by Elle Lincoln
“Sabina, you didn’t have a heart attack, it was your heart recognizing a mate.” He speaks slowly, as though I might run. I won’t. I’ve had enough of leaving these walls for the day. I’m not getting up from this recliner unless I have to pee. Since I puked everything up, my bladder is running dangerously low.
“Elaborate on that.” I raise a delicate white blond brow at him while pointing my cigar at his face.
“It’s best if I explain who we are.”
“Lycans,” I supply.
“I see Christian has already talked to you.” He doesn’t even spare the man a glance where he lies on my couch with his eyes closed as though he hasn’t a care in the world. “Women are rare in our world, Sabina. A daughter is born only every ten to twenty years. We are a dying breed.”
That breaks my heart a little, and I focus on him a bit more. “What about humans?”
“We can’t have babes with humans, Damsel,” Christian tells the ceiling.
“Our DNA and theirs is incompatible,” Nix whispers from the other recliner, his hands steepled with two fingers pressed to his chin.
I mull that over, taking this slow and trying like hell to comprehend what they are saying. “How are the four of you here then?”
“We each grew up in a different pack, two alphas cannot stay in one pack. I sought my own. Made my own rules. But that’s a story for another day, Sabina. Right now, you have to understand that you shouldn’t even exist.” He leans forward on the couch, his hands clasped in front of him as his eyes plead for understanding.
“News flash, I do.”
His lips tick up again as Christian snorts. Liam outright laughs before declaring, “Let’s get right to it.” He claps his hands. “You, Sabina, are our fated mate.”
“How do you know that?” I challenge, puffing on my cigar.
“Your heart beats in time with ours now. Do you want to feel?” He leans forward, and I almost break my vow of movement to touch his chest, but I restrain myself.
“Continue.”
“You smell human, Damsel, that’s the issue.” His head snaps back down as his mismatched eyes stare at me. “Yet with a hint of something else. Something more. Something made for a wolf’s desires.” His voice lowers with each word as heat flickers in his hooded eyes.
A shiver races up my spine as need pools low in my belly. I hum, trying not to look affected, but these assholes can smell it.
“We just need to finish the mating call.” Liam bounces in his seat.
“Explain,” I demand, still not moving, though I want to lean in closer.
“When a wolf finds his mate, her heart will beat erratically until two hearts sync together, then three or more. That was the pain you felt in your chest,” Nix answers, seeming to be the only intelligent one here. “The bond won’t seal until he claims her.”
“There’s only one of me and four of you.” I frown at myself.
Am I truly considering this? No, not quite.
“Females are uncommon in our world, Sabina. Women able to mate with a wolf are even more so uncommon.” Athos slows his words, speaking with a calming tone.
“Athos, stop torturing the poor girl with your words.” Christian leans forward at Athos’s frown. “What he’s trying to say, Damsel, is you don’t have to choose. You get all of us. We just need to each claim you.” Fire dances in his eyes, wild and full of passion.
I grind my teeth together. I didn’t come here for a mate, as they call it. I came here to heal and find out what happened to my father. But that isn’t even the biggest hurdle I have to jump through.
I won’t deny my desire. It flares hotter than the sun.
I won’t deny my attraction. It burns under my skin.
And I sure as hell won’t deny the ethereal string that lures us together.
But I will deny them. Because allowing that claim to solidify means their deaths and that... that I will never allow to happen. “No,” I whisper, and the prickle of tears at the back of my eyes causes me to blink repeatedly as I struggle to keep them at bay.
“Sabina.” Athos says my name so softly that it almost has me agreeing. His eyes flash with heartache at my rejection.
“You all need to leave for now. Please.” I need to think. I need time to myself. I need to just be.
With a simple nod, Athos stands and the rest follow without a word, though I can see the confusion and disappointment on their faces.
They just don’t realize I’m doing this for them. To keep their spirits alive. To keep them alive.
