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13 Easy Ways to Boost Your Willpower and Self-Control
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
—UNKNOWN
Nothing undermines willpower and self-control like the stresses of everyday living.1
The more stressed we generally feel, the more likely we are to overeat, overspend, and do the many other things we regret shortly thereafter.
Anything that causes stress, whether mental or physical, drains our supply of willpower and reduces our capacity for self-control. And anything we can do to reduce stress in our lives and improve mood improves our self-control.
How do most people try to cope with stress, though? What do they routinely turn to for consolation? Food, alcohol, video games, television, shopping, and surfing the internet are the usual suspects.2
Ironically, studies show that the same people using these strategies often rate them as ineffective for reducing stress levels.3 In some cases, they rate them as stress inducing because indulging unhealthy and unproductive impulses leads to guilt, followed by more indulging, followed by more guilt, and so on.
Comfort food is particularly problematic because it spikes blood sugar levels to provide emotional reprieve, and then crashes them, which, like stress, is a precursor to willpower failures.4 Research shows that when blood sugar levels are low, we’re more likely to give up on difficult tasks, vent our anger, stereotype others, and even refuse to donate to charity.5
If we shouldn’t turn to feel-good vices to feel better, what should we do instead?
An effective way to recover from the stresses of the “daily grind” is to deliberately relax. That’s not surprising, of course, but it’s not necessarily simple, either. For most people (myself included), it’s a skill they have to learn.
A good way to measure stress levels in your body is to look at something called heart rate variability, which is how much your heartbeat speeds up and slows down as you breathe. The more stressed you are, the less variability there is in your heartbeat—the more it gets “stuck” at a faster rate.
This is why people who generally have a desirable amount of heart rate variability are also generally less stressed and display remarkably better self-control than those with less variability.6
For instance, a study conducted by scientists at the University of Kentucky found that people with more variability were more likely to resist temptations; less likely to develop heart disease, experience depression, and give up on difficult work; and better at dealing with trying situations.7
If you want to see this in action, the next time you face a willpower challenge, deliberately slow your breathing to about 10 to 15 seconds per breath, or four to six breaths per minute.
An easy way to do this is to exhale through your mouth slowly and fully with your lips pursed as if you were blowing lightly through a straw. By slowing down your breathing like this, you can increase your heart rate variability and instantaneously boost your willpower and ability to resist the effects of stress.8
Relaxation shouldn’t be something you “turn on” only when you feel frazzled, however. Studies show that taking time to properly relax every day not only reduces stress hormones and increases willpower but helps preserve health as well.9
For many people, that means an evening of wine and Netflix, but a much better choice is an activity that elicits a specific type of physiological response.
When you’re truly relaxed, your heart rate slows, your blood pressure drops, your muscles loosen, and your mind stops analyzing and planning. Everything just slows down.
Here are 13 simple and effective ways to enter this state.
1. You can enjoy nice smells.
Aromatherapy is a couple-thousand-year-old method of reducing stress and promoting relaxation. It also has some modern scientific evidence on its side.
For instance, a study conducted by scientists at Asia University found that the scent of certain essential oils, like lavender, bergamot, chamomile, and geranium, can lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety, and improve sleep quality.10
The easiest way to incorporate this into a daily relaxation routine is to use a diffuser.
2. You can give and get a massage.
I probably don’t need to cite research to convince you that receiving a massage is a great way to relieve stress, but one rather interesting study conducted by scientists at the University of Oxford and ORYGEN Research Centre found that giving a massage has similar effects.11
That’s right: make a deal with your significant other to trade massages before bed, and a whole lot of relaxation is probably going to occur.
The benefits of massage don’t stop there, either. Studies show it also reduces pain, anxiety, and depression, and increases immunity as well.12
It doesn’t take a lot to get the job done, either. Just 10 to 15 minutes of massage is enough to reap its many benefits.
3. You can have more sex.
If you’re not having much sex these days, science says you should bump those rookie numbers up.
Why?
Because research shows that regular sex reduces anxiety, stress, and depression and improves mood, happiness, and resilience.
A good example of this is a study conducted by scientists at George Mason University with 172 men and women aged 18 to 63.13
The researchers found that the day after having sex, people felt 10 to 20 percent less anxious as well as more self-assured and less worried about what others thought of them. This was particularly true for those who were naturally more anxious.
A study conducted by scientists at Florida State University found that this “afterglow” effect of sex boosts mood and well-being for about 48 hours in most people.14
Interestingly, other research indicates that the stress-reducing effects of sex are largely due to improving the quality of people’s relationships rather than just the purely physical release.15
This helps explain why sex’s many benefits seem to be greatest for couples who have been together the longest or are married, and smallest for people in unhappy relationships.16
4. You can change your perception of stress.
We know that high amounts of stress are associated with impaired mental and physical health and well-being, but there’s a twist.
