Why was it so hard to breathe?
Diha swallowed, but it wasn’t helping.
“Not sure what?” she asked.
“I’m not sure what happens next.” He slid his hands into his pockets and his gaze dropped to her mouth. Once more she could almost feel his lips on hers again. “We’re working together, which means I shouldn’t kiss you. I shouldn’t let myself get distracted listening to you or looking at you, and yet that’s exactly what happens.”
She swallowed. Those were the only muscles that were working. She couldn’t move or speak, just swallow.
When she’d disclosed to Felecia and Cat about her crush on Miles, she’d packed for this trip with the goal to simply be noticed. That was all she’d wanted. And here he was telling her he’d more than noticed her. He thought about her to distraction. He maybe even wanted her.
“I can’t think of anything to say to that. I can’t really think at all right now.” She let her arms drop to her side.
“You see my problem?”
She’d lived his problem. But she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that.
“What do we do next?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she said slowly.
“Damn.” One side of his mouth quirked up. “I was hoping you had an answer. I suppose I’ll just have to try very hard to not think about you.”
Diha’s knees wobbled.
He gestured to the door behind her. “I’ll leave you alone.”
Her eyes widened. “After saying all of this?”
His lids lowered and the look he directed at her was full of heat. “What would you have me do then?”
“I, uh, don’t know...”
Miles took a step toward her and paused, as if he were testing the waters.
Her gaze lowered to his chin. She just couldn’t look him in the eyes, not when he stared at her like that.
He took another step.
Diha shivered, but held her ground. He had a very strong chin. Very manly.
A third step had Miles right in front of her. He cupped her cheek and lifted her face just enough that she had to look at him.
“I want to kiss you again, even if it’s a bad idea.” His warm, rich voice rolled over and around her.
“Why is it a bad idea?” Something about work and propriety.
“If I start kissing you again, I might not want to stop,” he whispered.
Their faces were very close now.
Diha couldn’t help but sway into him. She flattened her hand against his chest, intending to push away from him, but couldn’t make herself.
“I fail to see why that’s a bad thing,” she whispered, matching him.
His finger stroked her cheek. He could be such a gentle man. That was perhaps the most startling thing about him so far. Just after the new knowledge that he couldn’t get her out of her mind.
Miles slid his lips across hers in a tender kiss. She sucked in air at the touch and curled her fingers into the soft material of his shirt. He tilted his head slightly and his tongue darted between her lips. She leaned against him, sealing their mouths together. His other arm wrapped around her, holding her tight.
She felt as though she’d been caught, and she had no desire to get away. Not in the least.
His tongue flicked back into her mouth and she sucked. He groaned and swayed into her. She staggered back, him following her until she was trapped between him and the wall.
A feminine emotion welled up inside of her. She couldn’t name it, but in that moment she felt desired and alluring. These weren’t feelings she was used to, but in this moment they were right. And intoxicating.
Miles’ hands slid up and down her back and sides. He still cradled her face in his hands, though there was something possessive about it now.
She wanted him to possess her. She wanted to revel in this feeling.
No man had ever made her feel like this.
Diha needed him. She needed to touch and taste him in a way she’d never needed another man in all her life.
Miles nipped her lower lip. Her head spun and she gasped. Before she could do more, he suckled the lip between his.
A throbbing began low in her belly. Lust and need made her head feel too light for her body.
She wanted more.
Diha slid her hand up under his shirt, letting the warmth of his body soak into her. He was every bit as hard and muscular as he looked.
Miles groaned against her lips and he stilled.
Was that a good groan? Or bad?
He wasn’t flinching, and he didn’t seem in pain.
She pushed her hand up to trace the line of his spine.
“This, this has to stop,” he got out between gasps for air.
“Stop? Why stop?” Her mind raced. They couldn’t stop now. If they did, she would combust.
“Because.” He kissed the corner of her mouth and across her cheek, his nose drawing a line as he worked his way to her ear. “Because I want more than a kiss.”
Her already heated skin flamed hotter.
Diha had known he wanted to kiss her before it had happened. She’d known it even before her brain arrived at that conclusion. It was instinct. Or maybe a subconscious awareness. Whatever its name, it had also made her aware that when she’d kissed him she’d also accepted that was just the beginning of what she desired from him.
“I fail to see the problem.” Her words were breathy and sultry.
Was that really her voice?
“Diha.” He groaned and buried his face against her neck. His words were almost lost in her hair. “It shouldn’t be like this.”
“What should it be like?” She smiled.
He nuzzled his way back up her neck to her jaw, dropping kisses as he spoke. “There should be flirty, inappropriate texts that eventually lead to drinks and dinner. You should drive me mad for weeks before...”
Diha could see it unfold in her mind.
Sexy Miles and flirty texts would send her into a spiral of panic. She’d be helpless and no doubt all of her replies would actually come from Cat. Felecia wouldn’t be any help, though she’d be enthusiastic. Dinner would be an insurmountable failure because she was bound to be awkward and nervous. She seriously doubted any of that would drive him the kind of mad she wanted.