Chapter 9
As soon as the door clicks shut, I know they won’t leave me, not really. Not if I am who they say I am. Slowly, I get up from the recliner. My shoes squeak along the wood as I drag my feet over to the door to lock it. Just beyond the window, a white wolf lies in the sun, his clothing piled beside the door. An exhale gusts from my lungs, smelling like acidic bile and tobacco. I need to brush my teeth.
Normal things. Human things.
I turn around and toe off my shoes, gently placing them under the console table. Slowly, I peel off my socks and ball them up to sit beside them, each movement made with precision and care. I didn’t bring in the box of food, but I’m not ready to head outside and get it, so I make a mental note to grab it later. For now, I pad my way to the bathroom, my body on autopilot as I reach under the sink for a disposable toothbrush that I know exists there.
Routine. Routine is good, routine is normal. I step into the hall, gazing at the wall of windows as toothpaste drips down my chin. Another wolf, this one dark, suns himself on the front porch, his head twitching every few minutes to gaze out across the clearing.
Numbness tingles through my limbs and mind as I spit out the white foam and swipe a hand across my mouth. Mate. They claim I am their mate. Fate, you fickle bitch. I need more information. Information that won’t come easily or readily.
My bare foot screeches on the hardwood when I spin around, my eyes landing on the door to Dad’s office. The lock blinks up at me, taunting me with the glow of a red light. It’s not just his office, but his bedroom. I checked the rooms late last night. That door is the only one that’s locked aside from the closet downstairs. Not only that, but Dad’s stuff wasn’t anywhere else in the cabin.
A nervous flutter surges through my stomach as I take a silent step toward the door. Once again, my feet drag, but for a different reason. I wonder if his killer tainted this room as well. Will I find his things strewn across the space? Blood on the hardwood?
My fingers shake as they reach out to brush along the tinted wood frame, then the door itself. The cool surface slides beneath my fingers, not at all feeling like wood.
“Why would you need a steel door to your office bedroom, Dad?” I throw a quick glance over my shoulder only to find one lazy wolf staring off into the distance, not looking at me. This is our moment, me and the ghost of my father. I’m not ready to share that with those who call me mate. Not yet, at least.
Heart beating in my throat, I graze my fingers back along the frame, finding nicks here and there. Ones that shouldn’t be there. Long slices scar the wood, as though a dog scraped his paws along the surface in an effort to get in.
Or a wolf.
Nerves take flight inside me. Dad knew his attacker, who must have been a wolf. I concentrate on the keypad numbers flying through my head. Dad was a simple man. He didn’t think too hard or too long on things that were inconsequential. Except this was important.
I doubt the passcode is my birthday, but I try it anyway.
The red light blinks once then emits a loud beep, mocking my failure.
Again I glance out the window, noting the wolf is no longer there. I don’t know which one it was for certain, but I feel like it was Nix. The dark coat matched his hair and observant eyes that miss little, and I’d place money on him not missing this either.
I need to get in this door.
My mind whirls at all the possible combinations, then just as quickly I dismiss
them. I try my parents’ wedding date, and once more the beep mocks me.
I pace away from the door and into the living room, my steps silent as my fingers twist at my lips. Outside, the sun dips in the sky. Night falls faster than normal out here with the canopy of trees above dimming the rays. Yet I still have hours of sunlight left. None of that helps me decide on the stupid passcode though.
My phone rings, blurting “Black Magic Woman” startling me out of my plans to conquer a steel door. Eyeing up the living room, I try to see where it is since I can’t remember where I left the damn thing. I don’t remember bringing it in, so one of the guys must have.
“Ah-ha!” I dart to the wall, tearing open my purse to find the ringing tech. Nessa’s smiling face beams up at me as she tries for a video call. Swiping the green button, a genuine smile lifts my lips at seeing my bestie. “Nes.”
“The stars told me you needed help, what’s going on?” Her dark brows draw close to kissing as her face leans into the camera, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders. Behind her, a buddha statue sits on a dais surrounded by lit candles. Even just seeing the space in my mind makes me mentally register the scent of incense, and a wave of calm douses me.