Research shows that our perception of stress as harmful is what really gives it teeth.17 That is, getting overly stressed about stress is what really pushes us into the mud.
This is why a study conducted by scientists at the University of Denver found that if we can consciously reappraise stressful situations—choose to look at them differently—we can drain them of much of their destructive power.18
For instance, a frustrating situation doesn’t have to be an excuse to rip your hair out. Instead, you can view it as an opportunity to exercise a virtue like patience, tolerance, or resilience. Similarly, a setback is also an opportunity for you to learn what doesn’t work, and a painful situation can teach you that you’re tougher than you thought.
This reappraisal strategy is far from new. Marcus Aurelius, one of Rome’s most famous emperors, had it right a couple thousand years ago with his Meditations, which you need to read if you haven’t already.
5. You can get more sleep.
If you sleep too little too regularly, you’ll find yourself more susceptible to stress and temptation and lacking the mental energy needed to keep your good habits in play and your bad ones at bay.
In fact, research shows that sleep deprivation causes symptoms similar to ADHD: distractibility, forgetfulness, impulsivity, poor planning, and hyperactivity.19
6. You can avoid screens before bedtime.
It’s fairly well known these days that nighttime light exposure suppresses your body’s production of melatonin, a hormone that induces sleepiness.20 This not only makes it harder
to fall asleep but also reduces the quality of the sleep you do get.
Melatonin suppression does more than just mess up your sleep, too. It has also been shown to impair immunity and increase the risk of cancer, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.21
That said, completely eliminating all exposure to light once the sun goes down isn’t exactly feasible. I doubt you’re willing to “go dark” come 7 p.m. Fortunately, you don’t have to.
First, light’s melatonin-suppressing effects depend on intensity. The more intense the light, the more it suppresses melatonin levels.22 Thus, a good rule of thumb is to keep light after dark as dim as possible, and sleep in complete darkness.
Second, the short-wavelength, “blue” light emitted by devices like televisions, computer screens, and smartphones is the real villain here because it suppresses melatonin production more than longer-wavelength, warmer light.23
Thus, reducing or eliminating your nighttime exposure to blue light is an effective way to preserve healthy levels of melatonin production.
How do you do this, though?
Banning the use of all electronics after sundown would work, of course, but again, that probably isn’t going to happen. What you can do, however, is use free software like f.lux (www.justgetflux.com), which automatically adjusts the color of your device screens to the time of the day, eliminating blue light at night.
If you’re using an iOS or Android device, you don’t need special software for this—simply turn on the Night Shift (iOS) or Night Light (Android) feature.
And what about blue light exposure from other sources like ambient lighting or the television?
Research shows that amber-lensed glasses are great for dealing with this, and can result in improved mood and sleep.24 A dorky solution, yes, but seriously useful for minimizing your exposure to blue light at night.
7. You can spend less time with tech.
Staring at screens at night messes up your melatonin production, and it appears that staring at them too much in general can mess up your mind.
A number of studies have shown that the more people use and feel tied to their computers and cell phones, the more stressed they generally feel.25
In fact, a study conducted by scientists at the University of Gothenburg found that technology overuse is associated with a number of symptoms of poor mental health.26 Here’s a quick summary of their conclusions:
People who used their cell phones heavily were more likely to complain of sleep disorders and depression.
People constantly available on their cell phones were the most likely to experience mental health issues.
People who regularly use the computer late at night were more likely to experience sleep disorders, stress, and depression.
Frequent computer use without breaks increases the likelihood of stress, sleep problems, and depression.
Researchers aren’t clear as to the causes just yet, but the relationship is unmistakable. The more time we spend with our devices, the worse our mental state will likely be.
8. You can listen to classical music.
Next time you’re stressed, put on some slow, quiet classical music, and before long, you’ll be nestled in its soothing embrace.
(Some of my personal favorites are Max Richter, Ludovico Einaudi, Beethoven, and Bach.)
Mozart can do more than just chill you out, too. Several studies show that classical music can sharpen your mind, engage your emotions, lower blood pressure, lessen physical pain and depression, and help you sleep better.27
9. You can drink green tea.
I’m a big fan of tea and its many health benefits, and here’s another reason to drink it regularly: it’s a powerful stress buster.
Good evidence of this is a study conducted by scientists at the Tohoku University Graduate School of Medicine that found that regular green tea consumption is associated with lower levels of psychological distress.28
Researchers believe the primary way green tea accomplishes this is the high doses of the amino acid L-theanine and ascorbic acid, which have known anti-stress properties.29
10. You can go for a walk in the park.
When you review the daily routines of many of history’s greatest thinkers and innovators, you’ll quickly notice how many of them valued long walks in nature.
