by Jill Sanders
“I know they shouldn’t matter to me.” He looked down at their joined hands.
“But they do,” she said softly and he nodded in agreement. “So call them yourself. Tell them what happened. Maybe they don’t know.”
He rolled his eyes. “My mother works at the library and usually hears the gossip before it’s on the morning news. My dad…” He looked up into her eyes. “Well, you know.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “Call your mother then. Something tells me…” She dropped off and shook her head.
“What?” he asked after a moment.
She sighed heavily and then blurted out, “I’ve always thought that it was your father keeping her from you.”
His eyebrows shot up at her words. “You think…” He shook his head in instant denial. His mother had been distant with him as far back as… He stopped and really thought about it.
In his earliest memories, his mother had been kind, caring. She’d gone out of her way to make him special treats every day for his school lunch. When his parents had fought, she’d sheltered him, comforted him, and assured him that everything was going to be okay.
Then he’d grown up. Gotten tired of her lies. Of the way his father had treated her. He’d grown mad at her for allowing his dad to do that to her, to him, to their family.
He remembered the day his mother’s attitude towards him had changed. It had been career day at his school, and Tommy Stephan’s father had talked to their class about being a cop for a career. He’d come home claiming he’d wanted to be a cop when he grew up.
“Since the day I decided to become a cop,” he said out loud.
“What?” Lea asked, causing him to blink from the memory.
“She changed the day I came home excited that I’d chosen my career as a cop.” He closed his eyes.
“She probably felt shame then and now,” Lea said after a moment of thought. “Not of your career choice but because she couldn’t protect you the way a mother should have.” Lea squeezed his hand lightly. “Call her. Even if she acts like she doesn’t care, at least she’ll know that you’re okay.”
He nodded and pulled out his cell phone. His mother picked up on the first ring. Her voice was soft as a whisper, just as it had been his entire life. Even when his father was standing over her, yelling at her and threatening her life and his, she’d spoken so softly sometimes he couldn’t hear her.
“Hi, Mom, I just, uh, wanted you to know that I’m okay. In case you saw the news today,” he said quickly.
“Oh, Brett, how nice of you to call,” she said in a cheerful tone. “Yes, I did see that. It’s so wonderful of you to check in. Your father and I were just sitting down to dinner. I’m afraid we can’t talk right now. Thank you for letting us know. Goodbye.”
She hung up before he could say anything else, leaving him to stare down at the phone.
“Well?” Lea asked.
“She… blew me off.” He tossed his phone down on the coffee table in disgust.
Once again, Lea took his hands in hers. “Sometimes people locked in relationships can’t always… articulate.” She sighed. “Was your father there?” she asked after another moment.
“Yes, she said they had just sat down for dinner.” He rolled his eyes. “She told me that they couldn’t talk right now. Like they don’t have time for me.”
Lea sighed and then shook her head. “You know, for a cop, you’re pretty dense.”
“What?” He frowned over at her.
“Your father was there,” she said slowly. “Of course, she couldn’t talk. She probably couldn’t even show that she was worried about you. In college, I had to take an entire course on how to spot abuse in patients.”
“Yeah, I had to as a law officer as well.”
“Then you must have skipped the class where they explained how the abuser controls their victims by separating them from everyone who cares about them. Sometimes the victims push away those they love to shelter them from their pain or to ensure that they themselves don’t become a victim,” she said slowly.
He felt his heart sink in his chest, and he had to swallow a lump in his throat.
“You think that my mother pushed me away because she was shielding me from my father?” he asked.
“Who knows your mother’s reasons. I’m just saying, you should give her the benefit of the doubt. She loves you, even if she can’t show it. Especially around your dad.” Lea hugged him.
“Can you stay?” he asked her after they’d finished cleaning up.
“I have the early morning shift at the hospital,” she said with a half groan.
“I can wake you up early.” He pulled her close to him and kissed her.
“I have a double shift tomorrow. I can stay for a while, but I should go home and get some sleep… after,” she said against his neck as he continued to rub his lips against her skin just under her ear. She groaned and then laughed when he tried to walk them back to his bedroom.
His apartment wasn’t as big or as nice as her place, but he was proud of his king-sized bed. He’d spent almost an entire month’s salary on the pillow top.
“Brett,” she said, an hour later, when they lay in each other’s arms, cooling off in the warm night air.
“Hm?” he asked, his hands lazily drawing circles on her lower back.
“Don’t give up on your mother.” She looked down at him.
“Never,” he answered with a smile.
“Good.” She leaned down and kissed him. “I’d better go.”
She rolled away from him and started to get dressed, and his body instantly missed her heat, her softness.
He wanted to reach for her, to pull her back down next to him. But he knew she had commitments.
“Want me to…” He started to roll out of bed.
“Nope, you lay right there.” She stopped pulling her shoes on and leaned in and kissed him on the lips. “Go to sleep. I’ll text you tomorrow when I have time.”
He took her hand and stopped her from walking away. “This.” He motioned between them. “I don’t want this to just be a once in a while thing.” He felt foolish. But there was no other way to explain to her how much this meant to him.
