He very carefully didn’t look at her. Pity was the last thing he wanted, and Kendall had too good a heart not to feel it for the kid he’d been. Abandoned by both his parents. If it wasn’t for Pop, Alex would have ended up on a bad road, a thousand times worse than the wild years he’d had while he was acting out. At least he’d had a safety net in place. A lot of kids who shared similar situations didn’t even have that.
“My parents died when I was nine.”
That got his attention. They both stopped paddling and he finally looked at her. No pity in those green eyes. Just a deep understanding, a shared trauma. “I’m sorry.”
“I ended up in a similar situation to you—my grandmother took over. And I had my sisters even if none of us ever quite fit into the small town I grew up in. Except maybe Gretchen. I think she could fit in anywhere. She’s one of those stories that shouldn’t be real. Still in love with her high school sweetheart after nearly fifteen years, married for ten of them.”
There were times when he was younger when he would have killed to have a sibling. Someone who lived through the same shit, someone who would have his back no matter what. It wasn’t until Alex got older that he realized not all sibling relationships were healthy. He’d survived and flourished despite his background. If there were more of them, no telling if his theoretical siblings would have done the same.
No, it was better that he was alone. Simpler.
That didn’t stop him from being so fucking grateful to find out that Kendall wasn’t alone. “Your sister sounds great.”
“She is.” She sighed. “Honestly, it’s a little annoying. She created this standard that neither me nor Marley could ever quite live up to. It didn’t stop me from trying. But my little sister is what you’d call a wild child.”
He grinned. “I’m familiar with the concept.”
“I bet you are.” She dipped her fingers into the ocean and flicked a few drops of water in his direction. “You were one, weren’t you?”
“Guilty.” He set his paddle over his knees and leaned forward, enjoying this moment. “It’s honestly kind of embarrassing how much of a cliché I was. All anger and hormones and a self-destructive tendency that almost landed me in juvie at one point.”
Her smile turned a little sad. “You turned it around.”
“Pop turned me around. Pop and the bar. He gave me a safe space to fuck up, and then grounded me for like six months and made me work the bar as punishment.” Alex snorted. “I thought it was hell on earth, but in hindsight he was teaching me a lot. Giving me a foundation that would see me through.”
“Buildings don’t leave you,” she murmured.
Her words hit a little too close to home. He forced a laugh. “What about you? Your older sister was a paragon. You little sister was the wild child. You never really told me where you fit into that.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Again, that twist of her lips that wasn’t quite a smile. “I’m the one who never steps out of line, who ended up with an over-developed sense of responsibility.” She picked up her paddle and then set it down again over her knees. “My grandmother was a strong personality—strong enough to keep all of us in line even though she lost her daughter the same way we lost our mom. But she had her hands full. I don’t know when I decided that I would be the one not to cause her any grief, but that’s where I ended up. I never got into trouble. I never broke the rules. I worked my ass off to get into a decent college that also wouldn’t break the bank.” She made a motion like she was checking off boxes in a list. “I didn’t want to be a burden.”
He understood that, even if he’d never leaned in that direction with Pop. “We’re a boatload of issues.”
“You can say that again.” This time, her smile seemed more genuine. “I’ve been in therapy since I was old enough to realize it would help, but I’m still a work in progress.”
“We all are.”
She shifted her grip on her paddle. “Alex?”
This was where she let him down gently. Where she said that this was fun, but that’s all it was. He knew this couldn’t go anywhere. Fuck, he knew it better than anyone. That hadn’t stopped him from crossing the lines they’d created time and time again. He’d asked her on a goddamn date.
He’d had a few girlfriends. Back when he was in his early twenties and still hadn’t realized the exact mold life had shoved him into. When part of him still thought he might end up with a future like the ones meant for other people. Women loved him… within certain boundaries. He was good enough to fuck, good enough to play around with for a short-term fling, but he wasn’t husband material. After being told that for the third fucking time by a woman he thought was falling for him the same way he was falling for her? Yeah, Alex stopped trying to change other people’s perception of him. Better to just lay out expectations right at the beginning and let everyone walk away with their hearts unbruised.
He braced himself to have this conversation yet again. “Yeah?”
“This has been really, really nice.” She tucked her wind-blown hair back behind her ears. “I thought this trip was going to be a disaster and, because of you, it’s been some of the best days in living memory for me.”
But that’s all it is.
She took a deep breath. “I don’t want it to end.”
He blinked. “What?”
“I…” Another of those deep, fortifying breaths. “I don’t want it to end. I’ll admit that I haven’t had a ton of time for dating and that kind of thing—and I guess I still don’t—but surely this connection isn’t only because we’re having hot vacation sex?” She kept fidgeting, adjusting her swimsuit, touching the paddle, fixing her hair again. “I mean, maybe I’m reading too much into it.”
Holy shit, she wasn’t letting him down gently.
