by Brynn Hale
Bronson: You have twin girls in Nevada. Apparently, they went there to find you and found your brother who had been impersonating you, which I think you knew. He told them you’re dead. Bro, you’ve got kids. You’re a fucking dad. That’s insane. But hey… Congrats?
I read the message again.
I think back and I can’t recall not wearing a condom, but I can’t say it didn’t happen once or twice. And there is always the chance even with one that those suckers get through. They’re sneaker than a Red Star Rebel, apparently.
Murphy: Do you know their mother’s name?
Bronson: Ruby Taylor? From Dorian Nebraska?
And then it hits me. The name—I called her “my gem” for the weekend. She had the reddest hair. It was two nights my freshman year. That would make them…twenty-two or three? I’m not putting this on anyone but me.
But kids? You’re wrong, Luna, we’re going to be discussing kids a lot sooner than you thought. Shit. Fuck.
Murphy: First, stop looking into my past. But thanks. Heading there now.
Bronson: Let me know how it goes. And Halsey wants an answer ASAP. He’s being a dick today.
I don’t care what Halsey is or isn’t. I’m a dad. I decide not to respond. I’ve just gotten something I never knew I wanted so badly. I look across to Luna. She’s the only other thing I want right now.
I roll out of bed and pull my jeans on. “I have to go.”
“I figured. It was nice seeing you. Let yourself out, Landon,” she says with robotic resignation that stabs me and might hurt as much as being actually stabbed. I would know.
Luna starts to walk to the bathroom, and I round the foot of the bed.
I grab her hand and she spins, her hair twirling behind her. “It’s not the Rebels. I need to go to Nevada. One of my team members just told me that I have twin girls I’ve never known about there. I’m a dad, Luna.”
Her brows furrow. “What?”
“A dad. I fathered twin girls my freshman year of college. I had no idea.”
“I…don’t…maybe you should go by yourself? This seems like something you should do on your own.”
I hold her neck in my hand and make sure she’s looking me in the eye. “Luna, come with me. I want you there.”
“Landon, there are a lot of secrets and complications in your life. I’m not sure you can truly stop being a Rebel and being owned by someone else. And now kids? Fatherhood? That’s a full fucking plate right there.”
There’s a divide that she can’t cross to trust me. I was hurt when she told me she wouldn’t marry me and I left. I abandoned her when she needed me to stay. I thought there was something bigger to do out there, but what I found out there was that she the bigger in my life. The everything. My chest burns and my stomach churns.
“Maybe we should just call this the bookend to the relationship,” she says quietly.
I pull her close. “I’m not a bookend and neither are you. We are an open book, Luna. Please, come with me. I can have you back before work tomorrow.”
“And then you go back to being Black Ice’s property?”
My hand drops. That decision isn’t totally clear. I still have a month on my contract, but reupping isn’t out of the question, it’s all right here.
“I want you in my life. I’m trying to be normal. I know there’s a lot of crap that comes with me, but I’m here and I’m present right now.”
She kisses my cheek. “I hope it goes well, but I can’t.”
I’m still a ghost to her.
And I’m alone…again.
8 Luna
I step under the running water, but it won’t wash away this feeling. This stifling longing that is the knowledge of what I had. He wants me to commit to going with him, but he won’t commit to staying with me. We’re both fighting for the same thing. Each other. But I need the assurance that he’s going to be here after the weekend.
I finish showering quickly and call Gwen while I’m still wrapped in my towel, sitting on the edge of my bed. Opening my nightstand for some lotion, I see the white envelope. His name covered by “Return to Sender.”
“Hey, chicka! What’s up? Beetlejuice get put back in his place?”
“He asked me to go to Nevada with him today. He found out that he has kids…I think twins, but I didn’t ask and I don’t know if he knows. I’m not going.” I blurt it all out because there’s no way to present it that doesn’t sound crazy.
“What the hell? Who is this guy? He’s dead. He’s alive. He discovers his sperm has created life? I don’t blame you for staying in Austin. He sounds like he’s fucked up.”
I chuckle and then break into a long laugh, letting out the pain and the fear. “He is fucked up, but the bigger problem is that I’m fucked up over him, Gwen. Again!”
“You love him?” her voice is more soft than I’ve ever heard it.
“I never stopped. I tried, but love doesn’t die.”
She sighs, long and heavy. “I don’t like that he left you and he let you believe that he was dead, but I could see how much he loves you last night. Honestly, I had to leave because I was…”
“Jealous?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Luna, don’t be sorry. Be happy.”
“I…I never told you that he asked me to marry him when I was in college and I said no.”
“What? Why?”
“I was scared. I wanted to finish my degree.” I shake my head. “No, that’s not the whole truth. I didn’t want to be second to his career and I could see that being of service to others is what he does and what he loves.”
“But what if you are what he truly loves. Luna, you looked happy last night. Happier than I’ve seen you since I met you seven years ago. Sometimes we have to take that leap of faith into the unknown, honey. It can hurt when we leap and fall, but don’t be like me, I’ve never leapt at all and that hurts just as much.”
