Neither This Nor That Box Set 1

by MariaLisa deMora

  “So I got to thinkin’ what would happen if you didn’t do relationships, if he was right, and realized what the fuck did I know? I didn’t have a goddamned clue what I was doin’, but I’d never seen you with anyone serious, so it sounded possible. There was a tone to it, the way he said it, like you not doin’ a relationship made sense. That meant you’d be scrapin’ me off sooner or later, and if Ace had heard me talking about us and was gonna call me to church, if I could say we weren’t a thing, weren’t in whatever we were in, and it wouldn’t be a lie…then maybe I could keep something.” Broad shoulders heaved under Lewis’ touch, and his heart clenched for the pain in Ty’s voice. “Keep something, because I knew Crissy was yours. She was yours first, so if there wasn’t an us, then there couldn’t be a her and me. Why would she pick me when she could have you?”

  Fuck. I didn’t have any idea. Lewis tipped his head to press against Ty’s, embracing him just a little harder, trying to hold him together. I got you, baby. I’ll always have you.

  Ty laughed, the sound broken and tired. “I was afraid, all right? Fucked in the head from what he told me, and I freaked out. Freaked out and fucked up. Scared of losing you, of losing her, of losing the club. So I picked, or I tried to. I picked the club for me, and Crissy for you. I didn’t want you to…I don’t know. I didn’t want to wait for you to drop me, set me aside because you didn’t do relationships. Because what if it was just sex to you? What did that leave me? The club.” Chest tight, Lewis empathized, because he understood Ty’s reasoning far too well. Ty’s voice dropped to a rasp, and Lewis felt a renewed stirring against his hip, Ty’s cock fattening at whatever was going through his head. A breath later, he understood. “So, when I went down on you, and you were into it…Fuck, you were so goddamned into it, I loved hearing you, seeing you. Knowing I was the one doin’ that to you, causin’ you to make those noises, I fuckin’ loved that. No lies there, brother…” He trailed off slowly, and Lewis waited, rewarded finally by the softly-spoken, “lover.” Yes. Sweet nothings didn’t come easily to Ty, and him using that word in the midst of this painful story spoke volumes to how he felt. He ain’t runnin’.

  Ty didn’t pause, the words rushing out of him now. “I loved it. Fuckin’ loved it. No lies there. But there was this minute. This single instant of time, when you were coaching me along, and it all sounded so…mechanical. Do this, do that, we’ll get off, race to the finish line, and ta-dah.” Ty shrugged, his muscles moving under Lewis’ hands. “Like something you’d done a thousand times before and would do another thousand after you kicked me to the curb. All I could hear was that motherfuckin’ asshole, and he was in my head, man. Stuck like a song you can’t get rid of, about to drive you out of your mind. His voice, his words, everything he said, it just…that’s what happened. You wanted to know, and now you do. I wasn’t givin’ you a chance to dump me, because I already was so goddamned deep, it would have killed me. Almost did kill me, being away from the two of you. But I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “A preemptive strike.” Lewis muttered the words, lips to Ty’s temple. They were swaying gently back and forth, feet stuck in place while he offered the only comfort he could until Ty was done flushing the pain out of his system. “Tell me everything, baby. It’s like a poison inside you, baby. Get it all out. Give it to me, I can take it. I can carry it for you. Come on, get it out. What’d you do after I left?”

  “Fuck.” The cry tore out of Ty, his back bowing sharply. “I just stood for the longest time, stared at a picture of me and Bagger, tried to imagine what he’d tell me to do, but I was so muddled. Then, when I didn’t hear your truck, I went and looked out the window.” He sucked a slow breath, ribs expanding like a drum. “Saw you was still parked on the lot. Thought that should make it better, seeing it meant you went to our Crissy. You’d told me how tore up she was. Not sleepin’, cryin’, mourning the death of the thing I’d ripped apart. So I knew you were with Crissy, and that made it better for about a minute. Soothed my soul.” His shoulders twitched, as if he were trying to dislodge a burden. Lewis ran a soothing hand up and down the long muscles in his back, stroking and caressing as best he could. “About a minute, then I wondered what you were doing. Would you be with her? Lovin’ on her? Would she take to just you again, like y’all had started out with? Was I even missed in that bed you shared? Less than a memory? Fucked with my head, man. I did it to myself, but I knew…I fuckin’ knew I’d messed up by the time the door closed behind you. So when it was hours before I saw you walk out of her place and to your truck, and you left without even lookin’ my way, it was just done. Everything I wanted was out of reach. I’d seen the best of what I could have, how it could be, and it was gone. And then when Ace didn’t bring up what he’d heard, didn’t call me to the floor for anything, it hit me.”

