by Chris Morey
“He says he won’t leave.”
“What the hell do you mean he won’t leave?”
“Ask him.”
“What the hell do you mean you won’t—”
“It’s about David. And Austin and Ethan and Drew.”
I’m pretty sure they both tuned out after David’s name. Not that the other names would have meant anything to them. Not yet. Not until I tell them the rest. Mom’s lip gets to trembling right away. Dad looks at me and holds his stare.
Mom’s crying. She runs away from me toward Audrey who’s still screaming so loud she could knock all the snow off the roof.
Snow. In Bergstrom, Texas. First time since the sixties, they say.
“Talk to me.”
“I’m next, Dad. I know I am.”
“Next for what?”
“You know for what.”
Dad pauses. “You and your brother get into some trouble? Is … is that why he—” Dad doesn’t want to cry, I can tell, so he chews on his lower lip to keep the tears back.
“Doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t let him get me. I’ve got a family now.”
“You won’t have shit if we don’t get that girl to a hospital! She don’t have much time, Bobby, goddammit!”
“He’ll come to the house. Just like he did when he came for David. And I’ll be waiting for him.”
“Who? Who is it? You know who it is, why in the goddamn hell haven’t you called the sheriff?”
“Won’t do any good.”
“Jesus.” Dad storms off. Probably to get the car keys.
I won’t stop him. I won’t stop any of them. Because I know he won’t let us leave anyway.
§
“Where are we going?” I sat in the backseat between Ethan and Drew. I tried to keep my knees together so they didn’t touch theirs, but David kept swerving around turns and making us lean in to one another.
“Almost there.”
“Where?” Ethan said and leaned forward. “Thought you said we were gonna—”
“Shut the fuck up.” David stopped at a red light and turned so he was facing the back, his eyes on Ethan. “You ruin the surprise and I’ll fuck you instead.”
“What do you mean fuck him? Who’s getting fucked?” Drew rubbed the back of his head and shot me a quick look.
I had a feeling he was as clueless as I was, though Austin seemed in on it. Ethan just nodded and smiled and leaned back and stared out the window.
“David?” I said. My voice came out shakier than I meant it to.
“Just relax. You’re gonna love this. All of us. It’s fuckin’ Christmas, ain’t it? It don’t snow around here, but I wanna give my little brother a white Christmas before I leave town.”
We only drove another few minutes. Nobody else said anything. David turned the radio to a Christmas station and when we pulled up to the park, “Jingle Bell Rock” was on. The park was empty except for one person. The same person who sat on that park bench every day, no matter what the weather was like. Alone but happy. Always happy.
I always wondered why her parents didn’t sit there with her. She was younger than David but older than me. Old enough to sit there by herself. But in her head, from what I heard, she was no older than a four-year-old. And that’s why I figured maybe an adult should be with her. Especially on Christmas day.
“That Rickety Kristy?” Ethan said as his breath fogged the window.
“Ain’t right she’s out here all alone on Jesus’s birthday, is it?” David twisted his fists over the steering wheel. When he turned back and smiled at me, I let my eyes fall down to my lap.
“What are we doing here?” Drew said. “Thought we were going down to Grease Hut. Get some burgers, talk to some girls?”
“What made you think that?” David said, then opened his door. Austin opened his, then Ethan.
“You said you wanted to get Bobby some …” Drew looked at me and then leaned forward closer to David. “If you want your brother to lose his virginity, all the girls we know hang out over there.”
“Wait … what?” But they weren’t paying attention to me.
“It’s Christmas day. Grease Hut’s closed, dumbass. Besides. We got us a perfectly good piece of pussy right here. By herself. Nobody around.”
“David.”
“Get out of the car.”
“Come on, man.”
“Get the fuck out of this car before I drag you out by your pussy lips, bitch.”
Drew froze and made his jaw muscles bulge, then finally opened his door and stepped out. The other guys were already standing outside the car and facing Kristy. David reached over and gripped my shoulder and smiled.
