by Jan Spiller
Ironically, although these folks are self-absorbed and only interested in what’s going on in their own life, they are also happiest when they are sharing their experiences with someone else. This is a catch-22, because they want to be the center of everything, and often get angry if they think they aren’t being seen that way. This makes successfully including others a challenge, since the other person is afraid that the native will lash out if they don’t always put them first.
People in this nodal group often carry a lot of anger from past lives that were focused on competition and combat. In those situations, anger probably helped them survive. In this lifetime—until they gain awareness—they still tend to use anger to “conquer” others and get their way. And this rigid, competitive orientation is one of the greatest stumbling blocks in their relationships. There’s no influencing them when they’re not open to hearing another point of view.
In fact, a Libra North Node person’s whole view of life is usually not very flexible. Even in their relationships, these folks tend to set up things in a way that is rigid and well defined. “This is your role and your responsibilities, and this is my role and my responsibilities.” So there’s no real cooperation and blending—it’s either their thing or their partner’s thing, rather than “our thing.” They are learning to run the experiment of being more flexible and responsive to helping each other out when appropriate.
In order to experience success with others, these folks are learning to be more open to creating win-win situations that work for both people. And by being willing to compromise and see life through another’s eyes, the native can experience how others function in relationships and learn new skills of relating. They will have the opportunity to glimpse the process that most people inherently understand but the native is learning on a Soul level in this lifetime—how to expand their boundaries into the realm of true partnership and use the art of sensitivity to tune in to the other person and relate in ways that create a healthy and nurturing bond of interdependency.
Becoming a Team Player—Embracing Partnership
Libra North Node people are not natural-born team players. They feel that it is important to do what is “right” for them, and they only consult their own inner impulses when making their decisions. But the truth is that by being willing to develop their awareness and skills to become a team player, they will also be able to sense what is “right” in terms of benefiting others as well. And when they embrace this position wholeheartedly, the results will far surpass anything they might have experienced by keeping their focus solely on themselves.
A lack of experience in how to partner with others effectively creates difficulties in every area of their lives, including their relationships and their ability to succeed professionally. On an unconscious level, these people can be so attached to their own charm and independence that they may turn their back on opportunities that others make available to them. They don’t realize that they could move up the ladder more easily by becoming a team player. That they could have a job that is more financially rewarding, and also more energizing, because it involves interactions with others.
For example, I had a client whose father’s North Node was in Libra. He was smart, charming, handsome, and people liked him, so he always got jobs easily. And before long, his boss would promote him from manual labor to an office position. However, he would repeatedly end up doing manual labor again. He liked office work and getting a better paycheck but he couldn’t handle meetings with the other employees, going to lunch with them, etc. He didn’t know how to just relax and socialize—to show interest and be supportive. He thought he was smarter than everybody, and his self-absorbed attitude always sabotaged him.
In a group, these people usually either keep apart or they think they have to really assert themselves in order to feel included. Their belief is that they have to be very strong-willed and forceful to have any impact. It’s a me-VERSUS-you rather than a me-AND-you mentality. As part of their growth in this lifetime, they are learning how to see the integrity of the group—or the other person—and come into alignment with that flow, either by supporting it or by shifting it in a more positive direction. For example, if the group’s intention is to save the spotted owl, then that is their focus and their direction. If the native recognizes the group’s direction, he can either decide to support it or go do something else. If he decides to support it, then “assertion” isn’t necessary—it’s simply a matter of being a team player by seeing what they can do to further the common cause.
Especially in their close personal relationships, Libra North Node people are learning to move beyond their thinking and embrace the “us” that creates a team, the entity of the relationship itself. However, the notion that they have to be solely responsible for taking care of their own needs gets in the way. They don’t believe that anyone else can help them. They think: “Other people aren’t mind readers. They don’t know when I need something.” And while it’s true that in a healthy relationship both individuals take responsibility for making sure their own needs are met, these natives take it to extremes. This blocks intimacy, because it gives their partner the message that everyone has to look out for themselves.
Libra North Node people often miss what partnership is all about—looking out for the other person and picking up the slack where the partner isn’t strong, so that common goals can be attained and pleasures exchanged. It’s like doubles tennis: Both people need to work together in order to win the game. They not only cover their own part of the court, but also gladly step in to cover for their partner as needed, because they are part of a team. By giving to each other—not in self-interest, but because the other person needs it—both people demonstrate their investment in the relationship.
For example, maybe the native needs to make lunch every day, and they’re having trouble getting everything done in the morning and being on time to their new job. Partnership is when the other person says: “I have extra time in the mornings so I’ll prepare your lunch. Then you won’t have to get up any earlier.” It’s not “mind reading,” it’s just being aware of where the other person is struggling and seeing how to best support them.