  The silence pressed in on Lewis until he felt like he was suffocating. “You did it for nothing.”

  “I’d done it for nothing,” Ty echoed him. “I fuckin’ did all of that for nothing. All the wrong reasons, all the stupid headed ideas, and the thing I thought I was salvaging for myself wasn’t even in jeopardy. And I wanted. God, I wanted. Want. That’s a current day thing, lover.” The word came easier this time, gently expelled on a sigh. “I can’t get enough of you. And I want you to be the same. So, when you dodge my touch, it kills me inside. I need you like I need air. Like I need Crissy.”

  “Thought we should take it slow gettin’ back to where we were.”

  “Well, you thought wrong, then. It’s been slow. Too slow for me.”

  “And for me,” Crissy said, her voice rough with sleep. Lewis looked to the doorway to see her leaned against the frame, hip cocked to the side, dressing gown opened to show the deep garnet of her panties, the silky-smooth skin between her breasts. He’d been so caught up in listening to Ty he’d missed the moment she made an appearance. “You’ve been all talkie-talkie about everything except this, Lewis. Talkie-talkie about jealousy. Talkie-talkie about not doing things we don’t want. Talkie-talkie about not feelin’ guilty about takin’ what we do want. But here you are, holding onto one of the things you need the most, and you’re not followin’ your own preachin’.” She’d adopted their drawling accent, and when she flashed a bright grin at him, he knew she was trying to lighten the mood. “You want? You take, and we’ll give. That’s what we want too, anyway. Might as well make all of us happier.”

  Ty twisted in his arms, and Lewis let him, pulling him back tightly again once he’d turned to face her. “I’m sorry. So fuckin’ sorry, Crissy.”

  The top of her head tipped to one side and she stared at Ty, then nodded slowly. “I know you are. I knew it the night it happened. I knew your regret every time I saw you during those mad, mad weeks. I’ve already forgiven you, and hearing the real reasons just now, I’m so sorry I held it against you at all. I understand about fear and how that can drive a person to do things they wouldn’t normally do. I understand about the way loss can terrify a body into illogical decisions, into bargains with God, and in this case, into driving three people who love each other apart. You’re forgiven, Ty. Do you forgive yourself? That’s probably the harder question to answer.” Lewis renewed his grip around Ty because he could tell her words were hitting him hard, a trembling had set-up in his muscles. Truth is a bitch, sometimes. “Because I know you, and you are your own worst critic.” She smiled, her features so soft and loving, and that expression was something he liked to see aimed in Ty’s direction. My direction. As if she heard him, her gaze flicked to his face and she dipped her chin. “But I love you, and I’ll keep loving you. Now,” she dusted her palms off, fingers ending in a tangle in front of her belly, “can I come over there and hug up on the two of you, or should I go back to bed?”

  “Get your ass over here, woman.” Ready to hold her close, Lewis raised an arm, shifting Ty to the side slightly. Together they caught her as she threw herself at them, the unsteadiness in her limbs telling him she’d been listening for a while and
had been as afraid as Lewis was that this whole scene had been the beginning of Ty breaking up with them again. Never been so glad to be wrong. He buried his face in her hair, breathing deeply. “Kiss me, beautiful,” he murmured, and she met his questing lips with hers, nearly bringing him to his knees with the trust and love she offered them every day. He kissed her softly, rolling the caress across her supple lips, ending with an affectionate puckered smack he knew she liked. “I fuckin’ love you.”

  “I love fucking you.” He laughed and she giggled at her quip, the sound bright and filled with happiness. Then she squealed and jerked sideways, her head lifting to direct a glare at Ty. “No tickles.”

  “Oh, there will be tickles.” Voice deep, husky with renewed desire, Ty brushed the tip of his nose along her cheek. “Unless there are immediate kisses to derail the fingers, there’s gonna be a fuckton of tickles. I want to drink my fill, honey.”

  “Then—” She kissed his nose. “—let me—” She kissed his cheek. “—give you—” She kissed his jaw. “—all the—” She kissed the corner of his mouth, breath catching at whatever Ty’s fingers were doing down below. “—all the kisses.”

