by Tyler, Q. B.
He’s breathing heavy and I can almost hear his heart beating in his chest.
“Clarke,” I whimper his nickname for the first time in six months aside from that one time at the hospital, but more importantly, for the first time since he woke up, hoping that it serves as the green light.
“Livi.” He grazes his nose against mine once, one of his moves that used to drive me crazy. His hands find my mouth, drawing his thumb across my bottom lip. “Did you wear this color for me?”
“Yes,” I whisper and I look up to find him biting his lip.
“Fuck.” He groans, his lips ghosting over mine gently. I let out a sigh, dying for a taste of his mouth but he doesn’t come any closer. We just stand there, breathing the same air, but not making any attempts to close the space between us. It’s like we’re stuck, neither one of us wanting to make the first move, though I’m surprised that Bennett isn’t going for it.
“I remember…” He takes a step back and shuts his eyes. “You came home from work one day. I was already there because I worked from home. You’d gotten your period at work…and you just couldn’t stop crying. Nothing I did made you feel better.” He opens his eyes and I know mine are glistening with tears threatening to fall. “I felt like such a failure.”
I remember that.
“You weren’t,” I tell him quickly, sliding my hands up his body to his face. “There was nothing you could have done.” I pause when I realize when that was. “That was only about a year ago…you remember that?” I smile and he shakes his head.
“It was like a flash.” He shakes his head. “Remembering that made me feel like my heart was exploding. Reliving that…seeing how much pain you were in.” A tear rolls down my cheek as I start to recall that memory. “God, I’m sorry.” I feel his lips at my temple and then dragging down my face, collecting the tear that fell before his lips find mine slowly. A kiss to the corner of my mouth, to the top lip and then to the bottom lip, as if he’s re-familiarizing himself with my mouth before he presses his lips to mine gently.
Fuck, I forgot how soft his lips are. I open my mouth wanting more, needing more, and he follows suit. Our tongues meet in the middle before he pushes mine back into my mouth and begins to kiss me with all the same passion that I was used to. An explosive, bruising kiss that tows the line between pleasure and pain.
But also, a line between the past and the present.
His beard scrapes against my cheeks and chin, all the while his teeth nip at my lips. His tongue is forceful, dominant as he kisses me in a way that used to make my knees weak. The kiss he’d plant on me just before he’d fuck me mercilessly. His hands go to my thighs, slowly moving under my skirt that flares out at my hips, allowing him to move underneath with ease. His fingers, warm and soft stroke my inner thighs and I swear I’d give anything for him to touch me. He breaks our kiss and my eyes flutter open to see my lipstick all over his mouth. “I can feel the heat between your thighs. You still get wet for me?”
I nod, remembering all of the nights the past six months when I’d moan his name out in the peak of my climax. “Yes,” I whimper as he moves his finger up slightly, grazing over my slit through my panties. I look down at where his hand is under my skirt and I shut my eyes trying to memorize everything about this moment.
“I bet your clit is hard and quivering. Dying for my tongue. Tell me, baby. Is your pussy throbbing?” he whispers in my ear.
“Fuck.” A moan escapes my lips just as he slides a finger under my panties and I’m pretty sure I could pass out at any second at the thought of just his hand between my legs when he freezes. His finger traces the seam of my pussy, not pushing inside before his hand slides out.
“You’re…bare?” My eyes fly open and I stare at him as the shock takes over his face. “There’s no hair.”
“Oh…yeah.”
He stares at the space between my legs before sliding his gaze upward. “You used to have a tiny thatch of hair…just at the top of your mound. It was so fucking sexy.” He grips my hips, pulling my skirt up slowly. “Can I see?”
My throat immediately goes dry at the idea of exposing myself to Bennett. It’s a level of vulnerability that’s so erotic I feel the wetness dripping into my panties. “Right…now?” I ask weakly.
“I’m almost afraid to touch you…after not being able to for so long.” He frowns slightly. “I don’t remember us being apart, but my body hasn’t forgotten. Every part of me can feel that things are off between us, and it’s making me insane, Livi.”
