Neither This Nor That Box Set 1

by MariaLisa deMora

  The first time.

  Alcatraz hadn’t learned, and within a year of his release, he’d been back inside, this for a longer stint. Wrench had been barely fifteen at the time but raised around the club as he’d been, he’d heard more than one whispered conversation never meant for his ears.

  So now, when Alcatraz wanted to talk shit about him and Po’Boy, Wrench had resolved to not let it go. Three days ago, Ace had made his general announcement during a mandatory, all-member meeting and stated his case for Wrench to take up the gavel. Alcatraz had walked out, spewing bullshit along the way about faggots and the club going to the dogs. The man had come back to the clubhouse early the next morning, looking like something the cat dragged in, and drunk enough he’d dropped his bike in the lot and left it laying on its side.

  That kind of behavior couldn’t go uncontested, because all it took was one soured member to fuck up an entire club. They’d seen it happen to various organizations across Louisiana through the years, and Wrench was damned if it would let it happen to the club his old man had been so proud to be part of.

  So yesterday, even if it’d been the last thing he’d wanted to do, Wrench lay in wait for the man to wake. He’d had a prospect care for the bike, picking it up and parking it properly, but then had pocketed the keys, which meant Alcatraz couldn’t avoid him if he didn’t want to have to hotwire his own ride.

  That conversation had gone about as well as Wrench had expected. He’d sat and listened to the blustering fool going on about protocol and rules, waiting until the old man had run out of steam. However, once he’d calmed enough to sit across a table from Wrench, he’d clammed up, refusing to engage for more than single word responses.

  After handing over the man’s keys, Wrench had watched him stalk out of the clubhouse, frowning at the carefully closed door. He’d almost have rather a slam, because that’d mean heated emotions were in charge. A closed door carried a different distinction, and Wrench had texted Ace with, Not sure he’s salvageable, receiving back a single word he could totally commiserate with, Fuck.

  At home, he was in the spare bedroom they’d transformed into an office for Crissy, staring at the blank screen on the computer. Fingers poised over the keys, he tried to find that thread within himself that had led to here. What he wanted from Po’Boy was the crux of what men like Alcatraz saw as wrong with him, personally. Looking for porn don’t make me a gay boy.

  He sighed and stretched, shaking his hands out. He needed to be in the right mindset for this, and reminded himself, “I’m Ty here. Not Wrench.”

  “Maybe that’s your problem, baby.”

  He whirled off the chair, wheels rolling it to the side as he crouched, hand to the small of his back where he kept a pistol holstered. Lewis stood in the doorway. Heart racing as he straightened slowly, Ty looked away and blew out a lungful of air, then reached to tug the chair back in front of the desk. Bending at the waist to reach the mouse, he deliberately clicked on the icon to shut the computer down. Jesus, I’m glad he came in now and not twenty minutes later. He tried to shake off the subtle feeling of shame that clung to him. I wasn’t doin’ anything wrong. Fuck, I wasn’t doin’ anything yet. “What are you doin’ home, Po’Boy?” He shook his head. “Lewis, I mean.”

  “Ty, I’m both, man.” A hand smoothed up the long muscles of his back to grip the curve where his neck met his shoulders, and fingers dug deep, hitting a nerve that twanged hard down his arm. “You call me whatever you want, I’ll always pick up for you. I’m both.” Ty shifted sideways as he turned, forcing Lewis’ hand to fall away. Much as Lewis had in bed when Ty had his hands on him finally, only to be denied. And here I am doin’ the same damn thing to him. He closed his eyes to block out the flash of pain on Lewis’ face, and his shoulders sagged.

  “I know you are. So am I. Just things are…club business. You know how it is.” He took a step forwards, blindly seeking out Lewis’ heat. “I get stuck in my head.” Fingertips glided along his jaw, Lewis wrapping that familiar firm grip around the back of his neck. This is home. Ty lifted his hand and followed Lewis’ arm until he could touch Lewis’ body, flattening his palm and sliding his fingers down until he grazed the front of Lewis’ pants. “I don’t want to do anything stupid. Not anywhere, but especially there with the club, or here where I lay my head.” Lewis moved closer and Ty lifted his chin, hoping for a kiss. He sighed when Lewis rewarded his silent request, lips moving over his gently, teeth plucking at his bottom lip. Lewis’ cock swelled under his hand and Ty groaned softly.

