
He kissed me. His warm lips moved over mine. I slid my tongue along his, pouring all my feelings into it, all the turmoil that Melanie’s visit had stirred in me, all the emotions that this conversation with Shaw had created.
His hand cupped the back of my head. I deepened the kiss, pressing against him, delighting in the way my breasts mashed against his chest. I looped my arms around his neck. We fell back on the bed, me splayed over him, our mouths fused, slanting one way and then another, growing hotter, more feverish.
He stopped abruptly, holding the hair back from my face with both hands as he looked up at me. “No way can you go to that wedding.” His eyes scanned my face, intent and determined.
“I wasn’t going to.”
Concern etched the lines of his face like he wasn’t fully convinced, but he nodded. “Good. I don’t want you anywhere near your stepbrother.” Some of my hair fell forward, dangling between us, and he smoothed it back with his palm, wincing a little as he added, “Maybe I don’t have any right to get all caveman and tell you that . . .”
I pulled back slightly. No one ever told me what to do. I’d been on my own too long to let a guy start controlling me now. It was one thing to sleep with him, but he couldn’t start dictating my actions. If that happened, then I had given up all control entirely.
He exhaled a great breath, evidently reading my reaction accurately. “I know I sound like a controlling prick.”
Suddenly I remembered him at the club, informing me that I had had enough to drink right before he yanked me out of there. I shook my head, unwilling to consider any of this right now and ruin whatever tenuous bond that was forming between us. “But it’s a nonissue anyway because I wasn’t planning to go.”
His thumb gently stroked my cheek. “It’s not only your stepbrother, you know. It’s your mother, too. She doesn’t deserve a daughter like you, Em. And I don’t trust her not to hurt you again.”
Okay, so he was bossy and high-handed and sent my feminist hackles sputtering, but he was sweet, too. He gave a damn. He cared. I let him in and he reacted with concern. With more than concern. There was a hint of . . . I don’t know . . . possession in those words. In his expression. Like a part of me belonged to him now. Like we belonged to each other. God. And I guess I wanted that. He tempted me on every level. It was beyond appealing to just lose myself in him and let him protect me.
Only it wasn’t that simple. I shook my head slightly as if to jog some sense into myself. She was my mother. Nothing could change that. He couldn’t save me from what I was. He couldn’t save me from everything wrong in my life. But a part of me melted to realize that he wanted to. My hand crept up between us to cup his face. My palm flattened against his cheek, fingers curling inward ever so slightly. I reveled in the scratchy hint of beard coming in.
Suddenly the door to the room opened and Georgia stepped inside. “Oh, sorry,” she mumbled. “I should have texted to make sure you didn’t have company.” She turned away, but not before I glimpsed her ravaged face—and ravaged was putting it mildly. It was splotchy pink and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.
“Georgia!” I hopped off Shaw and rushed to her side. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
She shook her head, trying to turn away. I took hold of her arms and turned her around gently. She buried her
face in her hands and spoke between her fingers. “I don’t want to interrupt—”
“Georgia, tell me what happened,” I insisted.
“It’s Harris.”
“What happened? Is he okay?”
“Oh, he’s great.” She laughed brokenly, the sound wretched and lacking all levity. “It’s over. He ended it. Five years . . . and it’s done. Gone.”
I inhaled sharply. “What? Why?”
“Apparently I’m boring. He said he wants someone more . . . adventurous. Can you believe that? And guess what? He already has her picked out. He’s been seeing a girl in his econ class behind my back.”
“That asshole!” I exploded.
Shaw lightly touched my arm. “I’m going to go.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, flicking a sympathetic look at Georgia. “I’ll text you later, Em.”
I nodded, watching him as he slipped from the room. With a snap of my head, I refocused on Georgia.
She sniffed back a wet sob as the door clicked shut. “You and Shaw . . . I guess things are going well.”
“Let’s not talk about me right now, honey.” I smoothed a hand over her back in soothing circles.
