by Amy Ruttan
The chemo that Calum’s oncologists were using was very potent and George was no longer that robust athlete—he was wasting away to nothing and the first thing on Pearl’s mind was that he had an infection.
Calum was sympathetic. “You’re almost done. One more session and I’ll determine when I can go in and do the surgery. Hang in there.”
George nodded and laid back down. He was now an inpatient. Two days after he’d started the chemotherapy he began to get constant fevers, and since his mom had to travel back and forth, Pearl and his coach had thought it best that he stay in the hospital to be monitored.
Pearl knew that George wanted to go back to Philadelphia for Christmas and it was hard to be stuck in the hospital, even being an adult. George wasn’t the only one in the hospital. Poor Derek still was and Pearl wanted to go see him, but George needed her and Mountain View was too far for just a quick visit.
And she was also fighting something. It was hitting her hard today. Some kind of bug she just couldn’t shake.
Derek was doing well and there was no paralysis thanks to her and Calum. He was still in the hospital getting physiotherapy, but he was doing brilliantly. Pearl and Calum were planning to go up there and visit soon, but right now they both needed to be in San Francisco with their patients.
They left George’s room. Which she was thankful for, because the room was hot. George was always cold.
“You’re sweating. Are you okay?” Calum asked.
“Yeah. It was hot in there.”
Calum frowned. “Not especially. I hope you’re not getting sick.”
“I hope not, either.” The last thing she needed was a bug. “I’m fighting something, but I don’t have a fever. I checked before I went into George’s room.”
George looked as awful as Pearl felt. And she’d been feeling poorly since the end of October. Just after she and Calum had spent that incredible night together. Their one night. The next day they made it back to San Francisco and agreed that they would go back to being friends and work together. She had been busy traveling with the team and she hadn’t seen him or George in a couple of weeks. She wanted to talk to Calum about their night together, but with this sickness and work she hadn’t had a chance to talk to him.
It was fine for the first week and then Pearl had caught this bug, probably from the rain and getting wet that night, but she just couldn’t shake it. Calum had been inviting her out, but she was just feeling awful.
“You know, you’ve been feeling run-down for a couple of weeks. Maybe you are getting sick,” Calum suggested.
“I can’t get sick. If I get sick, then I can’t help George. I haven’t had a sick day in years! I get my flu shots regularly, I do everything right. The only thing I can think of was it was that night in the motel. We were both soaked to the bone when we got into the room.”
Just thinking about that night made her flush with heat.
They had both agreed that was a one-time thing, but there was a part of her that didn’t want it to be. Especially while they worked on the case. She had thought that spending one night with Calum would be enough. That it would get him out of her system, but it hadn’t.
It made her crave his touch again.
She’d forgotten what it was like to be in his arms. How he made her feel.
No one had ever made her feel the way that Calum did.
It just made her want more and she didn’t deserve to have more.
She was glad she had told Calum how she felt about the loss of their baby, and he’d said that he didn’t blame her, but she had a hard time believing it. Other than asking her to come out with him, he didn’t seem all that interested in starting anything up.
It hurt her, but she couldn’t blame him.
And it was for the best.
“That could’ve done it. Why don’t we do a blood test and see if you have infection or something?” he asked.
“That’s a good idea.” She’d been thinking about doing it herself, but she’d been so drained of energy that all she was trying to do was keep it together to get through work. Her patients needed her.
She didn’t have time for this nonsense.
And if she had an infection she couldn’t go see Derek, either.
She followed Calum into a small exam room and he washed his hands, then pulled out everything needed for a blood draw.
“If I’m sick, you’re still going up to see Derek, right?” she asked.
“Yes. I will,” he said. “My father wanted me to come see him. Said he had something important to tell me, but honestly I don’t really care what he has to say.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to hear it? He’s never reached out before. My parents reach out all the time and they have nothing new to tell me.”
“That may be so, but he put work before me and my mom. He left her and even though he made all this money, he barely gave her alimony. Mom gave everything she had for me and my sister. So really, there’s nothing I have to say to someone who runs away.”
That last comment caught her off guard. She didn’t think it was directed at her, but she wasn’t sure. Isn’t that what she’d done? She’d run away.
“I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
“It’s okay. Now, stop moving for a few moments and I’ll do this blood draw.”
“Yes.” She winced when the needle pricked her. She had a medical degree, but hated needles, especially when they came near her.
“There. All done.” Calum pulled out the needle and placed a cotton swab on her arm. “Now apply pressure.”
“I know.”
He chuckled. “I’ll run this down to the lab and put a rush on it. No sense in dallying around if you’re sick. Might as well treat it.”
“What about George?” she asked.