“The stars speak to you now?” I tease. Giving the stupid door one last glance, I plop back in the recliner, picking up my still burning cigar I momentarily forgot about. Wincing that by some miracle I didn’t burn down the cabin, I lift it back to my lips. My godfather persona taking over once more.
“The stars are always speaking, Bean, you just have to listen to them.” Her soft voice rises slightly at her excitement, the smile on her face revealing her passion for astrology.
“So you are learning something new and trying it out on me?” I laugh.
“No, no this was just for me. Also, we changed the date of our visit. The day we chose just won’t work. Traveling during mercury retrograde is a big no-no.” The determination and finalization on her face is nothing short of comical.
I indulge her, because though it’s only been less than two days, I already miss her and the others. “When?” A hint of hope coats my voice at seeing her sooner.
“One week from today. The full moon! How exciting is that? I have plans for smores and staying up all night as we howl at the moon.” She couldn’t know... could she?
I gaze at my bestie with more interest than a moment ago. She’s always been like this, falling into the next new holistic thing. Her mind constantly seeks fresh information and tumbles down conspiracy theories and rabbit holes. Of all the cousins, she’d believe me. I bite my lip, wondering if I should tell her how much her words define my world right now.
“That sounds amazing.” I am such a chickenshit.
She squeals, “Yeah!” Clapping her hands, she wiggles happily on her unseen pillow. I bet it’s the red one with fringes. “Don and Connor are coming. We plan to stay a few days or more depending on how far you’ve gotten.” Her tone turns serious as the happy light switch flicks off in her head.
I sigh, my eyes darting outside. Can they hear through the glass? The supposedly bulletproof glass. Screw it. “There’s a complication.”
“That sounds amazing!” Only Nessa would think a complication would be a glorious thing. It isn’t, and one day she will find out why. I will tell her. I can’t keep a secret, and when I do, I’m terrible about it. For now, I’ll just... evade.
“Not amazing. Dad was apparently into some shit out here.” I wrinkle my brow, still not knowing what Dad did for this pack of wolves.
“Oh no. I’m getting a psychic impression, Bean.” She shakes her head, truly believing the shit falling from her mouth. “A chess board. But it’s your dad playing both sides of the board. Does that mean anything?”
Actually, it just might. “No,” I lie, putting on my very best confused face while inside my heart thumps wildly.
Two packs. Dad was playing the packs. Had to be.
“Liar,” Nessa retorts, spiking adrenaline through my veins to the point where I taste it on my tongue. “But that’s okay, because I know by this time next week you will tell me everything! I love a good surprise! Just do me a favor, Bean.”
I huff out a laugh. Maybe she is psychic. “What’s that, Nessy?”
“Don’t jump to conclusions.” Her entire face pinches like she ate a lemon before she taps her lips. “You should get all the facts before you leap.”
“No blind jumping, got you. I never liked cliff jumping anyway.” My uplifting tone sounds fake with my attempt to lighten the mood, but I fail, and we both know it.
“Now why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you right now. You met a guy?” She shakes her head, beaming. “Guys!”
“How the hell?” I glance from corner to corner, my brow knitting.
“I do have the gift!” She claps.
I set the phone in my lap to rub my temples. “It’s complicated.”
“The curse?” Again, my adrenaline spikes at the mention of why all the men in our family die. “It has no bearing here.”
I snort. “That is wishful thinking, Nessa. You and I both know it doesn’t work that way.”
“But I know.” She stresses the word, her tone turning into something strange, even for her. Her voice dips lower without her signature whine and laces with gravity.
“Nessa, what aren’t you telling me?” My body breaks out in a shiver. The longer this conversation goes on, the more I wonder what she knows.
“I’m just saying that you should enjoy yourself.” Her voice returns to its normal pleading, the whine back in place. “You don’t have to have forever, but I think right now would be good for you. You took off on a mission to find out what happened to your dad. I just don’t think you should allow the darkness of death to affect the light of your soul. Remember to live, Bean.”
