by Untamed
Seriously, I was lost, so I asked, “And what is that?”
“Why didn’t you just bring your ass to the party and call Jennifer about your phone from Jumpin’ Jamboree? Every adult at the party had a cell phone. The facility has phones you could’ve used. You would’ve been at Nadia’s party way before they left theirs, so Jennifer could’ve just kept the phone for you. Had you been courteous enough to call me and let me know you were on the way, you would’ve had your fucking phone, and better yet, you would’ve known that it wasn’t charged. This is the same shit that I’ve been screaming about—a failure to communicate.”
I had to lean back against the bookcase, because she had knocked the wind out of me with that one. In hindsight, she was absolutely correct. I couldn’t even be mad or argue, because that was exactly what I should have done.
“Baby, you’re right. I’m so sorry, and I can’t apologize enough for this. Please believe me when I say that it didn’t even dawn on me to do that. If it had, you know I would’ve done that. It makes perfect sense, and it was the perfect solution, but I’m not perfect, and I made a mistake. I realize that I really fucked up, and I want to make it up to you and Nadia. Can you please forgive me?”
The deathly glare she threw my way made me want to never miss making a phone call again in my life. When I saw tears streaming down her face, I knew we were approaching a category 5 storm. “Of course it didn’t dawn on you. When it comes to common courtesy and putting Nadia and me first, it never dawns on you. You feel like you’re free to do whatever you want to do when it comes to Jessica and Jennifer. Meanwhile, you throw us on the back burner at free will, and we’re just supposed to sit back and accept these two new people in our lives, and this new situation, without showing any type of emotion about it because you say so.”
“Wait. Whoa. Wait a minute. I’ve never tried to force you to deal with this—”
“Yeah, right. You don’t want me to confront Jennifer, because that’s Jessica’s mom. I’m not supposed to tell you that you’re not giving Nadia enough time, because then I’m trying to make you choose between your daughters. I’m not supposed expect to come first, because then I’m not being understanding of you having to develop a relationship with Jessica. Anytime I have ever tried to stick up for Nadia and me, you’ve always accused me of being the bitch, just not in those exact words. And the only thing I’ve asked is for you to be courteous of our feelings and to keep me first, because as your future wife, I deserve that.”
“You do deserve that, and I am trying like hell. I’m not gonna get everything right, but it’s hard enough just trying to deal with this—”
The interruption was instant. “So you expect me to just roll over and deal with whatever you dish out?”
Exasperated, I bit out, “I look for you to support me.”
“Fine! Then support me too,” she screamed, her hands flailing in the air. “Give me courtesy calls, make it to appointments and parties when you’re supposed to, and treat me like I’m the wife instead of your chick on the fucking side.”
By now, Lucinda was damn near hysterical. I couldn’t bear to watch her unravel, and I knew that I had to put whatever frustrations I had aside to bring calm and somehow repair the cracks in our relationship. We were standing on shaky ground, and my mother’s words pounded in my head: Lucinda is your future wife, but you won’t have her if you keep down this path you’re on.
After easing up to her, I gently wrapped my arms around her and held her close. She fought against me, but the more she fought, the tighter I held on. I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I didn’t realize how much she had bottled up on the inside, and hearing all of this had made me feel even worse. Every time she’d needed me, I’d let her down, and now I’d let Nadia down too. I didn’t want to be that man, but I was.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t realize it. I’ll do better by you. I swear.”
My words lingered in the air as I continued to hold and rock her. After a few moments, she stopped resisting and caved in to my embrace. A wail like I’d never heard before escaped her throat and ripped through my soul. I’d been the one that had protected her from Raul and had consoled her through the debacle with her father, yet now I was the one that was hurting her. It tore me up on the inside to feel as though, out of everyone, I had broken her. I’d broken her when I had promised her that she never had to worry with me. I felt like the greatest disappointment in life. Not just to her, but to myself. Her next words were enough to make me crumple to my knees.
