Meerkats and Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  I felt bad for the boy. I decided to let him off the hook.

  "Relax," I said to Joe. "I know you didn't kill Janson."

  Rex's right eyebrow went up, but he said nothing. Riley's lips were in a tight thin line, while Claire stared at me intently. It was the first time she'd ever paid attention to me, and I had to admit, I was kind of flattered.

  Joe nodded. "Thanks."

  I started pacing. "I can't believe I didn't figure it out earlier. It was basically the Tale of Two Kitties."

  "Cities," Dr. Wulf piped up. "You mean A Tale of Two Cities."

  "No, I don't." I stopped and rewarded her with a grin for effort. "Once, when I was in Azerbaijan, I was in a hole-in-the-wall bar, where I'd been eating sausages. Two of the owner's cats were watching me from the next table over."

  "What color were they?" Lauren asked.

  Inez piped up, "Did they have any weapons?"

  "I'll bet they were ninjas in disguise." Ava nodded sagely.

  This theory pulled me out of the story for a moment because I tried to picture how a ninja could fold up small enough to portray a cat convincingly.

  I shook my head. "Back to the story… My cell rang, but I couldn't hear the caller over the din. So, I took my cell outside and had my conversation. And when I came back, the sausages were gone and the two cats were on the table. One was cleaning her paws. The other one was staring me in the eye, licking his lips.

  "I had a feeling that one of the cats had eaten the sausages, but which one? The cat cleaning herself was a good choice because she could be cleaning up after eating the greasy sausages. But the glaring male was closer and far more aggressive, so he might have gotten the sausages."

  "Does this story have a point?" Rex asked.

  I ignored him. "I spent an hour trying to figure out which cat did it. And then a dog, who was the same height as the table, walked by with a bit of sausage casing on his muzzle. He'd eaten the sausages, and I'd totally missed it because I was focused on the cats."

  "And this relates to this case…how?" Riley asked.

  "It's the same thing here," I said. "Janson was either killed by a local, like Robby or Dr. Wulf. Or he was killed by Hanson, a—" I froze here, not wanting to out Joe as a former Russian operative, but I really wanted to make my point "—Russian."

  "The Russians wanted to kill him?" Dr. Wulf asked.

  I pushed on, ignoring the question. "Both theories had merit. Both sets of suspects had motive and opportunity. But in the end, I was wrong because I wasn't looking at the real suspect. I was distracted by the two cats."

  I smiled, waiting for them to get it and maybe applaud—perhaps someone would even call me a genius. They didn't.

  "So, it wasn't the cats," Kelly said slowly, as if that would help the story make sense.

  I shook my head. "Nope. The killer had been right in front of me all along, and I'd missed it. Until now."

  I spun on my heel and stared down the killer. "Isn't that right, Sharon?"

  All eyes turned in the direction of the girl, who put away her phone and scowled.

  "You don't know what you're talking about!" she sneered.

  Only Officer Dooley made his way to stand behind her so she wouldn't leave. I guess Rex and Riley weren't convinced. How weird was it that the paste-eater got it?

  "You're not nine," I said. "You're more like twenty-two. And you're not from Bladdersly. You're from Minsk." I pointed. "This…is Sabra."

  Riley's jaw dropped, while everyone else had seemingly decided I was mad.

  "Sabra?" he asked. "Are you sure?"

  I nodded. "The one and only."

  "Who's Sabra?" Dr. Wulf asked. "Sabra who?"

  "Sabra is the one-name moniker for one of the newest and deadliest assassins in the Russian Federation," I explained. "She's been able to infiltrate the toughest guarded compounds around the world and kill about thirty people in the last two years. No one has ever caught her. And I know why. It's because she looks like a little girl."

  That was all Kevin needed to twist the girl's arms behind her and snap on the cuffs. He did it quickly while she was momentarily stunned so she didn't fight back.

  Betty, Lauren, and all but the Kaitlyns looked at Sharon/Sabra with something that could only be described as beatific adoration.