Shock made him slow to respond. He could barely hear his words over the buzzing in his ears. “You don’t want this to end.”
“Oh god, I misread things, didn’t I?” She picked up her paddle. “Forget I said anything.”
“Wait.” He reached out and laid a hand over hers, holding her in place. “Just give me a damn minute. I thought you were going to say you’d had your fun and it was over now. It’s taking me a second to catch up.”
“Over now?” Kendall gave a rough laugh. “I don’t know what you were thinking when you were in that hammock with me, but I meant it when I said I can’t get enough of you. Like I said—”
“I feel the same way,” he blurted. “This isn’t normal for me, either.” Something flared in his chest, hot and uncomfortable and hopeful. He laced his fingers through hers. “I’m not ready for this to end.”
He hesitated, wondering if the universe would choose that moment to slap him down for daring speak that shit. It always had in the past. But nothing happened. No shark fin circled them. No tidal wave appeared to sweep them under. Kendall didn’t suddenly declare that she’d changed her mind and never wanted to see him again. He let out a slow breath.
“You really thought I’d say I was done with this?” She sounded so incredulous, he almost laughed.
Alex shrugged, though the move felt too tense to really pull off. “It’s happened before.”
She frowned, but then her expression cleared as understanding dawned. “They were idiots.”
Now, he did laugh. “They didn’t feel the same way.” Not after they’d gotten to walk on the wild side with him. He wasn’t that guy anymore, but some scars never quite healed right. He just hadn’t realized how raw they were until he spent time with Kendall.
Until he craved more with Kendall. More sex. More conversations. More time. Just more.
“What do you say we head back to the ship?” She gave a slow smile. “This really hot guy asked me on a date, and I want plenty of time to get ready for it.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice.”
Chapter 11
Kendall resented every minute she spent getting ready. She still couldn’t believe she’d gone for it earlier today
with Alex, that she’d told him she didn’t want this to end. On the return trip to the ship, he’d held her hand and kept the conversation light as they exchanged anecdotes from their respective childhoods. Neither one of them had brought up the harsh realities about what might happen once this trip was over.
She didn’t care. She refused to let something as dreary as distance threaten her happy moment. Grace was right. With all the technology at their disposal, they could see each other daily if they wanted to. No, that didn’t substitute an in-person relationship—or sex—but it meant their living in different states wasn’t a deal breaker.
Everything else would work itself out one way or another.
She smoothed her hand down one of the two nice dresses she’d packed for this trip. She’d bought it for the corporate manager’s wedding a few years ago and had never worn it again. At the time, she’d felt like a fraud in the deep purple dress that skimmed her body from her breasts to her thighs before flaring out in a mermaid style. Now, knowing she’d see Alex in a little over an hour, she felt unstoppable.
She finished with her hair and quickly did her makeup. It was too warm to do anything too intense there, but she still went with a killer red lipstick that she’d bought when she aspired to be a bolder version of herself. At the time, it felt an impossible task to work up the courage to paint her lips that shade of red.
Tonight, she didn’t hesitate to use it.
She stepped into the hallway feeling ten feet tall. The sensation only grew when she caught sight of Alex walking toward her. He wore a pair of slacks and a button-down gray shirt. He missed a step and his gaze narrowed on her in a way that made her feel like she was the only other person in the world. He stopped in front of her and grinned. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You look amazing.”
“Thank you.” She couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and taking his hand. “You look pretty good yourself.”
“I aim to please.” He slipped her hand into the crook of his arm and turned them to head away from her room. They held an easy silence as they made their way to dinner. It wasn’t until they were seated that Alex scooted his chair closer to hers. There might as well not have been other people at their table for how he acted, and she couldn’t help doing the same.
“I have to tell you something.” She leaned in and lowered her voice. “I think your friend is hooking up with my friend, Benjamin.”
“Benjamin,” Alex repeated. He suddenly smiled, wide and happy. “Well, look at that. Good for him.” She must have looked confused, because he lowered his voice and explained. “Lucas doesn’t date a lot of guys, so I’m glad he’s getting out of his way on this trip.”
“You two are really good friends, huh?”
“Yeah.” Alex settled back into his chair. “We’ve known each other a long time. Both played football, but it was Pop who kind of created this safe space.” His mouth twisted. “He had a habit of picking up strays, and Lucas had his own reasons for wanting a place he could be himself fully.”
Every conversation they had continued to flesh out the picture of his life. She fiddled with her fork. “It’s hard when they leave us, isn’t it?”
Alex tensed, and seemed to force himself to relax. “Yeah. Though Pop is still alive, enjoying the hell out of his retirement in Mexico.”
She almost asked how he felt about that, if he considered it an abandonment akin to his parents, but bit the question back at last moment. If he wanted to talk about that, she was more than happy to do so, but it was pure selfishness to ask him to crack himself open for her. Instead, she said, “Retirement sounds like a dream right now.”
“Your job that bad?”