“I just want to know that we matter to you, Aldris,” she whimpered.
I pulled back a few inches and held her face in my hands. “You do. You both do. And I’ll show it to you. I promise, baby.”
My desperation for her to feel how sincere I was caused my own tears to fall. Finally, she reached up and hugged me around my neck, and I squeezed her body close. So close, we seemed melded together. I was basking in this moment when I suddenly felt her body go stiff as a board, and she pushed me back.
“You smell just like Jennifer’s fragrance.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t fucking lie to me. I remember that smell. She had on the same perfume the first time she came to our house. Why do you smell like Jennifer, Aldris?” she stormed, on the verge of being livid.
“I don’t know what you’re—”
“You have lipstick on your collar and a lipstick print on your neck, Aldris.”
She pointed to the side of my neck. Then she stepped back, with her arms folded across her chest, as if waiting for whatever excuse I could drum up to support my reason for this offense. Truth was, I had none, because at the moment, I had no clue what she was referring to or why she even thought I had evidence of lipstick stains on my collar and neck. My mind was focused on the here and now; I was still trying to correct my wrong about the party. I struggled to catch up with the accusations. As my mind scrambled, it suddenly hit me.
Shit. When I’d got ready to leave Jessica’s party, I had hugged Jennifer, and she had brushed her lips against my neck during the hug. I hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, and I had never even thought about Jennifer’s lipstick. I sure as hell didn’t want to tell Lucinda about that hug, given my track record with Jennifer. Now I couldn’t hide it. I had to come clean.
“When I got ready to leave, I hugged her. That’s it.”
She shoved me into the bookshelf so hard that some of the books fell off. “You hugged her? For what? You know what? I’m so sick and tired of your and Jennifer’s inability to keep your fucking hands off each other. You said the last time you wouldn’t touch her again.”
“It was just a friendly—”
“It’s always friendship and innocence with you. Just like you calling her ‘baby’ at the family gathering was innocent too, huh?”
“Huh? What? I don’t even remember calling her that.”
“Oh, well, I most certainly do. Let me refresh your memory. ‘Baby, that thing was so dry, I had to drink a gallon of water just to swallow it, and two gallons once it hit my stomach.’ I let that shit slide because the girls were there, but oh, believe you me, had they not been there, I would’ve pulled out my blade and cut both of y’all’s asses every which way but a loose.”
Why me? I hit my forehead. Damn. Now that she mentioned it, I remembered saying that. I mean, it was a figure of speech. She’d taken it way out of context. “Lu, it was just an inn—”
“Oh, please! Fucking spare me the ‘innocent gesture’ comment, Aldris. The bigger issue is that now you can’t even keep your damn promises to me. Jennifer comes before me with even that? If that’s the case, take your ass over to Jennifer’s house and be with her. Because you damn sure respect her more as your woman than you do me.”
Attempting to step around the books and recover from being knocked backward, I put my hands up to block any further strikes. “Wait a minute. This is getting outta hand.”
She shoved me again. “You’ve been out
ta hand,” she roared.
I reached for her, trying to show that I was peaceful and that this was unnecessary. “Lucinda.”
She snatched away from me and hollered, “You will not disrespect me. Get out!”
“What?”
“Leave me alone, Aldris. I can’t even think right now, and I need for you to go,” she said angrily, her voice low.
Defiance took over me. Ain’t no way I was leaving with our shit jacked up like this, and I definitely wasn’t about to get kicked out of my own house. “We need to talk about this—”
She picked up a book and threw it at me. “I’m beyond talking!” she screamed and hurled two more books in my direction. “Get away from me!”
“Baby,” I yelled as I dodged books and then figurines. “I’m sorry.”
“Leave now!”