“Clarke…”
“Baby,” he whispers as he runs his fingers through my slit again. He swallows, and I notice his Adam’s apple wobble slightly. He pulls his fingers from me and he holds them under his nose, breathing in my scent and my mouth drops open, remembering just how kinky he always was.
He spins me around to face the wall, pushing his dick into my back. One hand darts out and leans against the wall as his other hand goes between my legs and into my panties. “I’m going to rub this pretty clit until it comes all over my hand and then I’m going to fuck you with my tongue,” he whispers in my ear. “How does that sound?”
I nod and he starts rubbing the throbbing bundle hard. He rocks his dick against me, humping me in time with me riding his hand. “Oh my God, baby,” I cry out and somewhere in my subconscious I regret my choice of words but Bennett gasps in my ear in response.
“Tell me how good it feels. Tell me everything you’re thinking.”
Dangerous road, my mind thinks, but I’m too far gone, desperate for the orgasm that’s just a beat away. “I’m thinking I miss this. I miss you. I miss us. God, I want you to make me come.”
“Fuck.” He says in my ear. “I need that. Give it to me. Come all over my fingers. Now.” He growls.
And then I do, long and hard after months of pent up frustration. I cry out, the tears flood my eyes as my body explodes with the best orgasm of the past six months. His other hand not in my panties goes to my jaw, pulling my face towards his and he presses his lips to mine. I moan into his mouth as he cups my sex protectively, his finger lazily rubbing my clit even though I flinch every few seconds.
“I need more.” He grits out as he pulls me towards the couch. He sits on the coffee table in front of me and pulls my legs around his hips. He lifts my skirt up and stares down at the apex of my thighs like he wants to devour me. I’m wearing a black thong that is completely soaked, and I know he can smell the evidence of my orgasm. “Goddamn, Olivia.” He moves off the table, settling on his knees between my legs and immediately presses his face into my sex. I hold my skirt up so I can watch this sexy scene take place as he presses his lips to my covered sex before running his thick tongue over the damp fabric. “You’re soaking wet.” He presses his lips to me again, sucking the arousal from my panties, all the while grazing my clit with his teeth. I roll my hips hard against his face and he groans. My pussy begins to pulse, a new fire building between my legs that I’m desperate for Bennett to put out.
“Fuck, I’m there, again.” I moan as I feel him pulling my panties slowly down my legs before dropping them to the ground. He looks up at me from between my legs then back to my sex. The air hits the wet flesh and I shiver at the meeting of cool air and wet warmth on my clit.
“Your cunt is perfect,” he says, breaking the silence. I fully expect for him to dive in and taste me from the source but he stands up, pulling his t-shirt off over his head and unbuckling his jeans. I follow suit pulling my turtleneck off and sliding my skirt down my legs, leaving me only in my bra. His eyes darken when my tits come out even if they are slightly covered by my lacy see through bra. He’s still in his briefs, black ones that highlight his hard dick dying to break free, and for a brief moment, time stops as we ogle each other.
He sits next to me on the couch and pulls me into his lap so my pussy is resting directly against his dick. Reaching around me, he pulls off my bra and his eyes devour my breasts like he’s never seen them before. “It’s too fucking
much.” He growls as he presses his lips to one of my breasts. He’d always told me how much he loves my tits. He loves how well they fit in his hand and his mouth, and that they are big enough for him to fuck. How my nipples were the prettiest color, not quite pink or brown but a delicious mix between the two. My pussy is literally dripping arousal all over his cock that is nestled between the lips of my sex. His hands find my ass and begin to rock me against him. “You’re so wet, you’re soaking me through my briefs.” He stares at me as he moves me against him.
Up and down
Side to side.
“Take your underwear off,” I breathe, wanting to get rid of the only thing stopping him from being inside me.
“Not yet, baby.”
“What?” I whine.
“Trust me, I’m going to make you come again. But I don’t trust myself going that far.”
“Why?”
