by Jan Spiller
This person is not only making you aware of how they are, but of how they need you to be in order for the relationship to work at an optimal level. They are bringing you the gift of opening your sensitivity to “the other.” However, this can lead to so much forgiveness for them that you avoid giving them a true picture of yourself. You understand them so deeply that you may compromise your own integrity in order to avoid saying anything that will hurt them. The challenge here is to communicate the truth of what you feel in a loving way that validates the relationship. For example: “For our trust and closeness to really thrive, we need to follow through by calling each other when we say we will.” They are helping you recognize that the success of any relationship will depend not only on the other person’s integrity, but on yours as well. And tactfully sharing your ideas with them about what works in terms of team integrity can also help them to grow.
Another gift that someone with this nodal position gives you is to help you overcome any judgmental tendencies that may have been blocking your involvement with others. They open the doorway for you to love someone unconditionally because of your ability to see them more clearly and understand them on a deeper level than others do. You see the best in them, and they inspire you to love them, even if they don’t match the image of someone to whom you would normally be attracted.
POTENTIAL AREAS OF CONCERN—In the process of this person bringing energy into your area of partnership, they may inadvertently drain energy from you as an individual. Even though they may not say this or even believe it, somehow their influence makes you feel that the team is the key to your success as an individual, and that supporting the team is the same as supporting yourself.
In fact, the biggest danger in this relationship is loss of your own identity. You work so well with them that you could have a tendency to become co-dependent. In the process of partnering so quickly with you, they may unintentionally deprive you of your independence and the time alone that you need to nurture your own identity. The results can be that you end up feeling depleted and “off course” in terms of your own life.
If this person is a child who eventually moves out on their own, they may have a tough time letting go and are likely to try to create a co-dependent relationship with you. But one of their gifts is to teach you how to do healthy relationships—so if they try to become co-dependent, they need you to stay in touch with your independence and figure out how to maintain the relationship without losing your sense of self. Whether this person is a friend, spouse, child, sibling, or co-worker, in order to keep the relationship healthy and have it be of mutual advantage, it is important that you take time alone on a regular basis so you can keep yourself strong and remember who you are as a separate autonomous being. Someone with this nodal position will take energy out of the context of “me” and put energy into the context of “us” on such a broad scope that they are not likely to give you good advice in terms of your clothing, hairstyle, or any other area having to do with your personal appearance. They are not a particularly good influence on your physical body, and probably not the best choice for a doctor, cosmetician, or help with your wardrobe.
BEST APPROACH—The words we use to propose things to others are so important. They reflect where we are coming from, which always determines the outcome. Because this person is in your life to strengthen your ability to form and maintain partnerships and other relationships, you will get the best results when you relate to them in terms of “we.” If you put the accent on “self”—who you are and your own personal needs—they won’t be able to hear you. But in seeking to affect outcomes, if you present the same issue to them in the form of what is good for “us,” you are much more likely to be successful. They will be able to hear you and support you, because when you speak in the context of the “relationship,” you tap into the part of their basic nature that wants to support the team.
For example, if you tell them, “I want to go to this concert,” they will probably resist your plan. But if you say, “Let’s go to the concert together,” they are likely to be happy to go with you. Of if you say, “I need more time alone,” they won’t “hear” you and may feel hurt or rejected. However, if you say, “I think it will enrich our relationship if we plan things in a way that supports my having more alone time,” they will probably be happy to help you get the time you need.
Whenever you need to communicate with this person, their level of cooperation will be determined by the way you present things and your response to them. So rather than say, “I want you to start doing the dishes at night,” say “I think it would give us more time to spend together if you take on the task of doing the dishes each night.” And as you tune in to their identity on a deeper level, they may request that you phrase things in a different way so they can respond more positively. For instance, they may say, “I’d rather you use the words ‘I need you to do the dishes each night.’” They will tell you what works for them, and your natural sensitivity to them will hear what they are saying. By giving them what they need from you in order for them to be cooperative, a channel for Love and mutual support will open between you.
PAST LIFE INFLUENCES—There are no specific past life influences related to this nodal position unless a person’s North Node falls in your 7th House and their South Node conjoins one of your planets (see Part III). Then meeting them in this lifetime is truly a matter of destiny—a contract to be fulfilled—and these influences may be strongly felt.
In a significant relationship, this is likely a Soul who in a past lifetime deprived you of the benefits of their support. They somehow pushed you to be on your own and develop your independence at the expense of having healthy relationships with others. They may have singled you out as “different” from the rest of the tribe, or used your persona to benefit themselves in some way. Whatever the specific scenario, they were responsible for your feeling apart from others—ostracized and deprived of normal relationships—contrary to your personal desires.
