by Jenn Vakey
That pang of envy hit me again at the mention of abilities. Talking to animals was a pretty cool one to have. One I wouldn't mind. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so worried being out in the woods.
I wanted to know more about them, and found myself wondering what some of the people here could do as I looked around the dining hall. When my eyes passed over a table at the other side, I saw Rhydian looking toward us. No, not us. Me. He caught my eye, holding it for a moment before looking back at Faida and Noella.
Why was he looking at me? It wasn’t just now, but something I had caught him doing several times. What did it mean? I knew what I had been feeling when I was around him. The way my heart liked to speed up when I saw him. Did he feel the same thing? Would I even want him to feel the same way?
I shook my head, pushing the thoughts from it. I couldn’t think about that now. If I did, I knew I would only think about how much harder he would take the betrayal. The fact that it would actually hurt him more than if he didn’t feel something for me. If that was the case, I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it. And I had to do it.
Crap, why was this getting so complicated?
I spent the first part of the morning watching the children again. They provided for a good distraction. Jordi spent most of the play time sitting down next to me at the table. He didn’t talk about that day in the woods, but I could tell that he, at least in part, understood what had happened. He knew that I had saved him, and because of that, he seemed to be more comfortable around me.
After that was another round of training. It wasn’t after lunch when I usually had it, but instead just after ten. I wasn’t nervous when I went out this time. I don’t even think I would have been nervous had Rhydian told me we were going back out into the woods. I realized when I saw him and caught myself wanting to smile why that was. It wasn’t just that he was starting to trust me. I was starting to trust him. To be more comfortable around him.
“Morning,” I said, stopping just a few feet from him.
Rhydian looked up from the supplies he was organizing and grinned. There it was again, the hardened shell gone. Nothing more than just him. And seeing it made my insides flutter in that way I was starting to get more and more used to.
“Ready to try double baston today?” he asked.
I smiled eagerly, knowing I didn’t need anything more than that to convey just how ready I was.
He plucked two of them down and handed them to me. It felt a little strange having a weapon in my left hand, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. Instead of sending me toward the dummy, though, he picked up another set and stood to face me.
“I’m fighting you this time?” I asked, those nerves I had been happy to let go of coming right back.
He nodded, his eyes moving over my face as though he was trying to judge my reaction. “It’s the fastest way to get used to them. To learn how to move your body, not just your arms. Just try to slow your blows if you’re actually going to make contact with my body.” Then he smirked. “Not that I think you will.”
There was so much confidence in that smug grin that I almost laughed. It did, however, help to ease my worry. “Okay,” I said, holding the bastons in position as I squared off with him.
Rhydian’s eyes were on mine as we stood in place for a few moments, a mix of a challenge and excitement in them. I imagine he saw something similar in mine. Then, he moved.
I barely got the baston up in time to block the swing he had aimed for my shoulder. He was right, this was about more than just swinging my arm and twisting to build up the force behind my hits. He was moving around me, making me step forward and back to counter and try to deliver blows of my own. More than that, I had to watch his movements to know how to stop his strikes. When he aimed high on his next swing, I ducked down to avoid it, swinging out with my left toward his side. He tried to block it, but he wasn’t fast enough. There was even a chuckle there that sounded almost proud when I did manage to hit him.
The more time that passed, the more comfortable I became with it. My moves still weren’t smooth like his, but I was starting to learn to anticipate what he was going to do by the way his body tensed and moved. He still hit me, far more times than I managed to hit him, but he was good at pulling back so the sensation was nothing more than if I had bumped into a table while walking by. Enough force to sting without causing any real pain.
Then, before I even knew what was happening, he stepped forward and hooked my leg with his, pulling it out from under me. The bastons fell from my hands at the force of my back hitting the ground. It wasn’t over, though. He dropped his own weapons as he followed me down. Before I could process what had happened, he was hovering above of me. His knees were at my sides as he sat on my stomach, his arms stretched up so that they were holding mine to the ground above my head.
He had pinned me.
We were both breathing hard from the sparring match. I chuckled between breaths. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun.
As he held me down, Rhydian’s eyes moved over my face. Down my cheek to my mouth, then back up to meet mine. There was something new in them now. Something I had never seen on him. On anyone before. It was more than just excitement. It was almost like heat, like electricity.
I knew I should be uncomfortable with him holding me down like that. Well, more than I actually was. I was completely helpless, unable to move. Almost vulnerable. But I wasn’t afraid of him, worried that he would do something I didn’t want him to do. In fact, I actually liked the weight of him pressed down against me.
“How would you get out of this?” he asked, his tone more husky than usual.
In that moment, I found myself wondering if I even wanted to. No, that didn’t make sense. I knew that things had changed between us, but him holding me like this promised more. More than just friendliness and being comfortable.
“Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to be teaching me?” I asked, my brain not working fast enough to tell me another way to respond.