“No. Let’s talk about you. I’m so happy that you’ve finally found someone.” She smiled, clearly miserable but determined to shift the focus from her to me. “Guess it’s my turn to be single now.”
I hauled her closer, hugging her taller frame. “Maybe he’s just stressed. Maybe you guys can work it out—”
“He’s seeing someone else, Em.”
I winced. “Yeah. Well. You two have been together for a long time. He’s going to be miserable without you. He’ll come to his senses. Maybe he’ll—”
“Emerson. I appreciate what you’re doing, but it’s done. You didn’t see his face. It’s over.”
I nodded, a lump rising up in my throat. For Georgia. For the quiver of pain I heard in her voice. I hated that she hurt. She didn’t deserve this, but it was happening anyway.
I nodded resolutely. “I know this is the last thing you want to hear . . . but I always knew you were too good for him.” I looked at her anxiously, biting my bottom lip. “Too soon?”
She laughed weakly. “Now you tell me.”
“You’ll see. It’s hard to believe now, but—”
“I’ll be glad it happened? This is all for the best?”
I shook my head. “I’d suck if I said that.” Even if I thought it. Even if I had thought she would be better off without Harris all along, I wouldn’t be that insensitive. “I wasn’t going to say that at all.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “I was going to say, how do you feel about going out for some pancakes?”
A shaky smile curved her lips. “Chocolate chip pancakes?”
“Are there any other kind?”
Chapter 17
A SQUIRREL? ARE YOU kidding me?” Georgia rocked on the bed, clutching her bag of Twizzlers to her chest as she laughed. As far as she was concerned Twizzlers went with Chinese food like milk went with cookies, and since she was the girl mourning the loss of a five-year relationship, who was I to argue?
Pepper cuddled with Georgia on her bed while I stretched out on mine, several white cartons from the Golden Palace between us. Law and Order played on the television. A safer choice than the romantic comedies that seemed to be on every other channel.
“I kid you not. He was a giant squirrel . . . man.” I waved my hands all around me for emphasis. “And he kept bumping me with his squirrel penis!” I sat up on my knees on my bed and jerked my hips for illustration. “It was more like a body check really.”
Pepper’s eyes bulged. “A squirrel penis? What did that even look like? I mean was it . . . squirrel size?”
I settled back on the bed, shaking my head. “I’m not an authority on squirrel penises, but this one—” I gestured with my hands. “About so big, so I’m gonna go with no.”
Georgia’s laughter turned into gasps. She fell sideways on the bed.
“Are you serious?” Pepper paused, her fingers clutching popcorn midway to her mouth. “All the girl squirrels must have run away screaming when they saw him coming.”
“It took everything in me not to run away screaming.”
“Oh, oh! Stop! I can’t breathe,” Georgia wheezed, her laughter slowing to pants.
“And you didn’t want to stay after that?” Pepper teased. “The infamous kink club didn’t live up to your expectations?”
I shrugged. “Not all of it was that absurd. There were some”—I searched for the right word, remembering the sounds drifting from rooms upstairs—“interesting things going on for the more adventurous in spirit.”
Georgia’s grin slipped away. Damn. Poor word choice. She’d gone over in more detail all the reasons Harris had given her for breaking up. The fact that she was predictable, unexciting, and all-around boring being his chief points. Asshat. He actually told Georgia that their sex life sucked.
Pepper mouthed at me: Nice going.
I shrugged helplessly, feeling wretched.
“Maybe I need to go then,” Georgia said glumly, rolling onto her back and flinging her arm over her forehead. “Maybe I could learn how to not be so boring.”
“You? At a kink club?” Pepper wrinkled her nose.
“See!” Georgia stabbed a finger in her direction. “You think I’m boring, too.”
“No, I don’t,” Pepper denied.
“Georgia,” I said gently. “Why would you want to go? You don’t have anything to prove.”
“Yeah,” Pepper agreed. “Are you actually hoping to get Harris back? You’re better off.”
