by Juanita Kees
‘Bitch!’
He went down hard. Fen turned to run. Footsteps echoed on the verandah boards as the ladies piled outside ready for their morning tea. If she’d dropped the café blinds to block out the wind like she’d intended to do, the ladies wouldn’t have seen them a few metres away below their line of vision. Liam’s fists curled into her shirt. He whimpered. She held him tighter, ran harder. Please God, let him be okay.
‘Help me!’
In her peripheral vision, Luke clambered to his feet, running after her, gaining ground as she struggled under Liam’s dead weight, losing it again as the smooth leather soles of his boots slipped under him.
‘Yoo-hoo!’ Virginia Turner stepped up to the railing. ‘Oh dear. Call the police, Marge. That rascal, Luke, is back.’ She turned and headed for the stairs, her cane firmly in hand.
In her arms, Liam’s little body went limp. Fen couldn’t find her voice. Guilt washed over her, flooded her lungs, filled her soul. She’d left him alone. She hadn’t been able to take care of Kieran’s little boy. Just like Diane. He’d hate her, never forgive her, for not protecting his son. She cursed herself for encouraging him to become so attached to Lucky that he’d be lured into danger.
‘Stop right there, you animal.’ Virginia stepped in front of her and Liam, a plump barrier between them and Luke. ‘And don’t even think I’m going to be the pushover Martha Wallace was. I’m not afraid to use this cane on your arse.’
Too many witnesses and nowhere to run, Luke slid to a halt. Virginia slammed her cane into his chest, winding him and sending him flat on his rump.
‘Stay down. Someone get me a pack of cable ties. We don’t want the bastard turning on us.’ Virginia planted her cane firmly in the centre of Luke’s stomach, her quiet, authoritative commands able to be heard as the truck’s engine faded away down the driveway.
‘Top drawer in the kitchen, next to the knives.’ Warm hands touched hers. A jacket covered Liam’s body, another dropped around her shoulders. Liv’s arm came around her. ‘Are you okay, love?’
Fen nodded. Her throat ached. ‘Liam …’
‘Let me see him.’
Liv checked the little boy over. ‘He’s okay. He’s breathing, but a little cold. Let’s get those wet clothes off, so we can put a dry blanket around him.’ She turned to the group. ‘Someone go and get Kieran. Marge, bring blankets. Bella, put the kettle on to boil and make some sweet tea for Fen. Has someone called an ambulance?’
A whiff of floral perfume drifted over her as the woman she recognised as Travis Bailey’s mum knelt beside her and squeezed her hand. ‘I’ll go find Kieran. It’ll all be fine, sweetheart.’
‘No, it won’t. He’ll be so worried. Liam didn’t deserve this.’ Fen shook her head, tears burning her eyes, falling over her cheeks.
‘What happened, love?’ Liv’s calm voice soothed her along with the gentle touch smoothing her hair.
‘He fell in the pond … I took my eyes off him for a minute … I thought he’d be safe in the play area … Lucky got out. And then Luke was there. Where’s Lucky?’ Fen’s grip tightened around Liam as he coughed and shivered.
‘Lucky’s right here, Fenella.’ Liv placed him on her shoulder.
She felt the tickle of Lucky’s claws against her neck. The dragon burrowed into her damp jumper. ‘Kieran?’ Her teeth chattered from the cold.
‘He’s on his way. Barbara’s gone to get him.’ Liv smoothed Fen’s hair back from her face. She dabbed at a speck of something on Fen’s cheek, the softness of the cotton handkerchief soothing against her ice-cold skin.
‘Daddy!’ Liam’s voice was a soft cry into the fabric of her shirt.
‘He’s coming, baby,’ she promised.
Oh, dear God, what had she done? For the second time in his life, Kieran would have to face the fact that his son had nearly drowned. She lifted her head to see Kieran’s long legs eating up the distance between the vines and the pond, at a full pace run.
As he reached them, she looked up at him, her heart pounding with fear, misery eating into her bones. Shock had etched a shade of pale into his tanned features, emptied his eyes of the affection she’d seen there earlier today. He leaned down and took his son from her. She let the boy go, felt her soul go with him. It didn’t matter that Kieran would never forgive her. She’d never forgive herself.