  The girl assassin suddenly realized she'd been made and began to struggle violently with Dooley. She launched a backward kick for his shin, but astoundingly, Kevin dodged it. She dropped slightly and reared back to hit him with the back of her head, but he dodged that too. What was happening? Had we slipped into an alternate universe where Kevin was good at his job?

  Riley joined the officer, and he held one of the girl's arms while Kevin took the other. Both stayed out of kicking range. Riley looked like he felt stupid having to help corral a child. Well, one who was twenty-two.

  I said to her, "And then, I remembered you knitting." I turned to the rest. "Okay, I didn't notice because I'm pretty bad at it. But Susan did. She mentioned that Sharon was pretty good and that she knitted continental style. I had to look it up but discovered that particular way of knitting is European. That told me Sharon wasn't from Bladdersly."

  "I'm not saying anything!" Sharon was gone as Sabra emerged with a thick Russian accent.

  "Do you know how to kill a man with one punch?" Betty ventured to the assassin.

  "How did you know?" Kelly asked as she herded the girls to a safe distance from the assassin. The Kaitlyns were stunned. I felt bad about that.

  I really wanted to say it was something clever, but the truth was: "I called Juliette Dowd, and she said she didn't have a niece in the troop."

  Kelly's jaw dropped. It never would've occurred to her to do that. "But I thought…"

  "You thought because the paperwork was signed with Juliette's name that she'd actually signed it."

  My best friend nodded.

  "When I called Juliette and she said not only did she not have a niece but she also didn't have a sister, I made a few calls to Bladdersly. They had no record of her anywhere."

  "Why did she risk it?" Riley asked. "Why come up with a lie we could check out?"

  "Because she thought no one would ever suspect her," I suggested.

  "Why did she kill Janson?" Rex asked.

  I took a deep breath. "It was a hired hit, but Sabra got it wrong. The names Joe Hanson and Joel Janson are almost interchangeable. In fact, there's only one letter difference. She wasn't supposed to kill Janson. She was supposed to kill Hanson.

  "That's why she stuck around. To make sure she got it right, and if she didn't, she'd have to take out the real target. But I wasn't thinking like that. She knew I had it wrong and got sloppy."

  Dr. Wulf asked, "How come we've never heard of this Sabra before?"

  "It's a classified secret. I got confirmation from a contact in the—"remembering that I was trying to avoid saying CIA, I countered with "—government." Who'd still owed me $200 for Girl Scout cookies. I'd absolved his debt for information.

  "I still don't get it," Kelly said. "Finding out she isn't who she said she was doesn't necessarily make her the killer."

  I said, "It does when you know that Sabra's mother is Svetlana Babikova."

  Riley was stricken. "How did you discover that?"

  "Lana!" Kelly cried out. She knew who we were talking about.

  Sabra let out a string of obscenities that would've shocked everyone if they had been in English. Only I knew she was suggesting I do something sinister to myself with a blender. A blender? Maybe my Russian was getting a smidge rusty. I wondered if Betty's grandpa would help me brush up.

  Sabra glared at me. "This isn't over! My mother will get me out, and then she'll avenge me! She should've poisoned you at that bar!" Full of fury, she turned her attention to Betty. "I should've made sure you were eaten by jaguars!"

  Betty walked over to the girl, her hands tightened into fists. "What exactly did happen at the zoo?"

  The assassin's face twisted into
an ugly sneer. "You're so stupid. I drugged you with candy and dared you to climb to the top of the fence surrounding the jaguars. I couldn't believe you agreed to it!"

  Betty nodded quietly, as if she suspected this all along. "The difference is that I'm a kid and you're a grown-up. It's easy to trick a kid."

  With lightning speed, she drew her arm back and punched Sabra hard on the nose. There was a sickening snap, followed by a trickle of blood.

  Betty shook out her hand as she leaned toward the shrieking woman. "But kids like me learn pretty quick. It's a mistake I won't make again."

  Was it wrong of me to be proud of that girl? The look on Kelly's face, only visible for a moment, told me she was impressed too.

  "So Sabra drugged you in Des Moines?" Riley asked. "And broke into your house? What about mine?"