“Because I think I’d rip you apart, Olivia.” His voice is hoarse as his fingertips tighten on my hips. “I can’t even put my mouth on your cunt right now. I think I’d lose my fucking mind.” He growls and my clit pulses instantly. My insides quiver with need, spurred by him digging his nails into my hips. “I need you so fucking much, Olivia Clarke. You are still mine, aren’t you? Your body still knows who it belongs to,” he whispers against my neck as his hands palm my ass cheeks. A hand slaps my ass before he grips it as he moves me harder and faster against his dick. Arousal pours out of me as I grind my clit against the hardness between his legs and before I can think I’ve gripped the waistband of his briefs, pulling it down and exposing his dick.
“Livi,” he groans.
“Let me. Please.” His cock juts out and bobs between us, standing straight up and rubbing against his abs. “I’ve missed your cock. It’s so smooth and hard and…” I stare at the precum pooling at the tip as I rub my pussy up and down the shaft, my lips stretched around him. “Big.”
“Jesus Christ, you’re going to make me come all over myself.” I bite his bottom lip before sliding my tongue along the seam of his mouth. “Baby, I’m going to come and I don’t want to ruin your couch.”
“Fuck the couch,” I cry out as his thrusts against me get faster and more aggressive. “Mark me.”
“Shit.”
“You used to love doing that. Coming on me, seeing your seed painting my skin.” He pushes me down onto the couch as he begins to jack his cock over my stomach. His eyes are blazing as he hovers over me. “Can’t you just fuck me?”
“Not yet.” He leans down pressing his lips to mine.
“Why?” I breathe out. I’m completely naked and his cock is out while his briefs are around his knees. It would be so easy for him to impale me.
His hand reaches up and grabs my jaw gently, rubbing his thumb back and forth over my lips. “Once I have a taste, once we cross that line again, that’s it. We are calling off our divorce. Once I stick my dick inside of you, it’s as good as my ring back on your finger. Is that what you want?”
I sit up on my elbows, the reality of his words serving as a reality check.
“Baby, you don’t have to decide right now, while you’re high on this but it’s why I don’t want us to go further.” His thumb pushes gently inside my mouth pressing the pad of his thumb over my teeth and I bite down gently before I close my mouth around his finger, sucking him slowly, letting my tongue trace his finger.
He licks his lips letting an inaudible fuck fall from them and then I feel him moving, coming closer to me. His finger moves from my mouth and it’s replaced with his tongue. It all happens so fast that it takes a moment to register that his lips are on mine again.
“I love you so much, Olivia. Forever and ever.”
We’d managed to make it off the couch and are now lying in my bed. I’ve put on one of his old t-shirts and he’s put on sweatpants so we aren’t so tempted, though it hasn’t stopped us from dry humping like teenagers again. My head rests on his chest as his hand rubs the back of my head protectively, running his fingers through the strands and playing with my ear every few minutes.
“Are you open to it?”
My head perks up, and I look at him. “Open to what?”
“Trying again?” I freeze, letting his question sink in before I sit up, pulling my hair to one side and straightening my t-shirt as my eyes dart around the room. I move my legs underneath me and tuck a hair behind my ear. “Stop fidgeting, it’s okay.” He runs his hand up my arm and cups my face. “Come lay back down.”
“I just don’t know how I’ll handle you getting your memory back.” I put my hand up. “And that’s selfish and I’m sorry—to be concerned about how I’ll feel. Of course, I want you to get your memory back…I just don’t know what that means for us. Will you still feel the same? Will I?”
He sits up on his elbows. “Nothing will change, Livi.”
“You say that now because you can’t fathom what we’ve been through. You’ve gotten hurt in this marriage too. Despite how you chose to cope with it, we fought and argued and…”
“Did I ever say I wanted out?”
“What?”
“Did I ever tell you I wanted out of our marriage? That what we were dealing with was too much for me and I wanted to move on?”
I don’t even have to think about it. I know he’s never said it.
