Neither This Nor That Box Set 1

by MariaLisa deMora

  “What’s she needin’ protection from? From where I sit, it kinda looks like from you, if that shitty expression ain’t lyin’.” He waited, hoping Wrench would rise to the top of the pond for the lure resting there. The man opened his mouth and then closed it before squeezing his eyes shut, stupidly blinding himself in the presence of an enemy. Offering a trust Twisted wasn’t sure he wanted. He braced, because whatever he was about to hear had hurt this man in profound ways, and he suspected it wouldn’t go any easier hearing than saying it. There wasn’t any way he could be ready for what he was about to hear, however.

  “Known her all my life. We both grew up around the CoBos. Like an annoying little sister, she was always around, always up in my shit, giving as good as she got. Bagger, her uncle, was cool about it, but he loved that she wasn’t afraid to jack with anyone. He egged her on, taught her she was invincible, because, with his backing, there wasn’t anyone gonna fuck with Penny.” Wrench shook his head. “Called her his princess, and we both know what that means around a club. Wrong lesson, but he couldn’t have known. Got her a bike, taught her to ride. Fuck, man, she looks as at home on her bobber as she does driving Bagger’s truck.” Cutting his gaze to Twisted’s face, he paused a minute before continuing, eyes again directed towards the toes of his boots.

  “I had a thing for her.”

  Twisted made a noise. He couldn’t stop it because that past-tense statement was a declarative lie. “No had about it.” Might as well push this into the light, shine some understanding on it now.

  “Have,” Wrench agreed with a single word but then rocked Twisted back on his heels. “Wanted better for her. Want better. Wanted to keep her, somehow. Some part of her, anything to keep her in my life. I was afraid I’d fuck it up, lose her in every way. Talked to Bagger one night, probably six years ago. Figured out he wanted better for her, too. That knowledge sliced deep. The man was like family. He was a second old man to me. Finding out he didn’t see me with Penny? That shit hurt worse than anything I could have imagined. But, you know what? He was right. If I had gone there and fucked it up?” He laughed softly. “Penny can hold a mean grudge. So I lost a chance that wasn’t mine to begin with but gained a little sister. Love her to death, man.” Twisted made a noncommittal noise.

  “Then Bagger got killed. The club looked into it, found out the details on what happened.” He glanced up at Twisted again before letting his gaze fall back to the parking lot with a heavy sigh. “Heard what you did a couple weeks ago. Grateful, Twisted. I appreciate it. The whole club appreciates it, man. It was way too long coming, but CoBos didn’t have any kind of opening to make the same play.” Silently Twisted tipped his chin.

  “But, you didn’t have the whole story. Still don’t.” Those words stopped the breath in Twisted's throat because they were discussing Penny, and if he didn’t have the whole story and the story he had was all about Bagger, then what didn’t he have? That shit seemed to hold his Penny inside, and even as he prayed the man would shut up, he willed Wrench to keep talking.

  “If you knew the whole story…Jesus. After seeing the way you are with her, and knowing what went down? I know you don’t.” Lifting his chin, Wrench stared directly at Twisted’s face. “You’d have made it rain blood, man. You wouldn’t have stopped with just the trigger man. You’d’ve pulled that weed out by the fucking roots. Dug deep, blood welling around every shovelful of shit you uncovered.” Twisted’s spine straightened, shoulders pulling back even as his hands balled into fists, nails cruelly digging into his palms.

  Wrench informed him, “It’s a fucked-up mess. Fucked up. FUBAR, and I didn’t have a fucking clue what she was going through. Not until four goddamned hours ago. Not that first clue. No one knew what she was planning, so she executed it without any backup in place.” He paused and Twisted heard the dry click of Wrench’s throat when he swallowed. “Paid the ultimate price a woman can pay.”

  Teeth clenched, Twisted felt those words wrap around him, strangling him because he knew exactly what that meant. Remembered her sweetness. The charming naivety. Her unconscious sensuality. Heard his own words to her, I ain’t your first. “That mean what I think?” No more than a growl, the question broke from him, his tone low and deadly.