She indulged herself by sliding her hand back up his back. The muscles under her fingers shifted and flexed as he arched his back a bit like a cat.
“I see holes in your plan,” she got out, her voice steady enough. “For starters, we don’t have that much time.” And she had no doubt once she was gone he wouldn’t hardly remember her.
“Don’t tell me that,” he said against her lips.
There was an authoritative, growling note in his voice that did funny things to her knees.
She chuckled. “You don’t like facts?”
“Not that one.” And he did sound momentarily glum.
“How about this one?” Her cheeks were already on fire. It wasn’t like it could get worse. “I want you.”
She barely had the words out before he kissed her again. His hands gripped her, molding to her body harder now. He pressed his thigh between her legs, securing her to the spot.
“Fuck, Diha,” he muttered. His next words were tentative. “Is this okay?”
“What you’re doing now? Yes, though I, um, have something else in mind.” Something very naked.
“Are you, I mean...?” The tension in his voice brought her out of her lusty haze.
“Am I what?” she asked.
“A virgin?”
9.
Wednesday. MI5 Safe House. Brighton, United Kingdom.
Diha sputtered a laugh before she could consider Miles’ question. “No.”
Did he want her to be?
She froze.
Was the only reason he was into her was because he thought she was some sort of virginal woman?
“Oh, thank God,” he muttered and pulled her to him, backing toward the bed.
“Honestly?” He looked down at her, his smile bright and hungry. “I wouldn’t know what to do with a virgin.”
“I’m fairly certain sex works the same regardless of virginity.”
“Quite right.” Miles froze.
“What?”
His smile faded into a shell-shocked expression.
“What?” she demanded.
“I don’t—I mean, there isn’t... I don’t have... Fuck.” He hung his head and his shoulders slumped.
“A condom?” She sputtered a laugh. He looked so horribly sad.
He peered up at her, a hopeful light in his eyes. “Do you...?”
She planted her hands on his chest and pushed.
He sat down on the edge of the bed.
Diha went to the desk and unzipped her bag. When she’d left the condoms in her carry on, it had been a wishful idea that had made her blush. Now she was so very grateful.
“Right before I left my best friend thought it would be ever so funny to put these in my suitcase.” She turned, holding the black and gold box.
His eyes narrowed and his mouth did this little twist thing. She knew that look. It was the same one he gave her whenever she told him he had to talk to Zora about something. His replied were always polite, but she knew he didn’t like what she’d said.
“Your friends thought that was a good idea?” he asked.
Was he jealous? Of himself?
“The truth?” Diha glanced down at the box. She was about to have sex with him. The truth was a tiny thing she could offer.
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
“The truth is that I might have had a crush on you, and they might have known...”
“Might?” The humor and heat was back in his voice. “Diha, do you mean to tell me this was your plan all along? Get me alone? Seduce me?”
She glared at him, but she couldn’t find it in her to mean it. “I had no plan. And if you seriously think I’m capable of something like that, you don’t really know the extent of how awkward I can be.”
At least not beyond putting a little effort into her make-up and wearing her favorite clothes. That didn’t really count. Did it?
Miles crooked a finger at her. “Get over here.”
Diha took a steadying breath, then walked toward the bed, one foot in front of the other.
It really was easier to do what he told her. It took the pressure off her so she could just be.
She was a normal girl. And yet the way Miles looked at her, she felt as though she’d been suddenly body morphed into that of a sex kitten. Her hips did this thing where all of a sudden she was gliding, not walking, toward him. Of course it was all in her head, and she didn’t care. She probably resembled a gangly giraffe, but that wasn’t what she felt like.
As soon as she was within reach, Miles grabbed the box of condoms and tossed them onto the bed. He pulled her to stand between his knees and kissed her.
His hands strayed from her sides now. One hand cupped her bottom, his fingers gripping her to the point that she was forced to lean against him. She could feel his erection against her, long and hard. His other hand slid under the hem of her tunic and stroked up her back. It wasn’t a terribly intimate touch, and yet she’d allowed few enough men to touch her that it felt significant.
“Tell me, what do you like?” he asked.
“Oh, uh...”
Her mind went blank.
“This is nice,” she managed to get out.
“This?” His hand on her bottom slid down further and between her legs. He was almost caressing her through her leggings.
“S-sure.”
“Hm, okay.” His fingers slid along her inner thigh. “Take your shirt off.”
She looked down at him watching her, conscious of his hands on her body.
They wanted each other. That simple fact made everything else okay. Whatever she did, however they fit together, it was mutual. She trusted him.
Diha swallowed, then reached down and grabbed handfuls of the soft black material. She pulled it up and over her head. It fell from her fingertips, forgotten on the floor.