Calum sighed. “I know. He’s going for a repeat scan so I can see if the cancer has shrunk, but honestly I don’t think that the chemo is touching it. I’ve never done my surgical procedure on someone with such a large tumor. I don’t have a lot of faith that he’ll play again and if he continues this way, I’m worried that he won’t make it.”
“Me, too,” she sighed.
“We’ll worry about that after his scan and then we’ll talk to him and his mother about the options. I don’t think he’ll be happy.”
“You mean about amputation?”
“It would save his life.”
“Would it, though?” she asked. “His dream has been to play in the NFL—your procedure could save his leg.”
“Could is the key word, Pearl. Could. There’s no guarantee. Medicine is not infallible. Things don’t always turn out the way you want.” He left the exam room and Pearl leaned back against the chair.
Boy, did she ever know that feeling.
She knew that things didn’t always turn out the way you wanted. If they did, she’d never have left San Francisco and she’d have a kid Derek’s age.
Then another part of her worried whether she’d still be with Calum. Just a small part because her heart still believed it would’ve worked out. She could’ve had a happily-ever-after.
Pearl was called down to the CT room and her heart sank when she saw that Calum was sitting next to Dr. Knox and the tension in the room was palpable.
“What’s wrong?”
“Come see,” Calum said grimly.
Pearl leaned over and her stomach churned. The osteosarcoma wasn’t being shrunk by the chemotherapy. It was invading further. It was like the poison that was used to kill cancer was doing nothing.
The radiation that George had endured was doing nothing.
Immunotherapy was doing nothing.
Nothing was working and there was only one option.
“It’s a beast,” Calum said.
“Oh, God.” Tears were welling up in her eyes. “This is going to.
..devastate him.”
And she didn’t want to cry in front of Calum and Dr. Knox. Pearl left the CT room and stood in the hall, trying to breathe. What had come over her? What was wrong with her?
She’d had other patients who had had their careers stalled or ended because of cancer or injuries. She’d always managed to keep her emotions in check.
“Pearl?” Calum asked, following her.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I know there’s no other option.”
Calum nodded. “I’m sorry, but he hid his symptoms too long and I get why. My mother did the same. She hid them, ignored them, until it was too late.”
Pearl nodded, but she couldn’t control her tears. “I don’t know what I’m going to tell the owners.”
“You’re worried about the owners of the Bridgers?” Calum asked sardonically. “You think that you’ll lose your job over this?”
“No, I’m worried about George’s future,” she stated. “They knew it was a long shot, but still...this whole thing. It’s going to ruin a lot of his plans, his career in football.”
“Well, cancer has a way of doing that.”
“I’m sorry. I’m having a hard time explaining what I want to say. It’s all a big mess.”
“You need to pull yourself together,” Calum stated.
She glared at him. “You’re being unkind.”
“I’m not being unkind. I know you and I know that you don’t like appearing this way. I know that you don’t like to lose control.”
She sighed. “I can’t remember the last time I lost control.”
And then it hit her.
Yes, she did remember the last time she was a bundle of nerves. She recalled in vivid detail the last time she’d cried at the drop of a hat. The last time she felt so ill, so sweaty and uncomfortable.
Oh, God.
“Have my lab results come in?” she asked, hoping her voice wasn’t shaking.
“I don’t know.” Calum pulled out his phone and then checked his messages. “Yeah. They have.”
He handed her the phone so she could open the file. She glanced through it all, showing normal blood work, except one thing.
One thing that could be detected in the blood but was too early to detect in a urine test and was too early to detect because her period was not yet late.
The hCG in her bloodstream didn’t lie.
The lab result didn’t lie.
She was pregnant.
Again.
“Pearl, what’s wrong?” Calum asked. “You’ve gone pale. You look like you’re going to faint.”
She handed him back the phone, because he had the right to know. He was the father, after all. He took the phone from her and went through the report and his eyes widened when he saw what she saw.
“You’re pregnant?”
She nodded. “It appears so.”
“I thought you were on the pill?”
“I was, but apparently that didn’t work. You know that no form of contraception is perfect. We had protection the first time we got pregnant.”
Calum scrubbed a hand over his face. “It seems like the fates want us to have a baby as we seem to get pregnant in spite of using the proper protection.”
“Right?” She laughed nervously.
She didn’t know what she was going to do. Her job involved traveling. She sometimes had to leave San Francisco and travel to other states to be there when the team played. And she had offers from other teams who wanted her. Offers she’d been seriously considering so that she could put distance between her and Calum since their night together.
Running away again.
“Well, I think I know the best solution to this whole mess.”
Pearl cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. “You do?”
“I think we need to do what we were going to do the first time.”
“Are you serious?” she snapped. “You think that’s the best course of action? Look what happened last time.”
