“I gather by his blonde looks, he’s adopted too?”
“Yes, when Cullen was five years old. Patrick heard about a young boy roaming the alleys of nearby Ellsworth. His mother, a soiled dove in a rough house, had died and no one took care of her son.
“We decided it was our family mission to find Cullen, but it took bribes of sandwiches and the older boys tackling him to get the wild child back to Clear Creek. He fought us for most of his growing years, mad at the world, and his mother.”
“Seems like a solid, happy man now.”
“Yes, thanks to his loving wife, Rose, and finding out the truth about his parents. Charlie Moore, Cullen’s birth father, arrived in Clear Creek a few years back and put Cullen’s tortured past to rest.”
Cullen wasn’t the only one with a past that haunted him. And Barton knew he had to find a way to accept his to move on with his life.
“How are your brothers and friends settling into town?”
What should he say? He sensed they all had misgivings as he had.
“Hard to say since we seem to be drifting apart at the moment. We were all excited about living here together but now…” Each man had spoken or shown signs of displeasure or worry.
“Do you feel like a mother whose children are wanting to leave the nest and she’s trying to gather them closer? A father who worries that his children are making mistakes instead of listening to you?”
“Yeah, I guess that sums up part of my worries. I’ve been in charge of them most of my life.”
“And now they see opportunities, that might reach beyond Clear Creek?”
“In Gordon’s case, yes. The Taylors can’t decide what to do with their store and Gordon’s thinking about looking for another employment elsewhere.”
“It’s a free country. Maybe he needs some time to travel, see beyond Kansas’ borders. The train runs both ways in and out of Clear Creek.
“How about the others and their jobs?”
“Squires is happy crawling up anywhere Mack points to. Peter’s content with the barbershop and his customers. And any day Tobin can spend with animals makes him, well, annoyingly chipper.”
“What about Wesley at the hotel?”
“Seems to be doing okay. If something’s bothering Wesley, he’ll keep it to himself until he works it out in his mind.”
“You haven’t mentioned how the prospective brides fit into all this.”
“Still enjoying getting together as a group, I guess. Amelia and I don’t always meet with them now.”
“Even though us women pushed you couples together, we don’t expect it to work out that way. Some may never marry or wed someone a decade later like Reuben Shepard did. Not everyone wants a mate, but they do need a sense of family or community. I do hope we’ve provided that opportunity to the six of you.”
Barton thought of how well the community had accepted them, giving them a chance. It actually was going well he had to admit.
“So, what is really bothering you this evening? Letting go of the past, or worried about the future? Possibly with Amelia?”
Barton stayed silent, trying to decipher what was churning his insides.
“Are you wanting to explore on your own now that you don’t have five others depending on you?”
“Maybe, for a fleeting second, but I’ve given my word to Kiowa that I’ll eventually buy the blacksmith shop. I worry how I’m going to pay for it though.”
“That should be the worry of every responsible man. That means you’ll work hard to obtain your goal.”
“And if it doesn’t work out?” Barton had a terrible fear of failing, maybe from seeing his own father’s fiasco at taking care of his family.
“You acknowledge some things are out of your control and you find another way to put food on the table for your family.”
“How can I ask Amelia to marry me when I don’t have faith in myself?”
There, he’d said the real reason for his misgivings. He wanted the best for Amelia.
“I don’t know, Barton. Only you can figure that out.
“But, I’d like to point out that both the man and woman say vows at their wedding. Nonetheless, you’ll both fail each other many times over the years, say things you should never have said out loud, maybe even hurt the other’s hearts until you swear they can’t be repaired.
“But. If you live by your vows, you’ll get through almost anything. You need to remember that Amelia will be responsible for your marriage too, just as much as you are. And if you can’t talk to her about your worries now, you shouldn’t be thinking about asking for her hand in marriage.”
And Barton was back to wondering if he was good enough to be Amelia’s husband.
Barton rubbed the back of his neck, realizing the problem. He was feeling guilty because his brothers weren’t settled yet and he wanted to build a future with Amelia.
Chapter 14
"Hey, Amelia! Come sit with me for a minute! I need help with these kittens!" Amelia heard Tobin call from inside the livery as she walked by. She backtracked her steps to look inside the open interior, spying Tobin sitting on the dirt floor with a pile of squirming, crying young kittens. He was trying to get them to drink milk from a saucer he'd pushed into the earthen floor. The kitten's paws and faces dripped milk as they tumbled around, crying with their unquenched hunger.
"Where's the mama cat?" Amelia asked as she fished her handkerchief out of her pocket and sat down beside Tobin. She picked up one dark gray kitten, dried it off with her hankie, then cupped the kitten upside down against her body. The kitten's eyes were open, but it still didn't look more than three, maybe four-weeks-old.
Amelia twisted a corner of the cloth and dipped it into the milk before quickly moving it to the kitten's crying mouth. The baby caught on and sucked the cloth to get the moisture out.
"Huh. I'll have to do that, although the biggest gray-striped kitten seems to have figured out drinking from the saucer now."
"Again, where's the mama?"