Part of what these people are learning is how to stop operating from the belief that no one else can meet their needs—which creates a barrier—and give others a chance to support them. The next step is to notice, and to show their appreciation. Sometimes these natives are so preoccupied with the idea that “I have to make myself happy” that they aren’t even aware of what the other person is doing to make them happy.
When they are willing to try it, verbally communicating their needs can definitely facilitate this process. For instance, I had a Libra North Node client who—as many in this nodal group do—felt a strong need for time alone. He was afraid that if he let himself get too close to his new girlfriend, he wouldn’t be able to meet this need. Finally, he agreed to try my suggestion, and told her: “Look, I tend to get easily upset and scattered if I don’t have an hour by myself for meditation every morning.” He was very surprised by how willing she was to help him meet this need. In fact, she decided to go out for her walk each day while he meditated. This nodal group is learning that if they share what they need with their partner, it gives the other person the opportunity to support them and makes them feel more a part of the native’s life. And, for both partners, it makes the relationship happier by allowing for greater intimacy.
Letting Others In—Healing Fears of Self-Disclosure
Libra North Node people are high energy and are lots of fun to be around. They have good hearts and would never deliberately hurt anyone—they just like to have fun and do their own thing. Unfortunately, when they’re younger, their thing is the only thing that they’re willing to focus on. So before they can be a good partner, they need to get some of that impetuous energy out of their system. As they get older and can’t constantly do as much, they realize that they need to start re
lating differently, and begin taking the time to get to know people. Then they can appreciate their lives—and other people—more, and learn to temper what they want with what others want. They experiment with letting other people in.
Everyone has a “shadow side.” This is one of the reasons they tend to stay detached and don’t share themselves fully with others. They can sense a darkness about themselves that they think is unattractive, and they think that if others see it they will withhold themselves out of fear. Libra North Node people know they have this dark side; since they’re always watching themselves, they can see themselves trying to hide it. However, if they turned their attention to the other person instead, they would be able to relax that self-judgment and relate with others more easily.
Another reason these people are needlessly secretive is that they are so self-absorbed from their past life experiences that now they hold too much of themselves back from others. In their relationships, the other person feels frustrated because they can’t really connect with the native on a deep level. Their partner wants a “real” relationship based on mutual self-revelation and sharing. And if the other person senses that the native is always holding part of themselves back, they may think: “He doesn’t trust me, that’s why he’s not opening up.” Or their partner may fear that the native has reservations about the relationship. It’s hurtful to others to not feel trusted. Paradoxically, another reason these people hold back is that—due to their past life experiences—they don’t really trust anyone. Also, other people seem unpredictable to them until they go through the process of getting to know who those people really are.
These dynamics block intimacy since the Libra North Node person is not totally in the relationship. Others want a partner who is fully present, but they end up feeling like they’re doing all the giving, and taking all the risks of self-disclosure. Their partner attempts to make up for the fact that the native isn’t sharing in this way, and gives more of themselves to show the native how to be a whole person. They hope that over time the native will “catch on” and begin creating reciprocity. However, what usually happens is that it takes too much energy for the other person to continue to do all the giving, which is why these natives tend to lose their partners.
Another issue is that Libra North Node people tend to be so self-contained that they don’t allow their energy to leave their body. They keep all of their energy for their own use, rather than allowing it to flow outward and nurture others. Since many of these natives have an exuberant personality, it may appear that their energy is expansive, but when they do extend their energy, their underlying motive is usually to pull others’ attention back to themselves. It’s still all about them. These people know how to receive energy and how good it feels when attention is focused on them. They are learning to give energy and attention to others—with no strings attached. When they begin tuning in to others and giving them energy unselfishly, they’ll find they don’t have to manipulate people in order to get energy. It will just happen naturally as part of the reciprocal flow.
A different dynamic that can happen in relationships with Libra North Node people is that they are so clear on what is best for them and what they want to do, others may hesitate to show these natives who they really are and how they feel. For example, another client has a Libra North Node father. Her parents divorced when she was a child, and her father would call up on visiting days and say: “I can’t come today, I have to work.” She and her sisters would respond: “Oh, okay…no problem.” But afterward they’d be angry and crying. Their mother would call him back and say: “You have to come to see them. You can’t put other things first.” He’d reply: “But they said it was fine.”