Distraught and not wanting the situation to escalate any further, I grabbed my keys and left. Before I pulled out of the driveway, I sat in my car for a minute, wondering how our relationship had gotten to this point. The last thing Lu needed to see was the slightest evidence that I’d broken a promise or what she presumed was a sign of unfaithfulness. I hadn’t even been thinking about this when I hugged Jennifer, but I had broken a promise to Lucinda when I did that. What the hell was up with me and my foresight these days? Couldn’t God just spare me this once? Everything that had happened up to this point was completely innocent, but I always ended up looking like the guilty party.
I drove around aimlessly, going over and over everything in my mind, wondering if my relationship was even salvageable. My scrambled thoughts led me to stop at a sports bar and grab a beer or two or three. I sat at the bar for hours. After four tequila shots, three beers, and a Hennessy and Coke, I felt right—and the bartender wouldn’t serve me any more alcohol anyway—so I paid my tab, left the bar, and sat in the car for a while. I didn’t even know if I could go back to my own house. Hell, with that alcohol in my system, I didn’t think it would be a good idea for either one of us if I returned to the house. I understood why Lucinda was pissed, but if she threw something at me in the state I was in, shit was gonna get ugly real quick. Ain’t nothing worse than that ball of C-4 at the house mixed with a sloppy drunk.
I was just about to close my eyes when my cell phone rang. I took the call. “Yeah, hello.” My slurred words came out sounding foreign to me.
“Aldris?”
“Yeah. Who this?”
“Jennifer. Have you been drinking?”
I knew I had to be drunk when I laughed at Jennifer’s question. “Yep. A whole lot.”
“Oh my God. Where are you at?” she asked.
I looked up at the ceiling of my car, then to the left and to the right. “At . . . Shit, I don’t know. I forget the name of this place. Um, hold up. Let me ask this man walking by.” With the phone still to my ear, I rolled down my window and hollered, “Ay, my man. What’s the name of this place?”
“Dugan’s, man.”
“You heard that?” I said into the phone. “Dogans. Dogarts. Domans.”
“Stay put,” Jennifer commanded. “I’m coming to get you.”
The line went dead, and I was left staring at my phone. The next thing I knew, I heard a tap on my window and jumped.
“Shit,” I yelled, then I looked out to see Jennifer. I opened the door. “How long you been standing there?” I staggered out of the car.
“I just got here. Can you even walk?”
After three unstable steps, I found my footing but then leaned on the car to keep from falling down. “Yeah, I got it. I could’ve drove.”
“Yeah, drove yourself straight into the grave. Get over on the passenger’s side,” she demanded. “I’ma drive your car back to my house.”
“Now who’s drunk? If you’re driving your car . . . wait, my car . . . then who’s driving . . . your . . . mine . . . How did you get up here?”
She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. “Mm-hmm. Yeah, you are in great condition to drive. My neighbor rode with me, so she is gonna drive my car. Now go get in.” She pointed in the direction of the passenger’s side, and I obeyed.
By the time we pulled up in her driveway, just enough of the alcohol’s effects had worn off for me to show concern for Jessica, but I was still pretty tipsy. “Hey, where’s Jessica? I don’t want her to see me like this.”
“I’m already on that. She’s spending the night down the street, at her friend’s house, so you can recoup in peace.”
She dialed her neighbor and thanked her for the favor, and then we walked in the house, where I plopped on the sofa.
“Man, I haven’t been this wasted since college.” I grabbed one of her throw pillows and hugged it.
She hit my feet. “Shoes off my sofa, please.”
After sitting up, I kicked my shoes off, and she sat down next to me, crossed her legs, and stared at me.
“So?” she asked.
“So, what?” I asked, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.
“So how about those Hawks?” she scoffed. “What the hell do you think I’m talking about, Aldris? What happened between you and Lucinda?”
“Man, do I have to go into that right now? I can barely think straight. Let alone go back through that horror story. What time is it, anyway?” I rubbed my forehead.
“It’s a little after seven.”
She stood up and headed to the kitchen. “I’m gonna make you some coffee,” she said over her shoulder.
A few minutes later, she came back with a steaming mug, and I sat up. I blew and sipped without looking. “Yuck. It’s black.” I stared into the cup.