A glint of playfulness added to everything else that was swimming in his eyes, and he flashed me a wide grin. “Okay.”
Before I could react, he rolled and flipped us over in one smooth motion so that I was now on top of him. Moving his hands down, he grabbed my thighs and pulled them up around him. He watched me as he did it, and there was no question anymore. Things had changed. This was something new, something very different than any way he had touched me before.
Feeling his hands on me like that made my heart race so fast that the sounds of it filled my ears. It made my cheeks burn, something I knew would be impossible to hide from him. Then he grabbed my hands, moving them with his until I was holding him like he had been holding me.
My breathing grew even faster as I felt the heat from his body reaching up from between my legs where I was straddling him. I wanted… I don’t even know what I wanted. A voice in the back of my mind was telling me I needed to get out of this situation as fast as I could. That wasn’t what my body was telling me, though. It wanted more. To see what other ways he could make it vibrate and feel alive. And I really didn’t know which one of those I should be listening to.
The way I was holding him left my face hovering no more than a foot above his. For several long moments, all we could do was stare at each other. His lips were parted slightly, letting out his still heavy breaths. His eyes looked into mine, then moved around my face again, following that same path as before until they reached my lips.
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, chewing on it gently. This only seemed to make him breathe even harder, his eyes watching it as his own mouth worked slightly. Was he thinking about kissing me? Would I want him to? It was such a foreign concept to me, and I really knew nothing about it other than what I had seen from Mom and Dallin when I was growing up. But it was still something I was taught you only did with the person you were married to. Even away from Eden where things were different, that’s what kissing was supposed to mean
. That you were interested in someone like that. How could I ever expect to do what I had to do if I crossed that line? No, I couldn't.
“Well?” I asked, needing to get out of this situation.
Rhydian’s eyes moved back up to mine. He wasn’t bothered by me directing focus back to the training. Instead, he actually smirked.
“Pull your knee up,” he said, and I could feel him doing just that behind me. I couldn’t make myself look away from those deep green eyes of his, though. “Drop it to the side so it’s over the person’s ankle. Then pull your other knee up and plant your foot down on the ground. Ready?” I nodded. “Push down with your foot and twist your body.”
The words had barely left his lips before I felt his body lifting mine up as we flipped to the side. Then just like that, he was on top again.
My breath hitched when we landed. This wasn’t the same as before. The way we had come to a rest had left him between my legs with my knees bent up at his sides. He was pushing down on me against my most sensitive parts. God, I hated just how good it actually felt. It made my face flood with heat, something that only made his eyes light up even more when he noticed.
It took a few seconds for him to push up off of me, then hold down a hand to pull me up onto my feet. It felt like my whole body was tingling, my head clouded and light as I stood there just trying to pull myself back together.
“That’s one that’s important for women to know,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. His tone still deeper than normal.
I considered asking to try it myself, but my body already felt like it was burning. I knew it would only get worse the more I pushed it, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before my willpower completely broke. Judging by the way he was standing back away from me now, his eyes on anything but me, I was left wondering if he was feeling the same way.
I didn’t have time to really consider that. No more than a couple of seconds passed before Joury came running up toward us, stopping at Rhydian’s side as she leaned in and whispered something. I couldn’t hear it, but I watched Rhydian’s face the entire time. His eyes widened slightly, everything draining from his face as it was consumed by shock. It made my own heart jump, knowing something had happened. Something bad.
“Are you certain?” he asked when Joury pulled back to look at him. Joury nodded in a way that made it clear that she was. Rhydian blew out a breath, all that tension that had been absent back in place again. “Get a team together. I want to be at the wall by tonight.”
Joury nodded again, then turned and ran off. Rhydian’s eyes looked distant now, like his mind had taken him to a far away place. He still looked stunned, but there was also a touch of fear there. Barely noticeable above everything else.
“You okay?” I asked cautiously.
He blinked a few times and looked at me, almost like he had forgotten that I had been there at all. Then he nodded and said, “Just something I have to take care of. Training is over for the day.”
Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked off.
I just stood there trying to make sense of everything that had happened. It was easier to push past what I had felt when we’d had each other down on the ground after watching his reaction to whatever Joury had told him. I didn’t know what was going on, but there was one thing that was clear. He was going into Eden. Tonight.
My heart clenched in my chest as I thought about what I needed to do. It had been easy to push the feeling and guild to the back of my mind before when I knew I had more time to figure things out. That wasn’t the case now. This was it.
I seriously considered not telling Adler what was happening. When that thought hit me, I realized just how much I really didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to turn Rhydian over to him. Then I saw Lillith’s face in my mind. The way she had looked in that last picture I had received from Adler. I could only save one of them. It didn’t matter how muddled my feelings had become when it came to Rhydian. Lillith was my sister, my other half. She would always come first.
