A real family.
Greta was supposed to be just my surrogate, but she had begun to mean so much more than that. She had always been more to me than just a girl, or my best friend’s sister. She had a place in my heart, owned it completely, and I desperately clung to the hope that I could have a future with her. Obviously, the deal complicated things, and being together could jeopardize our lives, but I couldn’t let her slip through my fingers again. I had let it happen once before, but not again.
Thinking about it, I realized that I had some explaining to do to a few people. Especially, Garrett. I had no idea how he would react to the news. I was his best friend and we had been through so much already. He didn’t want me to be with Greta. But would it help if I told him that I loved his sister?
I really loved her, with every inch of my soul, and I wanted her to be mine. I wasn’t going to leave her or break her heart, because I couldn’t imagine my life without her now.
Sadness enveloped me as I thought back to when I had seen Greta in the bathroom, trying to hide the fact that she was sobbing her heart out. I knew why she was sad, but I decided to wait and let her talk about it when she was ready to do it. It was obvious that she was heartbroken about not getting the opportunity to raise the baby, which was half her anyway. She thought that I couldn’t see her as anything more than an old flame, and now, my surrogate, because I wanted to get full control of Destiny Developments. That she would think that of me was insulting, but I understood.
So, the obvious thing was to tell her that she was more than that, and if she wanted, I’d be willing to give us a chance. I couldn’t imagine her saying no to that. We were amazing together, have incredible and meaningful conversations, speak seriously, and also laugh together. Importantly, we could easily share our innermost feelings with each other. We didn’t judge one another and could talk freely and openly. She felt safe with me and I felt safe with her, like the loudness of my mind was finally silenced and I was at peace. I did not want to get rid of this feeling. I wanted to feel this way until my last day on earth.
Greta stirred in her sleep, rolling over to face me. Her face was close to mine, and she snuggled on my chest, softly letting out a slow and satisfying breath. I stared at her for a moment, waiting for her to wake up, but she didn’t.
I placed my hand on her stomach again, unable to tear my eyes away from her. Every moment spent looking at her, I fell deeper and deeper in love with her…the mother of my child. I smiled and kissed her forehead. I continued listening to her breaths and it slowly lulled me to sleep.
A few hours later, the morning sunlight beamed in through the curtains, a cool breeze grazing our skin from the slightly open window. I lazily opened my eyes and noticed that we were still in the same position, which made me smile sleepily. She looked peaceful in my arms and I put my hand up to brush a lock of hair from her cheek. I was glad that she had slept the entire night, commending myself for tiring her out.
She let out a soft moan and slowly opened her eyes. I brushed her cheek a few more times as her hazel eyes focused on me.
I smiled at her. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” she whispered.
“How did you sleep?”
“Really well. I can’t even remember getting up to pee.”
“You didn’t,” I pointed out.
“Were you keeping tabs on me?”
“I’m a really light sleeper,” I shrugged.
“Well, that’s going to come in handy, especially after the baby is born,” she noted.
“About that. There’s something that I want to tell you,” I stated, gathering my courage.
“Before you say anything,” she said and sat, her blonde hair tumbling down over her bare breasts, “I need to take a shower.”
“This is kind of important,” I cringed.
Greta grabbed a lock of her hair and pulled a face. “But I smell like sweat and sex.”
“And since when is that a bad thing?”
She giggled and climbed out of bed. I sat upright as she walked to the shower and threw up my hands in disbelief.
“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave me here all by myself?”
She glanced at me over her shoulder and winked. “You’re welcome to join me.”
I didn’t hesitate and jumped out of bed. Greta laughed with amusement as I ran and scooped her up in my arms. I carried her into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As steam filled the bathroom, we looked at each other with coy smiles.
“Well, this takes me back….” I said.
She giggled as she stepped into the shower, pulling me along. I wrapped my arms around her as the water splashed with a hiss on our naked bodies. I wanted every day of my life to begin this way.
22
Greta
I nervously tapped my finger on the banister of the large staircase that led to the lower levels of the convention center. It was the final day and I was trying to keep a low profile. I had spent breakfast mulling over whether to tell Frederick the truth about not being married to Isaac, weighing my pros and cons.
It was wrong to have exaggerated this lie and Frederick deserved to know the truth. Even if that meant losing the deal. Then again, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had to carry on with the lies. What would happen if Frederick ever came to San Francisco to meet us?
But the last twenty-four hours didn’t really feel like pretending.
Last night was the best night of my life, falling asleep next to Isaac after we’d had the most amazing time with each other. But I wasn’t sure what it meant for us. Was Isaac swept up in the pretend world of playing Mr. and Mrs.? What was his plan?
I didn’t know what to think. He was a loving man, and I wanted to be with him all the time, but I wondered whether this would continue once we were back in San Francisco. In Seattle, we had been living in a dream world. Unfortunately, the real world, and our lives, waited for us back home.