  I shrugged. "I think it was Lana who drugged me and broke into my house. Betty thought it was a woman, not someone kid-sized. But it could've been Sabra who broke into yours. The good news is, you'll have plenty of time to find out."

  Riley and Dooley dragged her away and shoved her into the back of Kevin's squad car.

  "She shot Joel in the back," Dr. Wulf mused. "He never saw it coming."

  "I think," I said, "that she confronted him and he turned to walk away."

  Rex frowned. "Why do you think that?"

  I shrugged again. "It's just a theory."

  I didn't want him to know that I'd heard Dickie call out the word Nye. The only way that birdbrain would've mimicked it was if he'd heard Sabra demanding it repeatedly. It was important to me that neither he nor Kelly knew too much about my late-night visits to the zoo.

  The whole crowd erupted. The local people who had no idea who Lana was were just happy to be out from under suspicion. Those who did know her began looking around for signs that she was nearby. I told Kelly to get the girls out of here, just in case, and she eagerly led them away.

  "How did you know about Lana?" Rex asked as he joined me.

  I shrugged. "I didn't. It was a guess."

  "Nice bluff." He grinned. His eyes turned to the squad car, which was rocking due to the tiny menace thrashing about in the back seat. "We'll only have her for like a day before the CIA comes to get her."

  "You'll have her for about an hour. The Agency works pretty quickly." I nodded toward Claire, who was already on the phone.

  "Go write her up," I suggested. "Enjoy having an international assassin in your cells for a few minutes."

  Rex nodded. "At least I'll have bragging rights over the Bladdersly station."

  He went to his car, and I noticed that the group had disbursed, probably worried about Lana showing up with a machine gun to spring her kid. Dr. Wulf was still hovering nearby, lost in thought.

  "I'm sorry," I said and meant it. "Joel wasn't a spy for the Russians. I'm pretty sure he was offered money by Lana to get the plans from my house. I don't think he was a bad man."

  I didn't have any proof, but I had some contacts who I thought would let me know after a lengthy interrogation. After all, my connection at the CIA would want another order of Girl Scout cookies next winter. He'd cough up what I wanted to know if he ever wanted to see a peanut butter cookie again.

  "Sabra killed him, though." She let out a long breath she may have been holding since Joel was murdered.

  "I'm convinced that was why." I patted her arm awkwardly. "I don't think Lana wanted him dead. She was the kind of spy who used people and forgot about them."

  The woman's eyes welled up. "Thank you. And thanks for caring enough about Dickie and Mr. Fancy Pants enough to hide them."

  My jaw dropped. "You knew?"

  "I suspected. I guess Dickie didn't know the murderer after all."

  "That really tripped me up at first," I admitted. "I attributed more brains to that bird than he really had. But Mr. Fancy Pants really did see the killer. And at the zoo, when I thought he was staring at Joe, he wasn't. He was staring at Sharon."

  "Like I said"—Dr. Wulf smiled—"I know you were just trying to protect the birds." She started to go but turned back. "Oh, and please don't ever do anything like that again. We can't get either bird to eat properly now."

  I watched as she walked away. Everyone had left. Everyone but Joe, that was. I waited as he walked over to me.

  "Nicely done, Mrs. Wrath."

  "Thanks," I muttered. "I'm guessing the Russians have been looking for you for a while."

  Joe nodded. "Yeah. I'd heard through the grapevine that they'd finally tracked me down, only to find out I'd gone on the run. I'd also heard they thought I had Nye with me. It was probably only out of desperation that they finally decided to search your house."

  It was a good point. It wasn't easy to get information on those under Witness Protection. Once they'd tracked him to Who's There, only to find him gone and me in the house, my guess was they gave up on pursuing him. When they couldn't find Oleg, they launched a last-ditch effort to search my house, hoping he'd left it behind.

  I sighed. "Too bad we couldn't have gotten ahold of those plans."

  He shook his head. "It's no big deal, really."

  I stared at him. "No big deal? They're doomsday plans from Russia! I have no idea where they are now. Lana probably has them."

  "It doesn't matter." Joe waved me off.