“I know what happened last time,” Calum stated quietly. “You lost the baby and left. I distinctly remember what happened last time.”
“So if you remember what happened last time, why do think that repeating that mistake is a good idea?”
He took a step back, shocked. “Mistake?”
“We didn’t plan it. And we didn’t plan this one. Do you really think that marrying me is the best course of action?”
“I do. I think a family should be together. And that’s why I want you to marry me.”
“Because of duty? That’s why you want to marry me. That’s the only reason. I can’t marry you because of your sense of outdated duty, Calum. Look how that turned out for my parents and look at your parents. A family can’t be forced together.”
His expression hardened. “Your parents are hardly a good example.”
“Exactly.”
“And my parents...” He trailed off. “It wouldn’t be like that. We’re not like them.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“We’re better than them, Pearl.”
“Are we? Are we really?” she asked.
“Pearl, I’m asking you. Marry me.”
“And I’m saying no, Calum. I can’t marry you. Our lives are so different...” She was terrified of losing the baby again, of losing Calum.
She was losing control and she felt like she was going to be sick. She was scared of reaching out and taking her happily-ever-after.
“Right, and you’ll leave again if a job comes up. Your career means more to you because for whatever reason you’re trying to please parents who will never be pleased with you. Why can’t you see that?” He asked that with such anger, it caught her off guard.
“It’s my career. And look who’s talking. You worked hard to gain your father’s attention.”
“You complain about their toxicity and how they were narcissistic, how they only put their careers first, and that’s what you’re doing. You’ll take my baby away from me if I don’t marry you.”
Those words sunk in.
They hurt.
And there it was. He was only marrying her because he was afraid of her leaving. He didn’t love her. He just didn’t want her to leave.
She should’ve known. She should’ve trusted her instinct. She should’ve kept her distance, but she was in love with him.
She’d never stopped loving him, but she wasn’t going to marry him because of a sense of duty. She wasn’t going to marry him because she was pregnant with their baby.
And she wasn’t going to marry a man who, deep down, didn’t trust her. Who didn’t love her.
Tears stung her eyes. “I can’t marry you, Calum. I won’t marry you.”
“You can’t leave. Why do you want to leave?”
“And you just want to marry me to make me stay so that I won’t leave you like your father left you!”
He took a step back, like she’d slapped him. She’d gone too far, but so had he.
She turned to leave. She had to get away from him. She couldn’t be around him. As she walked to the door, there was a panic in the CT room.
Dr. Knox ran out. “George is crashing!”
She spun around on her heel and dashed for George. A resident had intubated and was doing chest compressions. She took over and Calum followed behind her.
Right now, she didn’t have time to talk about the past. She didn’t have time to think about her feelings, about her hurt, or the fact that she’d turned down the man she loved and always had loved.
She had a life to save.
* * *
Calum was crushed that Pearl had turned him down and he was so mad at himself for what he said. He regretted it the moment he said it, but she was going to leave again. She wasn’t going to stay in San Francisco, and she was going t
o take their baby with her. He loved her. Why couldn’t he say that?
He didn’t want to lose either of them. And he was shocked Pearl was pregnant again. With his child.
He was still processing it all. He couldn’t quite believe it when he saw the lab report. He couldn’t quite believe that Pearl was pregnant again.
And then the world came crashing down. She said no, he lashed out and George crashed.
He was angry at himself for saying those things to Pearl and he was angry that she had said those things to him, but she wasn’t wrong.
He was terrified of losing her again.
He was terrified of her losing the baby and losing her.
Calum was ecstatic about the baby, but he wanted Pearl. It had always been Pearl and now he’d ruined it. He’d gotten so hotheaded and had wanted to stop her from leaving. He had tried to cage her and that was foolish.
And then George almost died.
Calum had just spent the last hour consulting the oncology team and the outlook was grim. Pearl was standing next to him as they observed George through the glass window of the intensive-care unit, but they hadn’t said a word to each other. The tension between them was palpable. George’s mother was by his bedside and George was coming to. The ICU attendant had pulled out the breathing tube and George’s vitals were stable.
For now.
So he and Pearl stood there, side by side.
He could sense that she was angry at him and he couldn’t blame her.
He was angry at himself. Right now, though, they had to work together to save a life.
“So there’s no choice,” she said.
“No. He’ll die if we continue this. It’s too far gone.”
Pearl nodded. “I’ll break the news to him.”
“I can do it.”
She glared at him. “He’s my patient. I will break the news to him. It’s his dream that’s being shattered. If anyone understands that, it’s me.”
“Really?” he asked. “How was your dream shattered?”
“I wanted our baby, too, you know. I was devastated when I lost it.”