  “What do you want, Ty?” There it was, the bald ask he’d needed for so long. This was Lewis wanting to make sure he didn’t overstep, too, and Ty understood in that moment that they’d both been walking the same path, just on opposite sides of the line.

  “I want Crissy home.” Lewis’ exploration of his mouth paused, then resumed, slower, softer, clearly aiming at a trailing off soon. Ty twisted his neck and put his mouth next to Lewis’ ear, not wanting any more misunderstandings to come between them. “She said she wanted to watch the first time you and I were together like I want to be. We both promised her. Cain’t go back on a promise, not when she loves her Lewty so much.”

  “True that,” Lewis’ breath heated the side of Ty’s neck as he bent his head to tease with teeth, biting hard enough to sting. “Damn good thing I called her thirty minutes ago, then, huh?”

  “Oh, fuck.” He changed his grip on the shaft of Lewis’ cock through the fabric, stroking roughly.

  “That’s the idea, baby.” Lewis teased him, then hummed as his hips thrust forwards, pinning Ty’s hand between them. “Mmmm. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Gonna make me blow too soon, you keep that up, lover. Slow and steady, yeah?”

  “Well, I’m definitely the winner today.” He grabbed hold of Lewis’ ass, pulling him tighter as he ground their groins together. “Any way I look at it, I’m winnin’ when I’m with you and her.”

  “We’re all winners. Remind me to get our participation ribbons ready.” Lewis groaned, his breath coming faster. “Thanks for being here today.”

  “Thanks for havin’ me,” he bantered and laughed softly. “Or lettin’ me have you.”

  “Oh, please.” Lewis chuckled, his voice low when he asked, “That you tellin’ me you’re good with either way, no matter how this shakes out?”

  Lewis’ mouth found Ty’s neck again, and he laid a long line of slow, sucking kisses that Ty found himself hoping marked him up good. I don’t give a flyin’ shit who sees. He was surprised with his thought and tried to keep the image of Alcatraz’ face from his mind, but the old man clawed his way in. He knew Lewis tagged the change when he slowed, and softly told Ty, “You don’t gotta do anything you aren’t ready for, baby. Crissy gets here, we can just be whatever we need to be.”

  “It’s weird, people knowing.” He’d meant to keep that tucked away, wincing when it escaped his outlaw mouth. Seemed his subconscious was determined to lay bare all his fears today. “I didn’t mean that.”

  “Yeah, you did.” Lewis’ teeth dug deeply into Ty’s shoulder, hands moving over his ribs and back, and Ty wanted skin to skin so badly, just didn’t want to move away yet. This felt big, important. “I feel the same.”

  “You do?” Shocked, he pulled back and found Lewis’ staring at him. One corner of his mouth pulled up, but the crooked grin wasn’t humorous, more somber and sadder than anything.

  “Fuck yeah. Before this—” He reached to tug Ty’s shirt up and off, seeming to read his mind. Moving closer, they stood chest to chest, and the heat from Lewis’ body washed over him, soothing his nerves. “I kept everything separate. There was club, and there was my suite, and ne’re the twain did meet.” His Adam’s apple bobbed down, disappearing briefly. “I didn’t see a way to make things line up how I wanted, so I took what I could from each. Club gave me brothers, my ride or die in Twisted, and my baby chicks with the prospects I mentored. Gave me a reason to breathe every goddamned day, because I was needed there.
”

  Lewis shook his head, thumb grazing a path along Ty’s face until he reached his lips, then drifted back and forth there, an endless loop of touch that was also a silent request to not interrupt, to let Lewis get this out. This was theirs, not Crissy’s, because as much as she understood the unspoken things society felt about relationships like theirs, she couldn’t appreciate the club side. That was a male-dominated aspect of their lives, steeped in rich history and traditions handed down member to member, father to son, and nothing about her life prepared her for the darker sides of things.

  She might have ridden to the rescue once, ready to lay waste to the woman hurting Lewis, but she hadn’t had to do the deed. And she hadn’t risked losing the things that grounded her and made her who she was. Crissy had family who only cared if she was happy, a job that didn’t give a shit who she fucked as long as she kept producing for their bottom line, and her friends were their friends, and they also didn’t give a shit about how many people cuddled in their bed at night. Lewis and himself, though? Different story entirely.