I nodded. Pepper and I had been doing our best over the weekend to cheer Georgia up. We pulled out all the stops. It was a true girls’ fest replete with takeout, movies, and late-night milkshake runs. Suzanne joined us for some of it, but she had a group project to prepare for, so it was mostly just us three.
“Ugh, I’m going to have to run every day this week.” Georgia tossed her chopsticks into a box.
My phone buzzed on the shelf beside my bed. I reached for it, my heart speeding up, already suspecting who it might be. Okay, hoping.
I hadn’t heard from Shaw since he left, which could mean two things. He got what he wanted and was done with me. Or he wanted to give me time to be with Georgia. Somehow I knew he wasn’t capable of the first. He wasn’t a user. And he sure as hell wasn’t anything less than honest. If he’d been looking for a fling, he would have been up front about it. My gaze landed on the screen.
And I was right. I smiled like an idiot.
Shaw: I miss you
I was still grinning over his words when he texted again, before I even had a chance to reply and tell him I missed him, too.
Shaw: How’s Georgia?
Me: Good
Shaw: Good enough to be left alone yet? I have this bed that’s too big. It needs you in it. I need you in it.
“Oh my God, you’re blushing. I think that’s a first. What’s lover boy saying?” Pepper teased in a singsong voice.
My face flamed. “Shut it.”
“I never thought it would happen. You’re in love.” Georgia smiled almost sadly. I knew she was happy for me, but it must be a bitter thing to watch something grow between me and Shaw while her love life crumbled. I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty even though I knew she wouldn’t want me feeling that way.
My thumbs moved over the keys.
Me: Can’t tonight.
Shaw: Understand. You’re a good friend
I smiled, my chest swelling. He understood. He didn’t try to guilt me. He really was unselfish that way. Or he wasn’t nearly as anxious to see me again. Not as anxious as I was anyway. My smile slipped. Ugh. This relationship business really messed with your head.
Shaw: Let’s go out this week
Me: Are u asking me out
Shaw: Assbackwards, but yeah. I am. We’re overdue a real date
Me: Ok. But I have big test Thur that I need to study
for
Considering I hadn’t studied all weekend, I was really going to have to cram over the next few days.
Shaw: You’re killing me, but I guess I can wait that long. As long as I get to see you. Thur night then?
Me: Ok
Shaw: Bring an overnight bag minus pjs. You won’t need those
I set my phone back down on the shelf and curled my legs up to my chest, hugging my knees. Pepper and Georgia both stared at me with funny expressions on their faces.
“What?”
Pepper grinned. “Guess you don’t mind my interference now, do you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Don’t sound so smug. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend.” I didn’t know what he was.
“Not yet.” Pepper arched her brows. “Give it one more week and you’ll be saying ‘I love you.’ ”
I snorted and reached for another crab rangoon. “That’s a reach.”
“We’ll see.”
I settled back on the bed and turned my attention to the cop chasing down a bad guy on the screen. I bit into my crab rangoon and resisted the idea that her suggestion could possibly be true. That it wasn’t crazy. Not feeling the way I did.
WE MADE ARRANGEMENTS TO meet at seven at Mulvaney’s. Reece owned the place, but they also had great burgers. From there, who knew what we would do. Or where we would go. Okay. I had a few ideas of what we would do. I’d packed an overnight bag like he’d suggested, so I knew where the night was going to end. Leading up to that point I wasn’t sure.
Friday night felt like a long time ago. All I could think about was being alone with him again. Just the idea sent all my girl parts dancing. I might not know what we were, exactly, to each other. More than friends? More than a passing hookup? But I was glad it was him. I was glad I’d waited all these years. I couldn’t imagine my first time being with anyone else.
I cleaned up my station around four P.M. I wanted to shower before heading to Mulvaney’s. I’d started a new project this week. I wasn’t sure where I was going with it yet. Right now it was just a lot of blue on the canvas.
Tease Page 18