"Don't know. I'm afraid something happened to her. I knew there was a nest of kittens in the hayloft, but I'd let them be. Then they started crying so loud I had to climb up there and rescue them. Poor little babies!"
Amelia smiled as she watched Tobin trying to corral the five remaining kittens. As typical with barn cats, they were a mixture of colors. Two solid gray, one black, one white, and two a mixture of stripes in their gray-brown fur.
Tobin was such a kindhearted man, wanting to take care of his friends and all the creatures he encountered. Amelia hoped he found happiness moving to Clear Creek.
"What are you going to do with all these kittens now?" Amelia asked as she watched her hungry kitten suck on the soaked cloth.
"I need to find them homes. They aren't safe to stay here at such a young age. You want that one?" Tobin pointed with his head since he had a kitten in each hand, trying to get them to drink out of the saucer without drowning them.
"I have two dogs at home, so no thanks."
But then she thought of how lonely Barton seemed to be without his needing to take care of his brothers.
"I'll take one over to Barton though. I think he could use a pet."
"You're right. We don't see him as much as we used too. Most of us guys still get together with the Brenner girls to play cards, but he's not automatically along since he moved to the blacksmith. But I assume that's because he's spending time with you?"
Amelia felt safe admitting it to Tobin.
"Yes, but maybe not as much as I'd like him to. He's worried about getting the blacksmith shop up and running. And worried about the rest of you," Amelia admitted.
"Us? We have homes and jobs now. We're fine, thanks to him. Well, except Gordon's situation."
"Why is Barton worried about all of you, Tobin? He knows you're all grown men, but yet he can't seem to...step out of your lives and let you make your own decisions, good or bad," Amelia asked.
"It all goes back to his vow when we followed him onto that orph
an train almost twenty years ago," Tobin sighed. "He promised he'd keep us together and protect us."
"Well, I wish he'd change his loyalty to me," Amelia slipped, and then realized what she'd said. "Oh, I'm sorry, Tobin. I should never have said that out loud."
"It's okay. I wish he would too because I wouldn't feel obligated to do what I think he wants me to do."
"He only wants what's best for you, Tobin."
"I know. But I'm a grown man, with my own job and house now. And if I don't find a woman to love me as I am, I know I can count on you and many others as new lifelong friends. I'm happy with the horses, mules, kittens.
"Even with Mr. Boyle. I love spending time with him as he reminisces about his life here. I want to build those same memories in Clear Creek."
"I'm glad you moved to town, Tobin."
"I hate to be nosy, but do you love Barton? I think he loves you but is afraid to tell you."
Did she love Barton? And in a way that could mean a lifetime commitment to him?
She thought of her parent's marriage, how strong it was now, but knowing it was a struggle at times because of their previous spouses. No one knew what fate would bring their way but building a strong bond with the right man would help them weather situations that were bound to come their way during the decades.
"Yes, I do, and I need to find a way to convince him we're right for each other."
"Maybe, for starters, Barton needs a baby girl kitten to take care of instead of us five grown men?" Tobin nodded to the sleeping kitten curled up against her chest. Her tiny tummy was full, and she was warm and content against Amelia's body.
"I think that might be a good plan, Tobin. Thank you for our new pet."
"Our pet? I thought you were giving it to Barton."
"I think he'll need help taking care of this baby, don't you?"
"Ah. Scheming already. I like that," Tobin agreed as he scooted up on his knees and carefully put the kittens in a wooden crate he had beside him. All the kittens were quiet and falling asleep until they awoke hungry again.
"Who else are you going to give kittens to, Tobin?" Amelia asked as she rose from the ground and dusted off the back of her skirt with one hand while still carefully cradling the kitten with her other hand.
"Not sure, except at least one kitten to the Brenner girls. Molly's still moping about leaving the ranch. Thought taking care of a kitten or two would help her."
Amelia noticed Tobin's face blushed a slight pink when he said Molly's name in reverence. Did the man like Molly? They had their love of animals in common, but would Tobin ever take the chance to court the middle Brenner girl?
She thought about asking Barton about it but then dropped that idea. Her plan was to have Barton think about their future, not to continue worrying about his brothers and friends.
"Thank you for the kitten, Tobin. We'll take good care of it," Amelia said as she walked back toward the open doorway. She'd take the kitten to Barton now. Maybe by the time it was weaned Amelia would be moving in to live with Barton and...
Amelia lifted the kitten's face to look at it better. She had a single smudge of white fur above her right eye. Kind of like the smudge of gray ash or black soot Barton would have wiped across his forehead with his arm while he worked and sweated in the smithy.
"Baby Smudge, I think it's time to meet your new caretaker. He needs you as much as you need him."
***
"Hello!"
Barton turned to see Amelia standing in the sunlight streaming in the doors of the smithy. She always waited until she knew he was at a stopping point before getting his attention. He wished some of his customers were as courteous as she was.
"Hey! What brings you this way during the middle of the morning?" Barton wiped his shirt sleeve across his face to clean the sweat from his eyes.
What was she holding close to her chest? A movement of gray fur caught his attention.
"I brought you a present, that you have to keep since it's a gift," Amelia announced as she walked up to him and opened her hands for him to see the sleeping kitten.