* * *
‘What happened, Fen?’ Terror added an edge to his tone. Damn it, how had Liam ended up in the pond? He hugged his little boy closer, the cold, clammy feel to his skin bringing back memories of another time he’d rather forget.
Liv laid a hand on his sleeve. ‘Go easy, Kieran. They’ve both had a very big shock.’
Marge approached with two folded crocheted blankets over her arm. ‘Doc Benson is on his way over to check Liam. He’ll get here before the ambulance does. The sarge is on his way too.’ She handed a blanket to Liv and threw the other over Liam where he cuddled against Kieran’s chest. ‘Let’s get them inside where it’s warm. There’s a lovely fire going in there. Virginia will take care of the deadbeat.’
He tightened his arms around his son until a wriggle from Liam told him he held on a little too tightly. But the vision of Fen cradling him in her arms, holding him, crying … God, the outcome could have been so much worse. He couldn’t dwell on that, not again. ‘What happened, mate?’
‘Lucky ran away, Daddy. I had to catch him.’ He coughed, a hacking sound that echoed from his little lungs. ‘And then there was a bad man there.’
Virginia prodded the man lying prone on the ground. ‘The one we’re about to tie up. Have you got those cable ties, Marge?’
Fen clutched the edges of the jacket around her shoulders together, her hands shaking, blue with cold. ‘I don’t know if he fell in or if Luke pushed him. I’m so sorry.’ She forced the words out from between chattering teeth. ‘I only left him in the playground for a few minutes …’
A part of him wanted to go to her, drag her into his arms and tell her it was okay, it wasn’t her fault. The other wanted to shout and scream his frustration and disappointment. Not at Fen, but at himself for leaving Liam. For thinking it would be okay. For believing the danger had passed. But now his son’s recovery could be set back months, years, because he hadn’t been there to watch over him. Again.
Doc Benson breezed in and dropped his bag on an empty table. He opened it, pulled out a stethoscope and placed it around his neck. ‘Lucky I was just across the creek. The Bailey baby made an early appearance. Barbara, you’re wanted over there. Sorry, there was no time to call and warn you. The little bugger was determined to arrive in a hurry. Poor Travis is still in shock.’
Barbara’s hands flew to her face. ‘Oh! Oh wow. It’s a boy?’
Doc nodded. ‘Congratulations. Ed’s coming over to pick you up.’
How could they be talking about this now? Anger, irrational and unwarranted, surged inside him. His son had almost drowned. He looked over at Fen. She stared at the mug in her hands, her fringe hiding her face, her knuckles white from the way she gripped the cup, and retreated so far into herself, he’d be lucky to reach her again. Doc Benson claimed his attention.
‘Now,’ said Doc. ‘Let’s have a look at this young man. Took a dip in the fish pond, I hear? I bet that water tasted a bit yucky.’
Liam nodded against Kieran’s chest. ‘Pooey.’
‘Well, that’s what fish do in water.’ Doc Benson warmed up his stethoscope between his hands. ‘Now, let me have a listen to your chest in case you swallowed a fish and it’s swimming around in there.’
Kieran held Liam while the doc examined him, took his temperature and prodded around as doctors do. He watched Marge wrap Fen in a hug which she received reluctantly. Her face was paler than usual. Ghost-white under the black of her fringe. Her eyes seemed empty, soulless as she cast a quick look his way before staring off into the distance again.
It wasn’t her fault. He wanted her to know that. Not like Diane. But the short burst of si
rens announced the arrival of the ambulance and Riggs, raking up old memories of hospitals and morgues, funerals and goodbyes. It would have to wait. He had to put Liam first.
Doc ruffled Liam’s curls. ‘Let’s take a ride in the ambulance, hey? That’ll be cool, right?’ He looked up at Kieran. ‘Just to be sure there’s no water left on the lungs, I’d like to get an X-ray and a few tests done. There’s always a threat of secondary drowning in these instances and I don’t want to take any chances. But I reckon this little guy is built tough, so he’ll be right. Won’t you, mate?’