  "Maybe not to you," I said. "You've been out of the biz a long time. I at least wanted to see what was in there."

  "You would've been disappointed," Joe said.

  "Well, sure, I mean, they were most likely terrible ideas." The Russians were hit or miss on diabolical plans, from putting a dog in space to bluffing the Cuban Missile Crisis. I got that.

  "They weren't even that," he said.

  "Worse than terrible ideas?" I asked as I studied his face.

  He turned to me. "Do you really want to know about Operation Wet Dog?"

  I nodded.

  "There wasn't any Operation Wet Dog," he said at last. "I made it all up. The whole thing, as one last middle finger to the government that had screwed me over for decades."

  My jaw dropped. "Made it up?"

  Joe laughed. "If you'd seen them, you'd know that all they were was the warranty papers for a lawn mower."

  I recalled the thick envelope. "That's some lawn mower warranty."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Rex was right, sort of. It took eight hours for the Agency to send a couple of bland men in black suits to collect Sabra. Riley and I met them at the station and told them what had happened. These guys get younger every year. Not one of them had heard of me. Seriously? I was the only agent in history outed by her own side!

  Turned out Sabra wasn't twenty-two but nineteen. Lana had given her up to the State after she'd had her. They'd molded her into a lethal killing machine. One that looked like she was nine. Sabra had tracked her mother down for a little reunion, and Lana used her for this job. The sad part was Lana seemed to have no intention of rescuing Sabra. Like everyone else, she'd just used her daughter and tossed her aside when it became inconvenient.

  After forensics reported in, it turned out that Sabra's fingerprints matched those on the gun Robby found. I guess she wasn't that smart after all.

  Joe told me that when he moved out of the house, he'd forgotten all about the plans of Operation Lawn Mower Is Covered in Case of Accidents. So, when Joel showed up looking for them, Joe felt bad he'd left them for me to deal with.

  I'd asked him what NYE meant. He said it was an acronym meant to confuse. When he left Russia, he let it be known that Operation Wet Dog went by the acronym NYE. Drove the Russians nuts trying to figure out what that meant. Although it is strange that they thought Wet Dog made perfect sense.

  Things sort of went back to normal once Sabra was carted away. While it had been exciting to have international intrigue in Who's There, Iowa, people were glad to get back to their lives. The only difference was that Joe and Robby Doyle had vanished. I didn't blame them. And Lana was still out there…somewhere.

&
nbsp; I was disappointed that I wasn't able to nab her as well. My guess was we wouldn't see her for a while. Now that Joe was on the run, you could bet she would be too. She'd want to finish the job she'd started.

  But I wasn't clueless. I knew the woman had a score she wanted to settle with me. And when she came back around to find me, I'd be ready.

  A few days later, after the dust settled and all CIA agents besides me had left town, Riley came over and cooked Rex and me dinner as an apology. He pulled out all the stops with a very expensive wine, three cheese stuffed ravioli in alfredo sauce, homemade breadsticks, and imported virgin olive oil.

  "This is fantastic!" I said as I spooned a third helping onto my plate.

  Rex nodded. "Really good! My compliments to the chef."

  Riley grinned as he poured more wine. "I remembered that Italian food was your favorite, Wrath."

  I nodded but couldn't speak because my mouth was full.

  "Again, I'm so sorry I never told you about bribing your real estate agent or that you had secret plans in your house." Riley frowned.

  Rex said, "Apology accepted. Right, Merry?"

  I wasn't so convinced. But I knew it was important to Rex that we move on. So I nodded.

  "You've got something on your face." I pointed to Riley's chin.

  His hand flew up to his face. "I do?" He was still a bit vain about his appearance.

  I nodded. "You missed it. I've got some wet wipes in the kitchen, under the sink."

  My former handler raced away. We heard the crinkle of plastic, followed by a loud thump.

  Rex started to get up. "Is he all right in there?"

  I put my hand on his arm and lowered him back into his chair. "I'm sure he's fine. Isn't this pasta amazing?"

  As I smiled to myself, picturing Riley out cold on the kitchen floor next to a package of chloroform wipes, I accepted his apology.

  * * * * *

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