  Ty’s head dipped and he fused his mouth to hers, muscles in his jaw working as his tongue slipped between her lips. Lewis felt her groaning response rattle through him, settling deep in his belly, cock stiffening and thumping to be released. He’d held onto control for a long time and he relished the idea of loosing that leash.

  “Oh, Ty,” she whispered when the kiss finally ended, face flushed, mouth open as she panted for air. “You didn’t have to carry that alone. Lewis is right.”

  “Don’t tell him that,” Ty warned, cutting a teasing glance at Lewis. “He’ll get a big head.”

  “I got your big head,” Lewis grumbled, gripping his crotch and giving his dick a stroke through his jeans. “Right here.”

  “Don’t even start, big man,” Crissy scolded him. “You’re the one who didn’t come to bed last night. At least Ty cuddled with me.”

  “Big man, you got that right.” He stroked himself again. “You tellin’ me all he did was cuddle? You needin’ some love, baby?” Lewis dragged the pad of his thumb firmly up the skin of her belly, offsetting the teasing tickles Ty had plied her with. He twitched the fabric of her gown to the side and cupped a breast in his palm with a rough massage. Her nipple was quick to bud, hardening against his skin, and he plucked at it with his fingers. “Crissy wantin’?” Ty angled his head toward her neck, and Lewis saw a flash of teeth as he nibbled up to her jaw. Her lips parted as she arched her back to stare up at him and Lewis marveled again that everything held in his arms was his for the taking. He wouldn’t even have to take; they would both give him everything. Already do give me all I need. “Our Crissy feelin’ frisky?”

  “If I say yes, are you going to follow through, Lewis?” Her eyes flashed and her breath caught just as Lewis’ gaze glimpsed Ty’s fingers dipping under the gusset of her panties. “God, you guys don’t play fair.” Eyes closed, she pressed her lips together a moment, then looked at him and asked again, “Will you follow through with asking for what you want?”

  “You interested in my needs, baby? Gonna quiz me now or later? You wanna know what turns me on here and now?” Crissy’s eyes cut to the side, and he shook his head at her shyness. Bending his neck, he kissed her, taking her mouth suddenly, capturing the tiny sound of surprise she made. His leg pressed between hers, where Ty was moving, the hard edge of his hand pressing against Lewis’ thigh in a natural rhythm that came as easy to them as dancing. Lips, teeth, tongue, he used every weapon to tear down her defenses, to bring her down to where honesty would boil over, taking her inhibitions away and leaving the love and emotion bare. “Huh? Wanna know what I like?”

  “Mmhmm.” Her whisper was breathy and low, and at the sound, his cock gave a gigantic twitch and jerk, leaving what he knew was a wet spot on the front of his jeans and him not giving a shit. If he came in his pants from watching Ty get Crissy off, it wouldn’t be the first time and he wouldn’t be a lick embarrassed. His lovers were gorgeous together and flowed like water as they loved each other. “Yeah.”

  “You wanna know everything? Want me to lay it out there?” Ty advanced from the side as Lewis spoke and buried his face against her neck. A second later, Crissy bowed backwards in Lewis’ grip. He tightened his arm to hold her upright, taking her weight as her knees grew wobbly. “Wanna know how much I love feelin’ my man’s hands on me along with my woman’s? Wanna know how much it turns me on to feel beard or scruff on my belly, knowing the next moment will be a hot mouth on my cock?”

  “Yes,” she breathed, and he didn’t know if it was in response to him, or what Ty was doing between her legs, and didn’t care, because all that mattered was their Crissy feeling their love.

  “Yeah, baby. You ridin’ his hand like that? Lettin’ him finger you while I have your mouth? That’s something I like so much. Fuckin’ love it. A definite turn on for me.” Her hips moved, a subtle back and forth he felt through her body like a wave. “What makes it better is gettin’ to watch you get yours, Crissy. See your face when you ride that wave he gives you. Man’s got good hands, strong hands, knows his way around a body. Knows how to make it so fuckin’ good, don’t he? You gonna come, Crissy? Huh? Gonna come on his hand?”

  “Please, God, woman.” Ty’s gruff mutter came like a balm, and Lewis relaxed knowing he was mentally there and present. Listening to Lewis lay himself open like this, it wasn’t just Crissy in this with him. The dark tone in Ty’s voice told him the man wasn’t unaffected, and Lewis liked knowing he could bring that kind of reaction to bear in both his lovers.