She pointed to the cup. “It’s strong. And you need it.” She sat back down. “Now that I have your attention, what happened?”
I put the cup down, slid my hands down the length of my jean shorts, and straightened my Polo shirt before I explained the whole story to her. “We went around and around until finally the truth behind her anger came out.” I picked up the coffee cup and took a huge gulp.
Jennifer shrugged. “So, what was the truth?”
I felt uneasy telling her, but I was so confused and fucked up with that alcohol in my system that I needed to talk to someone. Maybe Jennifer could kind of help out, being that she was smack dead in the middle of the whole thing.
I leaned forward and looked over at her. “She feels that I put her and Nadia on the back burner for you and Jessica. I mean, she wasn’t saying for me to ignore you all, nor was she acting like Jessica was a nuisance in our lives. She was just saying that I tend to do what I want for you all and with you all without regards to our relationship and household. Since I’m not used to being the parent with an outside kid, I kinda like . . . I guess . . . expect her to suck up everything without complaining and support me without my really supporting her.”
Jennifer nodded and pushed her hair behind her ears. “I see. Well, are you?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Hell, maybe I am. I see some of what she’s saying.” I shrugged, leaned back, and held my head, which was fucking spinning. Why couldn’t I just fucking drink and drown in peace?
“Like what?” she asked.
“Like, I promised her that I wouldn’t be caught in a compromising position with you again, and right when she was gonna forgive me for missing Nadia’s party, she spotted this on my collar.” I pointed to her lipstick.
She leaned over and made an “uh-oh” face. “Oh my. I see it now. I’m really sorry about that.”
She turned to face me, with one knee propped on the sofa. “Listen, I never meant to cause a rift in your relationship with Lucinda. We have a past, and well, that past keeps us tied together in the present and future by Jessica. I think what’s hardest for her is that you are an involved parent with your outside child. You don’t have to deal with baby daddy drama, because Raul isn’t around, and she’s never had to deal with baby mamas and outside children in regards to her man. It’s an adjustment for both of you. You’re trying to find your way in
this too. And, hell, at least you’re trying. Most men don’t give a damn anyway. In that respect, Lucinda is lucky, because she has a man who won’t abandon his responsibilities. I’m not saying that her feelings aren’t valid, because the things she’s feeling are very real to her, but at the same time, as your fiancée, she should know where your heart is.”
With my head leaned back on the sofa, I allowed my eyes to fall on her. “And I guess that’s what she’s questioning. Where my heart is.”
There was a brief pause as Jennifer’s eyes danced around before she swallowed hard. “That’s easy . . . with her,” she said, shifting in her seat.
“True.” I nodded. I looked at how uneasy she’d become. “Let me ask you a question, though. Where is your heart?”
Her eyes fell downward as she fiddled with her hair. “It doesn’t matter where my heart is.”
With a slight nod, I closed my eyes. “I just need to know that Lucinda isn’t reading mixed signals on either side.”
The next thing I knew, I felt pressure on my thighs, and I jerked my head forward. Jennifer had straddled my lap, and now she leaned forward so her face was close to mine.
“Then I guess I have to be honest, then,” she said.
“Wh . . . what are you doing?”
“I’ve been fighting the feelings for you brewing inside of me for a while, because I know that you’re engaged to Lucinda. But if there’s any chance at all that we could get back to where we were, I need to know that, and you do, too, before you make a mistake.”
I went to push her off, but she locked her arms around my neck. “Tell me part of the reason you don’t mind being close to me is that deep down you want to be,” she whispered in my right ear.
“Oh, dear God,” I mumbled.
She knew that was my spot. Talking softly, kissing, or blowing on my right ear just did something to me, and my little head reacted instantly.
She giggled. “Mm-hmm. Little big man agrees with me.”
Sweat dripped from my forehead from both the situation and the alcohol I’d consumed. Jennifer was making me delirious, as the heat from the moment and the heat from my intoxication threatened to consume me.