  Without breaking the stare, Wrench nodded, uncaring his broken emotions were on full display.

  Quiet, intense, Twisted ordered, “Tell me what you know.”

  ***

  After Wrench was done talking, Twisted turned on his heel and stalked away. Down the line of trucks, out past where the lights stopped shining, trudging out to where he could look up and see stars. Mind racing a hundred miles an hour, again and again he ran over the facts Wrench had given him, coming up to the same conclusion every time. I’d have done the same.

  He couldn’t fault her, couldn’t hold it against her, even as he wondered who it was. That was the one thing Wrench held back, said the name didn’t matter, just Penny did. Twisted couldn’t argue against that, and if he were honest, he was better off not knowing the who, because knowing the what was hard enough.

  I was the first in her bed to hold her. He knew his time with her meant he was probably her first in so many ways, just not that one. He could set that aside, her losing her virginity in that manner was like writing in the sand, the letters and words present in one moment, washed away by the power of the Gulf in the next. It didn’t mean the writing hadn’t existed, was just transient in a way that left a temporary impression.

  Her and me? Carved in stone.

  Chapter Ten

  Penny

  Bit by bit Penny woke, the familiar rumble of the diesel engine and whine of the transmission creating a quiet blanket of white noise that had led to some of the best sleep she’d had in months. She rolled and stretched, feeling the sway of the cab as the wheels crossed the painted lines on the road, noise changing briefly. Hands over her head, she reached for the end wall and flattened her palms there, pressing, tightening her muscles and stretching again. Relaxing back into the mattress, she listened to see if Bagger was traveling with friends, their chatter over the CB radio an assistance in staying awake. She’d be able to tell from his voice how tired he was, and with…him…being so…

  Her brain stuttered to a stop, events of the past months crashing back into her and she rolled onto her side to face the back of the bunk, knees tucked tight to her chest. Choking back one sob threatening to break free, she had to swallow another before she could clamp down on the pain. She felt movement in the vehicle, and her eyes flew open, belatedly remembering Ty and Bell had been in the truck last night. Remembering their battle. Remembering Bell holding her, touching her, kissing her until she lost her mind, his hands roaming her body with unfettered access.

  As she was lifting up to look over her shoulder, a body fitted itself to her back. Heat and hardness enveloped her, an arm curving over her and across her belly, pulling her tight to the man’s chest at her back. Lips hit her neck, along with the teasing brush of a beard, while a gruff voice asked her, “Sleep okay, darlin’?”

  Bell. She licked her lips, carefully asking the obvious, “Who’s driving? Ty?” Rolling away from him to her stomach, she lifted up on her elbows and had just started to move to a sitting position when she found herself yanked back down. His arms tightened around her, drawing in against him. In such close proximity, she couldn’t help herself. The scent and feel of him was everywhere and with closed eyes, she nuzzled his chest.

  “You went to sleep fast last night, Penny. Exhausted. You were beat, more than a single run’s worth of tired.” His voice, pitched low for privacy, rumbled around her. With emphasis, he asked again, “Did you sleep okay?” A hand slowly smoothed up and down her back, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt, glancing across her bare skin, leaving trails of heat in their wake.

  Forget that. I need to ignore what I let him do to me last night, and everything will be okay. Disregard everything. Her thoughts weren’t hopeful so much as despairing, because if he did
n’t move away, there would be no way she could ignore him. Focus on the question. “Is Ty driving?” She knew he could drive a rig, but in the days they’d traveled together, both this trip and others, he hadn’t offered, so she assumed he hadn’t wanted the responsibility or had the proper credentials. “Where are we?” She had an appointment at the dock to unload, and if she were late, there’d be penalties and fees taken off her trip payout. “What time is it?”