As much as I didn’t like it, I knew there was an upside to actually telling Adler now instead of trying to get Rhydian out later. If he was caught in the city, the people of Alkwin wouldn’t know that I had anything to do with it. He would simply be another one of theirs that went in and didn’t come back out. That meant that Lillith and I could still have a home here. All I would need to do was come up with an explanation about how she got away from the Sentry and Eden.
I walked back to the dorm and grabbed the Haller from where I had it hidden in my bag. I had to call him. It was the best chance I had at getting Lillith back. Slipping it into my back pocket, I walked back out into camp. I could see him talking with a few people. Not a large group. Joury was there, along with a man I recognized as Prestyn. Faida and Noella were also there, but they didn’t have bags with them.
No one else seemed to be paying any attention to them. It was clear they weren’t involving many in this. Whatever it was. It would have been easy for me to slip out and place the call now, but I couldn’t do it.
He looked so worried about whatever was going on. Part of me wanted to be there just so he could see me before he left. So I could say bye. I think I needed it more than he did. To say goodbye to him, knowing even if no one else did that it could be a final goodbye. More than that, I didn’t want to deal with the guilt of having to see him after I made that call.
I stayed sitting at the table Rhydian and I occupied at night and watched as he, Joury, and Prestyn started walking toward the exit of Alkwin. His eyes found me as they passed, and I raised my hand up to wave to him. The smile he gave me–small and fleeting–nearly broke my heart.
I waited until they had disappeared through the woods, then checked to make sure no one else was watching before I slipped away to the clearing with the fallen tree. My hands shook as I pulled the Haller from my pocket, my eyes tearing slightly as I pressed the button that would connect me with Adler.
“This better be good, girl,” he growled when he answered. “I’m starting to lose patience. I don’t think your sister would appreciate that much.”
The pain that I had been feeling was quickly erased as anger flooded through my body. I hated this man, more so than I had ever hated anyone before. Part of me actually hoped that he would be there when his people moved in to grab Rhydian. That they would fight back, that they would kill him. I knew it would only make things worse, though. It would eliminate any chance I had of getting my sister back.
“He’s going into Eden tonight,” I said, the words burning like acid on my tongue as they came out. The moment I said them, I found myself starting to tear up again. That was it. I had effectively just signed Rhydian’s arrest warrant. Put him in danger of being caught.
There was a pause, then he said, “Really? Well, that is something.” There was no hiding the sickening pleasure in his voice. It made my stomach turn, threatening to empty right there at my feet.
“If he’s picked up in the city, I want my sister dropped off where you left me,” I told him. “And I want the bags that were taken when we were grabbed left with her.”
“If he’s arrested, I will contact you and tell you where you can be reunited with her,” he countered.
I wanted to argue, but I knew he was holding all of the cards here. I had already told him everything he needed to know. If I fought him on this, he might decide to go back on the deal and keep her. Then I would have betrayed Rhydian for nothing.
Adler didn’t say anything else before disconnecting the call.
So many things were moving through me as I stared down at the Haller in my hand. They were warring with each other, making me both want to laugh and cry. I was so relieved at the thought of having my sister back within the next couple days. Getting her as far away from Adler’s grasp as I could. At the same time, it felt like I was going to completely break down. The guilt was so strong. I had just traded one life for another. Not just some criminal like I went into
this believing. Someone I actually found myself caring about. Liking. Someone who trusted me and I turned around and stabbed him in the back.
The very thought of it caused tears to roll down my cheeks. I couldn’t even be happy that I was getting Lillith back. Even when I knew she was safe, I didn’t think I would ever be able to live with what I had just done.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I didn’t get any sleep the night after Rhydian and the others left. I kept the Haller beside me, waiting for a call to come in from Adler. But there was nothing. I spent the whole next day not talking to anyone. I was afraid to. I kept watching people, looking for any sign that word had come in from Eden that the mission into the city had gone wrong. Everyone just seemed so normal.
The only reason I got any sleep the second night was from pure exhaustion. I knew the count. A day to Eden, a day back. If they didn’t get grabbed by Adler and the Sentry in Eden, Rhydian and the others would be coming back soon. If they didn’t, then I would know it was time to reach out to Adler. To make sure that he held up his end of this.
My dreams were filled with more violent images. It wasn’t just Lillith this time. Rhydian was there. Adler was telling him what I did, and I had to see the look on his face when he realized that I had been the one who handed him over.
Then I watched as Adler and the king tortured him, slicing into him like he wasn’t even a person.
His screams were still echoing through my mind when I bolted up in bed. It was still dark, only three hours after I had finally drifted off. It was enough, though. It had to be. I didn’t want to see that again. I couldn’t.
Another two hours passed with me just sitting on my bed staring at the wall ahead. I was trying to keep my thoughts clear, but it wasn’t working well. Then I heard the sound of voices coming from outside. Low, barely loud enough to hear, but someone was out there.