Kendall started to give her usual response that it wasn’t that bad. She gave herself a shake. “The company has three hotels in the city and corporate likes to have their hands in everything whether they’re qualified to make those calls or not. It’s not so terrible all the time, but they continually pass me over for a promotion when they invariably run the most recent sales manager off. I have a lot of ideas for what could really elevate our hotels and set us apart, but while they’re okay with me carrying the bulk of the sales responsibilities, they don’t actually care what I have to say.” It was the first time she’d spoken that truth aloud. Kendall put a brave face on for her sisters and her friends. She was living the dream in New York in a job that she mostly loved. What right did she have to complain about the things that didn’t go well?
“What will you do if they pass you over again?”
Trust Alex to get right to the heart of it. She gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t really have a backup plan at this point, and the hotel will suffer without me. I’d hate to see the rest of the staff punished because I didn’t get what I want.”
He watched her with those blue eyes that always seemed to see too much. “Do you always make decisions based on how it will affect other people, even at the expense of yourself?”
She started to say that it wasn’t at her expense, but Kendall couldn’t lie in this moment. Not to herself and not to him. “Pretty much.” She cleared her throat. “You know what it’s like to have a grandparent take over raising you. They’ve already done the work raising a child to adulthood. Now they have to do it again, and even though my grandmother was strong and took over without missing a step, I couldn’t help feeling like I was unwanted.” She held up a hand. “Grams never, ever, made me feel that way. She’s probably turning over in her grave right now to hear me say it, but I can’t help the way I felt.”
Alex gave a tight smile. “I hear you on the unwanted feeling, but we dealt with it in very different ways.”
He acted out. She folded herself up until she fit perfectly within the boundaries of other people’s expectations. “Yeah, I guess we did.” She ran her hand down his arm. “Maybe we can learn from each other?”
“Maybe.” Something in his tone made her wonder if it wasn’t better to change the subject. They might be all up in their feelings right now over each other, but if his wounds from the past were anything like hers, they ran plenty deep. She didn’t want to trample all over them in her effort to get closer to him.
Kendall turned the conversation to lighter topics as they ate, and Alex let her do it. It didn’t take long for the tension to fade from his shoulders and for him to be laughing. As the last of their meal was cleared away, she leaned back in her chair and smiled at him. “This has been really, really nice.”
“It has, hasn’t it?” His smile turned wicked. “Want to get out of here?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
* * *
Alex planned on taking Kendall back to his cabin, but she led him up to the deck. At his questioning look, she gave him a bright smile. “The sky seems so much bigger down here than it is in the city. I want to soak it in.”
“Pop has a thing for falling stars. He’s a superstitious old bastard.” He chuckled. “When he was still in town, he’d drag me—and sometimes Lucas out of town to watch meteor showers. Made a whole lot of wishes on those nights.”
Kendall didn’t ask what he’d wished for, and he appreciated it. Maybe that was why he told her something he’d never told another person to date. “I used to wish for a big family. Pop is the best man I’ll ever know, but at the end of the day he’s only one man. I had friends with a bunch of siblings or cousins or whatever the fuck, and I craved that kind of safe chaos more than I ever wanted to admit.”
She looked up at the stars, her smile soft and sweet. “Maybe you’ll have it someday. The big happily messy family.”
“Maybe.” He’d given up that dream a long time ago, but standing here with Kendall, he could almost allow himself to wish for it again.
“I have a confession.” Kendall stepped to the railing at the edge of the deck, still studying the sky. “I’ve never wished on a star.”
“What?”
“I put away a lot of things when my parents died, and th
at childhood sense of magic was one of them. How can wishes come true when the only thing I wanted with all my heart, wished with all my soul, was that they were okay?”
God, his chest ached for her remembered pain. Alex stepped up behind her and folded his body around hers, offering her comfort the only way he knew how. Not with words. He was no good at that shit. But with touch. He held her close and waited for her to keep talking.
“I think I’d like to start now,” she whispered. “How can I refuse to believe in magic when this sequence of events put you in my life? It’s too big to be a simple coincidence.” She laughed a little. “Sorry if that’s too heavy.”
“It’s not.” He felt the same way. Like they had spent their whole lives flying through space to reach this one point of impact. Alex didn’t know if he really believed in destiny, but he wasn’t going to question whatever force had set them on a collision course.
She shivered in his arms. Alex couldn’t help shifting her hair off the back of her neck and pressing a kiss there. He meant it to be… Fuck, he didn’t even know. But Kendall threw that plan out the window when she arched back against him. “Touch me,” she breathed.
As if he’d deny her anything.
Alex ran his hands up her sides and back down again, enjoying the way she twisted against him, obviously trying to guide his touch. He finally relented and cupped her breasts through her dress and then pressing the heel of his hand against her clit. It wasn’t enough. He knew that even before her breath escaped her in a sob.
Kissing Kendall: A Gone Wild Novel Page 11