The cigar hangs from my mouth as my body sits frozen in shock. Sometimes Nessa breaks through the flower power, hippie child act—yes, act—and sprouts moments of lucidity. Like now.
Except she doesn’t know the men in question are lycans and that they claim I’m their mate. I don’t think they would go for a moment of pleasure. No, these wolves want forever, and that isn’t something I can give. Not now, not ever.
But I can do friendship. Maybe. I’ll just have to stop ogling them like a starved woman. Which I am. Can the mate bond even break? It wasn’t like they even gave me a choice, and now that I think about that, it really pisses me off.
What right does the universe have to meddle in my daily life? Though that bitch has been messing with my family for over a hundred years, and I only say that because that is as far back as the ancestry goes, according to my mom.
“You are overthinking it. Let’s move on to the next conundrum.” I pinch the bridge of my nose in patience, waiting for Nessa to continue. “That lock.”
I freeze. Now I know she is screwing with me. “Nes.” My voice shakes with a tinge of uneasiness. “How do you know that?”
“I dreamt it. I’m right, aren’t I?” Her voice doesn’t even sound like she’s the least bit worried. In fact, it sounds downright smug. “You should try your aunt’s birthday.”
My aunt. I slap a hand to my forehead. “How could I forget!” I jump up and run to the door. My body lags behind my mind as dizziness swarms through me. My aunt died a decade ago from renal failure. She was that aunt too, the kind who fit right in with my grandma. Mischief bled from their pores.
She always played practical jokes on my dad and uncles. A fierce hurricane no one messed with. She was short, not even five feet and full of spirit. She was my dad’s best friend and the day she died, something in him broke.
I punch in her birthday, and the red light finally flickers to green. “I’ve got to go, Nes.” But she already hung up. We are so talking about her psychic ways when she gets here next week. But for now?
I push the door open on well-oiled hinges. Beyond the doorway, the room sits in dusty darkness. The far windows are covered in curtains that belo
ng in the eighties. They are also the only curtains in the entire cabin.
I stand at the brink of entering, my body humming. Everything sits as it should be. Not a damn thing is out of place. My feet stay frozen at the threshold as my eyes drink everything in.
The last time I entered his room was not long after he moved out here. The woods terrified me. And the windows? They always gave me the creeps. I made a mad dash down here that very first night, crying and terrified of the woods.
I remember his words, his voice strong and sturdy, telling me, “Bean, look out those windows.” He lifted me up, walking me to the windows in question after I tried to hide under his bed. “You see darkness and shadow, but you must learn to look deeper to the magic beneath it all. To the spirit of the trees emerging from the earth, standing tall to protect you. Look to the forest bed where life crawls and thrives, keeping anyone who would do you harm away. There is magic in all things, little bean, if you only look hard enough. Come to bed now, tomorrow we will go on a magical scavenger hunt.”
I blink away the tears, remembering that day vividly. We hiked through the forest searching out fairy puppies, also known as roly-polies—the silver bugs that roll up when they’re touched. We also hunted griffins. We never saw any, so we sought out the gnomes he swore lived in these woods, the little creatures he called his kind. All along the way, he taught me the magic in nature.
He was right, Dad was always right. All I had to do was look deeper. Beneath the surface of what was visible. There, the magic lived.
“You knew.” I repeat Liam’s earlier sentiments. My dad moved to these woods years before the pack, and he stayed. “Chess.” He played a one-man chess game with his life and he lost.
My feet stay stuck to the floor as my eyes stray to his simple, twin-sized bed. Dark sheets lie in crisp corners, and the wooden headboard is covered in a layer of dust. Turning my head, I gaze at the desk to my left. The cherry wood is barely visible beneath mounds of papers. His shelf rises to the ceiling, unorganized and disheveled. Between it is his closet, the double doors kissing each other in closure.