This was deeply hurtful to you in ways that may still be affecting you in this incarnation. So this is a payback lifetime for this person, and their contract is to bring you the gift of a happy partnership—either through becoming your partner or mate or in some way being an influence that attracts a suitable partner to you. Another way they may repay their debt to you is by teaching you how to reconnect with others in ways that are more harmonious than you could have ever experienced before they entered your life.
They have a unique ability to be a catalyst that heals you of feelings of loneliness, isolation, and forced independence when you link with their energy. Their job is to know you so well that they connect you with others on a level that reestablishes your experience of belonging and being part of the whole. In fact, through this person’s influence you are destined to create relationships that are deeper and more fulfilling.
When their North Node is in your 8TH HOUSE, they are bringing you the gifts of:
SOUL MATE RELATIONSHIPS—When a significant person enters your life and their North Node falls in your 8th House, it’s time for you to bring an increased awareness of the value and needs of others into your personality. You will likely feel that there is already a strong natural affinity between you because they are here to teach you about Soul Mate relationships—how they work and how to do them correctly. Soul Mate relationships, whether personal or business partnerships, occur when two people merge their energy and resources on a very profound level in order to reach a common goal. Combining with someone in this way is very empowering, and allows you to achieve much greater success than either of you could accomplish on your own.
Doing things with this person is easy, as there is a natural emotional rapport and similarity of purpose. For example, I have a client whose boyfriend’s North Node is in her 8th House. In doing the landscaping of their new home, they discussed everything, taking time to share their unique perspectives. In this process they became more patient as in
dividuals and as a couple in terms of making joint decisions that reflected each person’s values. They learned how to figure things out together in a way that made use of both partners’ talents and resources, and the results they produced far surpassed what either could have achieved alone.
This person will teach you about the advantages of partnership—how to be supportive and combine your resources with another in a healthy way. They won’t let you get away with old self-defeating behaviors you may have around relationships. They see past any unconscious blocks and will not acknowledge any barriers to joining with you—they just keep moving forward. They have a deep understanding of your psychology, and trust develops as you sense the innate feelings of forgiveness and empathy between you. This allows you to be yourself and still experience the benefits of an emotionally and financially interdependent relationship. When this is a union between mates, the sexual aspect is often blessed with a depth of emotion that makes the relationship a source of well-being on all levels. They are bringing you the gift of understanding that sex can be a pathway to deep emotional bonding and mutual nurturing.
Although someone with this nodal position will create a bond with you that makes you feel that you can be far more successful partnering with them than you could ever be without them, you may also feel that many of your own values and your sense of independence have to take a backseat in order to join with them. And while it is generally true that you must work with their idea, project, or business in order for the team to produce positive results, their energy opens you to understand what about them is innately valuable and feel inspired to combine with them. And as you recognize their talents and potential, you can also see that they need your energy and abilities to help promote them in the larger world. When they share an idea about something they want to create, you are immediately aware of how you can contribute and how by working together you can create a success that is in alignment with their values as well as your own.
This person is also teaching you about humility, in terms of accepting others’ resources to help further your own aims. They will awaken your desire to merge with another, and they will give you the energy you need to accomplish things together. They will inspire you to want to help them with their project or dream. As you validate their life goals and accept their gift of blending energy, you bring out the best in them and your influence motivates them to actively appreciate your value.
MERGING RESOURCES—Life also brought this person across your path because you need to develop a greater understanding of how to share your resources with another in a healthy way. If you are overly attached to keeping your money separate and don’t know how to share, they can help you to heal this pattern. Or if you have had a tendency to share your resources without first establishing proper boundaries, their influence will support you gaining greater wisdom in this area. They can also teach you the appropriate way to accept others sharing their resources with you.
One way they will help you learn how to share money is through their example. They often view their money as “joint money,” and will usually suggest that you take care of the finances, even if they are contributing more. They are very supportive of you having the resources you need to develop and use your talents or gifts. Their impulse toward you is truly to benefit you, because on some deep level they identify with you. So it is unlikely that there will be any strings attached to their giving—they just assume you are both working toward the same goal. This person is also good inheritance karma for you. They often appreciate your service or connection to them more than you know, and may end up leaving you money. Because the 8th House also rules inheritance and taxes, someone with this nodal position would be a good tax consultant or tax attorney for you.