“Good, because I don’t do casual.” Lea smiled down at him. “We’ve known each other too long for that.”
“Which brings me to my other thought. If something were to go wrong with this.” He motioned between them again. “I don’t think I could lose you as a friend. No matter what, I want you in my life.”
She smiled and nodded, then bent down and kissed him again. “Sleep well.”
“Drive safe. Text me when you get home.” He watched her walk out.
Less than ten minutes later, he got her text that she was home safe.
He thought he’d fall asleep quickly after that. After all, he’d spent most of last night pleasing her and being pleased by her, then most of the day explaining what had happened with them. He should have been very tired. Instead, he stared up at the ceiling, thinking of her.
His thoughts turned to his mother and, as he drifted off, memories of how she’d changed from a loving, carrying woman to a cold, distant one played in his dreams.
When he woke, he felt more tired than he had before he fell asleep. Since he had no place to be for the day, he bummed around his apartment. After making dry toast from a loaf of bread that had been in his freezer, the only bit of groceries he had left in his apartment, he showered off. Then he spent an hour doing laundry and surfing the internet. Totally bored just before lunchtime, he grabbed his keys and hobbled out to drive to the library.
He didn’t know his mother’s schedule, but he knew that she worked most Saturdays. If she wasn’t there, he figured he could at least pick up a few good books to fill his time.
Living in a small town, he knew almost everything about everyone. Half the people he grew up with knew everything there was to know about him.
He could hardly remember a time when he hadn’t bumped into someo
ne and chatted with them when he went anywhere in town, even when he was just pumping gas.
That was the case today. The moment he stepped out of his car and started up the path to the library, he bumped into three people who stopped him and asked him questions about the other night.
“You’re quite the celebrity,” a couple of them told him. A few asked how he was doing physically. Some had even heard that he was going to quit the force to work at the camp.
By the time he walked into the library, he was feeling slightly drained. He saw his mother behind the counter and walked up to her.
“Morning,” he said as he searched her face, a face he’d known as well as his own. Yet it was as if he was seeing it for the first time. He saw the weariness in eyes that matched his almost perfectly. Weariness and a hint of fear. Normally, he wouldn’t have thought anything about her scanning the area when she saw him, but now, after what Lea had said last night, he realized what his mother was doing. She was checking to see if his father was anywhere in sight.
“Morning,” she replied softly.
“Do you have a moment?” he asked. “Is there someplace we can talk in private?”
She glanced around again, and he saw her relax slightly. “Sure.” She walked around the counter, and he followed her into a private reading room. The walls were glass, but the moment they stepped inside and the door shut, all sound from the outside was cut off.
“Are you okay?” his mother said, watching him move slowly to take a seat at the small conference table that sat in the middle of the room.
“I am.” He watched her, then he motioned for her to sit. She glanced out the windows before sitting down across from him, making a point to face the windows.
“Worried Dad will show up?” he asked, trying to hide the sarcasm in his tone.
“N-no,” she responded a little too quickly. “Just, I’m at work.”
“Right.” He nodded. “I won’t take up much of your time then.” He took a deep breath. “It’s been almost a full month since I was shot, and I’ve only seen you once in all that time.”
His mother’s eyes finally moved away from the glass wall and focused on her hands instead. All his life he could remember her fidgeting with her fingers. Not once did he think of the movement as anything other than just something she did. Now, however, he saw it for what it was. Fear and nerves.
Reaching across the table, he laid his hands over hers. “Mom?”
Her eyes moved up to his and, for a moment, he believed she was going to open up to him. But then she jerked her hands away and stood up.
“I… can’t.” She shook her head and straightened her shoulders. “I need to get back to work.” She moved to walk past him, but he took her hand and stopped her.
“Mom? What have I done to earn your contempt and disdain?” He felt his heart breaking a little that he would even have to ask his mother that question. Still, he’d bottled up his feelings for too long. If he could survive being shot, then he could survive hearing the answer.
It was as if his question had opened a portal and the kind-hearted, caring woman he remembered from his youth once more reappeared.
His mother’s entire body transformed from a rigid shield to something softer.
Her hand came up and rested on his face. “Oh honey, I’ve never stopped loving you. I never will. I’m so very proud of who you have become.” She smiled weakly and her eyes watered. “It’s just…” She glanced towards the doorway. “We can’t all be who we want. Some of us don’t have that freedom.”
“You could.” He laid his hand over hers.
He watched as her protective shield slipped on once more. Her spine straightened and her eyes grew more distant. The love he’d seen in her eyes disappeared, replaced by fear.
“No.” She removed her hand and dropped it to her side. “I can’t.”
With this, she turned and walked out of the room. When he made his way through the library, he noticed his mother was not behind the counter when he passed by. He was pretty sure that she was hiding somewhere, waiting for him to leave.
Instead of checking out books, as he had intended, he made his way back outside.
He wasn’t even slightly surprised to see his father leaning on his car in the parking lot. Every time he’d visited his mother in the past, somehow his father had always shown up during or after his visits.