Mile’s gaze traveled from her face down her neck to her breasts. Diha said a silent thank you that her sister had insisted hauling her out on a shopping day months ago that had resulted in the prettiest, most comfortable bras.
“Wow,” he muttered.
“Wow is good?” Diha couldn’t help but smile.
She had great boobs.
It was a fact. She might feel as if she were the least desirable sister, but there was one area where she’d been blessed and they hadn’t.
Most of the time she didn’t want to be stared at, but now was different.
“Very good.” Miles bent his head and pressed a kiss to the top of each breast.
He hooked a finger in the plunge of her bra and tugged. She arched her back, all the while still hyper aware of his fingers between her legs. Could he feel how turned on she was through the fabric? Was it possible she was that aroused?
“This needs to go,” he said.
“Go where?”
Miles’ gaze flicked up to her face. The glare made her laugh despite the lust boiling in her veins.
His hand slid from between her legs up her back. He deftly pinched and twisted the hooks releasing her bra. She gasped as cool air teased her nipples. Her breasts felt heavier somehow, defying all normal rules of anatomy.
Miles tugged on the front of her bra, drawing the straps down her arms and leaving her naked from the waist up.
She fought the urge to cover herself.
His eyes widened and he grinned.
Her body heated, and yet she also wanted to preen. She wanted him to look at her, to see what she didn’t share with the world. Because she’d chosen him.
“I knew you were hiding something under there,” he muttered.
She opened her mouth to say something, but her words fled her as he cupped her breasts in both hands. Even that small touch had her curling her toes in her shoes. She watched, holding her breath, as he pressed a kiss to one nipple then the other. She was so hungry for the feel of him that she felt that kiss in every fiber of her being. Her stomach tightened and she rocked forward on the balls of her feet, wanting more.
“You like that.” Miles peered up at her.
“Yes.” Her head swam with need for him.
“Your nipples are very sensitive.” As if to prove himself right, he swiped his thumb over her brown areola.
She sucked in a breath and bit her lip.
“I’m never going to be able to look at you the same knowing what you’re hiding.” He finished that statement by wrapping his lips around her other nipple and sucking gently.
Diha gasped and clutched his shoulders as the room seemed to swim. Her eyes shut and she focused on the sensations he created with his mouth and fingers. He rubbed the tightly furled nub of one nipple while teasing the other with his tongue. She shuddered and swayed toward him, winding her arms around his neck.
Her skin was too tight. Her insides were too warm. Her head so heavy she had to let it hang back. And she couldn’t begin to think about the state of her panties. That was embarrassing, and yet she didn’t care. Not when he was doing things to her.
A small voice in her head said she should do something, too. But that was beyond her.
“Dee?”
“Hm?”
He chuckled, the low rumble sinking into her skin causing her to shudder again.
“There’s something I want to do.” His sly tone penetrated the lust fog.
She managed to summon the strength to look down at him. She’d grown accustomed to the sexy, 007 spy Miles. The casual, more personal Miles was growing on her. But this? This mischievous, almost boyishly sly version of him was completely new. It was like a secret part of him and she was getting to see it.
“What?” she managed to get out.
“I think I’ll show you.”
Diha opened her mouth to demand details, but the sound turned into a yelp as he stood, lifting her with him. She clung to his shoulders, oddly very aware of her flats falling off her feet.
“On second thought, I might just stay like this,” he mumbled from between her breasts.
She laughed. It bubbled up out of her and she laughed. Okay, so some small part of her really wanted to be put down, but locked in this moment with him she was enjoying herself. Her nerves were soothed. The anxiety over the intimacy of it was gone.
Miles turned and planted a knee on the bed, then gently lowered her so she lay in the middle on top of the blue comforter. He knelt straddled her knees, his gaze roving up and down her body.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
“What’s this thing you want to do?” she asked.
He leaned forward and hooked his fingers in the waistband of her black leggings. “Well, first I want you naked.”
Miles tugged on her clothes, pulling them down her hips. She held her breath and lifted her bottom while he did the rest. Thank goodness she’d been meticulous about her personal grooming before this trip. It might have started as wishful thinking, but she was ever so grateful about that now.
He sat back and their gazes locked while he dropped the last of her clothes off the edge of the bed. “You really are perfect.”
Perfect? Her?
She was quite capable and intelligent, but perfect was a stretch. Still, she rather liked the way the word sounded as it rolled off his tongue.
His hand smoothed up her calf.
She arched a brow at him. “Aren’t you going to lose some clothes? Or is it just me?”
As nice as it was to feel his attention, she wanted to know what he looked like under that T-shirt.
Miles lifted a hand over his head, grabbed the back of his shirt and whisked it off in one motion.
She swallowed and stared at him for a moment. His hair was a hopeless mess, sticking every which way. The sexy smirk made her heart do a little flip. He’d rarely done something like smile, and now it was all for her. Her gaze traveled lower, taking in scars and a birthmark on his lower left ribs. The rich undertones in his skin made sense now, and she itched to touch him.
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