“Get out. Follow me. And Bobby?”
I couldn’t figure out anything to say so I just looked at him.
“Merry Christmas.”
I stayed in the car. David looked back at me a few times but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Not at first. He left his door open so I could hear. The cold filled the car so I could see every breath I took. David led the way with Austin and Ethan close behind. Drew stood back but eventually followed.
David sat on the bench next to Kristy. I could only see them from behind. When he sat down she didn’t look at him, just kept staring straight ahead toward the trees. I could hear David’s voice but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Austin and Ethan laughed a couple of times.
David leaned closer to Kristy and whispered something to her. She turned to look at him then. I expected her to look mad, scared maybe. But she was smiling. She was smiling so wide I could see all her back teeth and most of her gums.
People around town felt sorry for Kristy. For her family. I guess they felt sorry for her family because they thought it was unfair they had a retard to take care of. They were good people. Christians. They didn’t deserve to have to take care of a retard with legs that didn’t work right. I never really understood what the big deal was. I didn’t know Kristy or her family, but she went to our school and I watched her sometimes. Always happy. Never not smiling. It’s like nothing could bother her, even when all the kids were making fun of her and calling her names and messing with her. She would just smile at them like she didn’t know they were laughing at her. I didn’t feel sorry for her, I was jealous. Sometimes I wished my head worked like that. That way I could be happy no matter what was happening around me.
I wished that every day after that Christmas.
Rickety Kristy nodded and giggled as David kept talking to her. He ran his hands through her hair and made her smile even more.
Drew looked back at me and shook his head. He mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.” But he didn’t do anything to stop it. He just stood there. Same way I just sat there. Watching it all happen through the windshield like it was some kind of movie screen.
Kristy laughed once loud and hard. David’s arms moved. I couldn’t tell what he was doing because the back of the bench was blocking my way. His eyes were on his lap. So were Kristy’s. She smiled again and her eyes got real big and she looked up from David’s lap into his face.
David reached over and grabbed hold of her wrist and pulled her hand toward him. Into his lap.
Her tongue swirled over her lips as her arm started to move.
§
Still no sign of him. After Dad walks out to warm the car up, wrapped up tight in his jacket and scarf, I take a chance and stand up and walk toward my bedroom.
Audrey won’t stop screaming and calling for me. Mom, too. I can’t take it anymore. I have to make sure she’s okay, have to let her know that I’m not ignoring her. That I’m right there with her. Protecting her. Protecting us, our family.
I walk backward from the living room. Keeping my eyes on that fireplace. The fire’s going strong. I’ve been feeding it logs to keep it roaring. Not that a fire will stop him. For all I know, the bullets won’t do shit either.
When I reach the bedroom I poke my head in. I try to smile at her, but my mouth won’t move. She’s covered
in sweat and lying on her back with her knees propped up, her hands clawing at them and leaving red lines behind. Her eyes are squeezed shut and her teeth are bared and she’s making a squealing sound while my mom shushes her and sweeps the wet hair out of her face. Audrey’s eyes open and find me and instantly fill with tears.
“Bobby,” she says and reaches for me. “Something ain’t right. Our baby, it’s—”
“It’s fine,” I say and take one step into the room. I stop and look toward the fire, but nothing has changed. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”
“Nothing’s wrong, honey,” Mom says and kisses Audrey on the forehead. She looks toward me and tries to be angry, but it doesn’t last long. She waves me over, her eyes soft and moist. I shake my head.
“B-Bobby …?”
“Yeah.”
“It hurts. Why … why does it have to hurt so bad?”
I don’t have an answer for that. I bet people ask that question all the time about all sorts of things and never get an answer.
“You’re fine, honey,” Mom says. “This is normal. I know it hurts. Burl’s outside getting the car ready, all right? We’ll get you to the hospital quick as we can. Put some of that magic potion into you, make all that nasty pain float away like a cloud. Sound good?”