“Olivia, baby you have to talk to me.” His arms circle around me as he presses a kiss to my temple. I’m going on my second day of sitting on this couch wallowing in my own misery and more fried chicken than could be healthy. “And stop eating this trash. I’ll cook you anything you want. Or we can go out. Do you want to go out tonight? Just you and me?” His voice is soft, like how a parent would talk to a child. Loving. Sweet. Compassionate.
I shake my head and bring my knees up to my chest. “Please, just go.”
“Olivia.”
“Bennett, please.”
“You only call me Bennett when you’re mad at me.” He frowns. “Did I do something?”
“No! You’re doing all the right things, and I’m the one that is screwing everything up! Why are you even with me, huh? Go find someone else that can make you happy.”
I don’t even have to look at his face to see he’s angry and then his hand grips my face. “Now you listen to me, Olivia Warren Clarke, do not EVER, and I do mean ever suggest that you and I aren’t going to get through this. That you and me aren’t forever. Only you can make me happy. You are the love of my life and I’m secure enough in our relationship to know I’m the love of yours, so don’t suggest some stupid shit like that again. I’ll only go so far with you down this self-deprecating road. Don’t do it again.” He growls as he lets go of my face. He lets out a sigh when he sees the tears in my eyes, though they’re happy tears. Not sad ones. “I’m sorry I was harsh, I just love you so much and I want to make it better.”
“You do make it better. Just by existing.” I climb into his lap, pressing my lips to his. “Forever and ever.”
I thought things would get better after that. But that was the thing about the crippling sadness that comes with miscarriages and facing potential infertility. The happy moments were fleeting and few and far between. The sad moments were severe and constantly lurking in the depths of my mind waiting to rain on those few sunny moments.
“No,” I answer finally, “you never said you wanted out.”
Soft lips peppering kisses up and down my neck pull me out of the last few moments of sleep and everything comes back to me.
Lips on mine.
Gentle.
Passionate.
Bruising.
Possessive.
I push back, snuggling further into his embrace and he tightens his hold on me. His cock presses into my back and I feel it hardening with each passing second. I move my ass back and forth against him and he chuckles in my ear. “Tease.”
I turn in his arms and stare up at him, honestly a little shocked that I’m back in bed with Bennett Clarke. “I can’t believe you�
��re here…with me,” I whisper, as I feel tears brimming in my eyes and he pulls me harder against him.
“Here with you is the only place I’ve ever wanted to be.” His green eyes are full of sincerity. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one.”
He cups my face and I’m hyper aware of the ring on his finger. His wedding ring. And for the first time, I feel the need to have mine.
“I wonder if you still have my rings…” I muse aloud.
“I was wearing mine around my neck, I’m sure I still have your rings…I guess at my apartment? I suppose we should go over there anyway…to maybe get some more of my stuff?”
“You think you’re moving back in that easily do you?” I ask cheekily.
“I don’t want to be away from you, Livi,” he tells me emphatically.
“You want to break your lease?” I raise my eyebrow at the man currently not thinking like a realtor.
“I’ll sublet, or fuck it, I’ll keep paying for it. I’m not going back there.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “You think I’m giving in that easy? Maybe I want you to court me a little, Mr. Clarke. Make you work for it,” I tease as I pull out of his grasp and move off the bed.
“Work for it? Last night you were all but begging to work my dick.”
“Rude!” I stomp as I put my hands on my hips and he chuckles. “And you have a good dick. Sue me.” I shrug as non-committal as possible and he’s off the bed in an instant, pulling me into his arms. His smile has faded from my joke and he looks serious, almost somber. His green eyes are solemn as he studies me.
“Don’t make me go back to my apartment, Olivia. I know you don’t trust me, but let me earn it while we’re under the same roof.”
I’m about to respond when my phone begins to buzz on my nightstand. I look towards it before turning back to him. “Give me a second?” I tell him and he nods before sitting back on my bed and I take that to mean he’s not granting me any privacy. I wonder if he thinks it’s David and is planning to stake his claim loudly if necessary. I shake my head at him when I realize who it is and answer the phone. “Olivia Clarke.”