The same scenes played over in his head that had played twelve months ago. Tests, X-rays, machines pumping away, his little boy fighting for his life following a lung infection. More than anything, he wanted to throw his bags into his rental car, strap his son into the booster seat, and drive. Away from the memories. To somewhere where there were no ponds or bodies of water in any shape of form, no danger stalking them. He wanted the impossible to keep his son safe.
He allowed the paramedics to tend to Liam, followed them to the ambulance, held his hand as the doors closed on Fen. She sat huddled in a blanket, held tightly by Liv. She’d be okay until he came back. He let the steady sound of the machine monitoring his son’s heartbeat soothe his nerves as they bumped over the gravel road onto the main highway into town and pushed down on the rise of déjà vu.
At Wongan Creek’s small hospital, he settled himself in for the wait while Doc Benson and the nursing staff checked and rechecked Liam’s vitals. As dusk crept in outside the windows, Kieran watched his son sleep, so small and fragile against the crisp white sheets, the occasional cough making him restless.
He’d tried to call Fen, but she wasn’t picking up her phone. Liv was unreachable too. Virginia had reassured him everything was okay, that Riggs had arrived to arrest Luke who was now in custody, awaiting charges to be laid. It gave him little comfort and didn’t stop him from needing to hear Fen’s voice.
‘How’s he doing?’ Doc’s voice reached past his thoughts.
‘Restless, but no vomiting or any trouble breathing.’
‘That’s good news. He’ll be okay. The X-rays have come up clear. I’d like to keep him overnight though to make sure, given his history.’
Kieran nodded. ‘Sure, Doc.’
‘Get some rest, son. He’s going to need you for a while to get over this scare. Kids are resilient though. Take the bed next to his. We’ll kick you out if we need it.’
‘Will do.’ He stayed in the chair as Doc Benson patted his shoulder and disappeared out the door.
His mind played the scene over and over in his head. Fen holding Liam close, stroking his curls, rocking him back and forth, tears on her cheeks. Then when she’d seen him, looked at him, he’d seen guilt and fear in her eyes. He didn’t want her to feel that way. He had no doubt that Fen loved his son. More than Diane had, because she hadn’t loved Liam at all.
Chapter 19
Fen sat on the rock overlooking the creek, the sky dull, the clouds heavy with unshed rain. Under the leather, her scars burned hotter than the ache in her heart. Would Kieran come back to The Cranky Lizard or would he head straight back to Sydney? If only she’d kept a closer eye on Liam. The only upside to the whole mess was that Luke had been flushed out.
Liam would be okay. Doc Benson had confirmed it when she rang the hospital. But she hadn’t been ready to hear Kieran’s voice yet, despite the missed calls on her phone. God, if she hadn’t been able to revive Liam, if Luke had succeeded …
No, she wouldn’t think of that. Across the paddock, Harry’s sheep grazed, content under the laden sky. Harry would be home, warm and dry, inside with Travis and Heather, Robbie and Casey, admiring Heather’s new baby. Next door, Harley and Tameka would be planning the opening of their new brewery in the spring. They’d all been through so much already.
Life had changed but would go on regardless, and she’d be in it alone. The word shouldn’t hurt so much. It shouldn’t reach in and grasp her soul in its dirty fist. No more laughter with Liam. No more Kieran to wake up to. Ever again. This time the lizard’s tail wouldn’t grow back.
The first drops of rain fell, ice-cold chips that bit into her skin. She turned up her wrists, feeling the splash of raindrops against her skin, allowing the cool to ease the burning itch.
‘It’s wet out here. You’ll catch a cold.’
Her fingers curled into her palms at the sound of Kieran’s voice from behind her, her heart beating out an erratic rhythm. ‘You came back. Where’s Liam?’
‘Did you think I wouldn’t?’ Kieran eased down beside her on the rock, his thigh hot against hers. ‘He’s waiting up at the house with Liv.’
‘How’s he doing?’ She clasped her hands between her knees.
‘Good. He’ll be fine.’
‘How can you be so certain?’
He nudged her shoulder with his. ‘Because Doc Benson said so. And the first thing he asked about when we pulled into the drive was if he could go and check on Lucky.’ Kieran reached an arm around her back and pulled her closer. ‘Why are you out here in the rain?’
She relaxed into his warmth, her mind full of questions, but it didn’t matter why he’d come back. Only that he had. ‘Thinking.’