Audrey nods and tries to smile but fails. More sweat slides down her face. She looks at me again, and without saying anything I know she wants me to go to her. Hold her and kiss her and say the kinds of things Mom was saying.
But that’s what he wants. I know it. Wants to distract me.
I stay by the door. Stay where I can see the fireplace. See the rest of the house. The hallway looks stretched out. The same way it looked that Christmas morning four years ago. Like a rubber band that was pulled taut, as taut as it would go before snapping. The fire was going then just like it is now. Christmas decorations everywhere. A tree that David and me picked out.
And David spread all over the place.
The front door slams open—I flinch and almost drop the gun.
“Shit! Goddamn son of a bitch!” Dad stomps the snow off his feet, unwraps the scarf and throws it on the floor. He glares up at me, then starts toward me, shaking his head.
“What is it?” I say, but I already know.
“Damn piece of shit won’t start.”
“The car?” Mom says, now on her feet.
“Well, what the hell else? Yes the car.”
The same car my father had been driving for years. The same one that was supposed to get my brother around at college.
“Well, call an ambulance, Burl. She don’t have much time here.”
“That’s what the hell I was fixing to do.”
Dad starts to walk off but grabs me by the arm first and drags me with him. I don’t fight him. He looks at my gun and furrows his brow then looks into my eyes.
“Talk to me, Bobby. What’s going on here?”
“You won’t believe me.”
He nods and runs both palms over his face. The snow that had been stuck to his eyebrows and beard melt and drip. A sigh rolls out of his mouth, long and gruff.
“I’m next, Dad. I’m all that’s left.”
“All that’s left of what? Who’s after you, son? Let me help you. I’ll be goddamned if I’m losing my only boy to whoever this sick psycho fuck is. I won’t stand for it, you hear me?” A tear runs from his eye, but the cracks in his face swallow it up. “Now talk to me!”
“Five years ago,” I say. “David wanted to give me something. A present.”
“Present?”
I nod. “But I didn’t want it. And he …”
I don’t know what else to say. Like I said before, my brother had problems. Wasn’t as perfect a guy as everyone thought he was. But he was still my brother. I still loved him. He wasn’t all that bad, not all the time. I never thought he was capable of doing what he did, and I think if he was alive now he’d be sorry for it. My parents don’t know. My parents still remember him as that perfect boy. I’m not sure I want to mess that up for them.
I don’t know that I have a choice.
§
We stood in the woods just on the other side of the park. Walked in deep enough so nobody could see us, but not too far. The woods led to town and the further we walked in the closer we got to the heart of Bergstrom. We were still close enough I could hear the Christmas music playing from speakers set up outside the shops. “Santa Baby” was playing while David pulled all of Kristy’s clothes off, then his own.
She smiled the whole time he did it. Giggling like they were nothing more than two kids playing pattycake. Her eyes were locked on David. Anytime he moved, her eyes followed. Even when he laid her on the cold ground and got on top of her, she never looked away. Never stopped smiling.
I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to stay in the car but David wouldn’t let me. Said this whole thing was for me, and I should be grateful. He pulled me out the car and dragged me in a headlock until we were in the woods. Made me bite the inside of my cheek so my whole mouth tasted like blood.
Austin and Ethan chuckled and looked at each other when David started. Drew stayed back away from everyone. I looked over at him and he was watching David, but he had a look on his face like he could lose his stomach any minute.
I wanted to look away. Didn’t want to see it. But I hadn’t ever seen a naked girl before. Not in person anyway. And even though she was a retard, she still wasn’t all that bad-looking. Had some pretty big tits on her that bounced when David got to moving on top of her. Her leg braces squeaked. I hated myself for looking. I hated myself when my pants got tight and my chest got to tingling real bad.
It only took a few minutes for David to finish up. I hoped we could leave then. That he got what he wanted and it was over and we could go on and try and act like it never happened. That’s all I wanted. I didn’t want to tell on him or get anyone in trouble. I just wanted to pretend nothing ever happened. That it was just a normal Christmas day like any other.