  “If Alcatraz has his way, I won’t take the gavel from Ace.” Even if Lewis wasn’t technically CoBos, he had dug so deep into Ty’s life, he might as well be. “He’s a homophobe, and even after me talking to him today, he said he just can’t get behind such a shift in the club. He sees it as a betrayal, what I’m doing with you.”

  “IMC’s lost four members in the past month.” Lewis grimaced as he admitted this fact, something Ty hadn’t known. “Same reasoning. They’re not from chapters around here, all are from one goddammed Texas shithole of a town, which tells me that they’ve all sucked at the same teat of lies when it comes to me personally.” He shrugged. “Shit happens, and we move on.”

  “We just move on? How? CoBos have just a couple of smaller chapters, and they’re so close we do everything together anyway. We lose an OG like Alcatraz, it’ll hurt for a long time.” He shook his head when Lewis’ thumb pressed against his lips. “How do we just move on? How can I let my personal life impact the club like this?”

  “You like what we’re makin’ here, Ty? I know you’re good at talkin’ the talk, but do you mean it?” Lewis paused and gave him that crooked lift of his lips, then removed his thumb, skating the nail across Ty’s cheekbone, fingers threading into his hair. “You seem to like it, but is it deep as it seems for you? Is it worth it, if the worst happens in the club?”

  “Yeah, it’s deep. This…it’s what I want. Wants and needs though?” He huffed out a hard breath. “It feels like I’m being…”

  Lewis picked up where Ty had trailed off, nailing what he’d been about to say. “A selfish bastard.” This was said without any rancor, no accusation in Lewis’ tone. “Right? That’s how it feels?” Ty nodded. “That’s because for one time in your entire goddamned life you’re wantin’ to take something just for you. And, I’m standing here, ready to give it. All you gotta do is tell me you want it and I’m in there, baby. Either way, I’m here and I want you. Because to me, it’s not a choice. I want to hold onto the love I feel for you because I’m a better man when we’re all together. Not just me and Crissy, but when you’re there with us. I want to be good enough to deserve you.”

  “You already are.” Lewis shook his head at Ty’s protestation.

  “A man’s what done things I’ve done, it ain’t no fuckin’ given that I’m worth anything. You and me, we’re a lot alike in how we’ve come to where we are, but my path, Ty? Darker than yours. It took me longer to break down the walls. We both got baggage comin’ into this. I’m telling you that I don’t feel like I deserve the goodness you bring to me.” He closed his eyes, features tense with the pain of whatever he was remembering. Ty knew from stories that Lewis’ life in the club had started bloody, and stayed that way. After learning about his stepfather and what had happened in the darkness of his childhood, he knew that Lewis’ entire life had been him slogging from one field of pain to another. “I want it, though. Want it enough I can nearly catch hold of it, and when I kiss you or kiss our girl, it’s that touch, that taste I need.”

  “You think my best option is to make Ty happy and fuck the club?” He shook his head. “I got responsibilities, man. We both know it.”

  “So do I.” Lewis’ eyes opened and he narrowed them as he stared at Ty. “It’s not between Ty bein’ happy or fuckin’ the club over, man. You can have both. You’re already both, and…how many members does the CoBos have?”

  “Hundred and eleven.” Ty knew the exact number because he and Ace had been going over what would shift with the president title. Over the next year, if he were offered the position, he’d be swapping out Ace’s officers, and bringing in his own. They’d been settling on the best and most likely candidates for each position today after Ace came over.

  “And how many are in danger of walking?”

  Ty rolled his eyes as he knew where Lewis was headed. “Ace had the same argument. It’s one man, one member, but he’s an OG and that counts more. You know that.”

  “I do, but Ty, listen to yourself. Really listen, and you’ll see what I mean. Brother, you got a hundred and ten members standing behind you, and you’re tyin’ yourself up into fuckin’ knots over one man.” Lewis straightened, and his eyes hardened, darkening. “Fucking asshole, makin’ you doubt yourself like this because he probably was a bitch in prison and can’t admit he didn’t hate it. Or he hated it so much it tainted his view of everyone like me. Fuck him.”

  “He has a problem with me, not you.”