  His fingers stilled, and she felt him pull back slightly, knew he was looking down at her, but she refused to look up. Her eyes open, she stared at his upper torso, the neckline of his shirt pulled out of whack, one collarbone and part of his chest exposed. Tattoos with a sprinkling of hair showed on the skin she could see. A lot of tattoos, which she’d remembered, because his ink looked so striking, but she hadn’t had the time to study them before. I’d like to learn every inch of him, she thought, then dismissed the idea. Without intent, her subconscious tested her resolve and her head dipped forwards, the tip of her nose traveling through the air only a fraction of an inch above his skin. Stop it. She pushed against him, moved back, gaining an inch, which he promptly reclaimed, and his arms tightened around her again.

  “We’re about thirty minutes outside of Sherman. And, yeah, Wrench is drivin’. He said there’s a truck stop near your delivery that we’ll hit, fill up the thermos and grab a bite. Two hours before the paperwork says you gotta be backed in and ready.” He paused, and she felt him grow even more still where he was pressed up against her. She tested the waters again with another push, scooching down on the mattress a little to gain leverage. “Will you knock that off? Jesus.” He yanked her back up, this time putting her face even with his neck.

  She remembered he liked her mouth on him there when he’d had her on top. With his cock inside her and his hands first lifting her ass up, then pulling her body down firmly as he moved underneath her. Bell had thrust deep, to the root, rocking her forwards over his torso and she’d taken the chance to bend down, kiss his chest, then up his neck. He liked her teeth and lips so much he'd granted her the knowledge of how he sounded when he wanted more. Bell's throat had produced a series of long, low groans, his head rocking back into the pillows while she'd tongued and kissed his skin. He’d liked it. Told her so, told her she was, “A good girl.”

  His chin dipped, bringing his lips into view. They were curled up, lifting the corners of his mouth, the beard moving to accommodate. She lost the view of much of his neck, hidden behind his beard, but still saw the notch between his collarbones. The top edge of a tattoo skirted along the bones, lines and color covering more skin than showed through the neck of his shirt. Her palms were flattened against his chest, keeping the tiny bit of separation she’d gained. “Darlin’.” His lips moved, the word so gentle it was scarcely audible.

  “Why are you here?” Last night she’d been so addled by the blow to the back of her head, she hadn’t asked that question. Hadn’t even thought it. Just knew she wanted to see Bell. She wanted to see him, had wished for him, and Bell showed up. Like magic. Wish granted. Things happened, and he locked them in the truck and made her come with his hand. Over her jeans. Mouth on her breasts. Then he’d held her until she went to sleep. Her dreams had been filled with him over the past weeks, but now he was here, back with her, going bare-fisted against a man she’d known since they were kids, in some caveman display of ownership. “Bell? Why were you looking for me?”

  He rolled to his back, taking her with him so she was draped across his upper body. Her hands slipped to the mattress to support her weight, and one of his arms imprisoned her, pulling her down against him. The other went to shove pillows behind his head and then settled on his chest just in front of her. “You ever know someone addicted? Alcohol or drugs?” She stared at him a moment, then when he continued to wait patiently, decided it was a real question.

  “Yeah. Why?” What does this have to do with my question?

  “Seen the havoc it can wreak on their lives? How it starts out slow, a want instead of a need at that point. But then it grows, becomes that need. All they can think about, even if they don’t talk about it all the time, it’s always there.” His hand lifted, palm cupping her jaw, thumb slipping along the edge of her cheekbone and back again in an infinitely tender touch. One she wanted to commit to memory, holding it against the time when he’d leave again. “Obsession sets in. They start to be consumed by whatever it is they’re addicted to. Doesn’t have to be a substance, either. You know that?” She nodded, careful not to dislodge his touch because she so liked what he was doing to her. His other arm had loosened when she’d stopped resisting, and the fingers of that hand were drawing circles on her back. Circles, loops, occasionally changing to long arcing sweeps, but the pressure and sensation were constant. He’d done the same their first night together, touching her frequently, running his hands across her skin as if to reassure himself she was there. She liked that, too. The touching, the fact he enjoyed it as much as she did.