I was also worried that things would change between me and Isaac. That we would go back to being distant from each other. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that, the feeling of being all alone. Though I tried hard to be upbeat about life, enjoying being single, and focusing on my career, I was lonely. I didn’t date many people because no one seemed to be good enough.
No one except Isaac.
He had been the perfect guy, despite our disagreements and arguments. I was completely in love with him, but I didn’t want to get hurt again. It was inevitable – I would have his baby and he would get busy with raising the child; ultimately, carrying on with his life without me. He’d get the baby, and I would have nothing. I’d be left trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.
How was I going to get through that?
“Greta?”
I whirled around at the sound of my name. It was Frederick, standing a few feet away from me on the staircase, with a frown on his face.
“Is everything alright?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered. “I’m fine. I just…I just felt a little wave of nausea, but I’m okay.”
“Oh. I hope you do feel better soon. I wanted to talk to you about something if that is okay?” Frederick told me.
“Of course. I’ve got time,” I said and flashed a smile at him.
I followed Frederick to one of the breakout areas, and we sat down on the soft-cushioned chairs.
“Greta, I am very impressed with your program and I would love to invest my money in your company. It integrates perfectly with my program, and it is just what I want, without the expensive price tags of the other companies. Those programs do nothing remotely close to what yours can do.”
I smiled at him, but my guilt was stabbing me sharply in my heart. I couldn’t run my business under false pretenses. What if he invested in us and found out later that I’m single and just a surrogate for Isaac? That would mean another loss of a potential client and my reputation going down the drain.
“Your business is exactly what I
love to work with, being family run after all. It’s a wonderful thing to be so family orientated in such a lucrative field,” Frederick said. “Speaking of family, where is Isaac? I haven’t seen him today.”
I decided to come clean. “Frederick, there is something I need to tell you. It’s really important.”
“What is it?” he asked. “Is everything alright between you and Isaac? It’s normal to argue as a young couple, Greta.”
“Isaac and I aren’t married,” I blurted out.
Frederick looked at me with a blank expression. “I beg your pardon?”
I felt a lump in my throat and my vision blurring with tears. “We’re not married. We’re not even together. He’s accompanying me to make sure that nothing happens to the baby, which is his. I’m not his ex either. I am his surrogate.”
Frederick’s eyes widened as he heard the truth. He looked upset, but mostly confused.
“Isaac was trying to help me by pretending to be my husband, but I can’t lie to you anymore. I don’t want to make a deal with you under false pretenses only to be called a liar later,” I told him and clasped my hands. “I am so sorry, Frederick. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
Frederick was quiet for a moment, and then frowned. “You’re not married, nor have you ever dated him, but you’re having his child?”
“Yes. It’s a complicated situation,” I answered.
He pursed his lips and nodded. “I am very disappointed, Greta, but I do appreciate your honesty.”
I nodded, feeling a glimmer of hope. Maybe he would make a deal with me despite the deceit.
“While I find honesty like that refreshing, I cannot look past the fact that you both lied to me. So, I can’t pursue a contract with you.”
“I understand,” I nodded. “I’m truly sorry, Frederick.”
“So am I,” Frederick said standing up and walking away.
I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting back tears of self-loathing. I was disappointment with the situation. But mostly, I was disappointed with myself.
I drew in a deep breath and noticed Isaac walking toward me, passing Frederick on the way, who gave Isaac a cold stare. I wiped my tears and stood up to greet Isaac.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I muttered. “I just talked to Frederick—”
“Did he say something to you?” he asked, his jaw clenching. “What did he say?”
“Nothing. Everything is fine,” I insisted. “I think we should head home now. I’m not feeling well.”
“Yeah, sure,” Isaac nodded, and we headed back to the hotel.
Back in the hotel, I stood in front of my suitcase, which lay open on my bed, and started packing my things. Isaac had managed to get us on an earlier flight, for which I was incredibly grateful. I didn’t want to be here anymore, and the sooner we got back to reality, the better it would be. I needed some distance from Isaac, as this weekend had been surreal. It was fun to indulge in the fantasy in Seattle, but we had to live in the real world now. That meant no “happy ending” for us. I was just a means to an end, and I needed to remember that.
“Greta?” I heard Isaac call me, but I didn’t turn around.
“Yes?” I answered.
“Can we talk for a second?”
“Sure, about what?”
I heard him walk and draw in a deep breath. My back was to him.
“Can you tell me what happened with Frederick?”
“Can we not talk about that, please?”
“I want to talk about it, and I think you should too because clearly, you aren’t fine.”
“I am fine, so just forget about it.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” I asked and wiped my eye, frustrated with myself for crying all the fucking time.
“Insist that you’re fine when you’re not? You don’t have to pretend with me, you know that.”
I turned to him and cocked my head. “I thought that’s exactly what we were doing. Pretending.”
He sighed and shook his head. “Pretending out there. Not in here. Not with me.”
I ran my fingers through my hair and bit my bottom lip. “I told him the truth.”
“About us not being married?”