The issue of money can be a tricky one. This person is not likely to increase your money if you give them total responsibility for it. It is only when you jointly invest money and energy and share in making the decisions that the financial potential of this union can flourish. For example, I had a stock broker whose North Node was in my 8th House, and I lost $4,200 of the $5,000 that I invested with him in two and a half weeks! However, the 8th House does have to do with investment and business opportunities, so if they bring something to your attention for you to mutually invest in and you feel excited about it, go for it! Working together, you are likely to create a product or service that yields substantial profits. Just remember that it is a matter of JOINT finances and responsibility for guiding the venture toward a mutually agreed goal. And in matters of shared finances, it usually works out better when you are the one who takes care of the money.
MAINTAINING APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES—A person with this nodal position will teach you what does and doesn’t work in terms of Soul Mate relationships—sometimes in painful ways. And you will find that one thing that doesn’t work is ignoring your boundaries. It is important that you don’t become so bonded with another that you lose sight of your own values and what’s important to you. The crucial thing with this person is to be sure about the goal of your relationship or joint project before making a commitment. If you are both dedicated to the same aim and consider it valuable to the same degree, then you can safely merge your energies and create success—in business or in a personal partnership. However, it will still be important not to surrender leadership to them. To receive their gift properly, you need to continue to participate in guiding your mutual efforts.
This can be a difficult nodal position in a parent/child relationship if the parent’s North Node is in the child’s 8th House. An “overbonding” can occur that results in the child having difficulty bonding with others because of the close connection (for good or ill) with the parent. It may be a challenge for the child to establish their own individual identity and gain a sense of self-worth apart from the parent. One way to counter this tendency is for the child to make two lists: one of the parent’s personality and character qualities, and the second of their own individual personality and character traits.
Sometimes if the child feels a strong aversion to a certain quality in the parent, it is a sign that the opposite quality is part of their own true nature. For example, if the child especially hates it when the parent lies, it may indicate that the child innately values truth. Then if they consistently tell the truth, their own identity will be validated and strengthened. If the child is an adult, this process of self-definition is their own responsibility. However, when a child is still young, it is the parent’s job to help them form their own identity and learn to set appropriate boundaries. The parent will need to consciously validate the child’s ability to develop their own opinions and tastes and make good decisions for themselves.
INSIGHT, EMPOWERMENT, AND TRANSFORMATION—A significant person whose North Node is in your 8th House will renew your life force with a level of intense energy that fuels your ability to change and grow. Their influence opens you to core emotional, sexual, and psychic energies that can act as gateways for profound transformational and regenerative experiences. They heal you by transforming your values and expanding your sense of what’s important. This includes helping to free you from any self-imposed limits on your behavior. For example, I had a client whose roommate had this nodal position. My client had always been obsessive about having a clean house. It was a ritual she thought she had to maintain in order to feel good about herself. But due to her roommate’s influence, her values have changed. Because she noticed her roommate taking naps, now she takes a nap after work instead of compulsively cleaning house. As a result, she’s healthier, happier, and more relaxed.
Someone with this nodal position really sees and appreciates your talents and resources, and they automatically support and encourage you to use your gifts in ways that will be socially validated. They want to combine with you and stimulate your power so that you experience greater fearlessness and your accomplishments can reflect the changes you’ve made on a core level. They also bring you the gift of increasing your un
derstanding of your own unconscious motives so that you can live your life with fewer psychological hindrances. Sometimes they do this by virtue of their own dysfunctions, in that seeing their incongruencies alerts you to your own subconscious, self-sabotaging beliefs about life and relationships.
You will also become aware of any expectations you hold that are blocking you from using your power to renew your own life. This person’s presence opens you to truly understanding the psychology of another, which stimulates a deep and honest level of self-reflecting. This empowers you to become aware of your own unconscious psychological beliefs and objectively look at whether they support you or are actually undermining your life. For instance, another client’s roommate had this nodal position, and my client was acutely aware that her roommate was operating from the expectation that “Someday a man will come and rescue me and then my life will be wonderful.” But my client knew that was never going to happen. Her roommate was an older woman who never went out, and was living her life in a way that guaranteed her dream wouldn’t come true. Then my client took a closer look at herself: “Am I doing the same thing? What am I waiting for? What is really going to happen if I don’t go out and make it happen?”
This person can help you unlock some of the psychological “stuff”—including your unconscious motives and needs—that you’ve had in bonded relationships, so that you can see what you’ve done in the past that has been destructive. This includes self-defeating behaviors that may have been with you for a lifetime and have unconsciously blocked you from having a successful bonded relationship. They may push the same “buttons” as people in your past, but when they do it, you become aware of your own responses in a way that empowers you to change. For example, maybe your habitual response when others disagree with you has been to become silent, and over time this has led to you not sharing your own truth with anyone. But when this person disagrees with something you’ve said, you suddenly recognize that your response is to get quiet, and you see how this reaction has been diminishing every area of your life. Just this awareness will begin to transform your behavior.