He’d never forgive her for putting Liam’s life in danger. Damn it, she’d never forgive herself. When she’d hauled him out of the water, unconscious and not breathing … the thought clenched around her heart and brought a sting to her eyes. Jesus, if he hadn’t recovered … she couldn’t have lived with that.
‘Sometimes thoughts are our worst enemy.’ His arm tightened around her.
She shook her head. ‘Not this time. I’m having the pond filled in.’
‘You don’t need to do that. The blame here is entirely on that bastard, Luke. It’s not your fault Liam slipped away. He was lured away, and he did what any normal boy would do. He went after what he cared for most. What he was afraid to lose. We can’t wrap him in cotton wool, Fen. He has to be a boy if he’s going to grow up out here in the country.’
‘If it happened once, it can happen again. What if, next time, we’re not so lucky?’ She couldn’t bear to think of it.
‘There are other ways to make it safe. A grid across the top, a fence around it. We can fix it, Fen.’
She lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him, soaking up everything Kieran, from the neatly trimmed beard along his jawline, up across the strong cheekbones and into those green eyes that saw everything. ‘We?’
He reached for her hands, still clasped tightly between her knees, and separated them. She welcomed the warmth of his skin, shivered as his fingers wrapped around hers.
‘We’d like to stay if you’d like to keep us. Liam wants to adopt Lucky as an honorary brother.’
Doubt shoved its way through the glimmer of hope that grew inside her. ‘Don’t make grown-up decisions based on a four-year-old’s needs, Kieran.’ She tried to tug her hand from his, but he tugged back.
‘I’m not. I’m making this decision based on a long-ago fifteen-year-old boy’s infatuation with a troubled, kindred spirit who made his life somewhat bearable until she owned his path to happiness. But I was too blind to see it, Fen. I was blinded by Diane, her beauty and charisma. I loved her without a doubt, but not the way I love you.’
He released her hand and slipped off the rock to stand in front of her, the stone formation level with his waist, perfectly positioned for him to stand between her knees. He placed his hands on her thighs. Heat crawled up to warm places that shouldn’t be feeling it. Not yet. Because wanting him and loving him wasn’t enough. She had no desire to be his second choice again.
‘Please don’t say anything you’re not one hundred per cent sure of, Kieran. I don’t want empty words because you’re confused about where you stand or because you’re influenced by Liam’s feelings. He’ll grow up and forget me.’
His hands slid around behind her, splayed across the denim that hugged her hips an
d drew her closer until they touched. Heat chased away coherent thought and she stiffened her knees against his sides to stop her legs curling around him and drawing him closer. Need, hot and dizzying, spread through her as she placed her hands on the thickly corded muscles on his forearms.
‘What I feel for you has nothing to do with how Liam feels. I’ve denied myself this for too long. I thought if I let myself love you, I might destroy you like I did Diane.’ He held up his fingers to her lips as she opened them to protest. ‘It took me a long time to understand that Diane was already sick, long before the Vincents took me in.’
‘I’m so sorry, Kieran. Things could have been so different for the two of you.’
‘No. We were never right for each other. I know that now. All those years ago, when you kissed me goodbye in the storeroom, I regretted letting you go. I owed it to Diane and her parents to see it through. But that day when I left you behind … it smothered something inside me, Fen.’
‘I hated Diane for taking you away, then I hated myself for thinking I had any right to keep you.’
‘I wish we could go back and change things.’ He buried his face in her neck and she slipped her arms and legs around him.
The need to hold him, feel him close, overrode whatever lay ahead. ‘But we can’t. We can only fix the future. I’m so sorry I let Liam out of my sight. I was so scared when I saw him lying in that water.’ She shuddered again at the memory.
Kieran lifted his head and took her chin in his hand, forcing her gaze to his. ‘You saved him. You didn’t hesitate to jump in and do what you had to do. He’s alive because of you.’
‘But the long-term effects, the mental harm from almost drowning again …’
‘The difference is you held him. You dragged him out of that water, held him and gave him life, then you held him some more. You didn’t back away. He didn’t have that when he went into the river. In his own mind, he knows you loved him enough to do that. No-one has ever loved him like that, except for me. He loves you, Fen.’