“Oh, Gwen…” I stand. “We’re going to have brunch when I get back and we’re going to find you a man. You deserve love, too.”
“Go get your love, Luna.”
“Love you like a sister.”
“Love you, more.”
I hang up, rush around the room, packing, getting dressed and quickly semi-blow drying my hair and manipulating it into a long braid over my shoulder.
I grab my bag, my purse, and my phone. I step outside, turn to lock the door and when I turn around, I freeze.
Landon’s sitting in his car.
He looks up and I see what I never thought I’d see. I drop my bag and walk around the car. I open the door and he turns his head, his face is veneered with wetness.
“I couldn’t leave, Luna. As much as I want to meet these young women, they’ve lived twenty years without me, but I can’t live another day without you.”
“I want you to stay, but I can’t make you quit.”
He stands and pulls me into his arms. “I’m not quitting on the Rebels. I’m moving on to a new mission—us—you and me. I’m not giving anything up. I’m gaining so much. The real mission of my life isn’t finished, unless I’m with you.”
“Are you sure?”
He smiles. “I’m sure.” He kisses my forehead. “Why the bag?”
“Because I’m coming with you to Nevada.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Then let’s go.”
9 Landon
We walk up to the door of the Graffiti Street Guardians MC Club in Kildare, Nevada. My heart pounds. After facing death as a Rebel, I could honestly say I’ve never been as scared as right now.
I stop, my boots shuffling on the concrete. “I’m scared.” I’m not sure she heard me.
“Tell me…” she says quietly, facing me.
“Do you think the girls will want a relationship?”
She reaches up and brushes her hand over my face. “I never told you that I love your beard.”
“I think I’m going to shav
e it off.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s been a mask for me.”
“And now you want to be unmasked?”
“Exactly. So…what do you think…my children?”
She grabs my hand. “I think there’s only one way to find out.”
We’re stopped right inside the door by a man with a long, menacing scar down the side of his face. I have some impressive scars, but this is the granddaddy of all scars.
“No outsiders,” he grunts and points to the door.
“We’re here to see Delaney and Sahara…Taylor?”
“Are you sure or you just guessing at their last name?”
“No. I know. Taylor.”
“Well, you’d be wrong. But who the fuck are you?” He stands and my six inches of height isn’t going to scare him. He has a good fifty pounds of muscle on me and one strike would be a good one.
“None of your fuckin’ business.” But I can take a punch and I’m not going to bow down to him.
Luna grabs my arm and pulls me from some haze I’m in. “You have to be honest and you have to drop the training, Landon. He’s not the enemy.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I’m their father.”
His face pales. “Landon? The dead guy?”
I rear back. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Lennox know you’re in town?” he asks.
“Technically, no one should know I’m here and I’m not supposed to travel, so…”
The guy holds out his hand. “I’m Vice. I’m Sahara’s husband.”
Husband? You’re like twice her age! And then it hits me, I’m protective of a person I’ve never met. It’s inside of me to do this. Missions feel personal to me. But they never were personal, they were all business. This is personal.
“Nice to meet you, Vice. This is Luna Dolan.” I want to introduce her as my girlfriend, or more, but I know not to go there quite yet.
“Head to that room over there and I’ll go get the girls.”
We’re not in the room a minute when the door swings open and two almost identical women file in.
“You’re alive?” The one on the right asks and I can tell it’s going to take full honesty.
I lay it out. I tell them everything. I tell them the good, the bad, and the ugly because that’s what it’s going to take and if it’s not enough, then they’ll have to be the ones to walk away, but I’m not walking away from anyone who has my blood or my love.
I’m taking back my life.
Della, as she goes by, lifts her eyes to mine and I can see her mother in her. “Are you going to see Uncle Crow?”
I realize she’s talking about Lennox and that must be his MC name. It feels weird that he has an alternate name, too, but his is probably for different reasons.
“Yeah, I think I should.”
“Well, he’s at the hospital with his wife, Sasha. We’re heading there in a few minutes. They’re having…twins.” She smiles, but Sahara still keeps an unaffected face on.
I burst out laughing. “Doesn’t surprise me.”
Della leans back. “He’s not the father biologically, but I can tell you that those kids are more his than any.”
“Wow. This is all so…”
“Crazy?” Sahara asks. “Yes. So don’t blame me if I’m a little—”
“I wouldn’t blame you for anything, Sahara.” I reach for her hand and she lets me hold it. “All I’m asking is for a chance.”
“Then you should go. I know Crow would like to see you,” she says. “And…and I’d like to see you again, too…Dad.”
My chest hitches and I try to stop the filling of my eyes, but soon the vision is blurred.
I stand and round the table, giving each a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You’re both so beautiful. Thank you…thank you for letting me in.”
“The door is open, but we’ll have to see where we go from here.” Della sighs.
Outside we’re in the rental car and I turn to Luna. “I couldn’t have done that without you.”
“I’m glad to be here. They have your nose and chin.”