I’ll never forget watching my brother on top of her. The way he moved. The look on his face. But the worst part was the way she laughed. Through the entire thing, she laughed. The same kind of laugh a child might make when being tickled. It started the second David pushed into her and it lasted until he pulled out of her. Even after, even when Ethan got on top of her and pushed his pants down, she followed David with her eyes and smiled. And when Ethan got going, she started laughing again.
“I want to go home,” I whispered to David.
“Can’t. Not yet.”
“Please.”
“Too late. We’re all here. We all get a turn.”
“The hell we do.” Drew was leaning on a tree with his arms crossed. He spat into the dirt and wiped the cold snot from his nose. “Y’all need to stop. This is … this is all fucked up, man.”
Austin was third. I could tell he was almost done because his hips started moving faster and his face turned redder and his lips peeled back to show all his teeth. Still had braces on them. Long as I knew Austin he always had braces. Nasty things. Caked up with plaque and old food bits and his breath always stank. White steam blasted from his mouth in a constant flow as he finished up.
Austin stood and smiled down at Rickety Kristy. He pulled his pants up and chuckled.
Kristy wasn’t smiling anymore. She still didn’t look as scared as she should have, but I could tell she was starting to understand this was no game. Looked like she was starting to figure out what was really happening. Even then, she didn’t panic. Just lay there on the cold dirt and dead grass. Staring across the way at David and me. Her mouth moved like she wanted to talk, but only little whispers came out and I couldn’t tell if they were words or not.
“Go on, Drew. Your turn.”
“Fuck you.”
“Not me. Her. Fuck her.”
“I’m leaving. Y’all need to do the same and stop this shit. Take that girl home.”
“You’re not goi
n’ anywhere.”
“The fuck I’m not. Come on, Bobby. You don’t need to see this.”
I knew better than to move but David slammed his hands down on my shoulders anyway and squeezed until I cried.
“Get your ass back over here and fuck that retard. I’m not playin’ around, Drew.”
“David, come on. You’re … you’re hurting me.” But he wouldn’t let go. I tried to pry his fingers off but he had too good a hold on me.
“You try and walk out these woods without fuckin’ her, and I’ll kill you. Right here. I’ll smash your fuckin’ head in.”
Drew looked ready to attack my brother. His fists shook at his sides and his eyes looked like they were rattling around in his sockets. Then everything kind of relaxed and he took one step toward us. “Don’t do this, man. Please. We can stop right now and nobody has to know shit.”
“Too late for that. Besides, we were supposed to do this together. All of us. Like friends are supposed to do.”
Drew nodded. He actually nodded and I thought David had got to him, that he was going to do it just like the others and I wasn’t sure I could take hearing her laugh anymore or listening to that wet slapping sound or her leg braces squeaking.
But Drew ran at us instead. David threw me out the way and tried to put his hands up but Drew hit him good and hard across the chin. Threw David on his ass right there next to Kristy, who reached out with both hands like she wanted to hug him.
I jumped up and tried to put myself between Drew and David, but Drew knocked me aside like an empty trash can. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to protect my brother after what he did and the things he said, but for whatever reason I didn’t want to see him get hit again. That and I knew David wouldn’t let this go. I knew this wasn’t near over.
Before Drew could even go for David again, Austin and Ethan got a hold of him and tossed him to the ground. Kicked him a few times in the chest and stomach. Drew’s legs got to kicking and he flopped around and made choking sounds. By the time he finally took a breath, David was on him. Pinned him down, sitting on his chest, and started slamming his knuckles against Drew’s face. Drew was the newest member of their group, only moved to Bergstrom a couple years back, so I guess the three of them didn’t think too hard about kicking his ass like that. But even so, David hit him enough times that the other two guys finally dragged him off Drew and kept him from hitting him again.
