I’ll carry the memory of the motel and what happened there with me forever, but it’s gone now. Finally torn down. I don’t need to have rooms inside my head that I can escape to. I don’t need to be numb. I don’t live there anymore. I don’t have many nightmares anymore, but I still dream. Sometimes I wake up screaming, but most nights I don’t.
I dream of other faceless girls who have come and gone before me, and those who are still out there, lost. They’re why I get up every morning filled with hope. I look for them every time I speak to a room full of people, or share my experience with others.
I will never stop looking.
acknowledgments
Stall313.com does not exist in the same way it is described in this book. However, it represents many sites out there used to buy and sell young girls (and boys) for the sex trade. If you want to know more about the inspiration for this site, please check out the documentary I Am Jane Doe by Mary Mazzio, a truly inspiring story about the fight to end online trafficking, the effects it’s had on victims and their families, and the movement that brought down Backpage.com.
There are so many valuable and amazing organizations out there that are trying to help those who have been in the life make a fresh start and heal from the abuse they’ve suffered. If you’re interested in contributing to these organizations, I have a list at Stall313.com.
Just a quick note in case there’s any confusion—the age of consent in Connecticut is sixteen, but anyone under the age of eighteen is considered a juvenile, or child, by law. So, while Lex can consent to have sex with someone older than her, the law is able to step in when trafficking is suspected. When Detective Willis comments that Jaime/Ivy is eighteen now, it’s not about consent, it’s about the fact that she’s no longer a child and the law can’t protect her as easily from traffickers. It’s a horrible thing, but once someone is eighteen, if they return to the life there is always the possibility that they are no longer being coerced, and have chosen to become sex workers. That doesn’t mean we turn our backs on these young women (and men), but they are now considered adults, able to make their own decisions, and the courts can’t make those decisions for them. I think this is when the organizations dedicated to fighting trafficking may be needed most.
There are so many people who need to be thanked for helping this book become a reality, I’m just going to start at the beginning. I need to thank my husband, Steve, for bringing a news story about human trafficking to my attention, and for urging me to write about it. Also, for the hugs he gave me when research overwhelmed me, and for being there whenever I needed to talk it out. For eating lots of takeout, for driving me around to do research, and for talking me down when my rage over the trafficking industry threatened to burn me up. Most of all, I want to thank him for being a good man, the kind of man who knows that no one should be bought and sold.
Thanks to Detective Tanya Compagnone for doing what she does to end trafficking, and for telling me about it. You are my hero, girl. You make the world a better place. Also, thanks to Michelle C. for introducing us. And a huge shout-out to Dina St. George for just being an all-around amazing woman who has made a difference in the lives of so many girls. Also, to Christie Kelly for her caring and boundless energy. And to Taylor deGraffenried for doing so much for so many girls who need help. Ladies, you are the real-life Wonder Women of the world.
Thanks to Alicia Clancy for buying this book, and for Vicki Lame at Wednesday Books for helping me make it the best it can be. Thanks so much for your support of this project and your love of the characters. You are both so fabulous. And thanks to Miriam Kriss for selling the book, and to Deidre Knight for seeing it through with me.
Thank you to women like Kubicki Pride, Nacole Lynn, MA, and JS, for fighting against human trafficking and for sharing your stories with the world. You are true inspirations.
And last, but certainly not least, a big thanks to my girl, Madallya. You are my inspiration. Please remember you are so much more than you might think. Thank you for sharing your story, your time, and your talent with me. I have become a better person for knowing you. I’ll always be your Great White, no matter what.
about the author
KATE MCLAUGHLIN likes people, so much so that she spends her days making up her own. She likes writing about characters who are bent but not broken—people who find their internal strength through friends, strife, and sometimes humor. When she’s not writing, she likes studying people, both real and fictional. She also likes playing board games with friends, talking, and discovering new music. A proud Nova Scotian, she’ll gladly tell you all about the highest tides in the world, the magical creation known as donair, and people who have sofas in their kitchens. Currently, she lives in Connecticut with her husband and four cats. What Unbreakable Looks Like is her first novel. You can sign up for email updates here.
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
Part One: Poppy
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Part Two: Lex
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
First published in the United States by Wednesday Books, an imprint of St. Martin’s Publishing Group
WHAT UNBREAKABLE LOOKS LIKE. Copyright © 2020 by Old Crow, LLC. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Publishing Group, 120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271.
www.wednesdaybooks.com
Cover design by Kerri Resnick
Cover photograph of girl: © Brent Hill/Stocksy
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-17380-5 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-250-17382-9 (ebook)
eISBN 9781250173829
Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at [email protected].
First Edition: 2020
What Unbreakable Looks Like Page 27