For example, Beethoven spent his afternoons walking in the Vienna Woods and found his best inspiration always came while walking. Tchaikovsky was equally adamant about his twice-a-day walks, which he felt were essential for his health and creativity. Thomas Jefferson advised his nephew that “there is no habit you will value so much as that of walking far without fatigue,” and took regular walks around his Monticello estate well into old age.
Science shows they were onto something. In a study conducted by scientists at Heriot-Watt University, just 25 minutes of walking in an urban park was enough to noticeably reduce frustration and improve mood.30
11. You can take a hot bath.
For thousands of years, hot baths have been used to ease pain, aid in relaxation, and ward off and treat disease.
In fact, the word spa comes from the Latin sanus per aquam—“health through water”—which was an ancient Roman remedy for battle-weary soldiers.
Modern medical research has confirmed that regular dips in hot water are indeed healthful and restorative.
For instance, a study conducted by scientists at Loughborough University found that an hour-long soak in a hot tub causes similar improvements in blood sugar control and other markers of metabolic health as an hour-long bike ride.31
(You can get even more relaxation from regular baths by adding essential oils!)
12. You can consume less media.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, really, but research shows that exposing yourself to a constant barrage of bad news, scare tactics, and morbid reminders of your mortality increases the likelihood of overeating, overspending, and other willpower failures.32
If the world appears to be ripping apart at the seams, why should we care about keeping our own affairs in order?
By reducing our exposure to the daily dose of pessimism and fear-mongering, we can also reduce our stress levels.
13. You can exercise regularly.
Nothing seems to improve self-control in all aspects of our lives like exercise. If you want a willpower “quick fix,” this is it.
Several studies show that regular exercise reduces cravings for both food and drugs, increases heart rate variability, makes us more resistant to stress and depression, and even optimizes overall brain function.33
Its effects are immediate, too, and it doesn’t even take a lot to boost willpower. Studies show that just five minutes of low-intensity exercise outdoors is enough to improve your mental state.34
So the next time you’re feeling too tired or short on time to work out, remember the bigger picture. Every workout you do replenishes your willpower and energy, even lighter ones like walks and bodyweight training.
Think of exercise as your “secret weapon” for staying on top of your game.
•••
Most people think of stress as purely negative, assuming that it should be avoided at all costs. This is wrongheaded.
Like with exercise, our bodies were designed to handle stress. In fact, research shows that acute stress enhances immunity, which in turn accelerates recovery processes and increases resistance to infection.35
In many ways, regular bouts of stress are conducive to your overall health and well-being. Overdose on it, though, and the problems begin, because our bodies haven’t learned how to effectively cope with chronic stress. This forces our body to remain on high alert, and causes us to age faster, become more susceptible to disease, and have increased levels of systemic inflammation.36
The solution, however, isn’t to shy away from all forms of stres
s or numb ourselves to their effects, but to learn how to manage stress effectively. Rest and relaxation are powerful tools for this.
Like stress, their effects go deeper than most people realize, including altering genetic expression involved with inflammation, programmed cell death, and free radical neutralization.37
It’s not a stretch to say that the overall quality and longevity of our lives is going to depend heavily on how well we can relax.
So let’s get smart about how we relax.
Develop a relaxation routine that you follow like your diet and exercise regimens, and it probably won’t take long for you to start noticing improvements in your happiness, productivity, emotional stability, and health.
Here’s my personal routine:
A nightly hot bath with my wife.We usually add essential oils and put on light classical music as well.
Sex at least two to three times per week.I could pretend we’re still going at it like crazed teenagers, but hey, this works for us.
In fact, research shows that sex just once per week is a sweet spot of sorts for happiness.38 For most people, more frequent sex doesn’t increase happiness, and less frequent sex results in less fulfillment.
In bed seven and a half to eight hours before my alarm.My general sleep needs seem to be around six and a half hours per night, but since having kids, I don’t sleep as well as I used to, so I have to give myself a buffer for one to three wakings.
Little to no “blue light” screens for at least one hour before bed.This means minimal computer, tablet, TV, or smartphone use.
I do most of my reading on my phone, but when I read before bed, I use a Kindle Paperwhite, which doesn’t emit blue light.
A pot of green tea every morning.Genmaicha is my favorite.
Daily exercise.I currently lift weights Monday through Friday and do about 30 minutes of biking on Saturdays and Sundays.
Think of stress management as the “nutritional” aspect of your willpower and self-control.
Bigger Leaner Stronger Page 14