Barton raised his eyebrows, giving her a polite, but otherwise "what for" stare.
"Why do I need a kitten, Amelia?"
"It's more that Smudge—this cute, helpless little kitten—needs someone to take care of her. And since you have space and time..."
"No, no. I won't be in charge of a cat—"
"And I'd come over to help take care of her..."
Barton couldn't help the slow smile he felt cross his face as Amelia grinned up at him while wiggling her eyebrows.
Amelia was using the kitten as a way to worm her way into his life? Well, maybe he needed to let that happen. All morning he’d been wrestling with the questions he had after his talk with Kaitlyn last night.
One piece of advice had rotated through his mind enough times he had it memorized.
If you live by your vows, you’ll get through almost anything. You need to remember that Amelia will be responsible for your marriage too, just as much as you are. And if you can’t talk to her about your worries now, you shouldn’t be thinking about asking for her hand in marriage.
“How about I take a break, and we go into my quarters to make a bed for my new kitten then?”
He inwardly smiled as Amelia thought she’d won him over. And it was okay that she did. They needed to talk about a possible future together, even if it was while playing “house” with a kitten.
"Make the two of you at home while I clean up," Barton opened the door and let Amelia walk into his home. He used the boot jack by the door to take off his boots before entering himself, then headed onto the bathing room to wash his face and arms.
Barton listened to Amelia's soft baby talk to the kitten, wondering what it would be like for her to be talking to their firstborn like that.
He waited for his gut to clench in worry and then realized his body relaxed instead. Having Amelia in his home, pretending to be his wife with their child felt right.
Maybe he was finally ready to move forward with his own life? Time to ask if Amelia felt the same way.
"You know, unless you're going to spend a lot of time here, or take Smudge to work with you, she's going to be lonely while I'm working."
"True. Maybe I should have brought a second kitten home too?"
Was Amelia starting to think about this place as a possible home for herself?
Time to ask her.
“Amelia, what do you think of me?” Barton blurted out before he lost his nerve.
Amelia turned from the kitchen table where she’d been stuffing a towel into a wooden crate for the kitten’s bed.
She started to speak, but then she stopped and stared at him as if trying to figure out why he asked. Amelia placed the kitten in the box and walked over to stand in front of him, folding her arms in front of her, then switching her mind, placing them behind her instead.
"What do I think about you? I think the Barton Miller I've come to know over the past weeks is a kind, respectable man.
"I admire your work ethic, dedicating yourself to the opportunity Kiowa, and this town, has given you. Your loyalty to your brothers and friends shows you could become a solid helpmate and a loving father to future children."
Barton, looked down, silently soaking in her praise, wondering if it was enough to ask another question.
"And my flaws? What do you think about them? How can I make myself a better person?" he asked as he looked up.
"Every person has a few flaws, but that doesn't mean every flaw they have is bad. Just makes something different. But you don't have the flaw of being vain, or uncaring.
"Maybe your flaw is not realizing you can let go of the control you've imposed on yourself to protect others?"
"Yeah, a wise woman known for carrying a peashooter gave me some advice about that last night," Barton confessed.
"With or without her reticule raised?" Amelia asked with an arched brow.
"Kaitlyn's reticule wasn't
in sight, thankfully."
"And your conclusion?"
"I am releasing myself from my promise to my brothers and friends because they are grown men, not boys I need to protect and guide anymore."
Barton relished the respect and love shining in Amelia's eyes.
"A good choice. Anything else you've thought of while mulling over your worries?"
"I need to tell you I'm in love with you and pray you feel the same way," Barton asked before holding his breath for her answer.
"I must confess I've fallen in love with you, too," Amelia said, but she walked back to the box to stroke the kitten's tiny head.
Barton let out a frustrated sigh, knowing Amelia moved away to make him state what he wanted from her.
Was he ready to open up his life, to share it with someone else? Yes, and the only person who he wanted to stand beside him through his lifetime was standing there patiently waiting on his decision.
Maybe impatiently, looking at how Amelia was hollowing in her cheeks to keep from speaking her mind.
Barton took a deep breath, walked up to Amelia, took her hand and led her back to the living room settee. After she sat down and looked up at him, he dropped to one knee in front of her.
The look of pure anticipation and excitement on Amelia’s face told Barton he was about to ask the right question.
“Miss Amelia Shepard, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“Yes!” Amelia cried as she launched her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss that almost toppled him over.
“Okay, okay! Don’t injure your future husband. I need to be able to work to provide for us!” Barton laughed as he pulled himself up on the settee beside Amelia.
“How soon can we marry? All I have to do is move over my clothing, well, and a few other things,” Amelia gushed, her face beaming pink with excitement.
“First, I need to ask your father for permission.”
“He’ll say yes. What else?”
“Buy you a wedding ring.”
“Ask Kiowa for one. He likes to make jewelry in his spare time.”
“Okay. We’ll talk to Pastor about a wedding date.”
Amelia rubbed her tongue against her top teeth. He noticed she did that when she was in deep thought.
Amelia Changes her Fellow Page 9
