by Phil McNulty
RINGO
IN
WONDERLAND
Published by SeaQuake Books
Copyright 2016. Phil McNulty
ISBN: 97813 7018 7959
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RINGO IN WONDERLAND
1.CHARACTERS
Ringo Starr as: Himself
John Lennon as: Himself and Simon Cowell (masquerading as SiCo and Uncle Tommy).
Paul McCartney as: Himself and Widow Crocky, a Liverpool washer woman.
George Harrison as: Himself and Dingle Belle, Widow Crocky's daughter.
2. STAGE SETTING
Upstage right centre is a wall, at an oblique angle, eight ft wide by ten ft high with a window and shutters. A dustbin on one side of the wall. A chair on the other. Fifteen feet from the wall, at upstage left is a pole. There is a washing line hung between the pole and the wall.
3.TIME
The end of 1966
4.THE SCRIPT
A one act Pantomime in six continuous Scenes. The Beatles may be in decline and are desperate for ideas to impress manager Brian Epstein. Ringo is derided for his suggestion that he may contribute to song writing and even more so for suggesting a pantomime. The Panto is, nevertheless, inevitable and Ringo becomes involved in a quest with the evil SiCo, Simon Cowell, to find the source of all popular music. John, Paul and George play classic Panto roles, each appropriate to his character. The Beatles music, to date, is referenced in each scene and the finale is a medley of Beatles music yet to come. A benevolent Genie dispenses wit and wisdom throughout.
RINGO IN WONDERLAND
SCENE 1
MUSIC('Penny Lane' is playing before The Beatles come on stage. John (carrying a football) and Paul enter from Stage left and George and Ringo from stage right. The wall is in the background. John and Paul towards the front. George and Ringo further back.)
(Music fades.)
John: Aright lads. Do yer wanna kick a ball. (kicks it to Paul)
Paul: Aye okay John. But do yer think this’ll make any material difference to our future careers.
(Paul passes the ball to George and Ringo who pass it between themselves.)
John: (Hands on hips. Domineering.) Well it won’t to you Paul cos yer rubbish and pretend to support all sides even though the McCartneys are all blues. Whereas I’ll be playing for the reds one day. Just you watch.
George: What about the music John? You know, The Beatles. We're The Beatles. You can't just go and play for a footie team.
John: Well we've all had Brian's letter George. He thinks we're going downhill. He wants us to come up with some bright idea to follow 'A Hard Day's Night' and 'Help'. He thinks we've peaked. Well stuff him. If I want to be a footie player I'll be a footie player.
Paul: Come on John. Brian was having a bad day when he wrote that. Look what we've done in the last couple of years. Help, Beatles for Sale, Revolver and Rubber Soul. It's not bad is it? We just need to talk to him. Let's write some new material.'
Ringo: (Stepping forward). I could write some songs if you want lads. I've got a few ideas.
John: (Scornfully) You! You Ringo! What could you write?
Ringo: (Embarrassed. Comes to front of stage. Speaking to audience). Well lads, I had an idea about an octopus's garden.
(John, Paul and George break into spontaneous, knee trembling laughter. They try to support each other pointing at Ringo in derision, coughing and spluttering comments about his idea…….'octopuses hahaha octopuses. Squid mowing the lawn hahaha. Calamari in the flower beds hahaha. Ringo writing hahaha. Not after yellow submarine hahaha. Oh my God hahaha.')
Ringo: (Trying to please) Or I've got another idea. We could do a pantomime.
George: What about the music Ringo? You know, The Beatles. We're The Beatles. We can't just go and appear in Panto.
Paul: Yeh Ringo. We're not just some washed up boy band you know. We're not 'C' listers yet.
John: Yeh Ringo. Stick to what you do moderately well. Banging the drums. (Laughs jeeringly). I can just imagine it, Ringo in Wonderland, Ringo in Poundland, hahaha.
(Ringo is facing the audience. Head down. Forlorn. George steps forward(Downstage right) and prompts the audience…AAAAAAAH. And again AAAAAAAH. John and Paul react with surprise to the sound of the audience.)
Ringo: (To the audience) I think you want a pantomime don't you boys and girls.
Audience: Yeeees!
Ringo: I can't hear you. Do you think we should do a pantomime boys and girls.
Audience: Yeeees!
Paul: He's gone mad. He's talking to himself. Hey John. We should get him to a doctor.
(From offstage there is a booming voice…..)
'HOHOHOHO.
I am the genie and here we go.
Fe Fy Fo Fum
I'll put your troubles on the run.'
(There is the sound of rolling thunder. The Beatles cower together shaking with fear.)
George: (Shouting) This is all your fault John, getting us to use all that marijiwoojihuana and canarbis raisin. I think we should get out of here.
(John, Paul and George run from the stage).
(Ringo wanders back and forth dejectedly. Hands in pockets. Shoulders slumped).
MUSIC( briefly, Octopus's Garden)
Ringo: This is all my fault boys and girls. If I'd kept my stupid ideas to myself this wouldn't have happened. John's right. I'm not good for much am I?
(George appears at the side of the stage(Downstage right) and prompts the audience…AAAAAAAH. And again AAAAAAAH.)
Ringo: No you're just being kind. (Then animatedly)What we need is a bit of luck. I've got to think of something that will give Brian Epstein faith in us again. Then maybe John will stop picking on me. Because bullying's not nice is it boys and girls?
Audience: No!
Ringo: I can't hear you boys and girls. Bullying's not right is it?
Audience: No!
Ringo: I'm going to find somewhere quiet to think until I come up with an idea to save The Beatles. (Moves off stage right).