  “That’s only because I ain’t CoBos, yet. Trust me, he has a problem with me, with who I am. I just don’t matter enough in his world yet for him to lay anything out there. That’ll change once I patch over.”

  That statement made Ty pause and stare at Lewis.

  “Shut your piehole, man. Ain’t an attractive look on you unless you’re on your knees for me.” Lewis laughed and knuckled Ty’s chin up, closing his mouth where it had gawped open. “Don’t tell me you hadn’t thought on it, because I know I have. There’s only one logical choice, which means I’m gonna be the one who moves here, not you.”

  “Why you?” Ty shifted his stance, pushing one foot backwards as if he were squaring up for a battle and Lewis laughed hard before he twisted his fingers in Ty’s hair and yanked his head forwards for a hard, fast kiss that knocked all the fight out of Ty. When Lewis pulled back, Ty braved the sting from his scalp to dart forwards and claim another kiss, that on-demand access something that still felt like magic.

  “Because IMC is bigger, and they got folks who can step up and take my place without sending ripples through the organization. I’ve already talked it over with Twisted and the other officers, so they know it’s only a matter of months before I ask to drop my patches honorably.”

  “Jesus, Lewis. You’ve been IMC your whole life.”

  “And you been a CoBo, born and raised.” Lewis shrugged. “There aren’t any other options for your club if Ace backs away from president. You have strong members, responsible ones who loyally give their backs and strength to the club, but you’re the one that’s been groomed for this moment. There’s no one else, which means if you were to patch over to IMC, Ace has to commit to another decade carrying that weight, training up the next candidate.” Lewis tipped his head forwards, resting his forehead against Ty’s temple. “You were made to bear the burden, Ty. And I won’t make your position weaker because you’re sleepin’ in the bed of the IMC officer who loves your fuckin’ ass. So, I patch over.” He shrugged lightly. “As clubs go, we’re in each other’s pockets all the time anyway. Look at your old apartment complex for example. Half the units are your club, the other half’s mine. It’d keep the CoBos independent longer, too. I know my worth, baby. I do bring something to the table, and I will have your goddamned back in anything that goes down. Wearing the same patch makes that a fuckton easier, and you and I both know it.”

  “Well, when you put it like that.” He snorted. “Sounds like a done deal, an
d one I’d be stupid to turn down.”

  “And you ain’t a stupid man. Choosin’ me shows just how smart you are.” Lewis sighed. “Won’t be without bumps, but knowin’ you’re here for me helps.”

  And with those words, Lewis managed to settle something in Ty’s chest. He needs me just like I need him. “I’ve been an ass. I didn’t realize you would fight the same battles inside.”

  “Not an ass.” Lewis’ cheek creased as he smiled, and Ty grinned to see it, knowing that whatever came out of his mouth next would move the conversation back to where they’d begun. He was not wrong. “You do have quite the ass, though. It’s one I’ve become acquainted with quite well over the past bit, but I have to admit, baby, I wanna know it…intimately.”

  “You’ve already breached those bulwarks.” Ty rolled his eyes. “That was terrible. Almost as bad as your quip about backdoor bliss, which I have not forgotten.”

  “Yeah, but why’s it stickin’ in your headbone, man? Because it was bad, or because the thought of it was so damned good?” There was that sly grin, and Ty fell a little more in love with this asshole in that moment. He’s my asshole.

  “You are somethin’ else, Ralph Lewis.” He shook his head, glad when Lewis’ grip moved to the back of his neck again, because something about that hold was always so steadying; it set the framework for the freedom he needed to be able to say what he wanted. “I want it all, Lewis. I know you think I don’t, or that it’ll fuck me up, but it’s never been us that did that. It was the club and me bein’ afraid of losing what I’d been existing for there. Existing, not livin’. There’s a difference, and you feel it too. Makes me want to fight for us even more, knowin’ you’re beatin’ back the same demons. Now you say you’re patching over, and that means I can’t lose it. You’ve got my back, and I’ll be able to have yours, too. Just having that settled in my mind makes it so I’m content now.” He pressed closer, fingernails of one hand scratching for entrance across the fabric at Lewis’ crotch. Rucking up the hem of his tee, Ty placed his other hand on Lewis’ back, strong muscles there moving like water under the supple skin. “I want it all. Can you give that to me?”