He knew that if he didn’t play this right, his mother would be the one to pay the price for his little visit. Normally, he could lie and say he’d just been there to check out some books, but this time, he just didn’t have it in him. Nor did he have any books.
“Morning,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. He stopped by his car, knowing that his father wouldn’t move until he was done with whatever he wanted to say to him.
“So, now you’re a hero?” His father’s tone was snide.
“Nope, just someone who has learned not to take shit from assholes,” he said, making sure he had a solid footing on his right leg. Whatever came next, he wanted to be positive he could protect his left leg.
His father stood straight up quickly, coming inches from Brett. Normally, he wouldn’t have flinched. After all, they were in public, and he was slightly taller than his old man and in better shape. But now, with his injury, he felt his entire body tense. His father saw the move and a slow smile curved his lips.
“So, you’re with the Chinese woman?” his father taunted. So many times in the past, Brett had wanted to punch the man. But he knew the law and practiced extreme patience when it came to his father. There was no way he was going to let the man goad him into doing something stupid.
“She’s not from China. Nor is her family. But you know that,” he said in a low tone.
“No?” His father’s smile grew. “It’s so hard to tell them all apart,” he said with a dismissive shrug.
“It’s the twenty-first-century, Dad. Get with the times. Racism is antiquated. Only the uneducated separate the masses by the color of their skin, their religion, etcetera.” He leaned forward slightly and smiled. “Are you that ignorant?”
He saw his father’s fists clench as hatred filled his eyes.
“What are you doing here, son?” His father’s voice rose.
“Here?” He glanced around as if realizing where he was for the first time. “Oh.” He smiled. “Visiting my mother.” His father’s eyes heated even further. “It’s not against the law. Seeing one’s mother.”
“She doesn’t want to see you. Neither of us do,” his father barked out.
Brett chuckled. “Yeah, apparently you’ve trained her well.” He narrowed his eyes. “Or scared her enough that she’d turn her only child away.” He shrugged. “Either way, she made your wishes perfectly clear.” He tried to stay in line, but his father had a way of agitating him. He hated that his mother would pay the price for his short visit, either by a verbal attack or by a physical one. No matter what, one thing had been made clear to him over the years—whatever his father did to her, she would never betray or leave him. Not even for her son.
That thought had his stomach turning.
Brett started to move past his father, but the man took a step to block his move.
“Stay away from us,” his father said in a low voice. “We don’t agree with your beliefs.”
“What? That all people deserve to be on the same planet as you?” he asked. A few people had stopped to watch them at this point.
One thing had been clear his entire childhood—his father hated causing a scene in public. His entire life, his dad had kept his fights to the privacy of their own home.
“Not everyone is created equal,” his father replied in a low voice.
Brett smiled. “At least we finally have something we can agree on. Lea and her family are far superior to you,” he said. He easily slipped past him this time and climbed into his car.
As he drove away, he glanced in the rearview mirror. His father stood on the sidewalk, fists clenched and fire in his
eyes.
That was the first time Brett felt like he’d won an argument with his father, and it felt so good. Riding on a high, he figured he’d swing by the camp for a celebratory lunch and maybe a dip in the pool.
Chapter 15
Lea tried to push past everyone’s concerns and comments about the viral video of her and Brett ignoring the four racist men. So many of her coworkers urged her to get online and look at some of the comments, but she knew already what most of them would say.
More than half would be encouraging while a few hate-filled comments from trolls and haters would slip through the line of well-wishers. She just didn’t have the energy or time to wade through it all.
She was surprised when halfway through her first shift, Carl and Steven showed up at the nurse’s station, looking for her.
“Hi.” She smiled at the two officers. She’d dealt with enough of the men and women on the police force to know most of them by name. Carl and Steven had been friends with Brett, and she’d hung out with Carl and his wife, Kayla, a few times during one of Brett’s many game nights.
“Hi there, Dr. Val.” Carl smiled at her. “Got a second to chat?”
“Sure.” She motioned for the men to follow her into one of the private consultation rooms. She shut the door and moved over to sit down. One thing she’d learned early on in her career was that when you get a chance to sit down, you take it. Especially if you were working a double shift. “What’s up?”
Carl set a folder down in front of her. “Just need your Hancock on the official report from the other night. Two of the men, Robbie Dixon and Larry Ryan, are being charged with aggravated assault and hate crimes. The other two just with hate crimes. Witnesses claim only Robbie and Larry physically assaulted Brett.”
“One of the men in blue shirts,” Lea started, “the blond one, grabbed Brett’s cane, but the red shirt…”
“Robbie,” Carl supplied.
“Robbie took it from him before hitting Brett,” she finished.
“Right.” Carl nodded. “That’s what witnesses claim, as well as what the video shows.” Carl shook his head and sighed heavily. “I’d like to say this thing doesn’t happen often, but lately, well, we’re seeing more and more of it.” He glanced over at Steven. “This might be a tough one to push through since Robbie’s grandfather is a judge.”