  “Sex, power, money. Everything’s tied to chemicals in the brain, and what gives the most pleasure is what becomes the focus. For some folks, all it takes is the tiniest taste, and they’re hooked.” His thumb paused its movement, fingers gripping her jaw. As he spoke, the muscles in his face had tightened, a jumping, pulsing beat in his jaw showing in between spoken phrases when she guessed he was clenching his teeth tightly. His next word was pushed out, a captive forced into the air of the bunk, truck still swaying along its way down the road. “Addicted.” Angling her neck, she rested her cheek on his chest, seeing his face change with her movement. When she settled her head on him, his entire countenance softened. He dropped the guard he’d been holding over the past couple of minutes, everything about him telling her how much he liked that simple action.

  The sound of the truck engine shifted as the vehicle sped up, changing lanes again, the noise of the car they were passing growing and then fading before she heard the soft shup-shup as they crossed the painted lines again.

  The quiet spell stretched and grew, but it wasn’t uncomfortable; it was just them, being together without talking. Bell sighed, the movement of his chest lifting her head and torso and she grinned, so he did it again, larger, on purpose, turning a smile her direction in response to her expression. That look bled away, leaving him pensive, seeming a little anxious and she wondered at that. Then when he spoke, she realized he had been answering her question all along.

  “I’m addicted to you, Penny Dane. All I can do is think about you. Wonder if you’re okay.” His eyes cut left, towards the closed curtains separating the bunk from the cab. “Even when I shouldn’t, when I have shit to take care of, I can’t keep you outta my mind.” His beard rustled as he shook his head. “My focus is lost. I’m adrift, darlin’.” He looked back at her and the lines at the corners of his eyes spoke of pain. “Without you, I’m only half breathin’. Felt like something was missing, so I set my boys to watch you. Caught up to you. Wanted to prove to myself it weren’t nothing. Saw you from across that lot. Fuckin’ saw you. Wanted you. It tore my heart apart just seein’ you. You boppin’ to some fuckin’ tune in your head, pretty and good. My sweet Penny.” He shook his head again.

  “Didn’t want to fuck you up. And I will. I can promise you. I can fuck up a sure thing that don’t mean squat all day long. I’ll most assuredly fuck up something that matters so much.” His thumb glided across her cheek, down and back, soft and slow. “Boys told me you put a man in your truck.” The fingers on her back contracted, digging deep, holding on. “My Penny.” Those words were growled. His lips barely moved, but his chest resonated with the sound. “Got my ass to where I hoped like fuck you’d be. And you were.” He sighed again, eyes closing briefly, palm flattening on her back. His voice was gentle when he whispered, “My Penny.”

  Gaze back on her, staring into her eyes, he looked confused and sad. The expression wasn’t easy to read. She couldn’t decide what it meant until he said, “I didn’t know what it wa
s until you said what you did last night. But like with everything, you already knew the truth, didn’t you?” He paused, and she lay still, not sure what he was asking. “Telling me you loved me, too, proving you already knew what was happenin’ to me.”

  She froze in place. Oh, shit. Did I say that? Her brain must have been more addled than she thought. It only took a moment before he barked a harsh laugh, pulling her attention back to him. “Fuck me.” Turning away, looking towards the curtains again, he swallowed hard. “Sleep talkin’.” He snorted a laugh that sounded no less painful. “Me layin’ myself out there, and you don’t even know what you said.”

  “Truth doesn’t always require conscious thought,” she told him, astonished at her mouth moving. Go with it, reassure him. “You need me to say it again in the broad light of day?” She waited for a beat. Then screwing up all her courage, she told him, “I can’t get away from you in my head, Bell. You call it addicted? Yeah, I can see that.” She nodded, feeling his hand moving, palm slipping along her jaw, fingers threading through her short hair. “I’d rather call it love.”

  His hands shifted to her sides, slipping under her arms and he pulled, tugging her up his body so she rested on his chest. His hands moved up to cradle her face, palm to each cheek, fingers curving around her head, holding her immobile. His eyes were fixed on her, darting across her features, and his attention was solely focused on her. Her face was reflected in his eyes, but he was all she could see. He drew her head down to him, lifting his lips to meet hers in a soft, wet kiss that was so good her toes curled, digging into the mattress. “You love me?” he asked with his lips pressed to hers, the tip of his tongue slipping out, caressing her mouth.