  “Yeah, come for us, Crissy.” He plumped and caressed her breast, thumb and finger reclaiming her tightly-budded nipple, plucking and tugging, rolling in time with her hips. “Come for Ty while he listens to what I want from him. Givin’ this to both of you like this, not how I expected, but I’ll take what I get. Happy to take everything you’ll give me. You wanna know more? Huh? Wanna know more?”

  Eyes closed, her head moved in something he interpreted as a nod and he chuckled.

  “Awww, yeah. Our Ty, he’s a big boy, yeah? That’s something else I like. You wanna hear how knowing a man has the strength to hold his own against me is a huge turn on? You already know I like to have my magic button massaged, know how to dig deep in there with your fingers, finding and stroking that while you suck me off. One of the things I’d like to see is Ty taking that from you, laying there and letting you give it to him that way. My mouth on his cock, you fuckin’ his ass while he fucks my mouth.” He paused for a breath, dick ramrod hard in his jeans, the fabric rough as it shifted over his sensitive head.

  “And later? That’s when I’d have him in my ass while I’m buried deep inside you, me the go-between, you bucking back against me, riding my cock in your own way while he’s plowing me from behind, driving me forwards and backwards with your desires, leaving me to take everything from both of you. That’s what I want, Crissy. That’s what I want to work up to, and I cannot fuckin’ wait to get it.”

  Faster and faster, the words poured out of him, each one another step along a path he could never unwalk. I gotta trust ’em. Trust ’em as much as I love ’em. He knew he had to show how much he believed in them as a triad, a poly relationship could only work with openness. Show ’em the way. They’d always looked to him to lead, and this was no different.

  “Baby, tell me you want that. Tell me you’re okay with it.” He’d heard it from Ty’s lips but needed to know she wouldn’t judge him, still a niggling fear in the back of his mind. “You tell me to take it, I will. If Ty’s on board for it, and you are too, then I’m all over every bit of that. I want it, want it all, want to be everything you need, and have you and Ty know that you’re it for me. Ain’t no worryin’ about me runnin’ around, about me losin’ interest in what’s offered—because everything you two are, is it. This, right here with the two of you, this what I
’ve looked for my whole life. I’ve been lost and looking and wound up here exactly where my heart and soul tells me I’m home. I’m home, Crissy, you and Ty, you’re my home and I love you. Love him. Love the both of you.”

  At some point in his fervent plea, Ty had stopped kissing Crissy and his lovers stared at him, eyes brimming with emotion. He finished, the words scratching his throat raw, because the well of emotion in his chest was overflowing. If felt as if he were negotiating for his life, and in a way, he was. “I just fucking love the two of you.”

  Crissy gripped his arm tightly and she offered him the brightest smile he’d ever witnessed, full of love and light and pure adoration. Of him. Of me. “Oh, Lewis. You never had to worry. There is nothing about you that bears concern I’m going to reject it. You’re raw and real, and you own your desires. They’re not secrets, and you’re not ashamed to say what you need, and I want to give you that. You deserve every good thing, sweetheart. You’re our home, too. Mine and Ty’s. We belong—” She pursed her lips in a soft air kiss. “—with you.” Her eyes slipped closed and she sipped at the air, a quiet moan rattling up from inside her chest. “Ty, please.”

  “You gonna come, Crissy?” Ty kept his eyes on Lewis as he spoke, and Lewis felt them like a weight. He was poised motionless, not sure what Ty was asking for. Then Ty showed he wasn’t always gonna follow, that he wanted to lead sometimes, as he’d tried over the past weeks even as Lewis had tried to shut him down. With a chin lift, Ty demanded, “Come here.”

  His lips remained parted after the final syllable, and Lewis gave Ty his mouth, letting his lover own him that way, while he was owning Crissy’s reactions in others. Soft and hard by unequal measures, Ty’s velvet tongue stroked while his lips pressed firmly, unshaven scruff sending shoots of electricity down Lewis’ spine with each movement. Crissy’s head rested on his shoulder and her fingers dug deeply, body jolting with signals he and Ty knew well. She’s so fuckin’ close. Ty’s arm shifted against Lewis’ side, lips moving across his mouth, Crissy’s undulating body stirring in his arms, and it was perfect.