Yeah, they do. Okay brother it’s your turn…
“I’m going to wait in the car.” She gives my hand a squeeze. “This is private family moment and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”
“Okay. I understand. I’ll be back in about twenty.”
“Take your time.”
I hand over the keys. “In case you want some AC.”
“Thanks.”
Inside the hospital, on the maternity floor, from afar I watch Lennox walk into the hallway and down to the concessions. I sneak into the room and see the two babies from a distance. They’re tiny and perfect in their bassinets.
I walk down the hall and quietly into the waiting area. “You still take it black?” I ask.
He brings his eyes to the glass of the front of the drink machine and we each stare into a face that’s so similar to the other’s.
“You’re supposed to be dead…”
My hand rises to clasp his shoulder. “I’m not.”
He spins and pulls me into hug that’s so tight that I wonder if he’ll ever let go.
“What the hell, Landon?” He releases me and pushes on my shoulder. “They told me you were dead. They made me believe you’d been blown up five years ago.”
“It was part of the job.” I don’t need to go into more.
“And now?”
I lean against the doorway to the concessions room. “Technically, I’m not supposed to be here, but I couldn’t stay away anymore. I needed to tell you that I’m proud of you brother. You have everything. A beautiful wife. Two handsome babies. And a life that I’ve never had. You have it all and I’m fucking jealous.”
“You’re not back?”
“Not yet. I’m working on it. Only a couple more jobs and then my contract with…well, I can’t say…but it’ll be done. Red Star Rebel Squad might be over soon.”
“You have a woman?”
“Nope. Been kinda on a dry spell. Been working months at a time. No time for love, but I see you’ve been busy.” I don’t want to bring Luna into this, as much as it kills me not to tell him. But she and I are just making our way through the past and as much as I want to be sure, it’s not quite clear if we’ll make it.
“Are you staying?”
“No, I’ve gotta get back. The guys are covering for me, but I have to check back in tomorrow.” My heart feels heavy, almost like it’s going in slow motion.
“Back sometime soon?”
“I hope so.”
“My wife is ex-military.”
“I know.” I did a little recon on the plane to Las Vegas.
“And she’s from NYC.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Is there anything you don’t know?”
I laugh. “Are you happy?”
“I used to want to be you, now I want to be me. And you should want to be me.”
I smile, seeing how relaxed and sure he is. “I do envy you. I’ll be back. I prom—”
“Don’t. I can’t have you say it and it not come true. Can you meet Sasha?”
“I don’t think I should. You don’t have to lie to her that you saw me, but no one else can know.” He backs into the hallway. “Later, Lennox…”
“Later, Landon…”
And just like that I’m gone. Do I truly think I’ll see him again? No. But if I do, I’ll cherish that time like I have these last five minutes.
10 Luna
After he’s gone, I look around and see a cute little boutique that’s open today and figure that a little birthday shopping can’t hurt.
I enter Cece’s Closet and immediately, I’m in love. The owner starts a barrage of questions that I answer without thinking. Before this weekend I held everyone at arm’s length because letting people in was bound to end up hurting. Gwen was the only one who truly stuck with getting to know me. And I’ll forever be in her debt for that.
&nb
sp; “Thank you for carrying larger than a size twelve.”
“Hey, not everyone’s a size two.” She rearranges some clothes on the wall.
“Amen.”
Before leaving she invites me back again and I wonder if that will ever happen. No matter what, I’ve gotten some souvenirs of my time here.
On the way back with a couple of bags that I’ll have to stuff all the clothes into my travel bag, I check out the other establishments. There’s a bar with graffiti sprayed on the outside. A tattoo shop. And with every step I feel something I haven’t in so long.
Peace. Harmony. Relaxed and fulfilled.
I get back in the Jeep, rolling down the windows as the Nevada heat settles into the cabin.
Landon comes out with a huge smile on his face.
“How’d it go?” I ask after he starts the Jeep.
“Really good. His twins are beautiful. Lucas Lennox Wright and Logan Landon Wright.”
“Aww. That’s cute. Did you get to see your brother?”
“Yeah. He’s doing great.”
“I’m so happy for you.” I lean across the console and my lips collide with his. It’s like nature is pulling us together.
After a nice make-out session, he sighs. “You wanna get a hotel for the night?”
“Up to you. I called in sick for tomorrow, so I’m good.”
“Great.”
He puts the Jeep in drive but pulls his phone from his pocket when it buzzes. His face pales and when he looks at me, I can see…fear in his eyes.
“Fuck. I sorry but…I’ve gotta go, Luna.”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“It’s one of my guys. They went into the mission without me and he’s hurt.”
I remain calm. They mean so much to him. He’s been their constant companion for years now. They’re all family.
“Then let’s go.”
We catch the next plane out of Las Vegas to Austin, just making the flight. We’re quiet and both seem reluctant to speak.
We had to get first class tickets, but I’m still surprised when the flight attendant comes to me with a frosted cookie and a battery operated tealight on the side.
“Happy birthday, Miss Dolan,” she says as she sets it on my table.