The truth was that my client and her sisters hesitated to reveal their true feelings to their father because they knew he wanted to do something else and they didn’t want to make him feel bad. Others are aware of the native’s needs in this way, but these people aren’t usually aware of the needs of others. This blocks intimacy because if the partner feels their needs aren’t ever seen, they begin to put up barriers to protect themselves, and they eventually just give up and look for a real partnership with someone else. They think the native doesn’t care—after all, they don’t see them anyway. The native just keeps doing their own thing. They usually don’t even notice that their partner is emotionally absent and is looking for a new partner.
When these folks choose to remain isolated in their own little world, they don’t care about what’s going on with others—until someone gives them a rude awakening. So they’re shocked when the other person abandons them, and they wonder: “Well, aren’t I attractive enough? Aren’t I——?” They still make it all about them rather than understanding that they never really bothered to see and appreciate their partner. But instead of taking responsibility for the part they played in creating the outcome, they tend to use the experience to justify their original belief that they can’t trust others. Until these people become more conscious and learn to partner in ways that are truly reciprocal, they most likely will continue to end up alone—either literally or on an emotional level.
Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships
The whole point of investing time and energy in a primary relationship is that you create a situation where two people are sharing and looking out for each other in a special way. Each cares deeply about the happiness of the other. So it’s natural that in a sexually intimate relationship, their partner expects the native to be aware of them, consider their feelings, and want to make them happy. The other person relates to the native this way—giving them special consideration and attention.
However, Libra North Node people habitually put themselves first, without much regard for their partner. In their youth, they usually just flat-out refuse to even consider what the other person wants. Often the result is that their partner leaves, or distances themselves emotionally as the relationship progresses.
At a certain point in their maturity, these folks begin to realize that it’s in their best interest to try to address their partner’s needs and find ways to still do the things they want to do. They finally “get” that if they appear to be completely focused on themselves, the other person will lose interest in them. So they usually start experimenting with compromise to see how they can balance their desires with their partner’s—at least to some degree. But sometimes the native may seem to be compromising when they really aren’t. Their partner can feel like the native has a selfish motive—more like a business deal where “I’ll give you this if you give me that.”
In personal relationships, you willingly support your partner with no ulterior motive. Until they become conscious, Libra North Node people want to be sure they get their full share—plus a little bit more—in return. This blocks intimacy because their partner doesn’t feel that the native cares about their happiness. No one wants to be close to a person who has no consideration for their needs.
These people are learning the value of simply giving for its own sake—to see joy on their partner’s face—which opens the door for intimacy and other good things to occur. Until they understand this, they are more likely to try to convince the other person to go along with what they want. They often twist things around and use their ability to understand others to manipulate or coerce their partner in order to get their own way. “It will be fun,” “It’s the right thing to do”…etc. They like the other person’s company, but they want it to be something they want to do—and they want their partner to be happy about it!
The other person usually yields because they like making the native happy. They want the relationship to work and they understand that compromise is necessary. But often their partner senses that they can’t really trust the native—that if they allow themselves to become too close or vulnerable, the native won’t be fair with them. So the other person feels sad and disappointed that they have to hold back and look out for themselves. Eventually their pa
rtner is going to realize there’s more to life than making the native happy. Then, in order for the relationship to survive and become mutually satisfying, these folks will have to create reciprocity by finally going out of their way to make their partner happy.
However, until Libra North Node people become aware of how their behavior sabotages their relationships, they will continue to independently pursue their own desires. They also encourage others to follow their own impulses and become more self-sufficient. Because of this, they often attract people with co-dependency issues who need to gain a stronger sense of independence. Initially, they would revolve around the native’s narcissistic tendencies. But over time, as the partner realizes that the relationship is totally one-sided, they seize the opportunity to get in touch with their own strength and learn true independence. And once they do, they often move on to a relationship with someone who is more willing to share with them equally.
It’s difficult for others to stay in an intimate relationship with Libra North Node people when the native isn’t really emotionally available. They also tend to hide their feelings behind a set response. For example, if their response is humor, whenever things begin to get “heavy,” they hide behind jokes. Another challenge is that, by nature, these people aren’t very demonstrative—in terms of physical affection, saying “I love you,” etc. Being so ego-centered prevents them from exchanging energy with their partner on this level.
Their partners often feel that they’re not dealing with a whole person—like there’s a barrier between them and the native’s energy. And on a deep level, this is true. Until they become conscious, these folks tend to hold back part of themselves in their intimate relationships because they are selfishly preoccupied with seeking pleasure. Their past incarnations as warriors did not include the benefits of partnership and marriage. So in this lifetime they resist allowing anyone to really link with them, as they don’t want to lose the possibility of experiencing pleasure with others outside their primary bond.