I nodded, lowering my gaze. “He appreciated the honesty, but doesn’t want to do a deal with me.”
Isaac’s shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry, Greta.”
“Yeah, me too,” I nodded and continued packing. “I just couldn’t, in good conscience, pretend that I was someone I wasn’t. My reputation would have been ruined if he were to find out that I had lied.”
“It’s my fault,” he said.
“It’s both our faults, Isaac,” I said, turning around to face him.
“No, it was my idea. I’ll go talk to him, if you want.”
“All I want is to go home,” I said slowly.
“Okay,” he nodded.
I took a deep breath and lowered my gaze. As I bent down to get my blue heels, I gasped and froze in mid movement. I’d just felt movement in my stomach! I cradled my small bump with my hands.
“What is it?” Isaac asked with concern.
I looked up at him and smiled, though still shocked. “I think I just felt the baby move.”
His eyebrows shot up and his eyes sparkled. “You did?”
“I think so,” I stuttered, as Isaac gently placed his hands on my stomach. “I’d felt a few flutters last week, but I thought that I was just imagining it. But I felt this one clearly. Isn’t it too early?”
“I have no idea,” he said slowly.
Isaac and I stood completely still, his hands on my stomach, but nothing happened. I looked at him and bit my lip, desperately hoping that the baby would move again. It didn’t.
Maybe I had imagined it because I felt bad for getting Isaac’s hopes up.
“Maybe it’s a little early for you to feel it from the outside,” I said, trying to make him feel better.
“Maybe,” he agreed.
His hands lingered on my stomach and a moment passed between us. A moment that was hard to put in words, but which worried me deeply. I didn’t want to get my hopes up by believing that something could happen between us and that a baby would make things better. Babies actually complicated things, I knew that much. This baby wasn’t going to bring us together like I had secretly hoped. This baby was going to be the one to split us up for good!
I couldn’t get hurt again, nor let my emotions get the better of me. I had to back off and I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. That was that harsh reality.
But I had to do it. For my own good.
23
Isaac
A week later, we were quiet in the car, and I wondered what was going on in Greta’s mind. It was clear that she was keeping her distance, and I could not understand why. Our trip to Seattle had been great and I thought that we could build a relationship now. But we had only drifted apart.
The sky was grayer than usual, and it surprised me how fast winter had arrived. It was still early days, but the nights were cold already. Maybe I hadn’t noticed the cold because in Seattle, I had spent the nights lying next to Greta, holding her tightly against me. Alone in my bed, in a four-bedroomed house, there was nothing but loneliness.
“How have you been sleeping?” I asked, desperately trying to break the silence between us.
“Better. The colder weather helps. It’s like I have a built-in oven inside me,” she answered.
“At least you won’t get cold,” I pointed out.
She nodded quietly and looked my way. “You know, you don’t have to come for each appointment. I can get there myself. You have a lot to deal with at work. I don’t want to keep you from that.”
“I don’t mind,” I said.
“I know you don’t, and I understand that you’re protective of your investment, so to speak. But I can handle it on my own,” she told me.
I frowned, the lines furrowing deep on my forehea
d. “The clinic is too far away from your office and your apartment, Greta. And I don’t want you taking public transport when you’re pregnant. You’re doing this for me, so the least I can do is make it easy for you.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’ll be fine. I can do this on my own. After all, I’m being paid.”
“It’s my baby, Greta! I think I’ll stick to driving you. I want to be a part of the process and see my kid in the ultrasound. I want to watch the baby grow and hear its heartbeat. Just because you feel that this is a job to you, doesn’t mean that I feel that way. This is my baby, and the deal was that I drive you to all your appointments.”
She pursed her lips and stared out the window.
“Why are you distancing yourself from me all of a sudden?” I asked as I drove into the parking lot of the clinic and parked the car in my usual spot. I turned to look at her.
“Because it’s better this way,” she said, unbuckling her seatbelt.
“Better for whom?”
“Better for everyone. We’re not in Seattle anymore, Isaac. We don’t have to pretend anymore, remember? We’re back in our real lives. The one where I’m your surrogate. Nothing more, nothing less. We have to keep it that way,” she answered.
I clenched my jaw and lowered my gaze. “Is that how you feel?”
“Yes. I can’t keep wondering where I stand with you because it confuses me. I’m hormonal and emotional, and sometimes I tend to overreact and overanalyze, but this has to be simple. Consistent. I have to be sure that this arrangement between us is all there is.”
Each word she said made me realize that she was slipping further and further away from me, even when she was sitting right beside me. I rested my hands on the steering wheel and breathed. A week ago, it had felt like I was finally breaking through Greta’s walls, but now they were up again, stronger than ever before. Now, she had pulled the rug out from under me. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that I didn’t want her to be just my surrogate. I wanted her forever, all for myself. The only things that mattered to me were Greta and the baby, but this was not the right time to demand that. I wanted to give her the space she wanted, even though it meant that I could lose her.
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